Chapter 19
Sean
Callie is avoiding me, like really fucking avoiding me. She’s even been planning when she’s in the gym around our weight training schedule so she doesn’t have to run into me. When she ran out on me four days ago I sat in my bedroom coming up with a plan to make her see that this can work. I know her fears are warranted, I”ve given her no reason to believe that I”ve changed for her when it was me who created the fuck boy narrative in the first place. I tried to stop her when she wanted to have sex with me, I told her I was worried she’d regret it and it seems like that’s exactly what’s happened. The irony of this whole situation is that Callie was so anxious about me throwing her to the side like a used napkin after we had sex and that’s exactly what she’s doing to me. The worst part about this whole thing is that I feel like shit without her, all I want is to see her beautiful face, to talk to her and work out a way to fix this so I can keep her. I’ll do literally anything to be able to keep her.
It’s been four days of her avoiding every text I send, every call I make. I’ve even gone to her dorm with flowers — white roses to be exact — and her favourite strawberries every day since she ran out on me, but she’s still refusing to talk to me. I don’t know if I did something that made her scared or if she just never built any trust in me after all. But I really felt like I could see a change in her, in both of us. I mean god I look in the mirror right now and have no idea who is staring back at me. Sean Taylor, renowned play boy turned mopey asshole over a girl who fucked him then chucked him. Talk about karma.
I’m probably at the last place on the entire face on the planet that I want to be right now. The only place I want to be being 9.3 inches deep inside Callie. But that’s not going to happen is it?
My car rolls to a quiet stop at the edge of my parents” obnoxiously huge property. I stick my hand out of the window and press the buzzer, listening to it ring out a couple of times before Lois’ smug voice travels through the speaker.
“Hey fuck boy, I bet Dad twenty quid that you wouldn’t show up, so you owe me twenty quid.” She chimes and I roll my eyes, ignoring her. The gate finally whirs open and I hit the accelerator again, slowly moving up the driveway and rolling to a stop next to Lois’ car. I let my head fall into my hands once before opening the door and stepping out. I really can’t be fucked for this today, a family dinner is usually enjoyable for me, I”m a very sociable person and love my family to pieces. But right now it feels like there’s a gaping hole in my chest and no one in this house can fill it for me. My social battery is low too, needing to be filled by one curly haired, fiery brunette who currently would rather develop scurvy from never leaving her dorm, than talk to me.
Lois leaps on me the second I step through the front door. “Awe, I knew you missed me.” She grins at me, her deep dimples mirroring mine. Not that they’re out today, they’ve not seen the light of day since four days ago when Callie left me, taking my happiness with her.
I shove her off me. “I see you all the time.” I grunt, kicking my shoes off and padding towards the kitchen where the smell of sizzling meat is floating from.
Lois trails behind me like an annoying Chihuahua nipping at my ankles. She definitely didn’t inherit Dad’s tall gene like I did, she’s even shorter than Callie.
Callie.
I need to stop thinking about her or I won’t make it through this fucking dinner.
“Yeah but you pretend like I don’t exist.” She scoffs from behind me just as I reach the kitchen door, I swing it open and the hot air hits me directly between the eyes.
I bark a dry laugh. “I wish that you didn’t.”
“Hi Sean! Oh I missed you.” My mum comes bounding over, arms outstretched towards me just as Lois reaches up and pinches my bicep. “Ow! No pinching, you little shit.” I hiss, nudging her into the kitchen island that almost takes up the whole room. The kitchen ironically being the smallest room in the whole house, it’s the room my mum spends most of her time in when she’s not in the office. My parents spent just under 3 million pounds on this house, with it”s vast expanse of land and it’s regal, winding staircase. The funny thing is the pair of them spend less time in it than ever before, both of them working their fingers to the bone everyday, travelling an hour into London and never leaving their office before 8pm. Mum wraps me in a tight hug, her familiar, homely smell giving me a moment of peace and comfort in her arms. “You don’t call us enough anymore, or answer your phone when we call. We miss you.” My mum sticks out her bottom lip and Dad comes behind me, slinging one arm over my shoulder.
“Leave the boy alone Judith he’s a busy man.” He ruffles my hair like I”m five years old and grabs a potato from the tray. They’re still spitting and he curses at the scolding heat as he pops it into his mouth and chews happily. “Your sister actually answers her phone when we call.” Mum huffs and Lois throws me an arrogant smirk.
I sigh and follow after my dad, launching a potato in the air and catching it in my open mouth. “Sorry Mum, I’ve just been a bit out of sorts lately.” Lois snorts. “Yeah we can see that, you look like a bag of dicks.” “Lois!” My parents shriek in unison, Mum throwing a tea towel across the room at my sister.
Lois throws her hands in the air as I glare at her. “What? He does! Look at his beard.” She scratches the dark coating of stubble that’s appeared on my face after four days of not shaving. I swat her little hand away and move towards the dining room. “You look like father Christmas with that thing sprouting out of your face.” She cackles and I turn to her as I reach the adjoining doors.
“Will you fuck off?”
