Chapter 7
Elara
I braced myself to knock on my friend’s door. Everyone had gone their own way after dinner, and while I still wanted to talk to Cai, I thought it would be a good time to see Cordelia before she went to bed.
My hand rapped against the white wooden door and a hesitant voice said, “Come in.”
I’d made sure Cordelia was situated in one of the nicest guest rooms in the palace. I wished there was more that I could do to try to ease her pain.
Cordelia was gazing out the window, seated on the wide ledge. She was still in her black dress. “I just wanted to come and see how you were doing.” Of course she wasn’t doing well. The person she had planned to spend the rest of her life with had been taken from her.
“It’s getting late.” I felt a chill sweep through the room. “Can I ask one of the servants to light a fire?”
She shrugged. “I don’t care.”
Cordelia didn’t seem to care about most things these days. Not that I could blame her. She was in mourning. But I didn’t know how to help.
Instead of calling a servant, I decided to light a fire myself. Something I hadn’t done in a while, but the room was freezing. I didn’t understand how Cordelia wasn’t shivering.
“I wish you’d joined us for dinner. Everyone was there.”
“I know.” She didn’t look at me, so I continued to stack the wood in the fireplace.
“Anesta and Gwen were there as well. I’m sure they would have loved to see you.” I got a small fire going, and when she didn’t answer, I turned to look at her. “Why didn’t you come?”
“Wasn’t hungry.”
“Have you eaten today?” I looked around the room for plates or remnants of food but there was nothing. Rhen and I tried to check up on her as much as possible, but she didn’t always want to see us.
“Don’t remember.”
This conversation was going nowhere. I hated seeing my friend in so much pain, knowing there wasn’t anything I could do to change the circumstances. Despite having just made a fire, I looked at the bedroom door. “Would you like to go for a stroll?”
She shook her head. “Not now.”
I sighed. “You need to get out of your rooms, Cordelia. You can’t stay cooped up in here for ever.”
Now she looked at me. “I’ll do whatever the hell I want,” she responded, and then she turned back to the window. It was dark outside, so I wasn’t sure exactly what she was looking at.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” And I was sorry. My heart broke for her. I couldn’t imagine what I would have done if I’d lost Cai. “I’m sorry,” I said again.
When she didn’t respond, I continued. “But I do think it would be good for you to get out a bit more. I know I haven’t seen you as much as I would have liked in the past few days with the council being here and everything, but I am here for you and I would like for us to do things together.”
“You’re queen. You’re too busy to have friends. I understand.”
“That’s not fair,” I responded. I didn’t want her to think I didn’t care when I’d been tearing myself apart in the last week, trying to get to everyone and everything.
Cordelia’s head swivelled in my direction. “Not fair? You want to talk to me about what’s not fair?”
In hindsight, it might not have been my best choice of words.
“Not fair is the fact that I made a home for myself in Norrandale and now I can’t go back.
Not fair is the life I’ve lived to get here, only to have it taken away.
” She stood up from the windowsill. “Not fair is the fact that you and everybody else still have the people they care about, and I lost the one person I cared most about in the world,” she cried out. “That’s what’s not fair.”
“I know. I’m . . . sorry.” I was repeating myself now.
She wiped a tear from her cheek and turned away from me. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Of course it matters.” I walked over to her and put my arms around her frail frame. Cordelia only hesitated for a moment before allowing herself to be hugged.
“I wish I could go back and change things for you,” I said softly, and then Cordelia began to cry onto my shoulder.
“I’m sorry for being mean.” Her body shook as she sobbed. “I just miss him so much.” She cried for a little while longer, and I continued to hold her until she pulled back. “Maybe I need to get away from court for a while. Go and stay somewhere in the country.”
I would miss her terribly if she decided to leave but Cordelia had to do what was best for herself now.
“You just say the word and I’ll make the arrangements for you.”
“Thank you.” She sniffed, using her hands to wipe the tears off her face. “And thanks for checking up on me.”
