Chapter 13 #2
Evelina laughed as she finally walked away, but Arabella felt no pleasure as she immediately turned from her sister and toward the terrace doors that led from the ballroom.
The orchestra had begun playing for the couples and nearly everyone in the room was pairing up to dance.
That meant the terrace would be emptier than usual and perhaps she could have a moment to herself to regather.
She apparently needed it.
She slipped through the doors and quietly closed them behind her. To her great delight the terrace was, indeed, empty and she drew in a deep breath of cool night air. Peace was a rare commodity at such gatherings. When one found it, it was like a pocket of gold.
She paced to the terrace wall overlooking the garden and began to plan.
She could stay out here for two songs, perhaps, without being missed.
And then she would go back in, she would school any sourness from her expression and she would hunt, damn it.
She wouldn’t let something temporary affect her long-term plans.
Not even something lovely and temporary.
She had only just declared that to herself when she heard someone exit the ballroom. She prayed it was a couple, that they’d go to the other side of the terrace and she could slip to the shadowy privacy closer to the house wall.
But as she glanced over her shoulder, her heart skipped a beat. It was Silas who stood there, decked out in full finery, all that wildness smoothed a little for the consumption of others. He watched her with intensity for a long moment before he stepped forward.
“You look very pretty,” he said without any other preamble or greeting. As if they could just pick up so easily without formality.
Now why did her heart pound at that rather innocent compliment? Why was she so flummoxed by it?
“I—so do you,” she said, and before she could correct herself and tell him she meant he was handsome, he motioned up and down his body with one hand.
“Oh, this old thing?”
She laughed at his teasing and he joined with her as he reached out to take her hand.
She realized in this moment that what she felt when she was with him was something so easy .
She never ran equations with her knowledge when she was with him, never searched for topics that would please him or avoid ones that wouldn’t.
She didn’t play her game. Or at least, not her usual one. Life was a game, after all.
No, when she was with him, she was just… there . In the moment. Genuine.
She swallowed. “Are you following me, Mr. Windham?”
He stepped even closer, lifting the hand he held to rest against his chest. She felt the faint comfort of his steady heartbeat even through the layers of his clothing.
“I missed you,” he said, “and went to call on you at your home without even sending word ahead.”
“How flagrantly you ignore societal rules, Silas.”
He shrugged. “I do. I really do. Much to the great consternation of everyone in my orbit, it seems. But it came back to bite me tonight because you, of course, weren’t home. But I did manage to overhear where you were going as I left. So I suppose, yes, I did follow you here.”
“Considering I used the courtesan network to research every little fact I could about you over the years, I suppose you following me to a party makes us even.”
“Does it?” he laughed. “Very well, then we’re even.
” He was quiet a moment, just watching her in the light coming from the windows that looked into the still-spinning ball behind him.
“You are glorious in your element, you know. Drawing the men in, making them dance to your tune even though every one of them would leave thinking they were in control of those interactions. Turning your head just so and making them all track you. Remarkable.”
Her eyes widened. “How long were you watching me?”
“For a little while,” he admitted.
She swallowed, for she suddenly felt exposed by that admission. It was one thing for her beloved sister to see all her moves from a height that let her track the machinations, but quite another for this man.
She shifted. “Does it…bother you to see it?”
His brow wrinkled. “Bother me?”
“I’ve had lovers in the past who didn’t want me to even look at another man. Who hated that I went on the hunt even when our arrangements were over.”
“Hmm, sounds familiar,” he said, and the words brought her to mind of his confessions about his father’s obsession with his mother.
But he didn’t delve into those intimate topics.
Instead, he shrugged. “But it’s not me. I find it arousing to watch men want you.
To watch them trail after you like some kind of erotic Pied Piper.
You are a master, Arabella, I can only respect your skills.
” Now he traced the line of her jaw with his fingertip, his green gaze holding hers and forcing her to spiral into the beauty of it.
“I suppose it also helps to know that it was me dripping down your thighs just last night. That I have what they want, even temporarily.”
She shivered at the erotic words, spoken so softly because they were so close in the cool dimness that felt intimate even with a party going on ten feet away.
“Silas,” she whispered.
He shook his head and to her surprise the playful sensuality left his expression, replaced by something else.
Something regretful and pained. “I wonder if I’m being selfish toward you, though.
” He hesitated. “Well, I suppose I’m always selfish, some would say.
It’s one of my traits. But in this case, too selfish. ”
“What do you mean?” she asked. “How are you being selfish toward me?”
She truly couldn’t find the answer. In the time they’d spent together, he’d been nothing but generous. With his passion, with his time, with his humor and his wild. He’d given, she’d never felt taken from.
And yet he looked genuinely concerned.
“I’m taking what they would pay for,” he said.
“I’m keeping you from the next step, perhaps.
From the next man who will tend to your comfort and your stability, just because I can’t stop…
” His breath came out in a shaky sigh as he smoothed his thumb across her lower lip.
“…touching you. So doesn’t that make me selfish, Arabella?
Because it certainly doesn’t feel selfless. ”