Chapter 10
aimee
The dining room was almost empty by the time Eloise and I hauled our asses out of bed, and stumbled out of our room midmorning.
Orion and Annalise had offered to wait to eat a late breakfast with us.
Apparently, Mom and Dad had to do some unplanned client meetings today and had sent texts that said it would be good for us ‘kids’ to have the morning to ourselves.
I yawned, still exhausted. Last night had been rough, and the guilt from the nightmares was lingering.
I knew I looked terrible—the dark smudges under my eyes were a permanent feature at this point, and I knew my hair was in a messy pile on top of my head.
I’d thrown on a pair of leggings and slippers and an oversized hoodie to come down to breakfast.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, knowing it would be in the group chat.
Eloise had regaled them with the events of last night and Hot Guy Lukas, and now they were being insufferable.
It vibrated again, and I was surprised to find a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.
For a long time, I’d muted the chat, hadn’t participated, and had blocked everyone’s numbers.
It had been too much early on, and I couldn’t bear to listen to one more person give me their condolences—even if they were some of my bestest friends.
We walked towards the table where my brother and Annalise were already sitting and eating.
Well, Orion was eating and Annalise seemed to be watching him with part admiration and horrified fascination.
As we got closer, it became very apparent that Orion must’ve gotten at least one of everything off the buffet. He had four plates, all piled high.
“Did you save any for anyone else?” Eloise asked as she pulled out a chair to sit.
“He’s lucky I love him, because otherwise I’d be disgusted,” Annalise said, taking a bite of her own food.
“Be thankful that you didn’t have to grow up with him. Between him and Asher, there was like, never any food in the house,” I said.
Everyone stopped and stared at me, Orion with a strip of bacon hanging out of his mouth.
“What?” I asked, sitting down slowly.
It was Orion who spoke, pulling the piece of bacon from his mouth, “You…you just never talk about Asher. Just surprised, that’s all.”
“Yeah, well…it’s whatever.”
They all continued to stare at me, but Orion recovered first, eating the discarded strip of bacon.
“No, I mean—we mean—it’s good. To, uh, talk about him,” Orion said while chewing. “Healing.”
“Babe?”
I watched as he turned to Annalise, his eyes wide and a bit confused.
“Yeah?”
“Shut up,” she said.
Eloise smirked and the awkward tension my well-meaning brother created, evaporated as Annalise pressed another piece of bacon into his mouth and patted his cheek.
I smiled at them, even though my heart had started to ache just a little bit.
I hadn’t meant to bring up Asher…it had kind of just slipped out.
It felt like the natural response. He was on my brain—not that he was ever truly far from my thoughts.
But between yesterday’s emotional attack courtesy of Lukas, and then the dream, Asher had prime real estate—front row seats to everything.
“Come on, let’s get something to eat,” Eloise said, patting my shoulder.
I followed her towards the buffet, my stomach grumbling with each step closer to the smell of food. I was starving. As I spooned fluffy scrambled eggs onto my plate, Eloise nonchalantly asked me about what happened earlier. “So who was at the door this morning?”
I nearly dropped the spoon. My head shot up, my eyes meeting her knowing gaze.
“I’m guessing it was Lukas.”
“Your guess would be right,” I said, moving onto the bacon.
“And do you want to explain why he was at our door at seven in the morning?”
“Do you want to explain why you had an alarm set for 7:00 a.m. on vacation? One that you repeatedly ignored by the way.”
“Yeah, thanks for the bruises, bitch,” she teased.
“Next time, turn your damn alarm off, bitch,” I teased back.
“Don’t think I don’t know you’re just trying to change the subject,” Eloise said. “I want to know why Lukas was knocking on the door this morning. Who gave him the room number?”
“That I do not know.”
“Really living up to the ‘I’m not a stalker’,” Eloise deadpanned.
“I already told you—”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. Not a stalker. Just a devoted cheerleader to his little sister. Him showing up though…”
“It’s kind of horrifying. I looked like shit this morning.”
Eloise looked up at me, “I was going to say impressive…or at least persistent.”
“I thought you were going with stalker-y.”
“Ha. He wanted to apologize, right? So, it’s kind of sweet?”
