Chapter Twenty-Four
By the time Allen met Mark and Connor at the bar that evening, he was tired and struggling to settle.
“You look tired,” Mark said when Allen reached the table. “Maybe you should have stayed at home instead of coming out.”
Allen managed a small smile. “I wanted to come.”
“As long as you’re sure.”
“I am.” Allen smiled, then took a sip of his drink. He still hadn’t heard back from Rick, and the silence had been bothering him all day.
They let it go and talked about office drama and someone’s landlord and the new café that had opened down the road.
Allen nodded along and tried to keep a smile on his face, but his body wouldn’t settle.
Every time his thoughts drifted, they snapped back to the same thing: Rick’s old phone in his sock drawer, the notes inside it, and the way Rick had said yes without blinking.
The TV above the bar had been running sports highlights all night with the sound low. Halfway through Connor’s story, the picture switched. The channel changed to news, and a red banner crawled across the bottom of the screen.
HIT-AND-RUN NEAR VENUE DISTRICT — DRIVER FLED SCENE
Allen stared, his eyes widening. On-screen, a shaky clip played from someone’s phone. Lights. People shouting. A body on the road with a jacket thrown over part of it. Someone pointed down the street and kept talking with their mouth moving too fast.
Mark kept speaking, but Allen didn’t catch a word.
Connor followed Allen’s gaze and glanced up. “Jesus.”
Allen forced himself to look away from the TV, but it was already in his head. Venue district. Driver fled. A blurred shot of a car shape that meant nothing and everything.
He tried to swallow and couldn’t get it to go down cleanly. He lifted his drink, took a sip, and tasted nothing.
“Are you alright?” Connor asked.
Allen nodded too quickly. “Yeah.”
Mark’s eyes narrowed. “That didn’t sound convincing.”
Allen tried to shrug it off. “Just tired.”
They carried on talking, but Allen was only half-listening. When he finally stood to leave, Connor frowned at him. “You heading off?”
Allen nodded. “Early start.”
Mark didn’t look convinced, but he let it go. “Message when you’re home.”
Nodding, Allen waved, then left the bar. Once outside, he walked a few steps, then stopped and pulled out his phone. Rick’s thread was there at the top.
Allen stared at it until his eyes burned. He should’ve blocked him. He should’ve gone to the police. He should’ve done a hundred things that made sense. Instead, he typed, Don’t. He didn’t send it. He deleted it and shoved his phone back into his pocket and walked home.
At home, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and typed, When? His thumb hovered over the send button, and he could feel the disgust rising inside, but it didn’t stop him. He sent it.
Rick replied almost immediately. Soon.
Allen stared at the word until his breath caught.
He looked around his apartment, suddenly aware of everything—where the phone was hidden, the plates in the sink, the laptop on the table, the fact that his front door only had one lock and he’d never even questioned that before.
He got up and started doing things that didn’t need doing.
He wiped down the counter. He washed a cup that was already clean.
He took the trash out, then came back inside.
When the knock came, Allen jumped in surprise, even though he’d been expecting it.
He didn’t move at first. The knock came again, and Allen forced himself to walk to the door and look through the peephole.
Rick stood in the hall with a paper bag in one hand.
Takeout, like he said he’d bring. Allen opened the door.
Rick’s eyes flicked over him, taking everything in. The tension in Allen’s shoulders and the shadows under his eyes.
“You look like shit,” Rick murmured.
Allen’s throat tightened. “Don’t.”
Rick stepped inside and waited until Allen closed the door behind him. In the kitchen, he put the bag on the counter. “I brought food.”
Allen stared at it. “Why are you here?”
Rick’s gaze stayed on him. “Because you messaged me.”
“That’s not an answer.”
Rick smiled slightly. “It is.”
Allen’s hands clenched at his sides. “I shouldn’t have sent it.”
Rick looked at him. “But you did.”
Allen forced himself to breathe. He kept his voice steady. “There is no going back to normal for us.”
“I know.”
Allen’s stomach rolled. “And you’re acting like you didn’t—”
“I’m not,” Rick interrupted. “I know what you saw.”
Allen nodded once. “Good.” He took a step closer, forcing himself to hold Rick’s gaze. “Then answer my question.”
Rick didn’t move. “Ask.”
Allen’s stomach churned. “Why now?”
A flicker crossed Rick’s face. “It happened.”
“That’s not what I asked,” Allen said. “You don’t just wake up one day and start doing this. So tell me. Why now?”
Rick’s jaw hardened. “Graham pushed and I snapped.”
“And after?” Allen asked. “Because it didn’t stop with him.”
Rick’s eyes stayed on Allen’s. “No. It didn’t.”
Allen’s voice stayed steady, even when his hands clenched by his sides. “Do you feel bad?”
