Chapter Eleven #2
She stared at Garrick as an awful truth popped into her head.
“Oh, no. He lied on his application. He wanted to join and by lying, he’s violated the honor code or whatever it is.
” She dropped her head to her hands, then straightened.
“Great, now it’s on me. I either keep quiet about the lie so he can be a part of JROTC, or I tell the truth and he doesn’t get in.
If I don’t say anything, then I’m teaching him the wrong lesson, and if I rat him out, I’m the bad guy. ”
“You wouldn’t be ratting him out.”
“You’re objecting to the word choice, but not the reality. This puts me in a horrible situation.” She slapped her hands on the table. “Why did he have to do this?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry you have to deal with it.”
“Me, too. I don’t want to be the grown-up. I’m not the right person to be doing this. I can’t do this.”
He leaned toward her. “Wynn, you’re the strongest person I know. You’ll figure it out. Trust your instincts.”
“I can’t. I have crappy instincts sometimes. I’ve done horrible things in my life. Maybe this is a payback for that.”
“Life isn’t that tidy. Besides, I don’t believe you’ve done terrible things.”
“You’re wrong. I have.”
“Shoplifting when you were seven?” he asked, his voice teasing.
“No. I never did anything like that.”
“You’re a good person. This is not some karmic justice. Hunter messed up. That’s all.”
She knew in her head he was right, but in her gut she was less certain. She looked at him.
“When I was nineteen, I fell wildly in love with a guy named Chas.” Despite everything, she smiled. “Not short for Charles or anything so mundane. Just Chas. He was blond and gorgeous and everything I’d ever wanted.”
Garrick’s gaze narrowed. “Are we talking about Hunter’s father?”
“We are. He was a professional surfer, waiting for the season to start up. Our meeting was so random, it shouldn’t have happened, but it did and I fell for him. I knew he was going to leave and I didn’t want him to go.”
She remembered the pain of realizing Chas was going to leave her forever. She didn’t think she could physically survive—without Chas in her life, she thought she would cease to exist.
“I begged him to take me with him. I told him I would pay my own way, carry his gear, anything.” She dropped her gaze to the table. “He said he wouldn’t take me along because he needed to focus. I would only be a distraction. I gave him my heart and he said I was a distraction. My heart broke.”
“What did you do?”
She reached for her coffee again, sucked in a breath and looked at Garrick.
“I got pregnant. I did it on purpose. It wasn’t a mistake or an accident.
I knew exactly what I was doing because I believed once he knew about the baby, everything would change.
I knew it was wrong and manipulative, but still I did it. ”
Garrick’s eyes widened slightly. She sensed he was trying to hide his shock, but she saw the tension in his body. “What happened?”
“I told him I was pregnant, and he said it didn’t change the fact that he didn’t want me with him. He was sorry that I’d made the decision to try to trap him, but he was leaving. I could have the kid or not. That was on me. Then he left and I never saw him again.”
Garrick swore under his breath. “That was pretty coldhearted.”
“I don’t know. Part of me agrees with you and part of me says I got what I deserved.
I knew I was doing the wrong thing when I did it, and that didn’t stop me.
I can make excuses, but the truth is I made an awful decision.
You can’t force someone to be with you. The situation was never going to end well. ”
It had taken her a long time to come to terms with that. To accept that the blame was all hers. Chas had been clear about what he did and didn’t want—she’d been the one who wouldn’t listen.
“You could have had an abortion,” he told her.
“Legally, yes, I could have, but I wasn’t going to do that.
Once I accepted I was on my own, I came up with a plan and hoped for the best. But having a child by myself was so much harder than I’d imagined.
Everything was so expensive. I worked three jobs as long as I could, but once I had Hunter, I couldn’t make enough to afford day care.
Just paying for the diapers about killed me.
” She shook her head. “They’re expensive.
I was out of money and about to be evicted when Chas’s lawyer showed up to tell me Chas had died and left me the proceeds of his life insurance policy. ”
“He hadn’t forgotten you or the baby.”
“I guess not. I was shocked and ashamed and grateful. I vowed to make the most of what he’d left me. If he was still alive, I would want to apologize for what I did. I can’t regret Hunter, but my actions were unforgivable.”
“You were just a kid,” he told her. “You made a dumb choice and you dealt with the consequences. Look what you’ve done with your life. I hope you haven’t been beating yourself up about this for the past fourteen years.”
