Chapter 7 Eiri
Eiri
“I think Syrus is going to kill me.”
Kien glanced up when Eiri slipped into his room. Whatever he saw on Eiri’s face, it was enough to make him put down his pen and close the lid of the desk on whatever he’d been writing.
“We’ve known for years that the entire Vardor family wants you dead,” he pointed out. He motioned to the only other chair in the small room and Eiri collapsed into it with a heavy sigh.
“And the feeling is mutual.”
“Then why do you feel your death is more imminent than it was a week ago? Has he said something?” Kien sat up straighter, eyes going cold. “Did he threaten you?”
“No, nothing like that,” Eiri assured him. “He’s being nice to me.”
That took the wind out of Kien’s sails and he settled back into his chair, raising an eyebrow. “Syrus is being nice to you? Explain.”
Hearing it out loud, it sounded ridiculous now. Eiri’s instincts told him that something wasn’t right, though, and Kien was the politician, not him.
“He’s been letting me sleep in his bed,” he said, then quickly shook his head when Kien bristled with fury. “Not like that. I would sooner cut off my cock than fuck Syrus Vardor. I meant he’s been letting me sleep in his bed while he sleeps on a pallet on the floor.”
Four nights now, since the day of their wedding, Syrus had settled on the floor, leaving his large bed free for Eiri. Not once had he complained, either.
“I confess, I did wonder about the sleeping arrangements, but I expected you to be the one on the floor.”
“Trust me, so did I.” Eiri fiddled with the hem of his shirt.
“He’s also been having special meals made for me, since the first morning when I mentioned Vaetrean breakfasts are too sweet.
” To himself, he could admit that he’d whined about it, not just mentioned it in passing.
“He asked what I preferred and since then, he’s been having the kitchen create Canjiri-style breakfasts for me. ”
“If this were any other marriage, I would congratulate you on having such an attentive husband. Given the nature of this arrangement, however, I must agree that it’s unusual.”
“I’m glad you agree. I was starting to think I was being too paranoid,” Eiri said, relieved.
“We are in the heart of Vaetreas, living in the palace and surrounded by enemies on all sides, with only each other as allies. It’s impossible to be too paranoid.”
The truth was a heavy anchor in his gut and Eiri tried not to let it drag him down. “How long do we have to stay put here before we’re allowed to return home to visit, do you think?”
“It will likely be awhile, at least until after it is too late to annul the marriage.”
“And how long is that?”
“Traditionally, once the first month of the union passes.”
Eiri stared at him for a long moment, mind racing. “So, for the next twenty-six days, it’s still possible to end the marriage and break the contract with no fault declared on either side?”
“Yes, but Eiri, I highly recommend you do not attempt to do so,” Kien warned, but Eiri shook his head.
“I won’t. I may hate this, but I gave my word and I will honor it,” he promised. “It makes sense, though.”
“What makes sense?”
“Why Syrus is being so nice to me.” Of course.
How had he let himself believe, even in the deepest depths of his thoughts, that there might possibly be any kindness in Syrus Vardor?
“He’s just trying to make sure I don’t break the contract and take away whatever the council promised Vaetreas in exchange for support.
” If he had to guess, Vaetreas had bartered for access to the mines and deposits near the remains of Anatau, the now-dormant volcano that had nearly destroyed the entire island all those years ago.
“That’s more likely than him having a sudden change of heart,” Kien agreed. He tilted his head, dark eyes locking with Eiri’s. “You must be on your guard. Do not let him slip past your defenses.”
“I’m not a complete idiot, Kien,” he scoffed, a little offended. “He hates me just as much as I hate him. A comfortable bed and a few good meals won’t make me forget it.”
“I simply wanted to reinforce that. We are in a hostile, foreign place with no friends. It can be difficult to resist a friendly gesture in such circumstances, no matter who it comes from. I’m only doing what I must to look out for you.”
“Well, don’t worry about me. I can see right through him. I’ve never trusted a Vaetrean in my life, and that’s not going to change.”
“That’s easy to say now,” Kien said, his words gentler. “Your emotions are still high from the turmoil of moving and actually marrying him. Things may seem different once you’re settled and reality settles in.”
Eiri frowned. “What do you mean? I’m already being realistic. I know who I married and where I am. What else could I possibly have to deal with?”
For the first time since Eiri had met the man, Kien hesitated. A sliver of anxiety needled its way beneath Eiri’s skin and he sat up straighter.
“Kien? What is it?”
Kien turned in his seat until they were facing each other fully, which did nothing to ease the nervous clenching in his stomach. The older man was always the more serious of the two of them, but now he looked grave, eyes unreadable when they met Eiri’s again.
“I am not saying this to be unkind, Eiri,” he finally said. “You are a smart man and have dealt with this better than many would have in your position. I don’t think you fully understand your situation, though.”
