Chapter 5 #3
“Jas, I know you're just trying to save this bitch.”
“Save her from what?” I asked, frustrated now. “Why are you acting like she is an enemy?” Crew grabbed me by my chin and pulled me closer to his face.
“She has our fuckin address, which means she knows where I live, she knows where Hov lives, and what’s even worse, she knows where Pernelle, Messiah, Amira, Faith, and Ciara live too.
So yeah, we got a fucking problem if she can’t address us and let us know what the fuck is going on.
If anything, her running just now told me all I need to know.
Maleka knows me, and she’s never been scared of me, but now she fuckin that nigga Troy and she suddenly is? Fuck out of here.”
“But what’s the problem, though, Crew? You said Troy claimed he didn’t have beef with y’all.”
“Yeah, he said that shit,” Crew muttered, “but who the fuck knows if it’s true? All I know is I’m not playing games with anybody when it comes to the safety of my family. Same way I protect you, I protect them even harder.”
I sat there quietly shaking my head because the thought of Maleka doing anything to hurt us honestly made me feel sick.
She was my best friend. The one person outside of family I always felt like I could trust, no matter what.
But at the same time, I couldn’t even lie to myself anymore.
The fact that she ran instead of simply talking to us didn’t sit right with me either.
She had me winded as hell out here chasing her, and maybe she really is guilty of something.
Crew dropped me back off at the hospital, and I walked back inside with my mind still heavy from everything that had happened with Maleka.
Between RJ fighting for his life, me hiding another pregnancy, Hov possibly being my son’s father, and now my best friend running from us in the street like she knew something dangerous, my thoughts felt so loud that I barely focused on what was actually happening around me at the moment.
I still nodded and spoke to the hospital security guard sitting at the front counter before making my way down the hallway toward intensive care.
“Hey, Miss Jasmine,” one of the nurses greeted softly as she walked past.
“Hey,” I replied quietly.
I’d been up there so much over the past month that I knew almost everybody on this floor now.
Most of the nurses were sweet and comforting whenever they saw me, always trying to encourage me to eat or get some sleep.
Then there were the others, the ones who looked irritated every time family members asked questions or cried too loud in the halls that I hated to see coming.
I’d even got one nurse, assigned away from my son’s room.
I don’t want anyone caring for my child who acts like it’s an inconvenience.
By the time I made it to RJ’s room, I stopped outside the door for a second and took a deep breath like I always did before walking in.
Every single time I saw him lying there hooked up to those machines, it felt like somebody was squeezing my heart.
I pushed the door open slowly, but the second I stepped inside, I stopped in my tracks.
Sitting in the chair beside RJ’s bed with his elbows resting on his knees was, Hov.
He was dressed down in gym shorts and a white T-shirt, and the only thing on him expensive was the chain around his neck.
“Where have you been? I've been up here for hours,” he asked quietly.
“I was with Crew. He took me to get something to eat. I didn’t know you were here.”
“Yeah. I've been here about an hour.”
His eyes drifted back toward Rj afterward, and silence filled the room between us.
I walked over to RJ’s bedside and gently placed my hand over his before leaning down to kiss his forehead carefully.
“Hey, baby,” I whispered. No matter that Hov was here, I was still stuck staring at my baby. Hoping that his eyes would pop open just from my touch or even the love I had radiating from my body.
“Jas.”
Hov’s voice pulled my attention back toward him.
“We need to talk.”
I turned over my shoulder.
“Okay, talk.”
“You know what you did was wrong.”
The calmness in his voice somehow made the words hit even harder.
“I've been trying to think of ways to handle you because you mean a lot to my boy, and I knew what I was doing by fucking with you. So, I’m not about to sit here and act innocent in none of this, but had I known I had a child.”
“Hov, I know,” I cut in quickly while shaking my head.
“I know you would’ve taken care of him.”
He stared at me without saying anything.
“I just didn’t think, at the time, that you were the family man you are, now. I didn’t know you could even be this person, and I highly doubt you would’ve ever been that person for me.”
His jaw tightened slightly.
“And what made you think he was mine if you were fucking with other niggas?”
“When Rj was born, he didn’t favor you to me, but then over the years he started doing little things that reminded me of you.”
“Like what?”
“Like, the way he chews to the right side of his jaw sometimes,” I answered while looking down at RJ.
“And the way he is quiet, real quiet. I know he's autistic, but it’s more than that. He has this calm demeanor about him, smooth in a way that always reminds me of you.”
