Fourteen Kassen
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
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“GOING SOMEWHERE?” I COUGHED, slouching against the doorframe leading into the kitchen.
She froze, spinning around and stumbling with the heavy inertia strapped to her back. “What are...you were...how are you awake?”
I swallowed the dryness in my mouth. She didn’t need to know I’d woken as if a bullet had been fired into my brain. I’d shot awake to an empty room with ghosts from another time haunting the pages of menacing books, and I’d known.
How I’d known, I couldn’t explain. Perhaps it was the withdrawal of her presence, or her choice to go where I couldn’t follow. It could’ve been her backpack missing from its usual spot in the corner. Or it could’ve been the missing piece of my goddamn miserable heart.
Any of those reasons could’ve woken me in a cold sweat.
But she didn’t deserve answers like that. Answers that made me vulnerable because there she was, foot out the door, her mind already climbing the cliff to get as far away from me as possible.
Yet another betrayal.
Another whip of torture she just loved to wield.
Choosing a derogatory and impolite answer to her convoluted question, I rubbed my forearm above the splint she’d strapped to my broken arm.
My voice was soft but lethal, unable to fully hide the rage burning in my veins.
“I needed to piss.” Looking up through my lashes, I added, “Funny that. For the first time since you pushed me off that cliff, I was strong enough to climb out of bed without you carrying me to the bathroom, and what do I find? You skipping out on your duties.”
She shivered, her hands fumbling at the bag buckles around her waist. Excuses darted over her face.
Reasons I fully understood and even commiserated with.
We both knew she had a life outside of my valley.
We both knew it would be prudent she returned to it before I either smothered her in my desperation or my rage.
She wasn’t safe with me.
And I wasn’t safe with her.
Too fucking bad she isn’t going anywhere.
“Well?” I clenched my jaw and pushed off from my doorway crutch.
My head sloshed, and the sickness that seemed to have taken up residency in my belly roiled.
With deliberate, careful steps, I crossed from my side of the kitchen to hers.
“Are you going to share why you were just going to vanish? To leave without so much as a goodbye?”
She gulped. “I, eh...” Her shoulders swooped back with courage, but she couldn’t fight her natural instincts to avoid me. As she inched backward, her feet left Fables altogether, stepping into daisies and crushing their petals just like she’d crushed me. “It’s the right thing to do.”
“Is it now?” I cocked my head, my eyesight flickering. My nostrils flared as I halted in the middle of the kitchen, swaying with damn vertigo. Glancing at the mess-free countertop, I stilled. Huh. “You cleaned up.”
She nodded. “I did.”
“Why?” I scowled, hating that my face had once again given her clues about how I felt.
I hadn’t even been aware she’d seen my annoyance as I’d dragged her out to the garden this afternoon.
And if she had...why had she bothered to clean?
It wasn’t like she cared enough to stay.
It made no sense that she’d abandon me but wait long enough to return my home in a tidy condition.
Who the hell is this infuriating girl?
“Because I knew how it upset you to see how I’d left things out of order. I’m not usually so messy. I was just so worried about you to care about a few dishes.” She shrugged. “But it’s clean now. You don’t have to stare at a dirty kitchen.”
“Remind me to shield my expressions around you.”
She smiled sadly. “That’s not necessary now, though, is it.”
“Because you’re leaving.”
“I am.
“But before you do, you thought you’d play maid instead of nurse?”
“Something like that.”
I waved my hand at the sparkling cupboards, neat crockery, and polished pots hanging from their rack above the sink. “At least you were considerate enough to leave a parting gift.”
Sighing, anxiety as well as temper tightened her voice. “I told you I needed to leave. I don’t think this—whatever this is between us—is healthy. I’ll send someone. I’ll tell them that you’re hurt and—”
“And do exactly what I told you was forbidden.”
Her forehead furrowed. “Things are different. You’re hurt—”
“Nothing is different.”
“But—”
“You’re not telling anyone.”
“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”
“So you’ve told me.” I fought the urge to roll my eyes, fully aware of how it affected my concussed skull. “Are you forgetting so soon why I chased you? Why I threw your car keys away? Why I’ve done everything in my, let’s face it, very limited power, to stop you from leaving?”
How had she stupidly forgotten my unbreakable rule? Tell no one.
