Chapter 9
Chapter nine
Thea
Thea closed the café, the stack of letters sitting nearby, continually drawing her attention.
She could hardly believe that she had them. After so many years of believing Nathaniel had simply given up on her—it wasn’t true. And here she had the proof.
Her eyes threatened to well up with tears.
She was being silly. It had been so many years, and here she was, about to cry over him again.
But for some reason, the fact that he had written after all felt more emotional than all the years when she thought he hadn’t.
It would be easy to hate Roan for it. But for some reason, she couldn’t. If she had been in his place, she might have done the same thing. It didn’t mean she was going to forget it…but it did explain why he had been so concerned to see her appear in town.
She wiped down the counters and prepared the café for the morning, but her gaze kept straying to the letters sitting on the floor. Finally, she could take it no longer, and she slid down the wall to sit next to them, staring at them for a moment.
Did she want to read them? Did she want to know what he had gone through, thinking that she had stopped writing to him?
Were his letters as full of emotion as hers?
Had he also sent a letter when he gave up, or had he simply petered out, unable to write anymore with the pain of every letter going unanswered?
Tiny footsteps padded across the floor as Ginger trotted over to join her, settling against her side with a contented purr.
“At least you’re here for this,” she said with a smile as she reached for the first letter.
Thea,
It has been far too long since I’ve heard from you, and I can only hope that you are well.
My mother has become ill. I think the stress of taking care of my father has taken its toll on her, and she needs care.
If I didn’t feel the need to be with her, I would come back to you.
I wish you were here with me. I miss you more than you know, my love.
Missing you,
Nathaniel
PS - I hope the reason you are not writing is not because your father’s next apprentice has stolen your heart away from me. If that is the case, be aware, because I shall be coming back as soon as I am able to steal it right back, no matter how many times I have to trip you.
A tear ran down her cheek, and she wiped it away, even as she smiled at his words.
They had been so young and naive. Perhaps she should have known better than to expect nothing would change with distance. But that was the foolishness of youth, wasn’t it? To think that everything would go well simply because you were in love.
And if she had not fallen in love with Nathaniel, she wouldn’t be the person she was today—even if the person she was today was less optimistic about the world than she might have been, had she not had her heart broken.
But it hadn’t been Nathaniel’s choice to break her heart, and he had proved over and over again in the past years he still had feelings for her.
He was willing to do whatever it took to show her—even, for instance, coming into her room to bring her food and water because she was sick, and taking care of her cat, and giving her a discount on the rent for her building.
Not that she was supposed to know about that, but she’d asked Gertrude. The rent she paid was significantly lower than the previous tenant had paid before he passed away.
Nat still loved her. He had proven it again and again.
And now she could decide to love him again—even if it meant risking her heart breaking again.
It would be worth it to love Nathaniel and to be loved by him.
She sighed as she picked up the next letter.
It had only taken one letter to bring her to this realization. What was the next letter going to reveal?
My darling Thea,
We lost my father today. He went on longer than the doctor thought he would—long enough for him to continue to remind me that he thinks Roan is my superior, and long enough for him to put the tavern entirely in Roan’s name.
But I suppose I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. So instead, I will think of better things to come.
I’m looking forward to coming back to you and your family, and I hope that in my absence, the bakery has thrived.
Though I’ll admit, I hope that you have not thrived without me.
Unfortunately, I cannot leave yet. My mother needs me.
But as soon as I am able, I will return to the bakery.
Return to you, my love.
I cannot say how much I miss you. I miss the way your smile lights up the room, especially because your smile is so often hard-won, and I miss the way you feel in my arms.
I miss kissing you.
Your love,
Nathaniel
Thea started work the next morning with a pounding headache.
She had stayed up far too late reading Nathaniel’s letters and crying over them.
It was perhaps not the best thing to do when you were recovering from being ill, but she hadn’t been able to stop.