“Jesus Christ!” My dad says, his mouth opening to let out the billowing steam from his second roast potato. “We send you two off to university with impeccable manners and you both come back with potty mouths.”
Dinner goes by relatively quick, I pretty much inhale my food, having not had my mum’s home cooking for about four months now. I’m cutting into my last piece of steak when Mum clears her throat and my stomach clenches. She only ever does that when she has something awkward or uncomfortable to bring up.
“So,” She starts and I pop my last piece of steak into my mouth. Big mistake. “Who’s this girl you’ve been seeing?”
My steak almost flies across the room when I start to choke. Of all the things I thought she was going to ask, that would have been so far down my list it would have been invisible.
“I haven’t been seeing anyone.” I croak, my throat tightening at the lie coming from my lips. I take a sip of water, then another one, trying to clear the bubble that’s expanded in my windpipe.
Lois barks a laugh and I turn to face her. “Sean? Seeing someone for more than one night? The mere thought of it nearly made him choke to death.” If I had something to throw at her right now I would seriously consider it. I go quiet, not knowing how else to deal with a situation like this with everyone’s eyes on me, assessing me like they’re trying to decipher morse code.
“You ok honey?” Mum says, looking at me through her lashes as she tips her glass of ruby wine to her lips, temporarily staining them.
I push my chair back, scraping it across the marble flooring. “You know what I actually feel a bit sick. Think I”ll just go and lie down in my room for a bit.”
“Sean, I can—”
“Mum, it’s fine honestly. I just need to lie down.” I cut her off and leave the room before anyone else can say a word and head upstairs to my old bedroom.
I don’t know how long passes, half an hour, an hour maybe before a soft tap sounds on my door. I can smell Mum’s perfume from here, the light lavender smell that she’s carried with her since I was a child. I’m glad she”s never wanted to switch up the perfume choice, this one brings me so much comfort the moment it hits my nostrils. My mum’s face appears around the door, concern etched deep into her eyebrows, I’ve never been a good liar and I think now, with my heart literally living outside of my body I”m even worse at hiding things. My mum’s a great people reader too, even strangers, so as you can imagine she reads Lois and I like we’re copies of her own personal biography. I force a half smile onto my face for her sake as she crosses the room to get to me, my arms rest behind my head as I stretch my long body out across the king sized bed. The mattress dips as she sits beside me and a sympathetic smile lines her mouth.
“I know something is hurting you.” She says, her voice draped in sadness. I can’t look at her, if I do I might give away the last tiny pieces of myself that I have left. “You might be a big, 6-foot-4, 23 year old man now, but you were my baby once and I know you.”
I sigh. “Yeah, I guess I”m just kind of a mess at the moment.” My eyes are still fixated on my lap as I sit upright, crossing my legs over each other. Mum’s hand lands on my knee. “It is a girl isn’t it? I was right.” I finally take a glance at her face, the laughter lines drawing my attention as I think about the happy marriage she has. I want that one day, I never thought I did but now there’s nothing I think I want more.
“How did you even know?” I mutter, watching her face soften when she sees the pain hiding behind my eyes.
She smiles gently. “I called your house the other day and Kyle answered, said you were on a date.”
Thinking about my date with Callie creates a sloshing wave in my stomach, the memory of her electric touch lingering on my skin, the tightness of her perfect pussy wrapped around me. But more importantly when she lay her head on my chest and fell asleep, when I wrapped my entire body around her’s, nestling into her neck and inhaling her fruity smell. Then, when she ran out of the door in the morning, leaving me there alone.
“Oh yeah…that,” I say, letting my misty gaze travel back down to my jean clad lap.
“I’ve never seen you like this before, over a girl.”
I take a deep breath and try to hold back, but the words tumble off my lips like word vomit. “She’s not just a girl, she’s the fucking girl Mum and I don’t know how to make her see that she can trust me. She knows what I’ve been like with women and because of that she’s too damn scared to give me a real chance, and how can I blame her? She’s right about all of it.” I feel a single tear prickle at my eyelids and I sniff it harshly back. My god, I really am going soft for this girl, Kyle was right.
My mum’s head falls, giving my knee a loving squeeze before she exhales a sharp puff.
“Look sweetheart, I know this is hard to hear… but you can’t make someone trust you. You just have to build it bit by bit and show her how much you care about her.”
“I’ve been going to her dorm everyday, taking her flowers and her favourite strawberries.” I sigh, scrubbing a hand down my face. “She won’t talk to me though, doesn’t want to see me.”
Mum takes both of my huge hands in her tiny ones, the contrast dragging a snicker up my throat.
“She’ll come around Sean,” the certainty in her eyes makes this whole thing seem simple. “If she’s right for you and you for her, then she’ll come around, trust me.”
I do, I trust my mum more than anyone else in this world but now my brain is floating above my body. Am I being too soft about all of this? Maybe I should just barge my way into Callie’s dorm and force her to talk to me.
No, that would never work, she’s too stubborn, she’d just pull back even further. I”ll go and try again tonight on my way home, take her flowers and strawberries and maybe, just maybe I can convince her to hear me out.