I stared at my best friend incredulously, “You’re kidding right now, right? You, who dumped hot chocolate on the man’s head for upsetting me—you’re telling me that him showing up at my door at seven in the morning, after basically conning my room number, is kind of sweet?”
She grinned at me.
“Oh, I’m totally getting rid of all your fucking dark mafia, spicy bully romance books when we get home. You have a problem,” I said.
“Oh, come on, Aimee. You know I have your back, and I’ll gladly dump hot chocolate on his head again—or any guy for that matter that hurts or upsets you. But I think poor Lukas —”
“Poor Lukas?” I scoffed.
“Yes, poor Lukas. I think he has it bad, bad, bad for you, and he just lost all sense. Lost a filter, a brain cell—or two. I don’t know, but I don’t think he’s actually a jerk. I stood there talking to him for a bit before the whole altercation happened. He didn’t give jerk vibes.”
I wanted to argue with her, but I feared that she was probably right. He’d been…a lot—flustered—like a disconnect between what he wanted to say and what came out of his mouth. But there had been moments yesterday that he seemed to be warring with himself. And then this morning…
Heat bloomed on my cheeks, and my-too-observant-for-her-own-good-best friend noticed.
“So…what happened this morning?”
There was no way I was telling her that there had been this morning where Lukas had checked me out.
I’d felt his eyes like a searing touch across the entire length of my body.
I’d already opened the door in a fit of annoyance when I remembered what I was wearing—an oversized band shirt I’d stolen from Asher years ago…
and no pants. Just rather skimpy cotton undies.
His gaze had traveled the full length of me, from my face to my feet and back up.
I wasn’t sure if he’d known he’d licked his lower lip, just a peek of his tongue.
Or that his brown eyes had grown dark and melty and I nearly lost every ounce of common sense.
At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to feel his hands on my body. His lips…I blinked furiously and moved onto the fruit.
“Nothing happened this morning,” I inwardly cringed at the sound of my voice, and I knew instantly that Eloise heard the false note.
“Are you sure you want to trash those spicy romances? One, Val would be heartbroken, and two, Lukas seems like he’d be the best kind of fun in bed...probably down to trying anything. Fulfill any desire.”
I looked up at her, eyes wide as she mouthed butt stuff and the lady standing next to me must’ve read her lips. She gasped, affronted, and muttered something about this being a family establishment. I smothered the laugh that wanted to escape.
We both exited the buffet line at the same time, barely keeping our chill, leaving the annoyed lady behind.
Eloise nudged me as we neared the table.
Annalise was scrolling on her phone, and Orion—my sap of a brother—was staring at her like she was the moon and stars.
It was sweet—they were sweet. But it didn’t escape how the display made something in my chest twinge.
Eloise started teasing Orion the moment we sat down, and that had Annalise looking up from her phone to join in.
I ate and their voices faded into the background and the twinging in my chest grew tight.
I could feel my pulse kicking up, as everything I lost started flooding into me.
They all got to be with the person they loved.
And I couldn’t.
And it was my fault.
I set everything down and excused myself.
I think I muttered something about needing the bathroom, but I wasn’t sure if I said it out loud or just in my head.
I needed to get out. Get away. Seeing my brother and Annalise like that—too many memories bombarded me and suddenly everything was too raw. Too close to the surface.
Eloise looked at me with concern and reached out to touch my arm, but I jerked away.
The world went from muffled to blaring, too loud, too much. I moved faster, ignoring my brother’s calls of concern. I knew that either Eloise or Annalise would stop him from coming after me. If I remembered, I would have to thank them later.
My chest was heaving and I needed air. I ducked around staff and other patrons as I searched for somewhere quiet.
Somewhere with air I could breathe. The Lodge wasn’t a huge space, but there seemed to be people everywhere.
Couples in every secluded corner flashing heart eyes at each other.
And every love filled glance hurt and threatened to send me over the precarious edge I was currently straddling.
The ground was crumbling under my feet and I was afraid that if I fell—there was no coming back.
I was gasping for breaths when I slipped outside, stumbling along the side of the building.
The chilly morning air hit my lungs and I felt a tiny little bit of control slip back into my grasp.
I pressed my back against the wall and focused on forcing air into my lungs.
I relished in the cold, letting it numb me, and I slipped my phone out of my pocket.
I didn’t think about it, I just hit Brennan’s icon.