5. Alira #2
If there’s anyone I trust here, it’s Nikolai.
He’s been nothing short of my best friend.
I know he’s guarding me because he’s ordered to, but even before the new restrictions were applied, in the three months leading up to now, he’s been around every day.
Laughing in the hallways with me between daily activities or showing me around the kingdom on day tours.
I’ve heard the others call him Nik enough that I call him that now too.
Besides him, Nina and Ustel are my closest friends. At least, I like to think of them as friends. I’m not so certain how they feel about being acquainted with a demigod, but they act like they are fine with it. Which is enough for me.
“Is it because I’m a demigod?”
“What?”
“That Kalel is lying to me?”
My eyes are steady, and I don’t miss the slight widening of his as he studies my features. He’s likely using his gift to search through my head to see what I’m suspecting.
I’m sure he is. And I hope he tells me the answer.
Nikolai sarcastically frowns at me and narrows his eyes with frustration.
“Alira, I will happily tell you anything you need to know that a civilian of Devicit is permitted to know. Anything army related is strictly prohibited, I’m afraid.
” He quickly looks away and guides me down the corridor with the arched windows.
I grunt at his finality and reluctantly follow.
The birds aren’t singing today, and it’s cloudy out, making everything seem grayer than it should be.
I walk at a gradual pace behind him. I’m not entirely certain how far his gift to read minds extends, but it can’t be more than several feet. Otherwise, he’d be in constant misery with everyone’s minds chatting too often.
What if this has all been a lie? A farce? I’ve been so passive and weary from the time loops that I haven’t been thinking like a knight. I’m not a maiden; I’m a warrior.
I need a distraction, then, and to take some steps to protect myself.
I need to spend the day learning and figuring out how to unbind the sacred oath, just in case the worst-case scenario comes to fruition.
The muscles in my jaw twitch at the thought of Kalel betraying me.
Would I fight him again? Our blood being spilt by one another is an image I never thought I’d have to see again.
A cold shiver spreads down my spine, but if he won’t tell me what’s really going on, then there’s not much I can do other than prepare for the worst.
What’s the point in the oath now if it only serves him…
The house mother at the orphanage only taught lessons learned from others’ misery, and her main directive was to never fully trust anyone. No one is coming to save you. Always save yourself. She would drill into our minds.
I’m no stranger to saving myself. In fact, I’ve never been saved by anyone other than myself.
“Can you take me to the library today? I’d love to see the demon archives and learn more about your history, and that of the gods too.”
Nikolai glances over his shoulder and gives me a curious look. “Kalel’s library has all the books you could ever want to read.”
I lift a shoulder and let it drop. “I heard that the public one has a restricted area.” I float the idea as innocently as I can.
It’s not like I should know anything about a restricted area in their libraries, but I overheard a few lords discussing their findings there as they were picking up their wives from one of our daily tea parties.
Of course, I’ve found many things in Kalel’s apothecary books and his personal library, but I’m hoping to find more on curses and lore of the old gods.
This time, Nikolai stops and turns to face me, a gruff expression tugging at his features. “What are you trying to read in the restricted area? Oh gods, who told you about it? One of the maids?”
“I overheard the lords speaking about it in the palace, if you must know. And King Borlin destroyed all the demigods’ oldest tomes in Alzhor. I’m guessing the librarians here in Devicit would keep the oldest books in a restricted area for safety, yes?” I offer him an innocent smile.
He lifts a brow at me. “Yes, I suppose they would,” he says slowly.
“Then let’s go.” I nudge him.
Nikolai rolls his eyes before chuckling. “All right, but be warned that the librarians in our public libraries are quite cruel.”
Nikolai wasn’t kidding about them being cruel.
They put gloves on my hands with disapproving frowns pulling at their lips and sprayed me down with a sparkly powder they call Pagedust. It’s a dry potion that keeps any of our natural oils from infusing with the air in the restricted area.
I’m shocked at the lengths they’ll go to in order to keep their books safe.
