Chapter 19
Chapter nineteen
Dietrich
As Dietrich approached the duke’s study, something in the back of his mind said this was not an ordinary meeting.
He pushed the feeling down. Whether it was or wasn’t, there was nothing he could do about it until he got there, even if he was feeling a little twitchy.
He didn’t like feeling twitchy.
But he couldn’t ignore a summons from the duchess, so it didn’t matter how he was feeling. He had to go.
As he approached, he could hear the gentle laughter of the duchess, and he smiled. Perhaps this was nothing serious—the duchess didn’t seem to be unreasonable.
He knocked, ignoring the portrait next to the door with blue eyes waiting to ensnare him.
The door opened and the duchess waited on the other side, a bright smile on her face. “Oh, Dietrich, I’m so glad you’re here. We need your help.”
“Of course, my lady,” Dietrich said with a smile. “Anything for the duchess.”
But then he turned the corner and saw Ella sitting there, and the feeling from earlier suddenly made sense.
It was a trap.
“Hello,” she said quietly.
“We need dancing lessons,” the duchess explained, gesturing to Ella. “She said that you and Beatrice were helping her earlier. So I thought, since you already know how to teach her, you wouldn’t mind helping, as the duke and I help demonstrate a few more dances.”
Ella was grimacing at him as if she already knew he wasn’t going to like it, which was accurate—he didn’t like it, but it was the duchess. He couldn’t say no.
“Of course,” he said, stepping forward. “How can I help?”
“Which dances did you already teach her?” the duchess asked. One of the servants who could play the piano came into the study.
“I don’t remember,” Dietrich said. It was the truth—any knowledge had fled his brain. The idea of dancing with Ella again, in front of her parents…that would be enough to scare anyone, much less someone who was employed by her father.
The duchess was still speaking, but he couldn’t hear her as he stared at Ella.
She was stunning, her golden hair tumbling around her shoulders in loose waves, a rich, dark green dress accentuating her form.
He wasn’t sure he would make it through this dance without falling even more in love with her.
“So we’re going to throw a ball,” the duchess finished, casting a glance at Ella, who was avoiding looking at her.
Dietrich snapped his attention back to the duchess. “A ball? That sounds fun. How long do we have to prepare?”
“About two weeks, I should think,” the duchess said, glancing at her husband.
“Yes, I think two weeks will do,” the duke agreed.
Dietrich bit back his sigh. He suddenly had a lot of work to do in the next two weeks. They would have to prepare for being overrun by horses and carriages. Depending on who the visitors were and how far away they came from, they could visit for a week or more.
He had to speak to his men, not waste time dancing with a girl he couldn’t have.
“Thank you for letting me know,” he said. “We shall begin preparations in the stables.”
“Of course, but first, we need to practice,” the duchess said, looking between the two of them. “Do you remember if you practiced the waltz?”
“We did,” Dietrich said. He didn’t want to waltz with Ella.
“Why don’t we try that once more?” the duchess announced. “I would like to see how she dances. It’s not too late to find an instructor from Riyel, if we must.”
“I don’t think you’ll need to,” Dietrich said, turning his attention to Ella, who was fidgeting in her seat, her hand buried in her pocket. “She’s quite good.”
Ella glanced up at him, and he offered her a smile.
She was clearly uncomfortable with this. Was she only worried about his reaction? Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so rude and ignored her. He hadn’t considered how it would affect her too.
Maybe it would be better for him to hurt more, if it kept her from being hurt.
Dietrich offered his hand to Ella, who shyly took it, and they made their way into the center of the room as the music began to play.
If she didn’t want to dance with him, she didn’t show it, relaxing into his arms like he’d never turned her down before. It took everything in him not to lean in and kiss her for the way she melted into him.
She was impossibly sweet—when she wasn’t shooting snapping remarks at him.
No, ignoring her had been the right thing to do.
She was a distraction, something that he needed to avoid. But here he was, holding her in his arms as they twirled around the room and she followed his lead gracefully.
It was hard to remember all the reasons he had for turning her away.
Hard to remember why his mother and John weren’t right.
Hard to remember how impossible things were for the two of them.
The moment of music and dancing would only last so long. She was meant for the life of a duchess, even if she fit into his arms like she belonged there, even if her blue eyes were looking up at him like the whole world revolved around him.
Even if he couldn’t imagine letting her go again.
It didn’t matter. They were too different, and she was not meant for him, no matter how much he wanted her.
The duchess clapped her hands excitedly as the dance came to a close.
