Chapter 13 Genevieve
Genevieve
“Come on, Gen!” Kieran cries, gripping my mitted hand and pulling me into the soft snowfall blanketing the Ashcroft family gardens.
The chill in the air makes me shiver despite my heavy fur coat.
Snow is rare here at Fairbright, something that happens once or twice a year, and this snowfall shows no sign of relenting.
“I shouldn’t,” I insist, glancing toward the windows where someone might be watching. At fifteen, I’ve been reprimanded about decorum enough times to know that the crown princess should not, under any circumstances, be seen gallivanting through the gardens with a redblood boy.
Even if that redblood boy is my best friend.
Kieran looks back at me, giving a gentle tug that draws me closer to the warmth of his body. “Please. For me? I know you shouldn’t be seen with me, but I’ve missed you.”
My heart threatens to crack at his words. I haven’t been as good a friend to him lately—the expectations on my behavior growing, the pressure of my every move being reported to Mother.
“Okay, just for a few minutes. You know I wish I could stay longer, but I shouldn’t if we’re alone. People will talk.”
Kieran steps closer, and I can make out the snowflakes clinging to his lashes. My blood feels heated, and I know my cheeks are turning pink. The more I pull away from Kieran, the more he seems to fight the growing divide between us.
“Princess, please don’t tell me you care what others think of us. It’s always been us, and I’m not going to let that change.”
There’s a strange seriousness in his eyes, so foreign to him that my protests die on my tongue. “No, of course not, Kieran. You’re my best friend. Nobody can change that.”
He leans closer, close enough that I wonder if he might kiss me. My heart thunders in my chest. Do I want him to? Does he actually feel something more for me than friendship?
“Genevieve Ashcroft! Come inside before you catch your death!” my lady’s maid shouts from the open door. I pull back from Kieran and run toward the warmth of the hall. Before I step inside, I glance back at him—at the strange devastation on his face.
“Can I get you anything, Your Highness?” a servant asks. I shake my head before taking a seat on the settee. Supper was an extravagant affair that went on far too long as I tried to hold a conversation with the two council members flanking me on either side.
Meanwhile, my mind raced through the many courses as I thought about meeting Kieran— not just because I want to hear what he has to say about how the rot might be spreading, but admittedly because I want to spend more time with him.
I hate the way I’m naturally drawn to him—how, all throughout supper, our gazes kept locking.
The way I could hear his voice carry over the other conversations, catching snippets of him all night.
How I kept having to stop myself from joining his conversation, if only to study the way his accent has changed.
It was torture, and now all I crave is an end to my discomfort.
But there is no end to this agony. I just have to learn to live with Kieran’s presence.
Because, if all goes well, he will be in Naseria for many years to come, building the railway lines along the helachite veins that cut across our country.
I’ll be queen. The one overseeing the project.
And married to Leland. Married. I cannot possibly allow myself these stolen glances, these desires to draw closer to the man I once called my own.
Astoria slips into the seat beside me. I know she returned safely to the palace without issue, but we haven’t spoken since then. There’s so little privacy in the parlor, but I’m desperate to tell her about the events of the day.
“I’m so sorry we had to leave without you,” I begin as she takes a glass of wine.
“Don’t apologize, Genny. What I wanted most was for you to have time with Prince Leland.”
“No, we shouldn’t have left like that. Did the other carriage find you alright?”
Astoria nods and takes my hand, her fingers brushing the ring beneath my silk gloves. “I hope everything was alright? The coachman said there was an incident.”
I shake my head, keeping my voice low. “Prince Leland and I found rot in Covington Park. We left for the palace immediately.”
The color drains from Astoria’s cheeks. “So close? But how?”
“I wish I knew. Mr. Blackwell says it’s from misuse of helachite.”
Astoria glances across the room to where Kieran and Leland are deep in discussion. “You spoke to Blackwell? Did he apologize for his forwardness?”
I can’t keep his true identity from Astoria, not with Gabe already knowing who he is. I lean in close, lowering my voice so no one can overhear. “He is Kieran Greenbluff. He admitted his identity to Gabe today.”
To her credit, Astoria keeps her face neutral as she scans the room. “And has it changed how you feel about your marriage to Prince Leland?”
“It has complicated matters. I feel confused, especially since I see Prince Leland as more of a friend than a lover.”
