Chapter Thirty-Six #3
It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if Max decided to end our arrangement early.
Despite the stunning speech she gave, she has to be furious.
After all, Grandmother attacked her pride and self-esteem relentlessly, as though she were inadequate for not meeting some lofty standard nobody understands but Grandmother.
Dad and Mom didn’t help by focusing on Max’s physical attributes, like she’s some kind of merchandise.
“I’m sorry you had to suffer through that,” I say stiffly.
“So am I,” she says quietly.
Inevitability clenches around my throat. I flex my hands around the steering wheel, my shoulders tight. “Are you… Um…” I struggle for the right word, but can’t think of anything. Are you upset? seems stupid. Obviously she is, to cut the dinner short. Are you ending this? sounds self-fulfilling.
“Finish your thought.”
“My thought is that I want you to go ahead…if you have anything you want to say.” The memory of how things fell apart with Selena plays in my head like a horror movie, and I clamp my mouth down to contain the bile.
Her utter shock and disgust. She couldn’t possibly be with a guy who has a family like that.
It was just too weird and wrong. If she’d known, she would’ve never wasted her time—
“I’m sorry you had to live with a family like that. Not your brothers. They’ve always been great. But your grandmother is a snob, and your parents… Well, I think they mean well, but they’re not…properly socialized. And it’s too late now.”
Three or four seconds pass before I realize Max is finished. “That’s it?” I ask, just to be sure.
She glances across at me. Shrugs. “Well…yeah.”
“You aren’t upset, or disappointed…?”
She scrutinizes me for a long moment. “Why do I feel like you think I’m somehow talking about you?”
“Because they’re my family…?”
She shakes her head. “I meant what I said to your grandmother. I know you—your character and achievements. Some aspects of your family situation aren’t ideal, but whose is? I’d never judge you for what your relatives do. You’re you, and they’re them.”
I clench and unclench my hands. The burning sensation in my gut lessens, and the tight knot in my throat eases, allowing me to breathe easier.
I realize Max’s response is much more important than I expected. I wasn’t just preparing to listen to her objections; I was working overtime to come up with something to say in my own defense. The fact that none of that was necessary sends a huge wave of relief rippling over me.
Max shrugs again. “Your folks are a little embarrassing—okay, a lot embarrassing—but everyone has their crosses to bear. Just like I have Trevor.”
We ride in silence for a few minutes. “What do you think,” she says slowly, “about having children of your own?”
I blink. What? Despite my age—and my parents urging me to have a baby to distract Grandmother—I’ve never given the idea any serious thought. Kids were always something I’d have at some point in the future, if I could ever find a woman I loved and who could tolerate my fucked-up parents.
Max clears her throat, looking outside with the focus of a hound that’s discovered a bone. “Just curious, because it sounded like your grandmother wants great-grandchildren.”
“Not just her, my parents, too. But I never thought much about it. Ideally marriage should come first. And if the timing’s right and both people want and plan for it…
But I doubt I’ll ever have my own children.
” I try not to sound wistful, since the chances of my finding a soul mate who can overlook my parents is nil.
Even Max… Well, her tolerance is higher than Selena’s, probably from years of putting up with their bullshit, but at some point, it’ll wear off.
I clear my throat, feeling like a blind man trying to cross a minefield.
“Did someone say something to you? Trying to pressure you in some way?”
I can’t overlook the possibility that my mom or dad might’ve tried to corner her behind my back.
Max’s eyes flicker. She looks away briefly.
I knew it.
“If they did, just ignore them,” I say, trying to give her the reassurance she deserves. “I’m not making babies for anybody.”
She nods. “What if I’m pregnant?”
“What?” I choke and let out a painful gasp. Didn’t realize spit could hurt this bad. Or that one simple word could freeze all the gears in my brain completely. “You are?”
She stares at me. My mouth dries as the moment stretches, my head still too sluggish to process, distracted by the need to keep an eye on the other cars on the road…
She laughs and covers her mouth with a hand. “Relax. I’m being hypothetical.”
An odd sense of disappointment blooms in my heart. It’s almost as though I wanted her to be pregnant. If we had a little angel who looked just like her… Wouldn’t that be amazing?
The warm glow of the vision wraps around my heart, even though I know it’s futile. Before I can stop myself, I blurt out, “How about you? Do you want to have a baby?”
She angles her head, giving me a long stare that seems to penetrate all the way to my soul. “I’m still pretty young. Maybe later.”
My hands clench around the steering wheel. Her “maybe later” might as well be “but not with you.”