Rick didn’t hesitate. “No.”
Allen swallowed hard. “Do you need to keep doing it?”
Rick’s lips flattened, then he said, “I like it.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It is,” Rick said. “It’s the only one that matters.”
Allen’s breath caught. “So what happens next time you’re angry? Or embarrassed? Or someone laughs at you?”
Rick’s eyes narrowed. “I decide.”
“That’s not reassuring,” Allen murmured.
“It’s the truth,” Rick said. “I’m not out of control.”
Allen’s throat burned. “And what about me?”
Rick’s gaze sharpened. “You’re not part of it.”
“That’s another way of saying you’ll decide what I can handle,” Allen said. “And I’m telling you now that you don’t get to decide that for me.”
Rick stilled. “Allen…”
Allen forced one more question out. “If I stay—if I choose you—am I choosing a life where this keeps happening?”
Rick didn’t look away. “Yes.”
Silence stretched between them until Allen slowly nodded. “If I stay,” Allen said, “I stay because I choose it. Not because I’m scared. Not because you pushed me into it.” Allen paused, then added, “And there are rules.”
Rick didn’t interrupt. “Okay.”
Allen held up a finger. “No innocents.”
Rick’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Define innocent.”
Allen swiftly inhaled. “Anyone who isn’t a threat. Anyone who isn’t trying to hurt you. Anyone you kill because you’re angry, or embarrassed, or because they laughed and you didn’t like it.”
Rick’s jaw tightened and nodded once. “Fine.”
Allen held up a second finger. “You don’t hide things from me. You don’t lie.”
Rick’s eyes stayed on Allen’s face. “I don’t.”
“You do,” Allen said bluntly. “You did.”
Rick’s mouth tightened. “I didn’t tell you.”
“That’s still a lie,” Allen said. “That’s you hiding things from me.”
Rick stared at him for a long time, then finally nodded. “Okay.”
Allen lifted a third finger. “If I stay, I stay for real.” Rick’s eyes flicked down to Allen’s mouth, then back up.
Allen forced himself to say it anyway. “That means you don’t get to keep parts of this from me.
You don’t get to decide what I can handle.
If you want me here, I’m here for all of it. The good and the bad.”
Rick exhaled. “You want to be in it.”
“I don’t want any of it,” Allen snapped, then forced himself to calm down. “But I won’t be stupid. I won’t pretend and then act shocked when it gets worse.”
Rick watched him, then nodded again. “Okay.”
Allen’s stomach dropped. He’d expected a fight. He’d expected Rick to push back, to bargain, to twist it somehow, but he didn’t. “Okay,” Allen repeated.
Rick stepped closer and stopped just in front of him. “That’s what I want,” Rick said. “Something real with you.” Rick tilted his head. “Is that why you came back?”
Allen’s throat tightened. “You didn’t give me a choice.”
Rick’s mouth curved slightly. “You could’ve blocked me.”
Allen stared at him, and Rick held his eyes until Allen looked away. Rick touched Allen’s jaw softly, like he’d done before. Allen held still and let him, because this was the part that made everything worse. His body still wanted Rick.
Rick leaned in and kissed him softly. Allen didn’t respond at first, then he slowly closed his eyes and kissed him back. He moaned when Rick licked across his lips, then gasped when Rick’s tongue slipped inside to tangle with his own.
When Rick pulled away, he rested his forehead against Allen’s. “I missed you,” he said.
Allen’s throat burned. “You shouldn’t.”
Rick’s hand tightened at his jaw. “I’m here with you because I want to be.”
“Okay.” Allen sighed and let Rick kiss him again.
Rick pulled back, and his eyes searched his face. “Okay,” he repeated.
Allen nodded. Rick kissed him again, then stepped back and opened the takeout bag like they were a normal couple having dinner. Allen stood there, watching him move around his kitchen like Rick belonged in it.
A notification buzzed on Allen’s phone on the counter.
Allen’s stomach dropped before he looked.
He picked it up with stiff fingers and saw the news alert.
Another update about the hit-and-run. Police were asking for witnesses.
CCTV. A blurred image of a car. A plea for anyone with information to come forward.
“What is it?” Rick asked.
Allen held the phone up. “They’re asking for witnesses.”
Rick’s expression didn’t change. He stepped closer and looked at the screen. “It’s fine,” Rick said.
“It’s not fine,” Allen snapped.
Rick’s eyes flicked to Allen’s. “It is. They don’t have anything.”
Allen swallowed. “How do you know?”
Rick didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. Allen stared at the news alert again, the phone shaking in his hands.
Rick’s voice stayed low. “Allen.”
Allen looked at him.
Rick held his gaze. “Don’t do this to yourself.”