“Some,” she admitted. “It’s hard to let go, but I’m finally in the place where I think I can move on. Then Hunter does what he did and it makes me question everything.”
“What you did has nothing to do with his actions.”
“Are you sure? Maybe I somehow made it all happen.”
“No,” he said firmly. “How would that be possible? Did you do some kind of mind-meld where you secretly convinced him to join JROTC and not tell you? If so, you have amazing powers and you should use them for good.”
Wynn smiled. “When you say it like that,” she began.
“It’s true.”
She supposed he was right. The two wrongs had nothing in common. “I wish I knew what to do.”
“You’ll figure it out. You’re the most amazing parent I know. If I had half your skills, I wouldn’t have lost all those years with Joylyn.”
“That’s not true. You’re not to blame. It was your ex-wife.”
“And Hunter made his own choices. That’s not on you.”
A sensible point of view, she thought. Even though she knew Garrick was right, she couldn’t help wondering if somehow she was the one to blame.
“Thanks for listening to me rant,” she said.
“Anytime. You ready to go back to your office?”
She nodded. “I’m going to try not to think about what I’m going to have to do later when he and I talk. I thought parenting would get easier with time, but it doesn’t. Just when I figure something out, it all changes.”
“You’re going to do great.”
He rose and pulled her to her feet, then hugged her. The feel of his strong embrace helped as did the knowledge that he was someone she could talk to.
“I’ll let you know what happens,” she said.
“Good. And I’m right next door if you need anything.” He looked into her eyes. “Trust your gut. You’re a great mom.”
“Thanks.”
As she walked back to her car, she thought about what he’d said.
How her screw-ups had nothing to do with Hunter’s mistakes.
While she knew he was right, she couldn’t help thinking that maybe there was just the tiniest bit of karmic payback in what she was going to have to wrestle with.
If God wanted to teach her a lesson, He’d picked a doozy of a way.
***
Joylyn took the shoebox-size package from the mail carrier and thanked her. The familiar loopy writing on the mailing label made her smile. She had no idea what Holly was sending her, but knew it would be great. Holly was a good friend.
Joylyn put the rest of the mail on her dad’s desk, found a pair of scissors in the top drawer and quickly opened her box.
Inside was a stuffed blue bunny—the kind you would win at a carnival or arcade game.
The note tucked inside explained that Holly and Rex had won the bunny at the pier and wanted her to have it for her baby.
The ever-present tears appeared, but this time Joylyn didn’t care. Happy tears were never a problem. She put the box in the recycling, then set the blue bunny on her dresser.
“Look what Auntie Holly got you,” she told her baby as she rested a hand on her belly. “You’re going to love him.”
She picked up her phone and took a picture, then texted it and several heart emojis to her friend.
Seconds later her phone rang. Joylyn laughed when she saw Holly’s picture.
“I would have called, but I didn’t know when you were on break,” she said, stretching out on the bed. “Thank you so much for the cute bunny. I love it.”
“The second we saw it, Rex and I knew we had to win it for you.”
There was something in her friend’s voice—a level of excitement that seemed bigger than just an arcade bunny. “Are you all right?”
“Yes. You’ll never believe it. It’s so insane and yet, it’s happening. I’m floating.”
“Holly, what are you talking about?”
“Rex proposed! We’re getting married.”
“What?” Joylyn sat upright. “That’s so great. When did it happen? What did he say? Were you shocked? Have you set a date? Tell me everything!”
“He proposed last night. We had dinner and then walked on the beach and before I knew what was happening, he went down on one knee. It was so beautiful and I said yes and we both cried. I love him so much.”
“I know you do.” Joylyn thought about Chandler’s proposal and how happy she’d been. “You’re going to have a wonderful life together.”
“I know we are, but first we want to get married.” She hesitated. “And really fast. We’re both up for new assignments, and if we’re married, we can request something where we’re together.”
Joylyn’s mind started working through possibilities. “Then we have to put together a wedding as quickly as we can.”
“Oh, we don’t have time for a wedding. We need to be married before the end of the year. We’re just going to city hall or something.”
Joylyn knew that Holly didn’t have any family, so there was no dad to walk her down the aisle or siblings to help out. But she had friends.
“You have to want a wedding,” she said.
“Sure, but it’s not practical. I want to be married to Rex more than I want to wait and plan something fancy.”