Chapter 3
Chapter Three
KIERAN
I’m a Jersey boy at heart, and all the enticing places in the world won’t change that. My siblings can venture out to other states. Get to travel or attend sophisticated events. I’m happiest at home. The best, though, was when all my family was here at Christmas.
I usually counted down the days as early as October. I loved walking through Pleasant Harbor’s Main Street, seeing the moment they first strung the bright holiday lights, all the different colors on display. I loved the snowfall pillowing the ground. All the storefronts put out cheerful welcome mats and offered holiday specials. My favorite was Keens Café’s rib roast or The Baked Lady’s spiced rum cake. Even our normally dull town hall looked pretty at this time of year. So, I couldn’t figure out why this year’s festivities were leaving me lukewarm.
Maybe it was Cesar’s scheme to get Elias as his Secret Santa. Cesar might say he can date casually without love, but I know him. And my brother was the love ’em and leave ’em type, who got bored easily. Elias was gorgeous and knew it. He might hurt Cesar without trying. The thought of Cesar hurt sent an alarm bell through me. Elias gave most of his emotions over to his fashion designs, not to other guys. Cesar committed. Even with Joey, who never did right by him. Seeing Cesar dumped by Joey was hard enough, but if my brother dumped him… Everything inside of me froze. My breath caught. My heart jolted. Fuck, why had I agreed to this Christmas con?
Today, Cesar was sparring at the gym, but I’d see him later at our favorite hole in the wall, Poured Decisions. It’s a dive but they have great holiday drinks. I was going to order one tonight, the Naughty and Nice cocktail—something cranberry was in it, some vodka maybe, garnished with orange slices—I loved it. Cesar hated them.
“I’ll make you a real drink. A Pisco Sour,” he’d always say whenever I sucked down an overly sweet cocktail.
“Yeah, when?” I teased. Except for his “cheat days” on the weekends, he stuck to the same healthy foods. And he rarely drank.
“New Year’s,” he promised.
We liked to tease each other about everything. Defend each other from anyone. Cesar drove me crazy at times, yet I couldn’t wait until he walked in, whether he won or lost his match, with a huge smile on his face. A smile meant for me. Maybe it was selfish of me, but growing up in a giant family, I had to fight for any attention. I was loved, but sometimes overlooked.
Cesar, though, he watched me. Cared about me. Noticed my every emotion. He had a commanding presence. That was what I’d noticed in the first weeks of our friendship. He was a force. I’d always been soft inside, and I liked the idea of befriending a boy like Cesar, who led instead of followed.
Cesar knew I wanted to work for the family business before I even told my family. I told him everything. Always. Sometimes, I wasn’t as certain he told me everything. Cesar held his emotions in. When he did this, I’d respond with touch. I’d link our hands for a moment. Or maybe run my fingers through his hair. It usually helped him relax.
His gruff demeanor scared his opponents shitless before he gave his first punch, but I knew the truth. His intimidation simply masked a big heart. Still, he was intimidating. Cesar was huge, for one thing, especially those broad shoulders. They were massive. And his scowls were massive too. His eyes can look scary, because he has strong eyebrows framing the dark black color. He has thick lashes too.
Only when he smiled, flashing those perfect white teeth, his eyes suddenly softening, did the “real” Cesar peek out. He had the most dazzling smile. Like movie star quality—but with a sincere, radiating warmth to it. But he rarely let people see. Only I got regularly past the mean exterior. His smile called to me like a beacon in the dark.
Whenever I was down on myself, he would be right there, picking me up. Asking in that gravelly voice of his if I needed anything. Always knowing if I lied, able to see right through me. How many people truly gave a fuck, beyond maybe family, about how you were? I was so lucky to have him as my best friend. Cesar was the most decent man I knew.
I let everybody in. That was my problem. I had little filter or judgement. Not thinking too deeply, I always went into situations expecting the best of people. Maybe that’s part of being from a large family with so many siblings. You make room for different personalities.
Cesar was laser focused to the point of being scary. In the ring, you wouldn’t want to face him. Not with those muscles that looked carved. The stance of a man ready to inflict some pain. And outside of the UFC, he still came across as a guy you’d never fuck with. I’ve seen people back away from him on the street or in an elevator. As somebody small and compact and not at all scary, I have to admit it gave me a small thrill to walk alongside Cesar. Most of us have regular bodies and move through the world unnoticed, invisible. Not him. There was always a ripple of excitement when Cesar entered a room.
