Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Madison
A part of me always knew that if somehow, we got together, I would be a bit more affected than I had been back when he didn't personally or sexually, for that matter, care for my existence. But now, after what he had done the previous night, after the fact that I wanted to recall how many times he had kissed me and realized that I didn’t know because it was so many times, I suspected that I might be in trouble. The craving had started to intensify, and since I had told everyone that he was engaged to protect my nonexistent territory, it was obvious that I was out of control.
Nothing, however, hit me like when we were that close in proximity to each other, like we had been when I had leaned down to hear what he was trying to tell me. Being his secretary, these kinds of situations occurred more frequently than not, and I could still remember the first time it had happened. He was so oblivious. He was trying to find information that he had mentioned earlier in the day and couldn’t find on an agreement I had typed up for him, and I had to lower down to check on account of the fact that my ridiculous thick fake glasses sometimes obstructed my clear view.
Then I could feel his heat, inhale his scents, and look into his gorgeous eyes. To him, it was like what it had been like staring at a wall, but I truly wondered what it felt like to him. For me, I had been convinced in that moment that I was falling in love with him. This wasn't going to be a smooth situation wherein I had complete and absolute control of myself. From what I suspected; he was going to make me lose it from time to time.
Sighing, I received the instruction he had given out about the golf invitation, so I returned to my seat and began to take notes. I was seated with a few men and women, and just then, the woman by my side nudged me. She was much older, so I didn’t expect to be barraged by questions about the rumor I had spread about my boss. However, this was karma coming for me, so I couldn't help but smile when needed and pretend when prompted.
“How is she?” The woman asked, and I was taken aback at first. She soon explained, “His fiancée, you said he was engaged, right?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Um, yeah.”
“So, how is she? I imagine she’s incredibly beautiful and smart, right? Is she just a pretty girl? Men like him tend to just go for the woman that will give him the least trouble. The others here are so jealous and heartbroken. You hurt a lot of people today.”
I smiled at her and really wished that I could roll my eyes, but she was too close to mine to catch this, so I quickly turned away and returned to work. After readjusting his schedule, I started to count down the minutes until this ended and I could go back to bed. How I had survived this day so far, I didn’t have a clue, but I was done trying, and all I could think about now was my bed.
There was, unfortunately, an afternoon left of the conference for the day, and he had said that he would be attending. I would usually never ask, but I was sure at that moment that what we needed from each other was space, and since I didn't see how we could go to work after all of this together, then there was really no point in hesitating to ask for more. So, the moment the conference was over, I found him and informed him of what I wanted to do.
He seemed quite surprised to hear my request. Twice his lips parted as though he wanted to say one thing or the other, but then he stopped himself at the end.
“I can remain if you need me,” I said, feeling even more incompetent than I already did. “I'm fine. I just need to rest. The hangover's all but gone now.”
“Two minutes ago you said that it was taking its toll,” he said, and my guilt worsened.
“You're lying a lot,” he said. “I don’t like that. I've never once considered you a liar, and I think I'm only now realizing that this is what kept you as my personal secretary.”
I stared at him, completely taken aback, and then I felt even worse.
“I’m sorry,” I lowered my head, “I just… it's difficult for me to ask for this time off when it's the middle of the day. But I need it. I didn't want to admit weakness to you, so I have to… it's not alive. Earlier, I was trying to be strong, but now… I just want to rest for a little bit.”
“That’s okay,” he said, “and you can go. We can talk later.”
“Thank you, Sir,” I said, and he nodded. His gaze lingered on me for a moment, and then he turned and continued on his way. I was finally free, and I couldn’t believe it. As fast as I possibly could, I hurried out of the venue and met Mr. Kit, who was waiting to take me back to the hotel.
As soon as I got in, I stopped thinking. I shut off my brain, took off my clothes, got into bed, and pulled the covers over my head. The room had been cleaned by staff, so it was a relief to me that everything had been stowed away and brought to order. And I shut my eyes and tried my very best not to think of everything that had happened within the past several days.