Chapter Nineteen #2
Allen held Rick’s gaze for a beat longer than he had all night. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Rick felt the release in his body immediately. He leaned in and kissed him, slow and deep. “Good,” Rick murmured.
Allen nodded again quickly. Rick didn’t miss that. Allen always tried to smooth things over. It was one of the reasons Rick liked him. Rick kept his hand on Allen’s jaw for a minute longer, his thumb pressing lightly.
Mine, Rick thought. He didn’t say it out loud. He wasn’t stupid. He pulled Allen in and kept him close, satisfied with the simple fact of it: Allen had said it. Allen had stayed.
Whatever was going on in Allen’s head could wait, as long as Allen didn’t walk out the door.
Rick didn’t move for a moment. He stayed close, letting Allen’s body heat do the work. Allen’s shoulders were still a little tight under Rick’s hand, but he wasn’t pulling away.
Rick kissed him again, slower this time, then let his mouth drift to Allen’s cheek and jaw. He kept it gentle, and Allen slowly relaxed.
Allen’s hand slid up Rick’s back, palm warm through his shirt. It was hesitant, then his fingers pressed in properly. Rick felt his body relax a fraction and hated the relief that came with it. It made him feel weak. It made him feel like Allen was in control when Rick was the one who should be.
Rick pulled back enough to look at him. Allen’s eyes were on Rick now. He looked tired, sure, but it wasn’t just tired. Rick didn’t know what it was. He just knew it wasn’t nothing.
“You’re sure?” Rick asked, keeping his voice level.
Allen frowned slightly. “About what?”
“About staying.”
Allen’s throat moved. He nodded once. “Yeah.”
Rick didn’t push him to say it again. Once was enough. He leaned in and kissed him again.
Allen went with it. That was the thing. Allen always went with it. Even when he was tense, even when his head was somewhere else, he still tried to meet Rick where he was. He still tried to give him something.
Rick couldn’t decide if that made him feel better or worse.
He took Allen’s hand and guided him away from the counter. Rick got him to sit on the couch, then sat beside him, close enough that their thighs touched. Allen leaned back and exhaled.
Rick kept his arm along the back of the couch behind him, a loose hold that wasn’t a hold. It looked casual, but it wasn’t. If Allen stood up again, Rick would feel it.
Allen’s phone buzzed on the counter behind them. Rick didn’t turn his head right away. He reacted like it didn’t matter. He kept his hand on Allen’s knee instead, his thumb moving slowly.
Allen shifted. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for Rick to feel the change. He waited, watching him from the corner of his eye. Allen didn’t move to get the phone. He didn’t look at it. He just kept staring ahead. That was new.
“What was that?” Rick asked.
Allen’s answer came too quickly again. “Nothing. Just a notification.”
Rick nodded but didn’t accept the answer, not with the way Allen had tensed when he heard it. Allen swallowed, then turned his head and finally looked at Rick. Rick kept his expression calm.
“Come here,” Rick ordered quietly.
Allen shifted closer without arguing. Rick slid his hand up Allen’s neck and kissed him again, slow, steady, controlled. He felt Allen relax into it, felt the tension ease out of his shoulders, one small step at a time. That was the point. Keep him here. Keep him in his body instead of his head.
When Rick pulled back, Allen’s eyes were half-lidded, his breathing slower.
Rick rested his forehead against his. “If you don’t want to talk, fine,” he said. “But don’t shut me out and call it nothing.”
Allen’s lips flattened. “I’m not shutting you out.”
Rick waited, letting the silence speak for him. He let it stretch until Allen had to choose.
Allen looked down at Rick’s chest, then back up. “I’m just… stressed,” he said.
Rick nodded once and kept his hand on Allen’s jaw, his thumb pressing lightly. Allen stayed still, letting Rick hold him.
“Alright,” Rick said softly. “We don’t have to talk about it tonight.”
Allen let out a breath that sounded like relief.
He kissed him once more and then leaned back, keeping his arm behind him on the couch, maintaining contact. He put something mindless on TV and watched Allen stare at it.
He told himself it was fine, and that Allen had had a bad week. That it was none of his business if Allen had something on his mind that he didn’t want to share yet.
But Rick didn’t live like that. Not anymore.
He’d learned what happened when you let things drift. When you assumed. When you gave people space and hoped they used it to come back to you instead of using you to further their own careers.
Rick sat there and kept Allen close, and he made the decision quietly, the same way he made most decisions. He would give Allen tonight, and then he would start paying more attention.
Allen leaned his head back against the couch, his body finally relaxing. Rick watched his throat move when he swallowed. Watched him blink too slowly, like he was there in body only.
Rick kept his hand on his knee, and he watched and waited.