Chapter 8
Aracely
I was frozen in place. I couldn’t seem to get my legs to move. I knew I was being ridiculous. I had agreed to meet Bash for a drink. I was the one who had set the time and the place to meet. He had agreed to it all, no questions asked. I wasn’t even sure if he had to rearrange his schedule, but I didn’t care. Not really. I was the one who was holding all the cards, not him. I wasn’t the one who should be nervous or worried, yet here I was.
McCarthy’s was a bar I had been to a few times. It was close to work and had a nice, mellow vibe. I had become friendly with the bartenders and knew they would keep an eye on me if needed. I wasn’t counting on having any issues or problems with Bash, but it was nice to be prepared. I also figured the comfortable atmosphere would make me feel better and more confident about seeing him. I had done everything I could to make it as easy and painless as possible but I couldn’t seem to get myself to walk through the door.
It had been a short day at work and a very successful one. Dr. Conrad had been even more helpful than normal since meeting Bash. She had been completely understanding and a little sympathetic when Bash said he no longer needed to follow me around. She had dropped a few not so subtle inquiries about the nature of my relationship with Bash but I had been tight-lipped. I think she respected me even more when I didn’t gossip about him.
There wasn’t much for me to say. Well, there was a lot I could say about our past, but I wasn’t going to discuss that with my boss. I hardly discussed it with Ella and Layla. I hadn’t even told them I had agreed to meet with Bash.
I wasn’t sure what, if anything, would come of it. Plus, I didn’t need to talk to them to know what they were going to say. Ella would tell me to just walk up to him and tell him everything I had been holding in. She would want me to get the closure she kept talking about. Layla, on the other hand, would want me to talk to him, to get his side of the story. She was good about being in touch with her feelings and getting others to do the same. She would want me to know what he was thinking and feeling and open a dialog. She would also be rooting for us to get back together.
It was easier to not talk to them and pretend like meeting Bash wasn’t that big of a deal, but I knew it was. He had been a thorn in my side for too long. Having him back in the city had sent my world off-kilter and I didn’t like that. It took me a while to admit it but now that I had, I had to do something about it. I needed all my time and energy spent trying to get my career off the ground, finishing my residency, and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Not worry about what a former boyfriend thought or wanted from me.
I had been all ready to go inside and tell him exactly what I thought of him, of what he had done to me, and to tell him once and for all to leave me alone. But when I got within ten feet of the door, I had stopped. I couldn’t seem to get myself to move. I had been standing outside the bar for a few minutes, trying to work up the courage to go inside.
It was evident he had worn me down. I might want to yell at him but I also wanted to hear what he had to say. He had been a huge part of my youth. He had helped to shape who I was. He was the first person who thought I could and should become a doctor. He had believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. I owed it to myself and to him to see if we could find a way to move past the past. I wasn’t going to get that if I just yelled at him and walked away.
I squared my shoulders and told myself this was ridiculous. I could do this. I needed to do it. We had talked for hours when we were younger. What was the difference in doing it now? Yes, time had passed but not that much. I took two steps toward the door and then stopped, turned around and walked back.
Did I really need to see Bash? Everything had happened so long ago; maybe it was best to just leave it there? Did I need to complicate my life by having him back in it? Did I even want him there? I smiled as I thought about all that he had done to get my attention. It was sweet even if it was over the top. I knew if I didn’t see him, he would just keep at it. If I wanted him out of my life, the best way was to talk to him.
But did I really want to just give into what he wanted, what he demanded? I wasn’t a woman who caved to a man. I certainly hadn’t with Bash before; why was I doing it now? Was it about him and making him happy and placating him or did I really want to see him?
I immediately thought about how he had looked when he was sitting in Dr. Conrad’s office. How sincere he had been about the apology and in the moment, I remembered all that we had and all that I missed. No matter how angry I was, it came down to the fact that I wanted to see him. I wanted to talk to him. I still wasn’t sure what I was going to say, but I couldn’t say it if I was standing outside the bar.
Feeling better about myself, I went to open the door. Before I could, someone else walked out. I stepped back to see Bash leaning his head out from the back of the door.
“So, we got a bet going in here on whether you’re going to come inside or not. I convinced the bartender to buy my next round and your first if I could convince you to. So, what do you say? You want to have a drink with me?”
I couldn’t decide if I was more annoyed or mortified about the situation. Had Bash been watching me and my internal dilemma the whole time? Had others? Obviously, they had if Bash had made a bet. I wanted to run away, hide, and pretend like the whole thing had never happened. But then I looked at Bash and he was smiling at me sheepishly.
“Ara, I could see your brain working from inside the bar. I get it; this is a lot. You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to. But if you do, I promise to be gentle. Plus, the beers are really good. If you need to go at any time, just leave. You don’t have to say anything, just get up and go. I’ll understand. I mean, I’ll be disappointed and all but I would understand. But I would love to sit and talk to you. If you want. But only if you want,” Bash said.
“You placed a bet on me? Do you think that was wise?” I asked.
Bash shrugged and gave me a devil-may-care look. The look should have annoyed me. It made me think that he knew he had already won. But somehow it didn’t. I saw something more when I looked at him and it gave me pause and courage.
“I like to hedge my bets. I won’t say I thought you were a sure thing but I was optimistic that I could convince you to come and join me.”
“It’s good to see you’re still as confident and cocky as you ever were,” I said, but I smiled when I did.
He smiled back and I could feel the tension leaving my body. I had fought seeing him, being around him for so long, I had forgotten what a charmer he was and how easy it was to be around him. “At one time, you thought it was one of my best traits,” he teased.
I laughed. “Best traits? No. Never that. Your modesty, maybe.”
“That makes sense. I’m known for my modesty.” He put his hand on his chest and gave me a mock bow.
“Totally.” I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.
“So, what do you say? Shall we?” he asked.
He held out his hand but didn’t come any closer to me. He was putting the decision in my hands, both literally and figuratively. It was such a change from how he had been before. It showed he had seen the error in his ways and was trying to make it right. I could tell him I wasn’t ready to do it, that we needed to reschedule. He would be disappointed, I was sure, but he wouldn’t push.
I could see the understanding in his eyes but I could see the trepidation too. This was a big deal to him, even if he didn’t want me to know it. Seeing that he was a little nervous made me feel better. It didn’t take the nervousness away but it did make it easier to bear. He had done that for me so much in my life; how could I have forgotten that?
“You have to buy the second round,” I said in response.
Bash’s smile grew bigger. “If that means there’s going to be a second round, then I’ll buy you whatever you want,” he said.
With his comment, his smile, and his look, it was easy to reach out and put my hand in his. It was as if my body had decided what was going to happen before my mind did. Bash looked a little surprised when I took his hand but he smiled and gave it a slight squeeze.
I should have expected the jolt. I should have expected the pull. It had been there since we were teenagers. Why would distance or time change that? My eyes shot up to Bash’s and by the look in his eyes, he had felt the same thing.
His easy, friendly smile turned to one of seduction as he ran his thumb along the top of my hand. I shivered involuntarily and he squeezed my hand again. His hazel eyes got a little darker when he did. Attraction, desire, and basic sexual need came over me in waves.
With considerable effort, I looked away from him. He kept my hand in his and I didn’t try to take it away. I thought about it. The feeling of his skin touching mine was almost too much to bear. It reminded me of all the other times we had touched, kissed, and done so much more.
The feeling lingered as we walked into the bar and Bash kept his hand in mine. I took a deep breath as we did. I didn’t know what was going to happen but whatever it was, it was going to be an interesting evening.