Chapter 13 #3
I laughed.
He and I both started tearing into our food, and I was going in on the lamb, which was so tender, flavorful, and juicy. I’m not sure if it’s because I was hungry or what, but I was diving in like it was my favorite meal, pot roast, only my mother hadn’t been in the kitchen on this.
Once Amir and I got to our last few bites, we both slowed all the way down, both deciding to close up our trays pretty much at the same time. The breeze from the water slipped into the car, and the silence between us felt comfortable.
“So, now that I’ve fed you, you still getting that room tonight?” he asked.
“Yeah, I don’t really have another plan, and I am not going back to my house. I’m sure my sisters are still there, and I don’t want to see their asses.”
He was quiet for a second,
“You know, crashing on a couch would be much cheaper than staying in these high-ass NY hotels.”
I looked over at him.
“Yeah, if I had a couch that wasn’t Crew’s or Maleka’s?”
“You know, my place has a couch. Or the bed if you're picky about where you sleep, I don’t really care. The offer stands, and my place is not too far away from here.”
My heart skipped.
“Are you serious?”
He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.
“Yeah. Just making sure you're straight.”
I studied his face, trying to see if he was hinting at anything else, but he wasn’t. He seemed genuine if I’m being honest.
“You trust me enough to take me back to your place? I know how guys like you don’t like giving up your location. I learned that much from Crew.”
He smirked slightly.
“The question is, do you trust me now? You would be staying in my place, and you recently called me all kinds of monsters when I first met you.”
“But you are, aren’t you?” I looked up at him and smirked.
“Yeah, but not the lady killing kind. Just the kind that kills niggas who deserve it. But that’s not important. As I said, the offer stands; tell me what you want to do, and I’ll respect it.”
“I guess I can stay with you. It won’t hurt.”
“Nah, not at all.” He started the engine, then started packing our trash into the bag our food came in.
We went back to Amir’s place. The ride was quieter than before, but not uncomfortable.
My stomach was full, and my nerves had settled into something softer.
When we pulled up, he parked along the curb, and we walked toward the building together.
The stairwell smelled like someone had cooked earlier, mixed with that old scent every New York building seemed to have.
Our footsteps echoed as we climbed, and I stayed a step behind him, watching the way his shoulders moved under that black shirt.
When we reached his door, he pulled out his keys and started to unlock every lock on the outside of the door.
“Alright, come in,” he said, pushing the door inward.
I stepped inside, and I paused. It smelled good, not like cologne or anything heavy, but clean and nothing like the outside hallway.
“You can put your stuff wherever.”
I followed him down the short hallway, and when we stepped inside the living room, I stopped instantly in my tracks because sitting on the couch in front of us with her legs crossed was my therapist, Delilah Rashid.
“Delilah, what the fuck are you doing in here?”
Amir asked, once he spotted her there too.
“I came to talk to you. I didn’t know you would be bringing someone home, especially one of my clients,” she said, looking directly at me.
“Really, Amir!”
“Delilah, you should just leave tonight,” Amir replied. “I didn’t tell you to be here, and I’m just giving her somewhere to stay for the night.”
“How do you even know her, Amir? What is this about?” she asked, confusion and irritation mixing on her face.
I shifted uncomfortably and felt like I had to say something.
“Amir, I can just go home. I didn’t come here for this. It’s been a long day.”
“Nah, you good.” He put his arm in front of me to stop me from moving.
“Wait, did you run out of my office that day to try to get with her?” she snapped, her nose turned up.
“No Delilah and you just need to leave. I’ll talk to you about this shit at another time,”
“Wow, this is so fuckin crazy,” she scoffed.
“You are telling me to leave when you should be telling her so that you and I can talk like I came here to do.”
She stepped closer to him.
“I’m not telling her to leave,”
“Why not!”
“Because I invited her here. Not you.”
She looked at me with so much hate and anger in her eyes that I felt it in my chest. I was just about to have to fight my sister, and I would fight her ass too if she touched me.
“That’s how you’re going to fucking do me, Amir? After everything we’ve been through?”
“Look, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, or whenever I get a chance, but you can’t make me have a conversation with you now.”