The whole bar got a kick out of the way he liked to greet me. He’d arrive all grumpy and scowling, until he saw me. Then his face would change, softening, and he’d hurry over to give me a bear hug. He was so incredibly strong, lifting me into the air as if I were made of feathers. Unlike those guys in the ring that he’d slam into the floor, he’d set me down gently. His large hand still on my waist. His hugs were the best.
Honestly, all Cesar might need to do was give Elias a hug like he gave me, and my oblivious brother may take notice. But Cesar had some elaborate scheme in his head. Once he had an idea in his brain, it stayed there. Stubborn bastard.
Meanwhile, I had a toilet to unclog. Unlike Cesar, I’d been less than exceptional at college, so I was back working for Coburn Plumbing. It was good work and paid my bills. Besides, I wanted to be part of the family business. I had screwed up so many other things. I wanted my family to see that this time I was capable. I had my act together, unlike in school.
And thankfully, we weren’t Coburn Roofing. I was afraid of heights after falling out of the treehouse, especially airplanes. But also roofs, mountaintops, elevators, and Ferris wheels. Cesar thought we’d kept away from the treehouse because he no longer wanted to go there, but the truth was I became equally nervous about climbing to the top. Luckily this area of Jersey had few high-rises, so I could take the stairs.
My folks were relieved to have one of their kids interested in the family business. And let’s face facts: I was never college material. Cesar never teased me about my grades, unlike my siblings. I had no big talent for anything like Elias or my other brother Reid, who was studying music. Or smart like Samson and my sisters, Katerina-Frances and Gianna-Bella. I might as well work for my family. To be honest, I preferred working with my hands over school.
“Are you almost done fixing that one?” Ronald, my boss, poked his head around the bathroom door.
“Almost.”
He grunted, and I felt my cheeks heat. Ronald had worked for my dad for years, so long I couldn’t recall when he started at Coburn Plumbing. Dad promoted him to the head guy when he’d stepped back from the day-to-day stuff.
He watched my work like a hawk, usually finding fault. And yeah, I told myself that Ronald only wanted to help me improve, and my plumbing skills weren’t perfect. But his constant criticism and disapproving looks were getting to me.
“Watch the valve.” Ronald hovered, watching. I smiled at him, pretending it wasn’t bothering me. The thing was when Ronald judged me like this, I did make mistakes. It was almost like his karma fucked-up mine.
I tried desperately not to stress when that happened. I fixed my mistakes, but his disapproval stung. All I ever wanted was for my family to be proud of me. They meant everything to me. Dad trusted him, and Ronald outranked me. Which was all fine, I didn’t expect to start at the top. Ronald took over six months ago, and he does single me out. He wasn’t like this to the other plumbers on the job. Only me. But I refused to complain to Dad. I’ll have to be an adult and prove myself. If I kept doing good work, Ronald would eventually see me as more than a pity hire, the boss’s son. I believe that.
“That’s a sloppy job. I’d do it again.”
“But it’s working.” I flushed the toilet to prove it.
“It doesn’t sound right. Check it all again, boy. And clean the tools. Last time, you left them a fucking mess.”
I bit my lip. I hated how he spoke to me. He always cursed or called me “boy.” I took a deep breath. It was okay. I’ll show him and my dad that I can handle the business, show them Dad didn’t make a mistake giving me a chance to work for Coburn Plumbing full-time.
Ronald stomped away and I rechecked my work. I won’t say a word to anybody about him. Even if he can get out of line. I flushed the toilet again, listening for the off sound that Ronald claimed to hear. It sounded fine to me. But he does have much more experience than I do, so I went over it all again. I knew summers working for my family were not the same as doing this full-time. And sure, I have a lot to learn and was open to learning. It was just that… Ronald didn’t appear to want to teach me as much as catch me failing.
My cell phone buzzed, pulling me away from my thoughts. It was Cesar. I smiled at his scowling image on my phone. I had other pictures of Cesar, of course, but this one always made me grin. He was such a grump.
Sometimes I thought my most important job in life was getting Cesar to smile. He wasn’t really a hard case. All I had to usually do was make a corny joke, or interrupt his daily routine with a surprise visit, and he would soften. I liked being the one person in the world who could do that, simply because I was his best friend.