It’s an honor to be given Leland’s mother’s ring, but I think back to how I pulled away from his touch.
The cold, distant feeling I already have toward my fiancé makes my chest ache.
This isn’t what I wanted. I never thought I would have a loveless marriage, but that’s what I’m forcing on both of us.
That’s what my curse will punish me with.
“Prince Leland and I got to know one another better, and I introduced him to Clemmy. Of course, he loved her immediately. But I feel as though I’m pursuing this arrangement for our kingdoms only.”
I look past Astoria, and Kieran winks at me from across the room. The brazen lack of propriety from that man makes me want to march over and hit him with my shoe again. He’s purposefully drawing attention to us, and I fear it will ruin everything I’ve worked for to secure this alliance.
Doesn’t he understand we’re being watched? I’m being watched. Even as the thought crosses my mind, I see the subtle twitch of Mother’s eye and turn to see Queen Kalise looking at Kieran.
“Genny, are you alright?” Astoria asks, her voice barely a whisper.
I force my attention back to her, trying to ignore everyone else in the room as I count down the minutes until I can politely excuse myself from the parlor. “I’m fine. It’s just that Kieran keeps looking at me. It’s unnerving.”
“How do you think he managed to injure himself in Fairbright? Please tell me it was your doing.” The swelling in his cheek has reached his eye, and a deep shade of purple is already setting in.
“He deserved it—but it was Gabriel. He knocked him flat on his back.”
“Did he give you an explanation for why he left?”
I shake my head. “No, and I don’t think he plans to. He’s insinuated that it’s my fault. But it doesn’t matter. I need to do my duty to the crown. Prince Leland is here, and I need to concentrate on feeling something for him.”
I purse my lips and look at the clock on the mantle.
It reads eight forty-five. That seems like a perfectly acceptable time to make my exit.
“I need to lie down. It’s been a long day.
” I stand and approach Mother, feeling Astoria close behind me.
Maybe she’s just as desperate as I am to leave tonight.
“Your Majesty,” I say, dipping low. “May I be excused? I find myself quite fatigued.”
Mother studies me, and I see some sympathy in her brown eyes. She looks worn down and almost envious as she gives me a brief nod. “Get some good rest, dear. Astoria, you’re excused too. Good night,” she replies, before turning back to the councilor she invited to our parlor.
I turn and wonder what else my mother is keeping from me. Is she even now sharing information with a councilor that I have a right to know?
Astoria walks beside me as we make our way into the hall. “Do you ever wonder what life would be like if we weren’t part of the royal family?” she whispers.
“Of course. For one thing, I wouldn’t be asking my mother’s permission to leave a room at twenty-eight. Being royalty means shrinking yourself to fit the expectations of an entire kingdom.”
She nods. “Anyone in Mother’s presence must ask permission to leave. Royalty or not.”
I think about how that permission will be for me soon.
I will be the one who carries the burden of releasing everyone from a room—all because some former monarch decided they wanted absolute control over everyone’s comings and goings.
I don’t want that burden. Perhaps I’ll do away with such a silly custom.
“Honestly,” Astoria says in a voice so low I almost don’t hear her. We stop at my door, and I can hear the rustling of my lady’s maid in my apartment. “If I weren’t royalty, I think I’d be much happier.”
“It’s easy to say that, but you are the wonderful woman you are in part because you’re Princess Astoria Ashcroft.”
She looks at me contemplatively, her brow slightly furrowed.
“I’m twenty-five. I’ve been able to do nothing on my own merit, and I feel exhausted by it.
The crown constricts me from being who I want to be.
I understand how you can’t imagine separating yourself from the crown—you’ll bear that weight one day—but for me?
The third child in five, I just wish to shed its burden from my life.
Yet I know I’ll never be permitted that right. ”
I do the only thing I can for my sister: I pull her close and hug her.
Astoria is deeply private and only reveals small details to me.
There’s something else she isn’t telling me, but from the tired circles under her eyes and strained look on her face, I know this isn’t the time to press her further.
“Would you like to come in?” I ask, knowing full well that I need to meet Kieran.
She shakes her head. “No, a hot bath should cure my melancholy.”
“I love you, Astoria.” The words come so naturally when I say them to her.
“I love you too, Genny. Good night.” She pads down the hall before stopping at her door.
I open mine and come face-to-face with Kieran. He’s made himself at home on my settee, looking obnoxiously proud of himself.