Chapter 8
Jasmine
I was sitting in the chair in the room, watching my baby, when my phone buzzed on my lap. I thought it was a text from Amir telling me to come downstairs, only it was a text from him asking for the room number.
I could, however, stay overnight because I’m his parent, so I wasn't leaving his side. While waiting on him, I jumped up, went into the restroom to fix myself up as much as I could here without a makeup bag or that comb Crew suggested I get. I instead ran water in my hand to make the hairs in my ponytail lie down, and then washed water over my face to wake myself up again. I noticed in the mirror that my skin was so pale because I wasn’t eating as I should.
Grief and morning sickness had my entire appearance looking harsh, but it was something I couldn’t help.
I heard two quick knocks at the door, and then I walked over quickly, deciding at the last minute to slow myself down so I won’t look so anxious or desperate.
When I opened the door, Amir was standing there looking like the breath of fresh air I didn’t even know I needed.
His curly hair hung low over his ears, one loose coil falling slightly over his left eyebrow.
I used to think I liked him better with braids, but seeing him like this had me realizing his natural hair was giving braids competition.
“Hey.”
“Hey. “How are you?” I stepped back so that he could come into the room.
“I’m okay, and you?”
“I’m alright. Sorry it took so long. I was stuck in traffic and had to grab something to eat.”
“That’s good.”
His voice was low and smooth, but I could hear the exhaustion in it. As soon as he stepped inside, he walked straight over to my son’s bed, reaching into his pocket and pulling something out that I couldn’t fully see from where I stood.
He glanced back at me.
“Do you mind if I pray for him?”
“No, I don’t. I’m accepting all prayers right now.”
“Alright, say no more.”
Once he lifted his hands, I could see that he had some kind of beads lying across them before he started speaking softly under his breath.
I couldn’t understand anything he was saying, but it wasn’t because he was talking too low.
Amir was speaking in another language for his prayer, but I trusted his words still.
Once he was done, Amir bent down and pressed a kiss against my baby’s forehead. I didn’t know if it was part of the prayer or if he was genuinely that sincere. Either way, it touched me so much that I wanted to cry.
For a second, I just stood there watching him.
A man I barely knew was standing over my child like he’d been sent there specifically to bring peace into all the chaos surrounding me.
The first time I met Amir, I would’ve never expected this vibe from him.
He was indeed reckless then, but now I see he has a different side to him.
When he looked up at me, I looked the other way to make it seem like I hadn’t been staring at him the entire time.
“Where were you sitting?”
“On this side.” I pointed to the right of Rj’s bed.
“Alright then, I’ll go sit over here.”
He moved toward the chair on the opposite side of the bed.
“Wait.”
He looked over at me.
“Do you mind sitting near me? I wanted to talk, and I know I might sound crazy, but I don’t want to talk too loudly. I want my baby to be at peace, and I’ve read things saying that even though he is in a coma, he can still hear us.”
“Oh, I’m sure he can, but that’s no problem with me,” Amir said without hesitation, pulling the chair closer to mine.
Amir sat down, leaning back in the chair.
“So, what was that in your hand when you prayed for my baby?”
“Oh, these.” He held the beads in his hand.
“They are prayer beads. I usually pull them out after I pray or during meditation, but I feel like this room needs peace, so they are here to give extra.” He held his hand out to me.
“You can hold them for a minute if you would like to see if that makes you feel anything.”
He held the beads out in one hand, and they looked tiny as hell until I took them into mine. I didn’t know what to do with them, so I started fondling them like a stress ball. Rubbing the marbles back and forth, listening to them clash against one another.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
Amir asked.
“Umm, so first off, thank you for coming. I really appreciate it.”
“When have I not come when you called?”
I smiled shyly as I looked into his auburn colored eyes.
“Yeah, you are right, you always have.” I took a brief pause.
“Well, I called you to ask.” I stopped talking and took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry, I’m just, I guess I’m kind of scared to say it, Amir.”
“Well, just sit on it for a minute. Think about what you want to say and how you want to say it, then we can talk. I’m patient, and I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t have time.”
I waited for a minute, fondling the beads more before I finally spoke up again. The only sounds in the room besides the marbles were the machines beside my baby’s bed and the faint noise of nurses talking somewhere out in the hallway.
I exhaled a few times, hoping that those slight breaths would give me the courage to speak.
“Okay, Amir, there is something that I have to tell you, and I wasn’t going to at first, but keeping it from you will do more harm than good.”
Amir stayed quiet, letting me speak at my own pace instead of rushing me. That honestly made it worse because now I had time to panic.
I kept rubbing my hands together before finally looking over at him.
“And before I say it, I need you to know that this wasn’t planned or any of that. I’m not trying to trap you, force you into anything, or any of that. Honestly, I’m just as surprised by this as I know you will be.”
My voice cracked a little before I swallowed it down.
Amir leaned forward, resting his forearms against his knees.
“Jasmine,” he said calmly, “whatever it is, you can say it.”
I took a deep breath, feeling like my heart was about to beat out of my damn chest.
“Amir, I’m pregnant.”
The words finally left my mouth so fast I barely even heard myself say them.
Amir looked at me for a second before dropping his head down low. My heart instantly started pounding in my chest. Every bad thought possible hit me all at once, and I started regretting opening my damn mouth.
Amir lifted his head back up slowly and reached his hand toward me. His large palm spread gently across my stomach through my hoodie, and the touch alone almost made me emotional.
“Why are you scared to make fathers be fathers, Jasmine?” he asked calmly.
“I, for one, don’t have a problem with it. I didn’t plan on us having a kid, but whatever Allah puts on me, I have to accept.”
I swallowed hard, still searching his face for some kind of hidden reaction. There, however, wasn’t one. I could tell by the way he wasn’t avoiding eye contact that he was telling the truth.
“Do you believe it’s yours?” I asked quietly.
“Well, I would hope that my sincerity flows onto you and makes you decide to tell me the truth. Is there any possibility the baby is not mine?”
“No, there isn’t,” I answered immediately. “I’m sure, Trey, and I didn’t make a baby because I’ve had my period since he died. It’s yours, Amir. For the first time in my life, I can be sure about that because I haven’t slept with anyone else.”
“Alright then, I believe you.”
Before I could even process the relief settling over me, the hospital door pushed open, and a nurse stepped inside holding a clipboard against her chest.
“Hello, Jasmine.” She smiled because she was one of the nicer ones.
“I’m sorry, but all visitors have to leave now.”
Amir looked over at her without moving from beside me.
“I’m not a visitor.” He spoke up.
“I’m her kid’s dad.”
The nurse’s expression changed instantly.
“Oh, so you are Dad? Nice to meet you,” she replied.
When I looked towards Amir, he shrugged his shoulder slightly.
“Well, okay then, get some rest tonight and let me know if you need more blankets or anything,” the nurse replied, softening her tone.
Once she left the room, Amir looked over at me.
“You heard her,” he said quietly.
“Get some rest tonight.”
He opened his arms, inviting me over into his lap.
I instantly pushed myself up from the chair and moved over toward him before carefully lowering myself into his lap sideways. Amir immediately wrapped one arm around my waist to hold me steady without saying a word about it.
I rested my head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat underneath my ear. It was slow and calm, and now my body wasn't so tense.
Somewhere between him rubbing his hand softly against my side and the machines humming beside my baby’s bed, I drifted off to sleep in his arms.
Comfortable, relieved, and at peace.