“Listen,” he said before I could say a word, “I won’t be able to make it to the bar. And I might need a favor.”
“Another one?” I teased. “But sure, what’s up?”
“I twisted my ankle. Luckily, my next fight isn’t until New Year’s Eve.”
“You need me to get painkillers at the pharmacy or something?”
“Got ’em. Won’t be taking them unless this thing gets worse.”
“You want me to come by with some snacks? Keep your ass company?”
“Nah, I shouldn’t ruin your Saturday night ’cause of my dumb ankle. Maybe you’ll get lucky with some hot girl at Poured Decisions.”
The idea should have made me excited. But it didn’t. I’d rather hang out with my best friend. I must be getting fucking old or something. I used to say yes to most any girl who asked me out. I was never the aggressor with past girlfriends, come to think of it. I was usually happy to date because it beat studying. And I liked fun better than books. Maybe this contributed to my bad grades, not just my attention issues.
“I don’t mind. I can get lucky any day of the week.”
“Bragger.”
“Truth teller,” I corrected. “I’ll bring pizza or something.”
“Okay, see you tonight then. Oh, fuck, I almost forgot the actual favor. You might not want to bring me pizza on top of it.”
“What’s up?”
“I was gonna go this afternoon to meet with these ladies and get my Secret Santa date with Elias set up. But I really need to rest my ankle and it’s a drive. They’re close to Philly, but if you can’t do it, I’ll figure it out.”
“You’re taking Elias to some secret location?”
“I’m not kidnapping him to Russia.” Cesar chuckled. “It’s a traveling bookstore. Can you go for me to set things up?”
“Anything for the con.”
“It’s not a real con; it’s a wooing. I told you. Anyhow, thanks,” Cesar said, the deep timbre of his voice full of gratitude. “You know how I like to plan. “
True. Cesar was nothing if not a planner. He had lists and crunched numbers, whereas I was more go with the flow type. Plumber joke intended.
Cesar was too suspicious of life to go along with it. Maybe it was easier for me because my household was never changing. Chaotic, yes, but full of constant love and support, and neither of my parents had deserted me for a country I’d not set foot in. I’ve always let Cesar follow his plans, because I know how much it centered him.
“Let me message you their location for today. They’re expecting me around four, but you can meet with them and explain. You just gotta relay what they say to me tonight over pizza, okay?”
“Yeah, I should be able to once I finish this toilet situation.”
“No man or woman should live with an overflowing toilet,” Cesar agreed. “You’re a hero.”
“Hardly.” I snorted. No hero was knee-deep in shit. I was just a regular guy, nothing special. Maybe as a kid I saw myself as a cop or firefighter, billionaire, or movie star, but in the end, I followed the easiest path.
Cesar was more like the hero. If Thor was Peruvian, tattooed, and had swagger, he’d be Cesar. But unlike Thor, Cesar was not handsome, he was fierce. A hawk-like face, dark eyes, heavy brows. Only his mouth was soft.
Cesar had been so excited to get his first boyfriend. He had been a late bloomer due to his mother being religious and all. His mami never liked Joey—smart lady. I hadn’t either. Not that I said a word to Cesar. I tried like hell to be supportive. Now, Cesar was scheming to date Elias. And Elias was a great guy and everything, much better than Joey. But my brother liked to play. Cesar wanted dating, sweetness… Elias wouldn’t appreciate Cesar, not like that. And my best friend deserved to be appreciated and— Shit. Why was I obsessing on this? If Cesar chose Elias, then I’d help him get who he wanted. I was an excellent wingman.
I looked at the address he’d sent me. The drive took me a little longer than expected, but I put on a playlist Reid had given me. Too bad he and his fiancée couldn’t make it to town this year, but the flights from California were ridiculous. I understood why they couldn’t come home for Christmas, but part of me mourned the way my family used to be during the holidays. I hated how it had changed.
I hate change, in general. It scared me. My folks were getting older. Mom kept vowing this would be her last year of cooking all the dishes we loved, although she never made good on that threat. Maybe I just missed being a kid at Christmas. That feeling of magic.
What was better than when you woke as a kid on a snowy Christmas morning, knowing you had presents downstairs, that there would be no school for days ahead, and everything inside of you buzzed with pure happiness?
Nothing.