17. Alira
Alira
I’ve killed him. Vomit curls in the back of my throat.
There’s a darkness in my heart that wasn’t there before. Where the softest memories of him and me once lived. Now there is only horror and rot. I’ve filled it with the ghosts of my fallen kin.
They must all die. Or they will only rebuild the veil with our bones again. A pounding headache rolls from temple to temple, making my eyes shut tightly. It feels like the anger of all the demigods thrums through my body, demanding blood.
I once thought that the demigods were wrong in what we did and the attacks we led on the demons. But I cannot let this happen again. The horrors that they’ve committed against my people. It must be unwritten from Faultore’s history.
I feel so stupid for falling for all his tricks.
He made me love him in ways that I thought I’d never fall out of.
Part of me will always love him. But the part of me that hates him for doing all of this is stronger.
He knew from the moment I removed my helmet in Alzhor who I was to him.
Why not tell me then, when everything was still so hostile between us?
At least then it would’ve been out in the open, and we could’ve built our relationship from there.
But there’s no fixing what’s been done now.
No redos.
It’s odd to see the festival go from an attractive, enchanting night of lights, music, and dance to a field of devastation.
Trampled by terrified citizens during the frenzy of the knights searching for me.
The knights pushed down vendor tents and flower barrels, knocked over boxes of goods, and sweets lay scattered across the ground.
And now that the veil is down, the grass has withered and all color seems to have been sucked out of the kingdom.
I pass the herbal tent where I got the flocke-fennel, and fury rises within me from Kalel’s lies once more.
At least I had enough concerns about this place to have the foresight to break our oath bond.
I never should’ve trusted him to begin with.
It’s easy to forget that no matter how enchanting a creature is, it can still bite.
There’s nothing left in my heart for any more of his lies.
The power in my veins pulses wildly, as if it needs to be freed and set loose. I fear I won’t know how to use it properly, but I pray my instincts will guide me.
The grasslands leading up to the only bridge that allows access to Devicit’s kingdom are vacant. Everyone has retreated farther into the kingdom while the knights are rallying and preparing to set off to defend it. I can hear them chanting and readying their defenses for war near the inner walls.
It won’t matter. We will demolish them as they’ve done to us, like every time loop I was slain in.
But will it heal what’s been broken? Will reflecting on their wrongs make anything right?
I bite my lower lip to quell the thoughts. They are sensible, but I don’t want to be rational right now.
The moment I set foot on the stone bridge, I hear hooves pounding the ground at a rapid rate, racing toward me. I whirl and narrowly duck in time to evade a black blade that cuts the ends of my hair. My skin tingles as the familiar sting of the devilstone prickles up my spine.
This knight has a sword made of devilstone.
My heart beats out of my chest as I rebound and quickly snap back up to a fighting stance, glaring at the knight before me.
Surprise hits me as I trace his features. My throat tightens, and I barely reel in my emotions before he dismounts from his horse and takes his sword in both hands. The tip of the shiny blade is pointed at me, and there’s no hesitation in his motion.
If I hadn’t ducked, my head would be on the ground right now.
It makes sense. If I tried to kill him, he would do the same to me—so why does it still hurt so much?
“You’ve forced my hand… I cannot let you live, my little godling.
” Kalel’s voice is shaky and cold, much like it was when he killed me in the time loops.
Merciless. But this time his eyes are filled with so much pain and hopelessness.
His hair is mussed and blood stains his attire.
His teeth are gnashed like each breath he takes is viscerally harder than the last.
The sword I have is no match for the devilstone, and if he impales me with it, I will surely die.
I force a tight smile. “No, of course you wouldn’t let me live.
You never have before.” I toss my sword to the ground where an inch of snow has already built up.
I’m no match for him with just a sword. I had the upper hand earlier only because he was in shock.
Now he’s prepared for me, but I’ve grown greatly since the time loop.
Kalel’s brows pinch together as I hold my hand up to the heavens, praying that this new power I feel rushing through me is strong enough to summon weapons from the gods.
Hear me.
If he will use a stone of Pluto that kills demigods with ease, then I will use an arrow of Apollo, a holy relic that ends demons.
Gold starts to lift from the ground around us. It looks like a field of fireflies or a sunset of frozen drops of rain just as the clouds clear away.
Kalel’s attention is stolen away by it for a second before I feel cold metal drop into my hand. A beautiful arrow crafted of gold: gilded feathers from Apollo’s best falcons and an arrowhead made from the sun’s core. I only knew to pray for such a weapon thanks to the books I took from the library.
My eyes widen, and I quickly thank the gods for hearing my plea.
“How unfair that it always had to be you who killed me. Never anyone else. Only ever you, Blood Knight.” My voice is dripping with venom. I refuse to use his name. He doesn’t deserve my familiarity and affection.