I added another log to the fire. “I’ll have one of the servants bring you up some dinner.” And I hoped she would eat it.
“Thanks.”
“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you’re the strongest person I know.
And I know you’ll get through this somehow.
Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday it will be better.
” All of us had taken our own knocks with this coming war, but I had to believe we would get through it. Or die trying.
* * *
After making sure Cordelia was settled and looked after for the evening, I headed straight for Cai’s rooms. I wasn’t sure where he’d gone after dinner but the fact that he’d held my hand without pulling away gave me hope that perhaps he was closer to opening up, closer to being his old self again.
Maybe he just needed some more time to process everything.
Cai looked up as I entered the room. He was standing by his dressing table, undoing the buttons of his shirt. I wondered why there was no servant around, though the candles and fireplace were already lit.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”
He looked worn out from the evening’s events.
“You’re not intruding.” He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt as I became momentarily distracted by his strong forearms.
“Are you sure? I can come back tomorrow.” He probably didn’t want company if he was tired. My hand was already reaching for the door.
“No, stay.” It was the best thing he’d said to me in weeks. I didn’t move away from the door, and he remained standing by the dressing table.
“Thank you for coming to dinner. I really appreciated it.”
He nodded, his eyes travelling over the furniture in the room, anywhere but me.
“Should I call for some wine or something?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
That was too bad. I could have definitely used the alcohol to calm my nerves.
I stepped a little further into the room, contemplating whether or not I should take a seat on one of the chairs. Cai was making no attempt to move.
“I just wanted to come and ask if you would like to do something together tomorrow morning?” Maybe I was pushing my luck. Just because I’d finally managed to get him to leave his rooms didn’t mean I was going to get him frolicking about the palace grounds.
Cai always tried to be the strongest person but everything that had happened had broken something inside him.
He was never good at communicating his feelings, especially not when it came to his own weaknesses, because he was always so hard on himself.
I didn’t know how to be there for him if he couldn’t tell me what he needed from me.
“Like what?”
I placed my hands behind my back so that he couldn’t see I was wringing my fingers.
“Well, we could go for a walk, or ride through the woods. Maybe I’ll let you give me another archery lesson.” It was a poor attempt at humour, but I was so desperate to see him smile again. I had no such luck.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“The archery lesson? Yeah, you’re probably right. I might accidentally miss the target and hit one of the groundskeepers in the process, considering how terrible I am.”
“I don’t mean the archery,” he said softly, still not looking at me.
“Well, we don’t have to go outside.” I was stumbling over my words now, hating every moment of this awkward tension between us.
Tell me how to help you.
“I could ask the cook to make your favourite blueberry tarts and we can have them with tea.”
Cai’s lips pressed together and he let out a sigh. “I’m sorry but I’m not sure I’m feeling up to it.”
“Is it me? Did I do something?”
His forehead creased. “Of course not.”
I walked over until I was standing in front of him.
“Then why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you leave your rooms?
” I placed my hands on his cheeks and turned his face to me.
“You hardly even look at me.” Those once vibrant emerald eyes were now filled with sadness.
“And I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” I cried out, not realising how much all of this had bothered me until I confessed it out loud.
I’d been trying for so long to keep it together.
To be the strong queen and leader that everyone needed.
But Cai used to be my anchor, keeping me steady, and now I felt lost at sea.
“You’re not . . . it’s not—” He looked for the right words.
“Then why do you keep pushing me away?” I asked and Cai pulled away from me.
He pressed his palms to his face and said, “I’m not pushing you away. I just don’t know how to do this.” His voice was laced with desperation.
“Don’t know how to do what?” I asked more gently.
“I don’t know how to make this right.”
I stepped up to him again and took his hands in mine. “I don’t know what I’m doing either. But your kingdom needs you.”
“My kingdom?” he said. “I am no longer king.”
“Cai, a throne and a crown don’t make a king. You know that.”
“But I failed them.” He looked away again and I placed my hand on his face.
