31. You Big Idiot
Chapter 31
You Big Idiot
Tatum || 6 weeks old, March
I t’s been three weeks since my world was shattered when I broke my family. Every day since my return to reality, I’ve been going and seeing Hayden and Darcy. She still won’t speak to me. I’ve brought lilies and lasagna a few times, hoping Darcy will at least have a conversation with me over dinner but instead the lilies are thrown unwatered into a vase and the lasagna slid into the fridge.
Now I’m banging on my best friend's front door because he won’t speak to me and I know Kodi and Bella aren’t home because they are with my girl and my child. He’s given me the silent treatment since I left Darcy and I can’t blame him for ignoring me, I deserve it. I don’t deserve any of my friends but almost all of them continue to reach out checking in on me… And standing by Darcy’s.
When the door swings open, a red-faced Maverick appears and I hear a crunch before I feel it.
“Fuck!” I scream.
Barely able to process that Maverick just punched me in the nose, blood trickles down my face and my eyes are watering so hard I can barely see.
“Get your ass in here, and sit the fuck down,” Maverick orders. “You’re going to listen and not say a fucking word because if you open your mouth, I will punch you again,” Mav says, softer this time as he throws a black rag at my face for me to hold over my nose. Unwilling to be punched again, I just nod along as I nurse my still-leaking nose. “Why the fuck would you do that shit? You know what I went through with Bella, you witnessed me panic firsthand about whether Lily would just randomly show up and the struggles that come with being a single parent. Then that woman, my wife’s best friend walks into your life and you run. Bolting without a word, and leaving us to all think we are going to do this all over again. You ran without even coming to me, Tate. I’m supposed to be your fucking best friend. I could’ve talked some sense into you. You can’t seriously expect me to just be okay with this.”
“Can I speak now?” I ask, it’s muffled by the rag and angle of my head to stop the bleeding.
“Yes.” His pacing has slowed but his arms remain crossed over his chest.
“You wouldn’t have been able to talk sense into me, I was too deep in my head. I know that what I did was fucked up, I don’t deserve any of you guys to forgive me. I don’t deserve her, either. She’s too kind and loving for me. She’s too good for me.”
“Well…” He huffs. “I could’ve knocked you out and stopped you from leaving at least. Dude you still don’t believe that she will forgive you?”
“It’s been weeks and I haven’t gotten so much as four words or a smile from her. Most of the time my mom is at the condo and Darcy only comes into the room to feed Hayden. The other day I got on my knees, begging her to talk to me and she just left me there.”
“Are you putting in the work? Like truly.” He’s sitting now, the anger dissipating from the space.
“I’m showing up, Hayden smiles at me now but she still won’t talk to me aside from a few words here and there. I’ve tried bringing her dinner and flowers, and while I know I can’t buy her love, I was hoping at least to buy myself a conversation. I’ve been doing some reading too, trying to help myself become more in tune with my emotions and what to do when the self-doubt creeps in.”
Harley recommended the books to me after swearing me to secrecy along with urging me to find a therapist. Harls is supposed to be mad at me but she knows that Darcy will appreciate that she did that someday. At Harls’ suggestion, I’ve reached out to a few offices in the area and am waiting to get my first appointment scheduled. For now, the books Harley recommended will have to do.
“It’s going to take more than some flowers and food to get her to talk to you.”
“I just… I don’t know what else to do.”
“What have you not said to her that you think she needs to hear?” Maverick asks and I have to take a moment to think about it.
“I wish I could tell you, man. I feel like I cut my own chest open and spread my heart on the floor for her when I came back.” I find myself rubbing my sternum, the pain from that day seeping back in.
“Do you think that maybe because the emotions were high, she didn’t believe you meant it and instead assumed you were saying it because you wanted her to forgive you?”
“I don’t know, Mav.”
“I think maybe you should go to her, try and tell her again. She might still need space but you can lay it out again. Just like she continued to tell you that you were enough, you can tell her that you will continue to fight for her, and fight for your family.” Maverick’s words sink in, and it isn’t long before I’m thanking him and heading to the condo.
The elevator dings and I step out, coming face to face with Kodi and Bella.
“Bye, Uncle Tater Tot!” Bella waves rambunctiously beside Kodi.
“Don’t fuck this up. She’ll kill me if she finds out I told you this, but she loves you, you big buffoon.” Kodi whispers, squeezing my arm gently and stepping into the elevator.