Chapter 24
Aracely
I didn’t know what to say after Bash’s revelations. It was a lot to take in; it was a lot to process. He had always talked so lovingly about his parents when we were younger. I had thought they had a good life; I thought they had been happy. I could see now that it was only another illusion. I had seen him at premieres with his parents but I now realized they were never together. The pictures were of him with one parent, never both. He had taken his mother to the Oscars and had thanked her for pushing him to succeed. He talked about his father in broad strokes but never anything specific.
His mother had helped him but she had also stifled him. As he told me everything, I could see him seeing that, too. She wanted him to succeed, but she had only cared about his career, not his happiness, and because of it, it had kept us apart.
I wasn’t angry with him anymore. I wasn’t sure if I had ever really been. I had been hurt; I had been confused. I had thought there was more to the story but after years of not hearing from him, I assumed he just didn’t care. I could see now it wasn’t the case. He had cared too much.
Bash had been young when he became a movie star. I had just assumed it had been easy, exciting, and everything you would think it would be. I had never thought or questioned how hard it must have been, how isolating, how stressful. I had only been thinking about myself and how he had deserted me, left me behind.
I could see now that wasn’t the case. He had cared about me as deeply as I had him. It was only because of miscommunication, insecurities, and bad luck that we hadn’t been together. I wanted to be angry about it. I wanted to be annoyed with him that he hadn’t fought harder for us. He should have come up to me when he came to my school. He should have talked to me.
But I could have done better, too. Hadn’t I seen a picture of him and even though he was smiling, I could tell he wasn’t happy? When I saw posts of him with other women, I told myself he didn’t really love them. Had I subconsciously known it to be true? Why hadn’t I reached out to him? Why hadn’t I fought harder to be with him?
Had it just not been the right time for us? Had we both needed the time apart, to grow, to mature, to be the people we needed to be, so that we could find each other again? Would I have still become a doctor if we had been together? Would he have won an Oscar? Or would we have been different, lesser versions of ourselves?
It had been easier for me to just concentrate on my studies. I had been hurt by Bash and it had gone so deep, I hadn’t allowed anyone to get close. But I hadn’t wanted them to. School, my career, becoming a doctor, those were what had been important to me. It still was; it always would be.
I don’t think I would have done as well in school, been as confident in my skills and in my future if Bash had been there. He would have supported me, sure, but he would have complicated things, too. As much as it hurt to know what we almost had, I also knew it might have been the best decision in hindsight, as Bash liked to say.
He left me on the couch as he went to cook us dinner. I sat there for a little while, thinking, and deciding what I wanted to do next. The thought came to my mind immediately. Once it was there, I knew it was the right one. Bash said he loved me; he came to New York to be with me. I didn’t know what that meant long-term, but I wanted to find out. I wanted him, I loved him. We had been apart for so long and I didn’t want that anymore. I wanted him, I wanted what we could have. I wanted it all. I had been too scared, too unsure of him and what I felt for him to fight for us. I wasn’t now.
I stood up and walked to the kitchen. Bash was measuring out pasta. I stood next to him and just looked at him. I saw the boy he was when we were younger and there were also glimpses of the movie star and the man he showed to the rest of the world. But what I saw the most, what made my heart skip, what made me know that Bash was the only man I was ever going to love or want to be with, was how he looked at that moment. He was all those things but he was all my Bash. The man I had known and loved my entire life and would love forever.
It was so easy to reach up and bring my hands to his face. He turned and gave me a questioning look that turned to surprise when I brought my lips to his. I heard the pasta falling to the kitchen counter. It might have fallen to the floor; I wasn’t sure and I didn’t care.
My tongue pushed up against his lips and his mouth opened. I dove my tongue inside. Bash moaned deep in the back of his throat and turned completely toward me. His hands went to my hips and pulled me to him. I kept my hands on his face, holding him as we kissed. I tried to pour everything that I was thinking, feeling, and wanting into that kiss.