“You didn’t deserve any of the things that happened to you, and you are not the one to blame. And I still need you. I’ll always need you,” I said firmly, so he could know how much I meant it.
When the words left my mouth, Cai pressed his lips to mine.
I was a little surprised at first, considering it had been a while since we’d kissed.
But I welcomed the feeling of his mouth and the familiarity of him.
I had missed being this close to him. Had missed his warm, caressing hands and the taste of him.
He took my wrists and wrapped my hands around his neck before grabbing my hips. I pressed myself up against his broad chest, fingers twisting into the hair at the nape of his neck. There was a desperation in the way his mouth moved against mine.
Cai turned us, so that I was leaning against the dressing table. I savoured the heat of him against me, having missed his affection more than I realised.
The air around us grew hot and Cai’s hands snaked up my back, allowing me to lean further into his touch. I suppressed a gasp when he gently took my bottom lip between his teeth. We were both breathing hard. His lips trailed to my jaw and then slowly down my neck.
“I need to confront you more often if this is how the conversation is going to end,” I said through heavy breaths. And then Cai did something I had feared he might never do again. I felt the smallest hint of a smile against my skin.
“I actually needed to tell you something important, but I got momentarily distracted.”
If we didn’t have the threat of war hanging over our heads, I might have ignored what he said and kissed him again. But Cai wouldn’t say something was important unless it really mattered.
I pulled back a little to look him in the eye. “What’s going on?”
He took a second to regulate his breath again.
“Alastor came and spoke to me earlier today. He’d met with one of his spies who had finally returned from Norrandale.”
I didn’t know how many spies Alastor had working for him, but they always managed to find valuable information in the end, and I was thankful that there were people who were willing to risk their lives for such important knowledge.
“As we know, Aries is in Norrandale looking for the Myrgonite mines.”
“Well, he does have a thing for power and greed.”
“But Alastor’s spy found out that Aries was also looking for something he labelled ‘archaic treasures’. Objects from hundreds of years ago that the old kings used to believe contained magic.”
My stomach twisted into a knot. “You mean Aries is actively looking for the Myrgonite objects?” There was so little known about them apart from the stories that had been told through the generations.
“I’m afraid so.”
“But we don’t know for certain what these objects are. Only that we have been warned against their magic.”
“I think I might have found something on it.”
“Oh?” I said with surprise. The old Cai hadn’t wanted anything to do with the objects or any kind of magic. I supposed what happened in Norrandale had changed him in more ways than one.
“After dinner I went to the library to look for something to read, you know, to try and get my mind off things a little.” Not my idea of a distraction, but fair enough. “And I found this really old book with a story inspired by Queen Riona and the Myrgonite objects.”
My brows furrowed. “Someone wrote a story about it?”
“It was strange, the book had no title and no author. But it did mention that King Evrin had a diary where he wrote about the queen and the objects.”
This was interesting. “Do you think there’s a chance that the diary is real?”
“I’m not sure.” Cai shrugged. “The chances are pretty slim. But if it does exist, then maybe it would have some answers about the objects.”
“Maybe.” I thought about it. There was so little known about those magical objects, and the stories had become too distorted over the centuries.
It was hard to know what was true and what had simply been made up.
But if we had a trusted source like King Evrin’s diary, it might tell us everything we needed to know.
Based on the conversation I had had with Aries in Argon, I knew he wasn’t only coming after the Myrgonite mines in Norrandale.
The gemstones would make him rich beyond compare, yes.
But there was no end to Aries’ greed. It had always been a matter of time before he came after the objects.
“We need to find some more writing that confirms the existence of the diary.”
“I’ll go and see if I can find anything in the library tomorrow,” Cai replied
Even if nothing came of it, at the very least Cai was leaving his rooms again.
“That’s a good idea. I’ll see if I can find anything in the royal study.”
It was a long shot. If the diary existed, we didn’t know what was written inside and where we would find it. It could be a complete waste of time, or it could be the answer to everything.