Chapter 20 Graham
Chapter twenty
Graham
I am the biggest fuckup of all time, and I only have myself to blame.
I knew it was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. And now Harrison hates me. And Delilah hates me. They probably hate each other. And I hate myself.
This really worked out well.
And it all goes back to that moment in my apartment when Delilah had asked me to take her virginity. I should have said no. I knew it then, and I know it now.
But I am, after all, a slave to my dick.
I slam the bed of my truck closed, having just loaded it full of old fencing material that needs to be taken back to the ranch center and discarded. I huff out a frustrated breath and hop into the driver’s seat.
Maybe I’m exaggerating. Because as much as the more …
primal side of me obviously wanted Delilah, there was something else in there too that was far too interested.
And that something else started growing.
Until it got out of control and had me about to spill my guts to her the second before Harrison barged in and—
It doesn’t matter.
Because even if I’d said something, what would that have changed?
Besides, what was I even thinking? That Delilah and I would get to be in love and live happily ever after? I don’t believe in that shit.
But for the first time ever, it’s odd to have to convince myself of it.
I make my way along the dirt roads of Thatcher Ranch until I reach the junk yard where things are discarded before being carted off. I park the truck, hop out, and get to work unloading. When I’m almost finished, I see another truck coming up the drive, and soon it’s parked next to mine.
Logan hops out, shooting me a nod of acknowledgement.
He’s one of the foremen on the ranch, but I don’t work with him often.
He handles more of the equestrian side of things.
Training, breeding, selling. He’s also a bit older than most of my buddies—early forties or so—so it’s not like I spend much time with him in the mess hall or outside work hours.
“Need your help with something,” Logan says, voice monotone.
I raise an eyebrow. “What with?” I question, hauling the last bit of rotted fencing from the bed of my truck.
If Logan were one to roll his eyes, I think he would right now. He’s a bit of a stoic. “Get in,” he says simply, inclining his head toward his truck.
As curious as I am, it’s not worth it to argue, so I simply brush off my jeans and follow Logan to his truck. Once I’m in, Logan starts the car and heads off. We sit in silence, and I let the cool breeze wash over me through the half-down window.
“Where are we heading?” I ask, shooting a glance in Logan’s direction.
He doesn’t answer.
I stare at him a bit longer, but when he still doesn’t disclose anything, I simply shake my head and stare back out the window.
Five minutes later, I recognize where we’re going. And in ten minutes, we’re pulling up to the campfire. The place I’d taken Delilah not too long ago.
And as soon as I see who else is there, I turn to Logan and glare. “Seriously?” I ask.
Logan slams the truck into park and turns to me. “Harrison’s been an ass ever since the two of you had a falling out.” Harrison works under Logan most of the time. “So, the two of you better work out whatever shit you’re going through. Now.”
With that, he hops out of the car, slams the door, and simply leans against it, arms crossed, staring out at the view.
I shake my head, hopping out as well and turning to face the campfire. Harrison is sitting on a log, looking nearly as frustrated as I feel right now. I figure he must have been forcefully taken here as well. Theo sits next to him and looks up as I approach. Harrison doesn’t.
It’s been weeks since we’ve spoken. We avoid each other around the apartment, spending most of our time in our rooms. And whenever he can be somewhere else, he is. He’s basically only home to sleep.
“We’re not children,” I say to Theo as soon as I’m within hearing distance.
Theo raises an eyebrow. “Could’ve fooled me.”
I take a deep breath. “We’re working through some stuff.”
“We know the stuff,” Theo says. “The whole ranch knows the stuff.”
How—? I sigh. I shouldn’t be surprised by how quickly gossip moves through this town anymore. It’s practically air here.
I stand there for a moment, stuff my hands in my jeans, and stare at the grass. I don’t know what to say. What can I say?
“Come on,” Theo groans, slapping his hands on his thighs and standing. “You guys are best friends.”
“That’s what I thought,” Harrison mutters, and fuck that hurts.
Theo takes a deep breath. “Besides the both of you being real pains in the ass to deal with around here—I mean, come on, Logan’s involved—” He gestures dramatically to where Logan is leaned against his truck, completely ignoring us, facing the opposite way.
“—you’re also being ridiculous. You can’t throw away an entire lifetime’s worth of friendship over this. ”
“It’s not that simple,” Harrison snaps, his gaze turning to Theo.