“Of course, I haven’t forgotten.” Her pretty hazel eyes lit with ire. “You don’t want others to know you’re here. Even now. Even when you’re hurt. Even though you need treatment and I’m not qualified to help you. Even though you might die without care.”
“Correct.” I nodded once, firm and sharp. “I would rather you leave me to die alone than tell anyone else that I exist. That this place exists.”
She flinched. “That’s just idiocy, Kas.”
No, it’s necessity.
Until this morning, when I’d woken and drowned under memories I’d long since suppressed, I’d forgotten about the man and his white beard.
I’d forgotten about his threats of exterminating me if he ever found out I survived or his gleeful assurances that there were other sex slaves, trafficked and currently serving in remote corners of the world.
Part of that memory filled me with fear, wondering if he’d return to check I was dead. Any day now, he might stroll through the cave and finish what he started. But most of me churned with revolting guilt.
There are others.
Others like me, like Quell, like Wes.
And I’d chosen to stay here instead of seek them out.
Stop it.
I curled my hands, focusing on Gemma instead of my stomach-turning thoughts. “I suggest you tread carefully.”
Her chin tipped up, the silver zippers on her backpack swinging in the moonlight.
“Look, I’m not entering into another argument with you and I’m not running.
I’m leaving for both our sakes. I know you don’t want anyone to know you’re here, and just an hour ago, I respected that.
I packed and prepared to go with the intention of leaving you to your own devices as I know you’ll be happier that way—”
“Happier?” I snorted. “Oh sure, I’ll be ridiculously happy when I’m alone again.”
“You literally just said—”
“You ruined my loneliness, Gemma Ashford. You’re the one at fault, and you’re the one who destroyed my solitude. It turns out, I’ve had quite enough fucking solitude.” I swallowed hard, pinning her in place with my anger. “I’ve told you as much.”
“Fine,” she muttered. “Let’s stop going around in circles then. If you’re finally ready for company, then let me send someone to help you.”
“Christ, you’re not getting it.” My head pounded. “I don’t want company. I don’t want strangers. I want you.”
She gasped.
Awkwardness fell between us. The back of my neck prickled.
I ran my hand over my sweaty nape, making me fidget like an idiot.
For all my rage when I’d first woken up.
For all my trust issues and soul-drowning darkness, I didn’t want her to go.
I wouldn’t let her go. I couldn’t be alone again. “Put down the bag and stay.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“You can, and you will.”
“No.” Her fists shook by her side with frustration. “I have a family who will be losing their minds over me. I have a life.”
“So, you’re willing to throw away my life just because it’s complicated yours?”
“Argh!” She threw her arms up. “God, you infuriate me. Did you not hear me? I said I would respect your wishes and not tell a soul. I will keep your secret, even though not knowing if you’re okay will cause me to worry every second of every day.”
I smiled thinly. “Is that supposed to mollify me? Knowing you’ll worry about me? Trying to show me you have a heart, after all?”
She huffed as if her frayed patience was about to snap.
“I have a heart, you bastard. I’ve shown it to you.
You even successfully wormed your way into part of it.
But I have obligations. I have a family to reassure.
I’m not yours to keep or command. I stayed because I caused you pain, and I cared for you to the best of my ability, but now, I need to help others.
So please, I beg you, allow me to send better, qualified people to keep you alive.
Let them bring you back into society, for goodness’ sake. ”
“No.”
She sighed, nodding wearily as if she’d already accepted my answer.
“In that case, I have to trust you’ll be okay on your own.
You haven’t slipped into another delusion since you woke fully as yourself.
Your coloring is already ten times better than it was this afternoon.
I’ve left you food—” Her gaze drifted to the garish packets of processed pasta, along with the pile of chocolate bars that would forever taste like ash if she ran tonight.
“Considerate,” I grunted. “Four pastas. That should get me through winter, no problem.”
She gave me a pissed-off look. “If you let me tell someone that you’re here, you wouldn’t have to face another winter...alone.”
“And like I said, I’d rather die frostbitten and starving than have other people trespass on my valley.”
I’m not ready.
I might never be ready to face what happened to my family or the truth of what other nightmares existed out there.
“Well, I personally think you’re being ridiculously stubborn. How did you think this was going to work out between us? Did you honestly think you could keep me as what...your sex slave for the rest of our lives?”
I flinched but then nodded. “That was my first intention, yes.”
She narrowed her eyes. “And now?”