5. Julius
JULIUS
What the hell am I playing at anyway? Why did I even get involved?
I ignored the little trip in my heart at the reminder of how she looked when I first saw her tonight.
There was sadness and a hint of pain in her eyes that I doubt her family had seen; otherwise, that idiot woman might not have made it back to wherever she came from.
As protective as they are of her, I don’t know why I’ve convinced myself that I can see what they can’t, but it is what it is.
I’ve always been able to read that one, and the reasons behind that are better left alone.
I told myself a long time ago that she’s not for me, not only because I have a good six years on her and a whole lot more in experience, but because deep down, I know that she could burn me worse than anyone else has ever done.
After the catastrophe of my first failed serious relationship, I’ve made it a point to only date women who pose no danger of my genuinely falling in love with them. I’ve had many flings throughout the years, some lasting longer than others, but always with women who were no danger to me.
It's been hard sometimes, especially when I’m around my kid brother and his wife and kids.
Seeing the joy in them, that longing is sometimes too much to bear.
But then I remember how close I came to destroying the people I love because I chose the wrong woman.
That’s something I can’t and won’t ever forget.
That one, yeah, I don’t see her being anything like Melanie, but I’m still not willing to risk it.
I’ve made up my mind not to put myself through that hell again.
The hell of sharing my heart with someone not of my blood.
I’m an excellent uncle; that’s going to have to be enough for me in this lifetime.
If I knew she was going to be here tonight, I would’ve found another excuse not to show up, just like I have every other time I knew she would be around.
I didn’t expect the feelings to be this sharp still after all these years and all the distance I had put between us to make sure we never interacted, not even in a crowd.
Now, I’m going to have to start back at square one. Fucking aye!
I’ve known Jessica since she was a kid; I guess you can say I watched her grow up. Her Dad and mine are doctors who move in the same circles, after all, and have had many consultations together, not to mention the long nights spent at each other’s homes brainstorming some new procedure or another.
Though the men are of differing ages, the camaraderie between them is hard to miss, and the professional respect that the two men bear for each other has long since spilled over into their personal lives.
This means that our families have spent lots of time together in social settings, even more so when the twins decided to go into medicine.
They seem to idolize my brother, the nut, so this new generation has pretty much picked up the baton from our fathers.
I once enjoyed the relationship between our two families until that fateful day when she was about fifteen and went from the little innocent in ponytails and braces whom I enjoyed teasing to something else entirely overnight.
I saw the interest in her actions and ran hard and fast in the opposite direction.
Back then, she was too young, and when she wasn’t, I had a girlfriend who turned out to be a snake, but that’s a tale for another time.
In the years since then, she’s grown older, and so have I, but I always knew the interest was there.
It was hard to miss even as she got older because she wears her emotions in her eyes, at least with me.
I also know how dangerous she could be and have made it a point to steer clear of her as much as I possibly could.
It was her twenty-first birthday when things really came full circle.
I’ll never forget the way she looked that night, all grown up in her fancy evening gown as half the city came to celebrate her.
I remember the way she’d searched me out in the crowd, the look of longing in her eyes when they landed on mine.
I knew she was remembering the conversation we’d had years earlier when she was brave enough at eighteen to tell me about her interest and the fact that I had turned her down as gently as I could.
She was still too young then, but it was the way she called me out on my disinterest that sealed the deal for me.
She’s always been bold and straightforward, something I appreciate in anyone I deal with.
But when she claimed to know that I was as interested as she was, I knew I had to cut all ties before things got out of hand.
I’d said some harsh things to her that night in my effort to get her to see reason. Her spoilt ass is so accustomed to getting what she wants that there was no other way to handle the situation back then. I’ve always regretted it, but there was nothing for it; what’s done is done.
Since that night, we’ve both treated each other like nemesis. For me, it was a protective measure; for her, it was anger and hurt. A hurt that I had caused, even though I hated doing it. Now we’ve both grown, and there’s nothing standing in the way, nothing except my fear of losing myself in her.
I’m no hypocrite. I know for a fact that she could be the one. That I could see myself going the distance with her. I’ve seen her face enough in my dreams to know what the hell that means. But I’m not willing to risk it because this time, if things don’t work out, it will destroy me.
JESSICA
“Pfft!” I was still stomping mad when I made my way back up the stairs after my workout and shower, only to walk into a wall of busybodies who swarmed like vultures as soon as I stepped foot into the room.