Theo holds up his hands. “Don’t tell it to me.” He gestures to me, and my shoulders sag. “Talk to him.”
And with that, Theo walks off to join Logan at his truck.
I don’t move. I simply listen to Theo’s footsteps as he stomps away behind me.
“I’m sorry,” I finally break the ice with.
“You’ve said that already.”
For the first time since this whole thing began, anger flares inside of me. “What do you want me to say?” I snap.
At this, Harrison finally looks up. In his eyes is anger—but also hurt. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what you can say to make this better, all I know is that I’m …”
“Upset, I know,” I say, my tone calm again. I move to slowly take a seat on a nearby log. Not directly next to him, but close enough.
Harrison breathes in deep. “I trusted you, Graham. Like, really trusted you. More than most people in my life. And my baby sister?” He turns to me then, and guilt worms its way in and out of my heart at the look on his face.
He shakes his head. “I love her more than anything in this world, and it’s my job to protect her as much as I can from all the shit that’s out there. And you … I thought you got that.”
Fuck me. I wish he’d just punch me again.
“It’s not that the two of you went out or whatever. It’s that you’re …” He trails off, looking pained, frustrated, like he wants to say the stuff he said to me that day he found us.
“I’m the kind of man you’ve tried to protect her from,” I finish, as much as the words burn on their way out.
Harrison looks at me for a long moment, and I can’t quite read his face. “So you do get it,” he says evenly.
I run a hand through my hair, reaching my neck and tugging.
“Can I just ask why?”
Harrison’s question has me scrunching my eyebrows, staring harder at the dirt beneath my feet. I don’t want to betray Delilah, but I also want Harrison back. Theo’s right. We’re best friends. And not being his best friend? It’s kind of eating me up inside.
“This is going to sound stupid, but everything I did was because I care about Delilah,” I settle on.
Harrison scoffs at this.
“It’s true,” I press. “She’s so … sweet.
And smart. And strong, and talented. And …
” I shake my head. “I wanted to make sure she knew that. That she was with someone who would take care of her and make her feel special and …” I trail off, my gazing moving past the truck, past Logan and Theo, to the view of the mountains beyond.
“I miss talking to her every day, but I know it’s for the best. For you and her.
For everyone. It’s why I told her to stay away from me.
So she could find someone better, so she could …
” I realize I’m rambling now, that I’m not really saying anything in particular, and I clear my throat.
I’m about to launch into another round of apologies, when Harrison speaks.
“You’re in love with her.” It’s not a question. It’s a statement.
I turn to him, and he’s studying me with an expression I’ve never seen on him before. All traces of anger are gone, and instead he looks … perplexed, almost. Surprised. Like he’s slowly putting together the pieces of a puzzle in his head.
“You’re in love with Delilah,” he says again, and while the first statement didn’t really register, this one does. It’s as if someone has a fist around my heart and is clenching it tighter and tighter and tighter. Because, holy shit, I think he’s …
“I’m sorry, Harrison,” I say quickly, because this has suddenly gotten so much worse. “I’m so sorry,” I repeat, as the gravity of what he’s said crushes down on me.
“No,” Harrison says, and I brace myself for whatever beating is to come—whether physical or verbal. “She’s not just another notch on your bedpost or some shit?” It’s a question this time, one he expects an answer to.
And while I never would have put it in those terms, technically that was what she was supposed to be. What I was supposed to be for her. But now … “No,” I answer truthfully.
Harrison stares at me, hard enough that I almost flinch. “I didn’t know it was like that,” he says eventually, looking away.
I didn’t either.
But I suppose I should have. I want her more than anything. I want her to be mine. And that means … I have to be hers too.
“Does she love you too?” Harrison asks.
“I, uh … don’t know.”
“Does she know you love her?”
“I don’t know.”
Harrison nods, pursing his lips.
“It doesn’t change the fact that she deserves someone better than me—”
“Tell her.”
I blink. Harrison turns to face me again. “What?” I ask.
“Delilah deserves to know how you feel about her,” he says simply.
I open my mouth to protest, but the words die on my tongue.
“I forgive you,” Harrison says, and the words send a jolt of electricity through me. He stands, looks down at me. “As long as you tell her you love her.”
And with that, he walks off.