Kalel’s dark hair shifts in the wind, covering his forehead and shadowing his anguished gaze.
“We were cursed to this fate, you and me. Each time I kill you, a piece of me goes with it. So let this be our last dance, Alira. Let us end this wretched reality we’ve found each other in.
” His eyes fracture with emotion. “Maybe we will meet again someday in Mortem—where a different life will show us mercy.”
My lungs falter, and I have to swallow down the ache burning in my throat.
“Perhaps if fate could be rewritten without monsters.” I hold out the golden arrow toward him, and bright particles from the fields gather into a luminous bow.
I draw the arrow back, the resistance of which is almost nonexistent.
Yet I can feel how strong the power within it swells.
I aim for his head this time, and I have to bite my lower lip to quell the emotions and tears that build.
“Perhaps then we could fall in love without penalty. Without the blood on our hands.”
He nods, tightening his grip on his sword. The breeze chills me to the bone and sweeps his hair across his forehead divinely. I love him. So much that I know I will not be able to bear living long after he dies. I can’t… He is mine and I’m his. If we end in fire, then let it be together.
I sever my heart as I let the arrow fly. It radiates gilded dust as it cuts through the air. Kalel doesn’t move his head; he brazenly lifts his sword in the path of the arrow, confident in its capability to deflect it.
The gold and black weapons meet in a spark of power, the force of which creates enough blowback energy that it knocks both of us from our feet as if an explosion has just ignited between us.
I’m quick to my feet, ignoring the scrapes and bruises that nag temporarily before my body heals them, and summon the arrow back to me. It forms instantly in my reaching hand.
Where did he go? I take shallow breaths as I search frantically for him. I sense Kalel before I see him.
My legs move, pushing me backward as I draw the bow and look straight ahead as I’m falling to the ground. Kalel is lunging at me, our noses nearly touching as he fists my hair and buries his fingers into my scalp, yanking my head back as he brings his blade to my throat.
I gasp as the devilstone slices my skin, the pain and burning traveling deep into the recesses of my flesh and bones. I track his motions as he pulls up his sword, my golden blood glistening on the edge of it like honey.
He thrusts down to sever my head, but I regain my composure and release the arrow at point-blank range. It goes straight through his chest plate and catches on the gilded feathers that leave shimmering traces of magic behind.
Kalel’s eyes jolt wide open with shock and misery, he lets out the most agonizing scream I’ve ever heard a man make. His hands fly to his chest as black blood spurts out over me, drenching my body. He falls on his back, writhing in pain as he tries desperately to remove the arrow.
The moment his hand touches it, he wrenches it back in pain.
It burned him.
Just as the devilstone burns the demigods.
I move to get on top of his chest to finish him off. The arrow comes out with one hard pull. I lift it up to end his suffering with one final blow. We will meet again. We won’t remember one another this way. We will…
Kalel’s eyes are filled with tears, and a sad smile stretches across his lips. “You w-will always be m-my, little godling,” he chokes the words out.
I’m so sorry. My vision blurs, and for a second I see him as the demon boy I met so long ago. Kind and unmarred by this world as I was. I’m sorry.
I cry as I bring down the arrow and plunge it into his chest again. It cuts through his armor as if it were made of fabric. Kalel makes a heartbreaking sound, half gurgling and drowning in pain.
Our eyes are level.
He doesn’t look mad anymore, and surprisingly, neither am I. I’m consumed with this dark, heavy grief that will never lift from my heart. He blinks slowly; the pain must be fading because he isn’t writhing anymore.
I feel it now.
His sword is buried in my ribs, piercing my heart. I wonder if this was always how our story was meant to end. Not with happy days in the sun or comforting evenings wrapped in one another’s arms. I wonder if our fate was merely to kill each other. For love. For broken kingdoms.
We stare into one another’s souls. The anger and hatred, betrayal and misery of our pasts set aside like old weapons.
A sharp burn lights my insides on fire, so much so that I cannot even bear to cry out in agony. I lose control of my muscles and balance, toppling to his side with a thud. Kalel groans in pain as he rolls to his side so he can face me.
This death feels different than the rest. It feels final.
It’s slower and notably longer. But maybe that’s because I’m looking into Kalel’s calm eyes, fighting to stay open just as mine are.
Because I know it will be the last. Because bearing this pain before my last breath is worth every moment if it means we can say goodbye without our fury. Without our differences and faults.
It only seems right that we go together.
“I love you,” I murmur, tears falling beside my gilded blood. It spills between the cobblestones and reaches for Kalel’s blood.
“I love you, little godling,” he whispers, face forlorn and filled with agony. He pulls me closer until our chests are touching, our blood mixing. “Will you forgive me?”
I want to answer him.
But anything I felt or thought ceases.