There was letter after letter where he poured out his heart, where he told her about his mother passing and about his struggles with Roan, trying to not let him help with the tavern, and needing something of his own.
He’d written about starting the orphanage, and how she had inspired him when they had visited Lady Manning’s home all those years ago and met the tiny orphan Sophia.
Thea had startled at the reminder. She’d forgotten that they had met Sophia long before she had come to the Northlands and become Lord Rendon’s goat girl.
Sophia must not have remembered her, or she would have said something over the years.
But now that she had truly become who she was meant to be and found the love of her life, maybe a reminder of the past wouldn’t be unwelcome.
And the thought that they had crossed paths in Riyel, and then again in the Northlands, was too much of a coincidence to not mention to her friend.
She never would’ve remembered if not for Nat’s letter.
It had been a small mention in one of the many letters he had written.
Thea knew that if she had received them as he was writing them, she would have been just as hopelessly in love with Nathaniel Alder as she had been in Riyel, and the fact that those years had been stolen from them made her want to cry all the more.
But she had to face the facts. The past was the past, and while holding a grudge against Roan might make her feel better in the short term, it would only lead to more heartache in the future.
She had a suspicion that Roan had changed, given the way he looked at Abigail. What had happened to make him change so suddenly was a mystery, but she would take it. Because if she wanted a future with Nathaniel, part of that future would include his brother—whether she wanted it to or not.
She sighed and picked up her tea, taking a long sip of it before walking to unlock the door in case Nat came.
She needed to get rid of her headache before customers started appearing. She could not be grouchy today, of all days—not when she wanted to talk to Nathaniel after work and ask him if he still wanted a future with her.
The idea was terrifying, and yet she had never been more hopeful than she was right now.
It seemed strange that something that had been so bleak until now had suddenly become one of the brightest spots in her life.
She had spent so long avoiding Nat and hoping that he wouldn’t appear, that to have the role reversed so instantly was perplexing.
But there were butterflies in her stomach again for the first time in years, and her heart beat faster every time someone walked past the window.
But as she worked, she couldn’t help looking out the window, wondering if he was going to appear, and desperately hoping that he would. If he came early, they could talk before she had to open for the day. But if he didn’t, they should wait until later.
Although…perhaps they should wait until later anyway, because what if he came and he was no longer interested in a future with her?
She didn’t want to have to face her customers with a broken heart once again.
Her heart sank at the thought. It hardly seemed likely, but at the same time—what if? Her mind was racing with the possibilities as she made muffins and kneaded dough and waited for the sun to rise.
Waited for Nathaniel.
The door opened, and Thea turned to see the new schoolteacher, Conrad, slipping through it and closing it hastily behind himself.
She could barely hide her grin. Poor Conrad had been chased by all the girls in town since the moment he’d arrived.
He should have known better than to come to a rural village as an unattached man.
If she were younger, she might think he was cute, too, but as it was, he was far too young for her.
So she just enjoyed watching him run away from several of the girls—who were too old to be his students and yet were still going to school.
Apparently, there was a lack of eligible young men in town.
“Good morning,” he said quietly as he approached the counter.
“Did you get away?” she asked dryly.
“Yeah,” he said, giving her a wide smile. “By the skin of my teeth. I’m fortunate they haven’t discovered that I like to start my morning with a cup of coffee yet.”
“They’re out earlier than normal,” Thea observed as she began preparing his cup while he fished coins out of his pocket.
“Yes,” he grumbled. “I fear my freedom in the mornings is coming to an end. One of these days they’ll discover me.”
“Until then, I hope you enjoy spending your time here,” Thea said as she handed him the steaming mug.
“I always do,” he said as he retreated to the corner table, out of sight of the windows, and began sipping his drink. He pulled something out of his pocket and started doodling on it as Thea hurried back to her work, preparing that day’s batch of muffins. They had just come out of the oven.
The scent of cinnamon filled the air, and she took a deep breath of satisfaction. This was why she loved the café.