Chapter 18 Genevieve
Genevieve
Kieran looks at me curiously as we sit on a bench near my window, overlooking the full moon. It’s the first time in a year of monthly full-moon meetings that I don’t have an agenda. No games, no questions to fill the silence, no books to read aloud together.
There’s a strange awkwardness between us, and maybe it’s the close proximity, or maybe it’s this tentative newness between us, as though we both recognize that the love we share may go beyond friendship.
I know it has felt that way for me for a long time.
Watching him grow into himself, with long limbs and burgeoning strength, his voice shifting from childlike to something deeper, kindled something more in me.
This unknown need to cling to what’s familiar between us is the only reason I haven’t allowed myself to admit that there’s more to my feelings for Kieran Greenbluff than simple friendship.
There always has been.
Like the full moon outside my window, Kieran has been a steady presence in my life.
While other friendships feel diminished by my role as princess, Kieran has never allowed my status to have any bearing on our relationship.
And now, as the pressure to be the perfect heir and perfect daughter only grows, I find myself desperate for Kieran’s steadiness.
For his endearing smiles and constant jokes.
“What are you thinking about, Princess?” he asks, his voice soft and vulnerable.
I want to hide my true thoughts—the admission that I think of Kieran as more than just a friend leaves me too exposed and raw. But if I can’t voice my riotous thoughts to him, then is he as special to me as I believe he is?
“You. Us.” The words come out with a blush that scalds my cheeks.
His face beams with a crooked grin. “Us?”
“Kieran,” I protest, knowing that if I give him too much leverage, he’ll tease and torment me until I confess everything I feel for him.
His hand slides against mine, and I jump at the touch. “Princess, this is the first time we’ve been alone without a litany of games to occupy our time. Tell me why that is.”
I shake my head as he grasps my hand in his. The strength of his grip gives me the courage to say what’s on my mind—what I finally worked up the courage to ask him tonight. “Is there more to us than our friendship?”
“Gen.” His voice quakes. “Gen, you must know I feel more for you than only friendship. But…”
“But what?” My palm feels too hot against his skin, and I worry it may be damp with nerves.
“You’re going to be queen someday. I don’t want to hope for something I can’t have.”
I think of the crown, of the burden I’ll one day carry, but I drive the thought from my mind. It has no place here, not with him.
“I’d rather remain your friend than lose you,” he says.
“I haven’t let anyone take you from me yet, and I won’t ever allow that to happen. Kieran, you’re too important to me.”
He looks at me with an intensity that threatens to scorch me raw. “Very well then,” he murmurs, closing the distance between us, his warm lips pressing against mine.
Kieran’s lips are soft and warm—and so familiar that my heart aches with the memory of him against me. But my curse. I cannot let him, of all people, feel what my curse will do to him.
I try to pull back, but he deepens the kiss, pressing my back against the rough bark of the willow tree. His hand strokes my face, trailing down to my neck, where he presses gently.
He feels so good, so right, that I find myself forgetting all the reasons I should stop him from touching me, from kissing me.
His touch ignites a blaze within me that I never thought I’d feel again.
I reach out, stroking his arms, his chest, the hard planes of his stomach.
My hands brush the coarse hairs on his forearms, and I feel as though I could be lost in the textures of him—soft yet firm, coarse and tender.
How did I ever think I could live without his touch? How, knowing now that he’s alive and well, did I ever think I could marry another?
“Do you like this, Princess?” His voice is husky, lips tracing the same path his hands took down to my neck. “Still as needy for me as you once were.”
His words make me hesitate, and I turn my head, pushing him back as I think of all the consequences this dalliance could have for my kingdom’s future. “Stop. We cannot do this. I don’t even want this from you.”
Kieran leans his head against the willow. “I can feel how your body reacts to me. No forced kisses like the one you gave Leland.”
Doesn’t he understand? I have a duty to Leland—to our kingdoms—to make this alliance work.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, my voice traitorously breathy as I try to clear my mind. I need space. I need to get away from this man. “Prince Leland and I came to a decision together that our marriage would benefit everyone.”
He scowls at me, giving me the space I so desperately need but don’t actually want. The look in his eyes is filled with such disdain that it stings.
“Everyone but you,” he mutters.
I shake my head, knowing I need to leave.
There’s nothing here for me but continued heartache.
“Don’t you understand, Kieran? I chose Leland.
Me. No one pushed this arrangement on me.
In fact, Gabe is openly against my choosing an arranged marriage, but it’s the most practical choice—and at this point, all I want is to do what’s best for my country. ”
The growl that comes from him pains me, and he turns his back. “You, Princess, don’t even understand what your country needs.”
He leaves me, slipping his hulking frame beneath the willow’s draping branches. This mess between Kieran and me is all wrong. Two weeks can’t come soon enough—after my wedding to Prince Leland, all this temptation will be put to rest.
