Chapter 18
S ilas hadn’t known quite what to expect when he’d accepted Arabella’s invitation to her home, but as he stood having drinks with the ladies in her parlor after supper, he realized he was having one of the finest nights of recent memory.
It was impossible not to enjoy oneself with the Comerford sisters, for they were all witty and intelligent, friendly and kind.
And one couldn’t help but be mesmerized by their tight bond.
They teased each other, but it was always gently.
They also noticed the little shifts in each other, anticipated each other’s needs and gave without hesitation.
Their love for one another was obvious and he was envious of it, if he were honest with himself. He thought of his afternoon with Phoebe and how she’d told him the family truly wished to repair what had been damaged over decades of loss and pain and competition.
Seeing these three women together, it made him wish he could do that.
“You have the strangest look on your face,” Arabella said, slipping up to put her arm through his and rest her chin against his shoulder. “Are you well?”
He nodded. “Very well. I’ve had a wonderful time tonight.”
A little wickedness entered those remarkable blue eyes. “And we haven’t even played in the tub yet.”
“Naughty little minx,” he murmured before he bent his head and kissed her briefly. He felt her shift toward him, lean into the explosive passion they so easily shared.
But this wasn’t the place for it, so they parted and her smile grew wider. More beautiful and inviting.
“I’m sorry, Miss Comerford,” Barnaby said, suddenly at the parlor door. “There’s a situation with Regina.”
She blinked. “Now?”
He nodded and she squeezed Silas’s hand before she turned away. “I’ll be back shortly.”
Evelina and Julia exchanged a quick look after she’d gone and Silas laughed. “There’s obviously something afoot. You aren’t planning to murder me, are you?”
Evelina smiled. “Not tonight, at least. No…well, there’s no reason to hide it, I suppose. One of Arabella’s housemaids is with child and judging from Barnaby’s pale expression, I think she must be ready to give birth.”
“She was a lightskirt,” Julia said softly. “Arabella found her on the street a few months ago. She offered her a job and a promise she’d help the girl take care of the child, or find the baby a home if that’s what she wished to do instead.”
Silas looked off toward the door where Arabella had gone. “She so easily takes care of others.”
“Yes,” Evelina said, her tone suddenly distant. “Sometimes at detriment to herself.”
“Though not in this case,” Julia said.
“No, of course not.” Evelina worried her hands before her. “I should go see if I can help. I want to remind Arabella the name of the midwife I suggested so she can be sent for.”
Evelina stepped from the room and that left Silas with Julia. She smiled at him and he returned the expression. “If you’d like to join them, I’m perfectly capable of entertaining myself.”
She shook her head. “Oh, gracious no. I’ve no interest in seeing someone give birth.” She shuddered. “I’ve heard there’s blood and screaming. No, I’ll stay here and we’ll just have a drink and pretend like it’s not happening.”
“That sounds like a very good plan,” he said, and went to refill her drink and his own. “You know you three really are remarkable.”
“Are we? I suppose most men are fascinated by the idea of three sisters who are also courtesans.” She pulled a face. “Some of them even want to bed us as a group.”
“Ugh. That’s disturbing,” he said.
“I agree.” Julia turned up her nose. “None of us have ever continued an affiliation with a man who suggested it.”
“You’re living here with Arabella now, I think,” he said.
She nodded. “Yes. My last arrangement ended a little over a month ago and she welcomed me right back in. That’s the power of having this house, of course. We’re never under threat.”
He looked around. “It’s a fine home and you’ve all made it even more beautiful and welcoming.”
“It doesn’t bother you that she received it from another lover?” Julia asked, and now she didn’t look so sweet or innocent. She looked hawkish and like she was making a measure of him and his future response. It seemed a skill each of the Comerford women possessed.
He set his drink down and met her eyes. He wanted her to see the truth of what he was about to say. “I have nothing but respect for Arabella and what she’s built for herself. Jealousy is not in my nature.”
“Then you are a singular man. She’s had several lovers who tried to demand she get rid of this place, but she always refused.” Julia sighed and then shook her head. “It is a good life we’ve built. Thanks to you, of course.”
