Chapter 42 Farther Up the Road
Farther Up the Road
Jamie
It was a sweltering, sunny Friday as Jamie trudged up the driveway to his former abode, practically glaring at the place as he drew closer. That awful red color. It was a minor miracle they’d been able to sell it as is.
Just as he made it to the front door, the sound of another car’s arrival turned him around.
He expected it to be the Realtor, Melanie, as they were scheduled to meet soon, but instead, it was Lucy in Tyler’s car.
Jamie let out a heavy exhale, bracing himself for their inevitable tension, but he painted on a pleasant face and went to greet her.
“Didn’t expect to see you here,” he said. He offered his hand, helping her out of the SUV in all her eight-months-pregnant glory, looking like she’d swallowed a watermelon whole.
Lucy sighed so loudly it sounded like a growl. “I packed a box full of Jack’s old baby toys, but they’re not at the new house, so I’m hoping we left them here.”
“You could’ve just called, you know,” Jamie said, escorting her up the short incline to the door. “I would’ve brought ’em over on Sunday.”
“I didn’t even know you were gonna be here.” She was wiping the sweat that had already formed on her brow as she watched him unlock the door. “Why are you here?”
“Melanie’s on her way,” he said. “Handing over the keys today.”
She nodded at his answer. “I’m too uncomfortable in my condition to feel sentimental about it all, but maybe you can be nostalgic for the both of us.”
“I’ll try,” he said. He let her in ahead of him, the two of them finding the empty home already stuffy after just a few days without the air on.
“Jesus.” Lucy frowned at the nuisance. “It’s hotter in here than outside.”
“You stay here,” Jamie offered, directing her to stand in the open doorway. “I’ll go look for the toys.”
He started with the closets at the front of the house and worked his way back, involuntarily recalling the many big and little moments they shared there during the years.
Moving in with the few pieces of furniture they could afford at the time; Jack’s first big-boy bed; him learning to read, and then his first day of school; their parents coming into town when he graduated from kindergarten, staying in their new home for the first time; the way Jack would go sit in their closet and draw his comic books for hours, calling it his studio.
Jamie couldn’t help smiling, thinking about it all.
But then, his smile fell when he started to remember the bad times: the fights, the silences, the dearth of anything resembling passion.
It had been a long time since he called this place home, but he could still appreciate the sentiment attached to officially closing this chapter of his life.
Jamie eventually found the box in question in Jack’s old bathroom.
One of those last-minute things that got left behind, he presumed.
Most of the toys would go to Lucy and Tyler’s new baby now.
Jamie considered himself happy for them these days, relieved that Jack would have a sibling to walk through life with, the way he had Casey.
He found himself grinning again as he headed back to the front of the house.
Lucy had made her way to the kitchen, where she was using the counter as support for her back.
“You all right?” Jamie asked, noting the anguish on her face.
“I’m miserable, but it’s fine.” As she stood up straight, she recognized the box in his arms. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“It’s nothin’.” He went to join her, setting the box on the counter between them. “How much longer do you have?”
“A little over four weeks,” she said, exhaling. “She’s due Memorial Day.”
“Well…I can’t imagine what it must be like in this heat, but you’re handling it like a champ.”
Lucy smiled. “You’re kind. I’m just glad I don’t have to go through the whole summer like this. I wouldn’t make it.”
“I’m sure you’d be fine,” he offered, leaving the two of them gazing at each other for longer than they had in years now. It was a rare moment of warmth between the exes, which only gave way to awkwardness when it went on for too long.
“Well,” Lucy was the first to say, “I…should get outta here. It’ll be time to pick up Jack soon.”
“Right,” Jamie said, glancing at his watch.
Jack had been enjoying their new house all week, making for a good distraction from Eve, just as Jamie had run out of answers to his questions about her.
“I’ll see you Sunday then.” He started to pick up the box to walk it to her car, but Lucy stopped him.
“Also,” she started carefully, “I know it isn’t my business, but I’ve wanted to mention this for a while now. Because you seem…sad. And I don’t really know what happened, but Jack says Eve hasn’t been around in a while. And I know you were happy with her.”
Here we go , he thought. “Lucy…”
“I’m not…I don’t mean to be intrusive,” she said. “I just want to say…to remind you, I guess…not to let what I did ruin what you could have with someone else. Just in case you needed to hear it.”
Jamie chuckled wryly at her lecturing him. After everything she’d done. “Believe it or not, everything isn’t about you.”
