Chapter 11 Red, White & Blue
Red, White he owed it to their son to keep things on an even keel.
But as their relationship dwindled to nothing, those small things seemed to only grow bigger over time, and his dislike for her was turning him into someone he didn’t want to be. Cold. Angry. Tired.
“Dad, where are we going?” Jack asked.
In the rearview, Jack was gazing out the window at the unfamiliar route, and it brought an instant smile to Jamie’s face. A few short years ago, Jack was oblivious to such things, all the roads and streets practically identical to a five-year-old. The time was going by so quickly. Too quickly.
“I told Miss Grace we’d stop by her house for a bit. She’s having a barbecue.”
“Oh, cool. I like Miss Grace.”
“You like everybody,” Jamie said. He hoped his son would be able to hold on to that.
“Not every body. Remember Mrs.Vanderpool?”
“You just didn’t like her because she wouldn’t let you draw in your textbooks.”
“I think that’s a perfectly good reason not to like someone, Dad.”
“You’re right,” Jamie said, his amusement with his son sitting in his eyes. “You don’t have to like anyone. So long as you’re not being prejudiced, you won’t hear an argument from me.”
There was a natural pause in the conversation as Jamie navigated through a slight buildup in traffic due to construction.
He was anxious about being late, because he was never late, but at least he could blame some of it on holiday traffic instead of having to explain how his son’s mother had no regard for his time.
“Hey, Dad?”
Jamie already knew he wasn’t going to like the question on the other end of his son’s familiar inflection, but he was all ears, as always. “Yeah, bud?”
“What were you and Mom arguing about?”
“We weren’t really…arguing.” Jamie pinched the bridge of his nose, lifting his sunglasses in the process, as he tried to concoct a tactful explanation. “We just had a misunderstanding. About when you guys’d get back.”
“It was my fault we were late,” Jack said. “Mom said it was time to go, but I wanted to do the Stage Dive again, and the line was super long.”
“Jack…”
“I’m sorry, Dad.”
“No, it’s not…I just don’t want you worrying about this stuff.” Now he felt like an asshole for making his son feel bad, which only amplified his resentment for Lucy. “Nothing is anyone’s fault . It’s all just gonna take some time to get used to. You know what I mean?”
Jack nodded, but there was obviously more on his mind, his brows still knitted over his thoughtful blue stare.
“What is it?”
“Will it be okay with you if I like Tyler?” Jack asked carefully. “Because I kinda…do.”
Jamie laughed, mostly to disguise that it felt like he’d been punched in the gut. As much as he wanted to be mature about this whole thing, trying so desperately to be big after Lucy made him feel so inadequate and small, he still wasn’t ready for this part.
“Of course you can,” he said, glancing back at his son. Those four words went against every thought circulating in his brain, but it was the right answer. “Your mom and I won’t bring anyone into your life that we don’t want you to like. And they have to like you, or no deal.”
“Have you ever thought about getting a new girlfriend?”
Jamie laughed again at the way he said it, like it was that simple.
Just think about it and she’d appear. Eve was the only woman he’d met outside of work, and from everything he’d seen, she was less ready than he was for anything resembling a relationship.
“It’s not a priority for me right now,” he said.
“Priority?”
“It’s not a big deal to me.” Jack was so astute, Jamie sometimes forgot he was only eight. “I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now. But if I find one, you’ll be the first to know. Okay?”
“Okay.”
—
It was close to 11:00 p.m. when Jamie pulled into his apartment’s designated parking space, Jack tuckered out in the back seat.
He’d spent most of his evening frolicking in and around Grace’s pool with the other kids, and then stuffed down enough hot dogs to keep him full until August. Jamie had to carry him out like a tiny drunk from the local bar, a scene he wasn’t exactly a stranger to, once upon a time.
But he was glad the kid had fun, at least.
On the dry end of the barbecue, Grace had made her second and, hopefully, final attempt at setting up Jamie with one of her church friends. Grace was his office manager and invaluable to business operations, but if he let her, she would’ve been happy to take charge of his entire life.
The woman Grace introduced him to, Elena something, was nice enough, and attractive enough, but he was already harboring a bad mood, thanks to Lucy, and he wasn’t up to feigning friendliness, much less interest, all evening.
It actually just highlighted how much he’d enjoyed his time with Eve, who didn’t believe in cordiality, it seemed, and was fine with silence.
Probably preferred it. And he appreciated someone who understood that quiet wasn’t a symptom of something amiss, but rather a sign of comfort.
Once Jack was tucked in, Jamie settled in his living room, stretching out on his big cornflower-blue sofa with a plate of leftovers from Grace’s and the remote control.
He’d been in his condo for about a year now but still wasn’t used to the frill of it all.
He didn’t decorate it himself, because then it would’ve looked like his cabin back in Gatlinburg: drab and disparate.
So he let his brother make sense of the space.
Casey had done an excellent job, if his friends had anything to say about it.
They marveled over the color schemes, the accents of chartreuse in the kitchen spilling out into the dining area, which featured a table Jamie made himself.
Casey surrounded the table with a rainbow of acrylic chairs, making the place look more like an art class than a home.
It was beautiful, but it all felt too bright for Jamie’s general malaise since the breakup.