10. Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Colt was alone when he opened his eyes. This wasn't anything new, though he paused to look around his room while trying to reorient himself. He'd spent just long enough waking to the grungy aesthetic of the Honeybee Motel he almost didn't recognize where he was. Like mist evaporating beneath the early morning sun, his thoughts slowly cleared.
Right. Whitehall. Apartment.
Sera.
Funny, Colt was used to being the one who was up before anyone else, but it looked like he'd somehow slept in some. He twisted around, looking at the empty side of the bed that still held proof of Sera having been there. A pillow with the soft indent of the head that had lain on it, blankets askew as though they'd been flung aside. When Colt rolled into the spot. It wasn't really warm anymore, but rather than rush to get up, he shoved his face into Sera's pillow and breathed in deep. Earthy, woodsy, though not like the forests he'd grown up in which were damp and cold and a glorious conglomeration of redwood, moss, dirt, and musk. This smell was softer, soothing. Sage, maybe.
And coffee.
Coffee?
Colt didn't even own a coffee maker.
With a sigh, he dragged himself from the Sera-scented bed and shuffled out of the room.
Several of the moving boxes they'd dragged up from the car the night before were assembled and a few half-full. At the kitchen table sat Sera, scrolling through his phone while nursing a cup of coffee. His hair was twisted and pulled up, pinned messily in place by a pen that likely came from Colt's kitchen. His attention rose from the screen as Colt shuffled in rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Sera smiled.
"Good morning, sunshine."
Colt grunted, still trying to register how Sera had already been up and gotten a head start on packing, and he'd hadn't so much as budged.
"No? Not so much sunshine, more little gray raincloud?"
"Probably more accurate," Colt mumbled, taking a seat at the small table for two. Coffee awaited him, sporting some logo or another of a cafe Colt vaguely recalled from down the street. The resinous aroma alone started to perk him up, along with the heat, as he wrapped his fingers around the cup and dipped his head just to breathe it in. "How long have you been up?"
Sera shrugged, set his phone aside, leaned back. "Since somewhere between five and six."
Colt's eyebrows rose. "Wow, was my bed that uncomfortable?"
"It was too comfortable," Sera laughed. "I haven't slept anywhere but my camper in...uh, since I bought it, actually."
"New place, couldn't sleep?"
"No, I mean... I was so comfortable and slept so heavily, I woke up early feeling really refreshed and ready to get going." He sipped at his drink with one hand, reaching for a paper bag with the other and dragging it over to between him and Colt. "Figured I'd get up and get us started."
Curious, Colt opened the bag to nose around in it. Bagels. Sera'd remembered from one of their first days working on Lullaby Lane wherein Colt had brought bagels because it was a favorite breakfast of his. These were pleasantly warm as he took one out to smother it in cream cheese. "I just don't think you're capable of sitting still sometimes."
"Maybe." Sera watched him, hiding a smile against the rim of his mug. "Think you can keep up?"
Colt stopped to give him a long look accentuated by a thin, amused smile.
"I think I can handle it."
***
In the end, Colt's entire life fit into a five-by-eight foot U-Haul trailer with a little room to spare. Three kitchen boxes, one living room box, two for the bathroom and hall closet, a few trashbags of clothes, and a handful full of miscellaneous things. Personal effects, knick-knacks. It took a little over three hours, and probably would've gone faster had the couch not been an Olympic sport all on its own.
As Colt carried down the very last box, half-full with all the last-minute random bits he'd picked up on his final walk-through, Sera stared into the trailer.
"Is that really it?"
Colt shrugged. "Yeah?"
"I think I own more stuff, and I live in a camper."
"I keep it simple, I guess." He rubbed the back of his neck. Despite the chilly Bay Area breeze, they were both sweating and tired from the continuous treks up and down two flights of stairs. "I didn't wanna feel..." Trailing off, he frowned.
"Cluttered?" Sera gave a slight smile.
"Cluttered," Colt agreed.
He nodded in understanding, turned, and dragged the trailer door down and fastened it shut. "Do you want to do one more look to say goodbye?"
Colt shook his head. What would he say goodbye to? It was a fine apartment. There was nothing wrong with it, but...he wasn't going to miss it.
Sera set about double-checking the lights were hooked up and the trailer was securely fastened while Colt went to the main office to turn in his keys and sign some paperwork. It didn't matter how long he'd lived there; the apartment manager never remembered his name. No one was going to miss him.
They stopped for lunch at a favorite diner of Colt's before leaving town. The drive back up to Gold Moon Bay was typically an easy one, but Colt found navigating it more nervewracking. Once they hit the mountains with its narrow, twisty freeway, he had to let Sera take over. Although by that point, the sun had begun to set and he was exhausted enough to sleep, Colt forced himself to stay awake and keep Sera company.
"So," he eventually asked, "if you're sticking around Gold Moon Bay for awhile, what's next? Do you think you'll get an apartment of your own?"
