Chapter 10 #2
“But once I got the loan, things went bad.”
He rubbed his hands together, staring down at the table.
“I got behind on repayments when the pipes busted, and I had to close that location down for a month. You remember that?”
“Yeah, Dad, I remember. I was sick that whole month, and I couldn’t come down to help. That made me upset.”
“Well, yes. Around that time, I got behind on my payments to him, and I haven’t been able to catch up since. Now he’s calling about his money, and every day he promises he’ll do something different if I don’t pay him and soon.”
The kitchen felt smaller as he spoke. The hum of the refrigerator suddenly sounded louder.
My heart was breaking hearing that my father had been through so much stress.
And he’s worked too hard ever to be stressed about anything.
These are his later years, and he and Mama are supposed to be relaxing and enjoying life. Not this.
“Now your mother doesn’t know this, Delilah, but you know that you and I have a special connection, and if I tell her, she’s going to worry just like me. But you, sweetheart, I could always talk to you, and I trust this will stay between us.” He dropped his head.
“Dad, how much do you owe this guy?”
When my father finally looked up at me, tears started running down his face. My stomach tightened just from that sight because for my father to cry, I knew it was bad. My father was a proud man, and I’d never seen him cry.
“I owe him upward of fifty thousand dollars, Delilah, and it goes up every single day. I don’t know, I don’t know.” He paused, swallowing hard.
“So what exactly is he saying if you don’t pay him back, Dad? Is he threatening violence?”
“More than that,” he whispered.
“He’s threatening to burn down the laundry mat. He’s threatening to burn down our house. Every night I can’t sleep because every night I’m wondering if it will happen. I’ve been paying him extra whenever I can, but it still doesn’t seem to be enough. He wants it all.”
He wiped his face with the back of his hand.
“Baby, I’m so sorry to put this pressure on you.
I know how difficult it is to deal with your condition while trying to start your own career, and that’s the reason why I offered for you to come back and live with us.
But now, I’ve somehow messed that up to the point where none of us will have anywhere to live soon.
I took the easy way out, and now I’m paying for it. ”
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly.
“Dad, don’t think like that. We’re going to be fine, and I know how to make sure of that.”
“It’s not your responsibility, Delilah.”
“And it hasn’t been your responsibility to do a lot of things that you do either, Father, but you do. Trust me. I’ll make sure nothing happens to us, your laundromats, or this house. I’ll do whatever I have to do to fix this.”
My dad shook his head as tears continued to roll down his face.
His pride was telling him not to cry, but he couldn’t help himself.
My father being such a strong man often meant stress built up inside of him, and that was another reason I went into being a therapist. I wanted to understand how the mind worked and how to talk to people to make them feel better about what they were feeling on the inside, whether they showed it or not.
My father was so upset that I got up and finished fixing my cup of tea because I really needed it now. After I was done, I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead before leaving him sitting at the kitchen table.
The moment I stepped outside, the cool New York air hit my face.
A city bus roared past at the corner, shaking the ground beneath my feet.
Soon after, a skinny gray cat darted out from underneath a parked car and stopped in front of me, staring up like it expected food.
“Sorry, baby,” I murmured, stepping around it carefully. “I can barely feed myself right now.”
After I started down the sidewalk, an older man sweeping the front of his brownstone gave me a quick nod. “Morning.”
“Morning,” I replied, forcing a small smile that didn’t reach my eyes.
Truth was, I couldn’t say good morning because this morning hadn’t been good. Between my physical pain and the emotional weight sitting on my chest, I was already drained.
But the therapist in me started picking apart everything I’d just seen, trying to make sense of the signs that I was seeing.
The bus that passed by was full of people who probably had problems deeper than mine.
The skinny cat on the corner reminded me that my life could always be worse because at least I knew where my next meal was coming from, even if it was something I didn’t want.
And the old man sweeping his stoop made me think that maybe, one day, when I’m older, my biggest problem will be debris at my steps.
I just had to get through the bullshit first and realize that, even though stressful, my life could still be much worse.
I unlocked my car, slid into the driver’s seat, and shut the door, instantly cutting off the cold air and the city noise.
I gripped the steering wheel for a moment before starting the engine and heading straight to my office in complete silence.
For the first time since all this pressure started, I felt like I might really need to pursue a man for money and not love.
I had to help my family.
And to me, that meant more than actually helping myself.
I knew exactly where the help from my family would come, and though I told myself that I wouldn't go there with him, I dialed Amir's number.
The phone rang all the way to the last ring before the voicemail and then it picked up making me nervous for some reason.
“Hello, you still there?”
“Um, hey. I was just calling to see what you were doing and if you had time to stop by my office later.”
“Stop by your office for what, Delilah? If you want to argue about me going ghost for business reasons the other day, I’m really not in the mood. I got shot last night.”
“You got shot? Where?”
“Nowhere to keep me down for too long.”
“Well, I’m sorry that happened, but if you can come by, I really need you to. It’s an emergency.”
“You serious, like a real one?”
“Yes, a real one. I need to talk to you.”
“Alright, I can be there in like thirty minutes.”
“Okay. That’s how long it’ll take me to get there,” I replied.
When the phone hung up, I cranked up my car and drove off, going in the direction of the Walgreens Pharmacy at the end of the block. Amir and I always used protection when we had sex, but I wanted to provide it this time. I had a motive behind this purchase that I would never tell a soul.
When I walked up to the counter, I got the magnums and rushed back to my car.
I took one of the condoms from the package and used one of the earrings from under my radio to poke small holes through the condom wrapper, hoping to penetrate it enough to deceive Amir in a way he didn’t deserve.
My heart thumped the entire time, like it was warning me to stop, but what I was doing today wasn’t just about deceit.
It was about survival and making things better for myself and my family, because at the end of the day, that meant more to me than my morals.
By the time I pulled up to the office, Amir pulled up right behind me.
He got out of the car, towering over the vehicle as he leaned against it.
I walked down the sidewalk, and had to fight through the pain to make myself look okay, and most importantly, look desirable for what I wanted us to do.
I hope that Allah forgives me for my plans and rewards me in a way that will dry my father’s tears.
Plus, I may be able to dry mine along the way.
Maybe, just maybe, Amir would marry me if I became pregnant with his child.
That's if the holes inside these condoms are big enough to matter.