Allen’s laugh came out more like a choked sob. “Don’t do what?”
Rick didn’t move. “Panic.”
Allen stared at him, then at the phone. His thumb hovered over the screen. He could leave it. He could pretend he hadn’t seen it. With a shaky sigh, Allen cleared the notification, then went into his alerts and turned off the setting so the news wouldn’t push more updates to his screen.
He knew it didn’t change what had happened, but it changed something inside Allen. He’d made his choice.
Rick watched him do it and reached out, taking Allen’s hand. His thumb stroked across Allen’s knuckles. “There,” Rick said. “Better.”
Rick finished putting the food out as if everything were normal.
Allen sat at the table and forced down a few bites.
They didn’t talk much while they ate. Rick asked one question about Allen’s week, and Allen answered.
It was the closest they’d come to normal since Allen had found the phone.
When the food was gone, Rick cleaned up without being asked, moving around the kitchen as he cleaned.
Allen’s phone buzzed again. A message from Connor, which he ignored. Rick saw it but didn’t comment. He just walked back over and rested his hand on Allen’s shoulder and left it there.
Allen stared at the table. “I shouldn’t want you,” Allen said finally. “I shouldn’t miss you when you leave. I shouldn’t feel better when you walk back in.”
Rick didn’t move. “Allen—”
Allen laughed. “You’re not safe.”
“I’m safe for you.”
Allen’s jaw clenched. “That’s not the same thing.”
“No,” Rick said. “It isn’t.”
Allen looked up at Rick and swallowed. “I tried to be normal. I tried to think this was… a weird coincidence. A bad week. Anything but what it is.”
Rick’s hand slid from Allen’s shoulder to his jaw, tilting Allen’s face up. “And?” Rick asked.
Allen’s voice came out smaller than he wanted. “And it didn’t work.”
Rick’s thumb moved once against Allen’s cheekbone. “Because you know me now.”
Allen stared at him. “I know what you are.”
Rick didn’t deny it. “Yes.”
Allen’s chest tightened. “And I still—” He stopped. His mouth went dry.
Rick leaned in slightly, eyes on Allen’s. “Say it.”
He didn’t look away this time. “I love you,” he said, his voice shaking.
Rick went still, and for a second, Allen thought he might do something, but he didn’t. He just stared. “You love me?” he asked quietly.
Allen nodded once. “Yeah.”
“You shouldn’t,” he murmured.
Allen’s laugh came out broken. “I know.”
Rick’s hand slid to the back of Allen’s neck and held him. “But you do anyway.”
Allen swallowed. “Yes.”
Rick’s voice dropped. “Good.”
Allen’s stomach flipped at the word. At the satisfaction he heard in it. Rick leaned down and kissed him. Allen kissed him back because there was no point pretending he didn’t want it.
When Rick pulled away, he stayed close. “I love you,” Rick said.
Allen blinked. He hadn’t expected Rick to say that. “Are you sure?”
Rick nodded. “I don’t know how to love the way other people do,” Rick added. “But I love you.”
Allen’s throat burned, and he blinked his eyes rapidly. “That isn’t reassuring.”
Rick’s mouth curved slightly. “It’s honest because I want to be honest with you.”
Allen stared at him, then nodded. “No lies.”
“No lies.”
Allen’s chest rose with a shaky breath. “And no innocents.”
Rick’s eyes held his. “No innocents.”
Allen looked away. “If I stay, I stay for real.”
“For real.”
Allen’s heart thudded as he looked back at Rick. “Then we can’t stay here.”
Rick’s eyes narrowed. “You want to leave.”
Allen nodded, throat tight. “I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder at who walks behind me or jump every time someone knocks on the door. I don’t want to wake up wondering if that’s the day the police come for you.”
Rick watched him for a minute, then nodded. “Okay.”
Allen blinked. “That’s it?”
Rick leaned in and whispered, “I already have places in mind.”
Allen snorted. “Of course you do.”
Rick’s hand slid down Allen’s neck to his shoulder. “I told you,” he murmured. “I don’t do things halfway.”
Allen let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Rick kissed him once more, and Allen leaned into him, his hands gripping Rick’s shirt. He moaned softly when Rick palmed his hard dick. “Rick,” he murmured.
“We leave soon.” Rick kissed him again. “Not tonight. We prepare, then go.”
Allen nodded. “We do it right.”
Rick’s eyes stayed on him. “And you come with me.”
Allen swallowed. He stared at Rick, then nodded. “Yeah.”
Rick’s hand slid back to Allen’s jaw, his thumb stroking over Allen’s skin. “Good,” Rick said again. “That’s what I want.”
Allen closed his eyes and kissed Rick, letting him take control. This was his life now. With Rick and whatever it brought.