“Ella, you were marvelous!” she said, bustling over to clasp her stepdaughter’s hands.
“You were lovely, too, Dietrich,” Dietrich said dryly under his breath.
“Oh, yes, you were,” the duchess exclaimed, turning to him.
Dietrich blushed and waved her off. He hadn’t meant for her to hear him.
“He’s only messing with you,” Ella explained to her mother.
“The two of you danced beautifully together,” the duchess said, exchanging a knowing glance with her husband.
Dietrich wanted to bang his head into the wall. Did they also think that Ella should be with him? Was that why the duke had called him in here?
Why did none of the adults understand that they could not be together?
He laughed at himself. He was an adult, too, even if he didn’t feel that way most of the time.
He still felt like the young teen stepping up to take his father’s place after he’d been lost, or the young boy watching a little girl play unaccompanied in the courtyard where she’d never been alone before.
“Thank you, I must go prepare the stables for the ball,” he said, hurrying out of the room.
None of them said anything to stop him. He wasn’t sure he would have listened if they had.
He made his way through the courtyard, pausing to stare at the spot where he’d last seen tiny Eliana. She’d had his pumpkin, hiding it in a patch of dirt, then digging it up again.
He’d almost gone to play with her, but his father had called him, and he’d gone to the stables instead.
Then she’d been gone.
And now she was back, and memories of her continued to plague him.
This had gone on for too long. Maybe if he couldn’t escape her, he would need to see if one of the other estates was looking for a stable master.
As much as he would hate to leave the duke, he couldn’t spend this much time in close proximity to her without losing his mind. They needed to leave each other alone, and if everyone was conspiring to push them together, he would not be able to do it.
“What’s got you in a twist?” John asked, coming around the corner as Dietrich stopped in front of Turnip’s stall and began petting him.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” Dietrich said.
John laughed. “You sure look fine.”
Dietrich glared at him. “I’m just saying,” John said, raising his hands in a show of innocence. “If I was all upset like that, you’d call me out on it.”
“It’s my job to call you out on it,” Dietrich pointed out.
“Well, consider it my job to call you out now,” John said. “Your mother isn’t here, so I’m filling in.”
“You’re not my mother.” Not that he sounded like an adult right now, either.
“But you don’t have her here, so until then, I’ll have to do. And I think you need to hear some advice from someone a little older than you. I have children, you know. I’m not entirely incompetent at giving advice.”
“I didn’t say you were,” Dietrich said.
“I think that, perhaps,” John said, “you need a little advice, but I want you to actually listen to it this time.”
Dietrich laughed. “Where’s the fun in that?”
John shook his head. “You don’t want to hurt her, I know, but there are more ways to hurt a woman than by being in love with her. Do you understand?”
Dietrich frowned. How did John know what he’d suspected himself only a little while ago? He didn’t want to hurt Ella, but how could he avoid it?
“Ella doesn’t need me like that,” he said. “She has her family.”
“And if her family isn’t enough?” John said, as if he could hear the thoughts going through Dietrich’s head.
“You and I know, of all people, that family isn’t always the people in front of you or the people that share your blood.
They may be part of your family, but they’re not all of it.
And if she has found a family in you, why are you denying both of you something that could be so wonderful? ”
Dietrich shook his head. “She didn’t find a family in me. John, I’m simply the first person who ever noticed her. And that’s the reason she wanted me near, not because I’m the only person capable of loving her.”
John stared at him. “If that’s what you think…”
“It’s what I know,” Dietrich said quietly. “She doesn’t need me, and I don’t need her. We’ll both be just fine once we figure out how to adjust to this new normal. Until then, we’ll just carry on.”
John let out a slight chuckle. “If that’s what you think,” he said. “Who am I to argue? I’m not your boss.”
Dietrich shook his head, but his heart wasn’t in it.
“No, you’re not,” he said quietly.
When the job of stable master had become available all those years ago, John had been the proper choice. He had been there much longer than Dietrich, not to mention he was older and more experienced, but John had turned the position down to have more time with his family.
“I wish you were the boss sometimes,” Dietrich admitted.
“I think you’ll figure it out,” John said, slapping him on the shoulder. “Now, let’s feed these animals so I can go home. My daughter is making soup.”
“What’s your daughter like?” Dietrich asked.
John chuckled. “She’s far too young for you,” he said. “You’ll have to figure something else out.”
And with that, he turned and left, leaving Dietrich there with Turnip, who reached over and tried to nibble on his hair.
Why did everything have to be so complicated?