“Yes, I do,” Eiri interrupted. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’m wearing Syrus Vardor’s ring, sleeping in his bedroom, and surrounded by his people. Believe me, I understand.”
“No, Eiri. I don’t think you do. This isn’t a temporary situation. This is forever.”
“I know that,” he spat, trying to ignore the way his stomach twisted in on itself.
“Do you?” Kien asked, steady and implacable.
“Again, I’m not trying to be cruel, but I need you to fully understand.
This will be the rest of your life. This is not an excursion that ends with you returning home to your family and the island.
You will spend the rest of your life here in Vaetreas.
You will live and die as Syrus Vardor’s husband.
Barring brief visits, you will probably see very little of your family again, including Akari. Your life is here now. Forever.”
Silence was his only response as Eiri fought to breathe.
Kien’s words hit with the force of a tsunami, crashing over his head and pulling him beneath the surface.
Beneath the waves, Eiri floundered, struggling to orient himself, to rise from the murky depths threatening to pull him down into the darkness.
He’d known, of course. Known he would live in Vaetreas as a lord, even if he hadn’t anticipated sharing quarters with his new husband.
He’d known it would be difficult to visit his family and that they would be just as unwelcome in Lodie as he was.
He’d known all of this, but until Kien pushed him, he realized he hadn’t fully understood.
In the back of his mind, all of this had still felt temporary, like this was some trial he must get through before he could return home.
Except… there was no going home for him.
This was his home. This ridiculous palace in this city full of ostentatious Vaetrean elitists, in an uptight country he hated with every fiber of his being, was now his home and he was going to spend the rest of his life here.
No more mornings on the ocean, sitting in his little boat and watching the sunrise.
No afternoons at the docks, helping fishermen unload their catch and repair their nets.
No evenings on the beach, sitting around bonfires with everyone in the village, eating the day’s catch and singing old sea songs.
Suddenly, his entire life stretched out before him, as barren as the desert and just as unforgiving.
What would those days upon days look like now?
No one had given him expectations or duties, and he doubted that would ever change.
Who here would see past their prejudice to trust a Canjiri with royal duties?
His days would be empty, his life meaningless.
“Eiri?”
Kien’s concern helped bring him back to the surface, but only just. The waves and tides still gripped his legs, pulling at him, trying to drag him back into the abyss. He couldn’t let himself fall apart, though. Not in front of Kien.
“I’m okay,” he lied, and he hated the weakness in his voice. Clearing his throat, he tried again, and the words came out stronger this time. “I’m fine. I guess it just hadn’t fully sunk in yet. Thank you for reminding me, though.”
“Are you sure? I had hoped we would have this conversation at a later date, once everything was more settled.” Kien’s voice sounded odd, almost muffled, as though Eiri were underwater. A strange lassitude settled over him as the walls of the small room closed in around him.
“I’m sure.” He got to his feet, his movements slow, as though mind and body had disconnected. “I’m going to go get ready for lunch. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
“Eiri—”
“I’ll see you this afternoon,” he repeated and left the room before Kien could stop him. In the hallway, though, he hesitated. The idea of going back to Syrus’ bedroom was unfathomable, but where else could he go? He hadn’t explored anywhere else in the palace.
Voices down the corridor made the decision for him. He wanted to be wherever the Vaetreans weren’t.
The feeling of disconnection grew as he wandered blindly through the palace, turning at random whenever he heard or saw anyone.
Most of the courtiers he saw openly stared at him, not bothering to hide their sneers and whispered insults.
A few tried to stop him, but he avoided them with ease.
The hallways grew smaller, less ornate, the few people he passed dressed in older clothing that looked far more comfortable than the stiff layers the nobles wore.
Servants corridors, then. At least none of them tried to stop him.
Eiri followed the hallways until he stepped through a door and suddenly found himself bathed in sunlight.
After the dimly lit corridors, the brilliant shine made his eyes water.
He blinked, but his vision only grew worse, watering despite his best attempts to stave off the tears.
His chest was too tight, his ribs aching and heart racing.
The sound of a door opening behind him spurred him into action, and he ran.
He didn’t know where he was going, only that he needed to get away from people before he fell apart.
A flash of green caught his attention and he followed it until he found himself surrounded by tall bushes and hedges.
A garden of some sort. It was likely beautiful, but all Eiri cared about was that no one else was around.
He went deeper into the massive garden, blind to everything around him, needing space, to be away.
His whole body ached, and each breath was more difficult than the last. Every rapid beat of his heart echoed in his ears, driving the snarled panic to a fever pitch, nipping at his heels no matter how fast he ran.
A sudden jolt, a distant pain in his foot, and the ground rose to meet him. The sudden fall knocked the air from his lungs and broke the dam within him. There in the garden, dirty and aching and breathless, Eiri finally fell apart.