He cocked his head at that statement. “Thanks to…thanks to me?” he repeated. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you know, of course. That night in Vauxhall Garden. Seeing you with Simone.”
“Well, I know about that . It was early in her career.”
Julia stared at him. “No. She wasn’t a courtesan when she saw you. She was seventeen, there with our aunt and father when he was still trying to make a match for her. Seeing you two that night inspired her, I suppose. It was why she ran from our father and into the life.”
He drew a sharp breath. Seventeen? He hadn’t done that math since reuniting with Arabella, even though he was aware of her age. And he hadn’t put together that she had truly been an innocent when she saw him with Simone.
Could what Julia said be true? Was he the cause for Arabella to leave her stable life and run headlong into this? It was one thing to accept and respect it, quite another to have caused it and whatever pains she might have endured to create it.
“Silas?” Julia asked, leaning closer. “Are you well?”
Before he could answer, Evelina and Arabella returned to the room together, their faces bright with excitement. “The baby is certainly coming,” Arabella announced. “Regina is comfortably arranged in a room and the midwife is on her way. She is doing very well, though.”
“That’s good,” Julia said, and then glanced at Silas.
The other two women followed her stare and Arabella’s expression fell. “What is it?”
He cleared his throat. “I’d like to talk to you alone, Arabella.”
Evelina and Arabella exchanged a look and Julia moved toward them, shaking her head as if to say she didn’t understand whatever look he couldn’t school from his face.
“Well, I should be returning home anyway,” Evelina said slowly. “Why don’t you come with me, Julia? Harry is not in residence at present, he’s busy with other things at his proper estate. I’d be happy for the company.”
Julia nodded and then the two women faced him. He heard them say goodnight. He realized he responded, but it didn’t seem real. Not when all he could do was stare at Arabella and know what he now knew.
Arabella saw them out and then she returned. She shut the parlor door behind herself and then leaned there, watching him as if she wasn’t certain how to behave.
“Silas, it’s clear something changed when Evie and I left the room. And now you wish to speak to me alone. So we are alone. Now tell me, what is going on?”
“Your sister…Julia just told me that I’m the reason you became a courtesan.” He shook his head. “Is that true?”
* * *
A rabella stared at Silas, stared at his pale face and guilt-stricken expression and her stomach turned. Not just because he was clearly taking responsibility for her choices, but also because they brought back memories that had nothing to do with him.
She straightened up and lifted her chin. “Don’t be ridiculous. Julia sometimes says the silliest things.”
“Arabella,” he said, sharper now. “She says you were only seventeen in the garden that night. That you weren’t a courtesan yet.”
“I-I never told you I was. And my age is public knowledge.”
“I wasn’t doing the math,” he said. “You said it was early in your career. I assumed that meant you had already stepped into the life.”
She folded her arms. “Well, I did. Just after. What difference does it make, Silas?”
“Because I know how courtesans are made,” he snapped.
“I saw, albeit briefly, before I was stolen from her arms, what that life did to my mother. And you are stronger than she was, God knows that’s true.
But don’t think for a moment that I don’t know that your choice of this path has likely involved fear and pain. ”
She flinched. He wasn’t wrong. There had been kind lovers, but also ones who weren’t kind.
There had been a surrender of her virginity that had been as gentle as possible thanks to Simone’s help, but certainly it hadn’t been the beautiful, loving act she’d dreamed of as a girl.
There had been loss and judgment, cruelty and sadness over the years she had stepped into her own and accepted all facets of what a courtesan faced.
“I’m sorry that your mother suffered,” she managed to croak out. “And that she was harmed by your father. But my experience is very different.”
“Not so very different,” he said. “You study people, it’s your way to protect yourself. And it’s mine, too. I see the grief in your eyes sometimes, Arabella. I see the flickers of what you lost.”
She pushed off the door and paced across the room, trying to find space between herself and what he was saying. How he was digging into the soul of her and mining facts that she didn’t want to share. Not with him, not with anyone.
“You are being ridiculous,” she gasped, but she could hear the strain in her voice that belied her words.
“Please,” he said. “Look at me and tell me whether I was the one who caused you to choose this path because I smiled at you in the garden like some twisted snake sent to drag you from propriety.”