“So, you didn’t need Toby before; what changed?”
Annabelle smirked as she dug into a tub of caramel peach ice cream with her whole face. My sister: the only woman who still has pregnancy cravings months after giving birth. “Don’t start.” The rest of them were looking at me as if I were a new species that had just dropped into their midst.
I especially did not like the inquiring look on my Dad’s face, but I chose to ignore it.
My ignorant brothers were doing that thing with their eyes where you know that they’re talking to each other in the head.
I understand the twins’ ability to do that, but baby brother shares the same anomaly with them, which is beyond weird.
“Do you feel better, love?”
“Yes, Grandpa, thanks for asking.”
“Now, the lady before; you say she doesn’t think you’re good enough for the goombah that cheated?”
“It’s not important, Gramps; she's not important.” I walked over and kissed his cheek because his feathers were ruffled.
“Yes, but how come no one knew you were being mistreated by this minga?” Ah geez.
“Uncle Rocco, it’s nothing, I promise.” Hey, maybe I should let them run with this train of thought and keep their minds off the other thing. That would be nice, except for the fact that if I did that, she might end up at the wrong end of a pier with this bunch.
The three old men exchanged looks, which in this family could mean anything, but I was more worried about the hot head, aka Dad, who was uncharacteristically quiet. “Dad?”
“What?”
“What’re you thinking?”
“About what?”
I counted heads again to make sure everyone was there, including my brothers, and breathed a sigh of relief when they were all accounted for.
It might seem like an overreaction, but my family is not known for their rationality.
Every little thing sets them off, and no one gives a thought to the chaos that always ensues when they get their shit in a twist.
How is my breaking up such a big deal? You’d think this was the first time in history that someone’s relationship didn’t work out.
Most people handle breakups by bingeing on poor food choices and mediocre movies while bashing their exes.
I have to navigate this minefield of degenerates to make sure no one spends the night in jail. It’s nuts!
I spent the next hour or so fielding questions from the Thornton-Escalante conclave, which had the added benefit of keeping my mind off of Julius and the long-dormant feelings his presence had reawakened in me.
Once the grilling was over and everyone went their separate ways with the reassurance that I was fine, I was left alone with my thoughts, and the real ordeal began.
Upstairs alone in my childhood room, I had nothing to do but stare up at the ceiling and play the past few hours over again and again in my head.
My family had been so obsessed with finding out just how Dale’s family had treated me in the past that they forgot about nagging me about my need for physical release after my run-in with Julius.
I also never got around to telling them just how I had facilitated the affair that brought about the end of my relationship with Dale, but at least that nitwit Denise would live another day, and no one on my end was going to jail.
All in all, things ended much better than I expected, and I’m glad that it was all out of the way.
I tried to feel anything about the breakup, but all I could think about was Julius, how hot he still looks, and how my heart still trips when in his presence, even when I want to hate him with every fiber of my being.
That asshole had quelled my anger at Dale, and my thirst for vengeance had trickled down to something less fiery.
That shit doesn’t even make any sense. I had a whole plan laid out. All the ways I was going to make him and his little side piece pay for betraying me, but for some reason, all I can think about is the fact that I am free to… Free to what?
I shook my head in the dark and rolled over to bury my face in the pillow, warning myself over and over again that I would not make an ass of myself over Julius Blair again in this lifetime.
He’d burned me once, so bad that I had promised myself I wouldn’t spit on his ass if he was on fire on a lonely road in the desert with no one else around.
I’ve hated him for years, or so I thought.
At least I had convinced myself that I did.
I’d savagely crushed every wayward thought of that jackass, even the ones that popped up out of nowhere at the most inopportune times, and I’ll be damned if I was going to fall back into old habits just because I was a single woman once again.
It never mattered to him before that I was available.
In fact, he couldn’t have made his disinterest more plain back when I was young and stupid enough to wear my heart on my sleeve and make the first move.
The first time he turned me down, I could excuse him; he was right.
I was too young then. But that night, when I was twenty-one, he decimated my young, innocent heart with his harsh words of rejection.
That should be enough for me to be done with him, something I had told myself that I was a thousand times.
But it only took seeing him this once for all the old feelings to come back in full force; All the anger and hate I held for him just seemed to have dissipated, and I know why.
It’s because I can never erase from memory the want I had seen in his eyes that one time.