But part of me knows Kieran is right. I’ve never felt the same desperate intensity for anyone but him. Despite my best efforts, I cannot convince my heart of what my mind already knows.
For the sake of the kingdom—of my reign as queen—I must choose Leland, even if my heart wants what it can never have.
“Genny, we were so concerned about you!” Astoria exclaims when she sees me walking toward a makeshift tent set up in the far reaches of the park.
“I’m alright, I promise,” I mutter, but Astoria gives me a skeptical look. I’m not hiding my own riotous emotions. She approaches quickly, blocking me from the others.
“What happened to your gown?” she whispers.
I glance down, noticing the misaligned material, the way my corset juts out at a strange angle where it shouldn’t.
“I—I ran and needed to breathe deeper. I must have mussed it when I was relacing my dress.”
She gives me a puzzled look. “Why didn’t you stay with us?”
My mouth opens, but I can’t get a word out before the two queens approach.
“You’re unharmed?” Mother asks in greeting.
“Yes, I’m fine. A bit unsettled, but I’ll be alright.”
Queen Kalise regards me with cold condescension. “Have you seen Mr. Blackwell?”
How much of a lie should I tell the queen? I can tell by her expression that she must have seen us together. “He helped me down from the dais before I ran. I followed the crowd and got separated from everyone. I needed a moment to compose myself.”
Her lips purse, and she fixes me with an icy glare. “Prince Leland is out looking for you. Your brother is dealing with the rot. As monarchs, we are always expected to show a level of decorum and restraint in the face of chaos.”
Both queens’ eyes trail down my disheveled dress. Queen Kalise lifts her hand and plucks a bit of bark from my hair.
“Genevieve. This isn’t like you.” My mother’s words are a reprimand—delivered to a grown woman in front of a crowd. I want to walk away, to curse them all, but I hold it in.
“I apologize. I panicked. How is Gabriel holding back the rot?”
Mother answers before Kalise can. “He and a troop of soldiers are removing it with water. We recently discovered, thanks to Mr. Blackwell, that the rot cannot tolerate moisture.”
I look at her, puzzled by her serene demeanor. “But how are we even experiencing the rot here in the first place?”
Queen Kalise replies, “There have been reports of helachite misuse throughout the continent. As you know, when the first exposures occurred, there was significant destruction until future generations were naturally blueblooded. Mr. Blackwell has a theory that others are attempting to force the gift on redblooded people. He’s seen it in the mines.
Prolonged and forced exposure to raw helachite results in the rot.
So it appears you’re experiencing unauthorized misuse of helachite throughout Naseria—now leading to deaths and, strangely enough, exposure amongst two royal families. ”
“Well, it must be dealt with swiftly,” Mother declares, then turns to me. “Now, your engagement celebration is once again ruined. I say we retire to Fairbright for the evening.”
I can’t believe she isn’t having a stronger reaction to the idea that people might be intentionally trying to convert from redblood to a blueblood. What would drive someone to do that?
“Mother, surely you can’t consider leaving at a time like this?” I protest, but she only gestures toward my sisters.
“I need to take care of your younger siblings. Has anyone seen Darian? The boy is always wandering off these days. And Mari looks absolutely unwell.”
My sister does look uncommonly pale. Her usual vivacity is gone; she leans weakly in her chair, eyes half closed. Guilt pricks me for not noticing sooner. I leave my mother’s side and kneel beside her.
“Mari, are you alright? Did you come in contact with the rot?” Her lips are nearly white, her skin ashen as Astoria helps support her.
“Darian went to call the footmen to arrange a carriage. We weren’t sure if Mari could walk on her own,” Astoria says.
I nod, wondering whether I should wait for Prince Leland.
I’m not sure what I’d even say to him, and I desperately want to be alone to sort out my feelings about both kisses.
But I need to stay and help with the cleanup.
One of us should, and I know Astoria and Darian will see that Mari gets the care she needs.
Mother climbs into the carriage first, hardly glancing back as the footmen help Mari in. Astoria follows, but Darian lingers.
His spectacles are askew, his strawberry-blonde hair a mess of tangled waves. “I’m staying here to help clean up. You should go back, Genny. You look like you need to rest.”
I shake my head, determined to help where I can. “Let’s go together.”
Darian doesn’t argue as he shuts the carriage door, sending our sisters and mother safely on their way. The carriage moves off, the team of horses trotting smoothly down the lane.
“Alright then,” he remarks, giving me a skeptical grin. “What do you plan to do now, Genny?”
Yes, it isn’t like me to stay near danger. I’ve always been treated like something fragile—and fragile things get tucked away when life grows difficult, put on a shelf and forgotten until it’s time for a dusting.
But I’m not something breakable. I am the future of this kingdom, and if I run from its hardships, what trust will my people have in me?
“We get to work, dear brother,” I say, and together we go to help our people.