Bash kissed me back with as much passion. If he hadn’t told me how much he cared about me with his words, I would have known by how he was kissing me. I had no idea how I hadn’t seen it before. I did now and it was glorious.
With a gasp, Bash broke our kiss and put his forehead down on top of my head. His breathing was short and labored, as was mine. I moved my hands to his chest and tilted my head up so I could kiss him again. Bash didn’t move but said, “Wait.”
“I don’t want to. I want you. I want this. I want us. Please, Bash.”
“Ara. I want you too, but not like this. Not when you’re confused. Not after everything I said to you. I won’t take your pity. I don’t want it.” His words were so strong, his emotions coming to the surface.
I reached up and lifted his head so that he could look me in the eyes. I held his gaze, seeing all the love he felt for me but also the guilt. I wanted to take the guilt away; I wanted to let him know how much I cared about him and how much I wanted to be with him.
“There isn’t any pity. There isn’t any anger or confusion. There is only love. The love I feel from you and the love I have for you. I love you, Bash. I always have and I always will. Let me show you. Please.”
His eyes searched mine for a moment. I stood my ground, looking back at him, hopefully showing him, I truly meant what I said. I watched concern, worry, surprise, awe, and then understanding and acceptance come over his face all in a blink of an eye. I saw the moment he surrendered to what I was asking, to what I was giving. I had the satisfaction of seeing a slow smile creep onto his face before he brought his lips to mine.
The kiss was electric and unlike any kiss I had ever experienced. His mouth took possession of mine as his tongue dove inside my mouth. I clung to him as our tongues danced around each other. I moaned into his mouth and he let out a throaty laugh. His hands went to the bottom of my shirt and he tugged it over my head. He only broke from kissing me long enough to get it off me.
His mouth went immediately back on mine, his hands glided up my stomach to my breasts, massaging them none too gently. I loved that he was a bit rough. He had been so sweet, so kind before. I could feel his need and desire in how much he wanted me, in how he was touching me and it only made me want him more.
My hands went to his pants and tugged them down. He wiggled his hips to help them and his boxer briefs fell to the floor. As they did, he pushed my pants and panties down. No sooner were they gone that he lifted me up and put me on the counter. The coolness of the counter was a stark contrast to the heat coming off our bodies.
I looked down at him, wearing only a T-shirt, his erection peaking out from under it. I reached to take off the shirt but I didn’t get a chance as he brought his mouth back on mine. The kiss was just as intense, just as amazing as before. His hands roamed over my body and it felt like he was touching me for the first time. His hands glided over me as if he was worshiping me as his mouth did the same to mine. I wrapped my legs around his back and pulled him closer to me. I wanted to be as close to him as I could, I wanted us to be one.
Bash’s hands moved to my ass and pushed me toward the edge of the counter. I did as his actions demanded. Our mouths never stopped kissing as he put his hands on my hips. I barely registered him moving me off the counter, until I was in the air and then dropping down on top of him. He was in the perfect position and he glided his way inside me.
I cried out at the feeling of him filling me so completely. I had wanted to be one with him and in that moment, I felt as if we were. I tilted my head back and screamed my pleasure. Bash’s mouth went to my neck, sucking and teasing it as he pleasured me. My hands ran up and down his back, over his shoulders, and anywhere I could touch him. My legs tightened around him and pushed up against his butt, the movement telling him I loved what he was doing but I wanted more, deeper, farther, faster.
My hips started moving frantically over Bash and he moved with me. I dug my hands into his hair, tugging on it as I moaned his name over and over again. When he sucked on my ear and then whispered, “I love you,” it was too much for me to take. I moved down on top of him one more time and cried out as I came. My whole body tightened around him as wave after wave of pleasure filled me. It had been incredible with him but it had never been anything close to that. At that moment, I understood what it was like to give my body and soul to another person and have them do the same in return.
I felt Bash tighten his arms around me as he followed me over the edge. He kept whispering “I love you” over and over again until it felt like a mantra. When I could move, I looked down at him and smiled. Cupping his face in my hands as I had at the start of this, I said, “I love you, too.”