They’d be appalled if they knew Alzhor burned most of their libraries to the ground.
I don’t have half a mind to dwell on the Pagedust, though. Not when the architecture of this library is beyond anything I ever could’ve imagined.
The entire building is one gigantic arch.
Much like the gothic cathedral, except the library walls are a dark wood color that matches the shelves and bookcases, more sunlight than any plant would need to grow spills in from the wall of glass practically making up the entire back side of the building.
Wrought iron weaves intricate patterns throughout the glass, keeping the panes set in a unique design and sturdy the entire way up.
From up close, you can’t make out any design in the glass, but when stepped away from, it’s clear that the entire wall creates one image.
The pattern in the iron sketches out a massive likeness of hundreds of clocks and gears that one would find inside.
“It’s fantastic, isn’t it?” Nikolai says cheekily.
I nod without really hearing what he said, unable to look away as we ascend the stairs to the fourth floor.
Somehow, the view is only more impressive from up here.
A wooden balcony overlooks the lower levels.
It’s like the open-concept libraries I’ve heard the humans create to store their historic tomes.
I count eight floors in total from my view of the other side of the building.
Rows upon rows of shelves and tables are strewn out below us on the first level. It’s interesting that the floors are hollow in the center, with only shelves around the walls, keeping the entire library open. The soft whispers of studying minds carry through the space.
“I’ve never seen anything like this,” I admit as we finally come to a corner and a door.
The librarians stop before the door and bring out an old key encased in rust. “I can’t believe they are allowing that filthy demigod to roam around like this,” one of them says.
For gods’ sake I’m standing right behind them; they don’t care at all.
I flinch at his sharp words but hold my tongue.
Any outrage or slip of emotion I let out will only prove them right in their own eyes.
I have to be better than them, even if I don’t want to be.
One steadying breath and a slight frown from Nikolai grounds me a bit.
“Especially to bring her here?” says another.
“Rubbish,” the third one in the beige cloak remarks. They open the door and stand to the side, eyeing me and making my blood boil.
Nikolai pats his hand on my shoulder, indicating that we should head in now. I can’t get away from the librarians quick enough. Once we are inside and out of earshot, Nikolai shakes his head. “Don’t listen to them.”
I meet his gaze and find only kindness there. “It’s all right. I used to speak the same way about the demons. We are not so different,” I murmur remorsefully.
“Anything in particular you want me to help you find in here?” He stares up at the shelves upon shelves of books, looking intimidated.
My palms are sweaty and my heart patters with nerves. King Achill wouldn’t like it if he found out why I was in here. Worse yet, Nikolai would be dragged down with me for his part in this. I have to make sure I’m careful and that nothing slips up or is suspicious. I take a centering breath.
This room looks much like the space in the main area. The only difference is that these shelves are kept behind a locked door. The room is bright enough with a few windows at the opposite side of the door.
“Anything that you think might help me learn about gods and curses?”
Nikolai nods slowly. “Trying to kill a god for playing a trick on you?” he jokes. When I don’t respond, he gets nervous. “Wait, you aren’t seriously—”
“No, of course not, Nikolai.” I laugh before taking a corner to search another long row of books.
Nik is clumsy and loud when he walks, so it’s not hard to know where he is on the other side of the shelves. I wait until I hear him get to the center before I look for books on curses and their history.
I thought it was strange when I searched Kalel’s library and found nothing on either topic. It’s almost like someone intentionally removed them.
I asked Jin about it a week ago, and she practically laughed at me for thinking such books would be there.
She looked at me as if I had it out to put a curse on Kalel.
Little does she know that I escaped a time loop.
I need answers, and learning how to break the sacred oath will be a plus too. I wish I could trust Kalel…
A pang of guilt shoots through me that I’m not just asking Nikolai for his help on this, but I can’t trust him either. His loyalty will always be to his own and to Kalel. He’s made that clear by not telling me what’s happening outside the veil.