Sera gave a brief laugh. "I doubt that, at least not any time soon. Not until I can afford it. I'm kind of unemployed now, remember? I haven't had much time to go job hunting."
A knot of shame twisted through Colt's insides. How fucking inconsiderate was he? He had no reason to be worried about money, but had Sera spent all this time stressing over it? Had he not prioritized looking for work because he'd been helping Colt with the house?
And I could've helped with that if I'd talked to him about the money already.
He'd made his decision immediately after his conversation with Kate about the inheritance, though he'd not discussed it further with her. Even if he and Sera had been on shaky ground at that point, Colt knew it didn't matter. Dad had wanted him to be looked after. And with all that Sera had done for Glenn—all that he'd been doing for Colt —money was the bare minimum he deserved.
But I've been so wrapped up in my own problems it didn't even occur to me he could really be using that money right now.
Something niggled at the back of his mind. A memory.
"Sera knows?"
"I'm not actually sure..."
Kate. The day they'd gone to the lawyer's office, the day she'd told him about his Dad's intentions with the will. Colt had just sort of ran with the assumption Sera had no idea, but what if he was wrong?
Every stilted conversation they'd had wherein Sera had looked so much like he wanted to say something, to ask something played back in Colt's head. He'd confirmed as much last night, too.
"There’s something important I want to talk to you about first. And I’m still not sure how."
Was that it? That "something"?
His gaze slid over to Sera behind the wheel. Self-doubt pricked at his skin like falling into a batch of stinging nettles. Each little jab a nagging voice whispering that it all made sense, why Sera had been so hot and cold. Maybe...why he'd been interested in the first place, but yet last night... What if he's just playing? Giving you the attention you want to sweeten you up so he can ask for the money? But he didn't want to actually fuck you... Maybe he can't stomach going that far.
For the first time in a number of days, Colt's anxiety spiked. He swiftly turned his attention out the passenger's side window, resting his forehead against the cold glass, trying not to make it obvious that he suddenly wanted to crawl out of his own skin.
No. No, no, no.
Colt didn't want to believe any of that. Didn't want to even entertain the thought. He shoved it back, mashing all that darkness and doubt down as far as he possibly could, swallowed it, frantically tried to prevent it from taking hold. God, if Sera found out...how hurt would he be someone would think such a thing of him?
An easy solution would've been to bring it up, right then and there. To show some initiative and drag it out into the open. "Dad wanted you to have this gift, and I want you to have it, too."
So why couldn't he get his mouth to cooperate?
It was the same as his dad, Colt grimly realized. He was afraid to ask. Because if he asked, if he put the money out there to ensure it was no longer a factor, and if Sera took it and walked away...
Colt wasn't sure if he could survive that grief on top of everything else.
By the time they pulled up at 42 Lullaby Lane, they'd both lapsed into silence. A twelve-hour roundtrip on top of packing and loading up the truck had left them both dead on their feet. The house was a dark, ominous thing before them that Colt tried not to look at as they got out of the truck and stretched.
Shoving his hands into his coat pockets, Sera glanced at Colt's car. "So, it's late..."
Colt meandered around the truck to meet him. "It's barely ten. Is that late?"
Sera grinned. "I'm thirty-four, Colt. Maybe you're still up for all-night parties..."
He gave a lopsided smile in return. "I don't think I was ever up for them. Any all-nighter I've ever done was completely against my will."
"That being said," Sera inclined his chin toward the camper, "do you want to spare yourself even more driving and crash here tonight?"
Fuck, that was tempting. So tempting Colt almost said yes before he realized it. Those earlier thoughts came circling back, though, the inkling of worry this was some kind of ploy. He hugged himself, debating whether shoving his feelings aside and staying regardless was the smart thing to do, or if it was somehow insulting to Sera to share his bed while doubting his intentions.
"You know, I think I'm okay. It's not that far of a drive." Colt tucked his hands under his arms, hugging himself. Gaze averted, he only briefly caught the confusion on Sera's face.
"Oh... Okay." Pause. "So, see you in the morning?"
Colt ducked his head into a nod. Took a step back. "I'll bring breakfast," he offered, like some sort of consolation for not staying. Tomorrow, they'd take Colt's things to the storage unit he'd secured, keeping out things he knew he'd need in the interim, and then turn in the trailer.
He forced himself to look at Sera. As far as Colt knew, he was only being overdramatic and insecure. Taking that insecurity out on Sera wasn't fair. So, he gaze him his best attempt at a warm smile and added, "I had a really nice time, even if it wasn't the most exciting of dates."
Some of the uncertainty faded, softened, from Sera's face. "Was that a date?"
With a shrug, Colt turned to start toward his car. "It was to me. You've gotta ask for the next one, though; I did the last two."
Sera's brief laughter carried after him, a balm to his nerves.
You're overreacting, he tells himself . You'll see.