Hov stayed silent while listening.
“And his feet. They are huge.”
I replied, almost laughing as I reminisced.
“Rj’s feet are way bigger than they are supposed to be for his age. So over the years, I just started putting little shit together in my head.”
The room went quiet again.
“But it’s not something I knew from the beginning,” I added quickly.
“So, I didn’t know he was yours when I gave birth to him.”
Hov rubbed his hand slowly over his face before finally speaking again.
“So how long were you going to keep this shit a secret? Wondering if he’s mine? Forever? Even after you've seen, I can be a family man?”
“I don’t know Hov. Truthfully, I can say that I probably never would’ve told you had this not happened. I was scared because I felt like I waited too long.”
That made him look at me fully.
“Hov, you have to understand that I got comfortable in the situation I was in, and the only reason I said anything then was because it became life or death for him. So please forgive me for not being completely honest with you. I’ve never been honest with myself either, Hov.”
He looked at RJ.
“He is mine, Jasmine,” he replied firmly, like he knew this was a fact.
“We can figure it out for sure sometime soon, Hov.”
“Listen,” he leaned forward in the chair.
“I found out earlier today that I have O-positive blood. Now, I’m not sure what you or that other fuck nigga has, but he has my blood, and I think that says enough right there.”
My stomach twisted hearing him sound so sure.
“But to be safe, we can do a DNA test on him now to find out.”
“You want to do a DNA test on him, even with the condition he is in right now? He’s not even awake, so shouldn’t we wait?”
“If he is my son, I want to know.” He paused for a second.
“Even if he passes away, if he is my son, I need to grieve him the right way. As a father.”
The second those words left his mouth, I instantly started shaking my head because hearing somebody even speak death over Rj made my chest tighten painfully.
“When do you want to do it, Hov?”
Almost like clockwork, the room door opened after those words left my mouth, and walking inside with a bag in her hand was Ciara.
“Hey,” she spoke to me.
I lifted my hand, waving to acknowledge her.
Honestly, I should’ve known if Hov was here, she wouldn’t be too far behind him. She never was.
I still couldn’t tell if my irritation toward her came from jealousy over what they had or if she truly was just as weak as she sometimes came off to me.
I tried to ignore her most of the time, but times like this, her judging eyes and glares were the last thing I wanted to see.
I can be honest with myself, this girl does not like me, and I know, especially not now.
“So, how do you want to find out Hov?”
“This,” Hov replied, pointing toward the bag in Ciara’s hand.
I frowned slightly.
“What is that?”
“A home testing kit,” Ciara answered while pulling out the DNA kit.
“The instructions on the box say that we can send these off and have the results back within two weeks.” She replied.
“And the sooner we find out if he is mine, the better. I need to know, so let’s get this done.”
“We both need to know, Jasmine. I won’t rest until I know if this is my husband’s child or not.” Ciara bit her bottom lip uncomfortably.
Her words pissed me off, because what does she mean she won’t be able to rest?
She should see how I feel. I haven’t gotten any proper rest since my son's been in here. She can miss me with this rest shit. No matter if Rj is Hov’s or not, she will still be dripping in gold and the queen of his world.
I don’t even understand why she is here right now.
Maybe because she thinks I will want Hov if we officially have a kid together, which is not the case.
“Ciara, I just want to let you know that whatever Hov and I had was in the past and is in the past. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you about it at first, but again it was a thing of the past.”
“You didn’t have to be honest with me because it was my husband responsibility to tell me a long time ago.
But, now that we're here, we might as well be adults about the situation and move accordingly. I don’t like the way it’s happening, but I’m going to have Jehovah’s back through every storm. It’s what I signed up for.”
Ciara held the kit out toward me, and I stared at it for a second before looking back up at her. Staying calm was the best thing to do because I’m angry and hormonal, and I would hate to take my frustration out on her.
“So, do you want to swab him, or do you want me to?” She asked.
“I’ll do it.” I quickly took the swab kit from her hand to get this shit over with.
Something about opening a home DNA kit over my child’s hospital bed felt degrading as hell, but at the same time, I knew I didn’t really have room to argue or make anybody think I was still hiding something.
I am tired of hiding and tired of running.
Whatever that test says will not change my love for my son, and that’s all that matters.
At least I know for sure that the baby I'm carrying right now is Amir’s, and I won't need to take a test for that.