“Oh, yes, I can. I’m already here, so I’m going to tell you why I came.”
Amir exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Delilah, stop this shit.”
“No, let me finish,” she cut in, her voice shaking now.
She paused, like she was debating whether to talk or not,
“Amir, I just found out that I have Lupus, and I came here for your support, for comfort, and you are telling me to leave for some random girl.”
The room went dead silent, and this shit got really awkward.
“You do?” he asked quietly.
“Yes, I have lupus, and that’s why I have been so tired and sick, but still making time to try and be there for you. The same way I thought you would be there for me, but obviously sex is more important.”
I didn’t know where to look, what to say, or if I should even be standing there.
Amir ran a hand down his face; his calm swagger seemed to be gone just a little.
“You could’ve told me this over the phone when you first found out. What did you expect popping up on me?”
“Amir, I’ve called you today, but you barely answer your phone when you don’t want to? And I have a key to your front door, so I didn’t think it would be a terrible thing to use it?”
“Yeah, if I know you are coming, Delilah.”
“You know what, Amir? Forget it. Clearly, you got other shit to focus on tonight.” She grabbed her bag from the chair.
“So, we’ll talk soon, or we won’t. I’m done forcing anything on you. I have my health to worry about now.”
She shot me one last glare, then looked back at him.
“Have fun, Amir.”
She turned and stormed out, the door shutting so hard it echoed through his apartment.
Amir stood there for a second, staring at the door like he was still taking in everything. The calm, confident energy he had all night was gone, replaced by something heavier. He exhaled slowly, then rubbed his hands together like he was trying to ground himself.
“I’ll be right back, Jas. Sorry about that.” He dropped his head.
“But make yourself comfortable. "
He turned and walked down the hallway toward his room, closing the door behind him without another word.
I was about to follow him, but then I decided to let him cool off at his own pace.
I always hated comfort in moments when I wasn’t quite ready for it.
Comfort too soon often made me feel suffocated, forced into a false sense of being okay, when sometimes getting your sadness out is a cure.
I’m not sure their dynamics, but I know lupus is a devastating diagnosis.
I knew a girl whose mama died from that shit in high school, and it happened pretty fast.
I sat on the couch completely still until I heard the door to the bedroom open behind me. When Amir came through the threshold, he stood there leaning against the frame.
“Are you okay? I really can leave, and it’s no problem. I didn’t mean to cause any drama.”
“You straight Jasmine, and as I told her, you were invited here. I don’t want you to leave.”
“You seem pretty shook up by that news. You want me to fix you something to drink or something?”
Amir rubbed his chin, dropping his head before looking up into my eyes.
“To be honest with you, I need you to distract me again.”
“Distract you how?”
“Distract me as you did the other night. I mean, I was in physical pain until I saw you the night I got shot.”
“So, you want me to masturbate in front of you?” I laughed through my nose, caught off guard by this request, but honestly not against it completely.
“Nah.”
He cut off my giggles with a cold, sharp tone with no humor behind it.
“What you did the other day helped with physical pain. This shit is way deeper than that. I want to have sex with you, Jasmine. My mind fucked up and I don’t know any other way to deal with the shit. Only if you want to, of course.”
My chest started to rise and fall, and the words coming out of my mouth didn’t flow so easily.
“Oh, oh, wow. O, okay. I think I can do that.”
“Don’t think. I need you to know that you want to fuck me Jasmine. Deep down in your soul because that's what I'm going to touch.”
He walked over towards me with a soft look in his eyes.
“Amir, I’ve been wanting to. I tried the other day, and you said no. What’s so different about tonight? Did you bring me here to do that?”
“I brought you here because I wanted you here, and truth be told, I could’ve fucked you in my car hours ago.
Like I said, tonight I’m mentally fucked up and when my mind feels like this, I have to fuck or kill something, and no one deserves to die tonight so I’m going to the next best thing.
” That unhinged shit had me shook and turned the fuck on. What the hell is wrong with me?
“But, I’ll be in the room. If you're trying to let go of your problems with me tonight, you know where to find me. If not, then have a good night and forget I said anything. Remember I do still respect you, Jas.” He went back into his room, shutting the door behind him.
I immediately stood up from the couch.