Lucy smiled tensely, rubbing her belly as she nodded.
“I know that. This has nothing to do with me, really. Except that it’s you.
And I know that hurt…the kind of hurt that I put on you…
it doesn’t just disappear. It festers. It makes you scared to try again.
And I know you wouldn’t have let her meet Jack if it wasn’t real to you.
So whatever it is, I don’t know if you got cold feet or what, but…
if it’s something fixable, I do hope you try to fix it. ”
Jamie was annoyed that she’d struck a nerve, considering their history. How he wished he could take her advice and go live happily ever after, as she’d somehow managed to do.
“Can I ask you something?” he said.
“Of course.”
“How did you figure it out? What told you that Tyler was the right one?”
“Oh, wow.” Lucy leaned against the counter once more and inhaled sharply. “I don’t know that I can say I have anything figured out. I’m just happy, I guess.”
“But we were happy once, weren’t we? How’d you know he was different?”
“Well, you don’t know ,” she said. “I just…trust him.”
Jamie nodded slowly. He trusted Eve. He was learning to trust himself. But none of that fixed bad timing. None of that moved Tennessee any closer to New York.
“I wonder if some people are just in your life for a little while,” he said. “Maybe they make it better and they move along. And it’s no less impactful just because it only lasted a few months. You know?”
“Maybe…”
“I’m happy with the time Eve and I did get.”
Lucy cocked her head and smirked. “That’s bullshit.”
“Excuse me?”
“You seem miserable, Jamie.”
He laughed. “ You seem miserable.”
“Right now, that is true,” she granted, gesturing to her swollen belly. “But my misery will cease in thirty days. You don’t have pregnancy as an excuse.”
“Yeah…” He scratched at his beard as he considered how honest to be with the woman in front of him.
It was rare that they got along this well, and his candor could put her off easily.
“I won’t pretend I haven’t considered picking up and leaving and taking Jack with me.
But I don’t think I have the strength to fight you on that. ”
“Well, no, you can’t just take him,” she said, her tone surprisingly airy.
“But if you wanna go be with her, you should. You keep putting off what you want for other people. For Casey, for me. Now for Jack. But he deserves a dad who’s happy.
And he should know what it means to go after what you want. ”
Jamie wondered if that was how she rationalized what she did. “Is that right?”
“We wanna protect them so badly. And you’ve been so good about that,” she said.
“But the truth is, you were right to kick me out of here.” She grinned when he looked up at her in what was surely shock.
“You were. And as Jack gets older, his life is only gonna get harder.” Lucy shrugged casually.
“He’s survived the last two years of us being apart, seesawing between these two different households.
Two different states wouldn’t be the hardest thing in the world. ”
Not that he needed it, but Jamie could feel his chest open up as he recognized Lucy was giving him permission to relocate to New York. “I don’t know.” Jamie sighed. “I’m sure it would build great character, but…taking him away from you, from his friends, his school…”
“To be clear, we’re splitting custody in this scenario, right?”
“Of course. But that’s significantly different from being a twenty-minute drive away.”
“It is,” Lucy said. “It would be. And I’m trying to be supportive, but you’re the only one who can decide if it’s worth it. If she’s worth it.”
Jamie wondered whether Lucy was only saying this because she felt she owed it to him.
Whether she’d considered the ramifications for Jack, constantly flying back and forth between parents.
Before recently, he’d been on a plane only a handful of times, and now they’d potentially be asking him to fly several times a year.
To have two sets of friends. Full seasons away from one of them. Separate lives.
“I just don’t wanna fuck him up,” Jamie said, feeling farther from an answer than ever before. When he didn’t think it was possible to take Jack from Tennessee, the path seemed clear. He couldn’t be with Eve. But now, he had options.
“I know,” Lucy said. “But if what I did didn’t ruin him, you’re probably okay.”
“Well, the jury’s still out on that. He is a little weird.”
Their laughter filled the house before dwindling to comfortable silence and tender smiles.
Nostalgia really was a potent son of a bitch, because for just a flash of a moment, Jamie forgot that this woman had emotionally demolished him just two years ago.
He could only remember why he’d loved her once upon a time.
Thankfully, Lucy grabbed the toy box, effectively capping their conversation before his memories could betray him any further.
“I know you’re not gonna make this easy on yourself,” she said.
“If you don’t wanna leave, don’t. You have a good thing here, and it’d make all our lives a lot easier if you stayed.
Plus, the grass isn’t always greener,” she reminded him. “But, you know, sometimes it is.”