Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
Madison
T here were so many perks to being with a billionaire. For instance, now we had just arrived at the tarmac and had a private plane waiting. His private plane.
We had flown into Bangkok on it, and back then, I had been too scared to take a picture. Worried more than anything of seeming uncultured. I had told myself that on this trip to Phuket, I would do it, but then here I was flying to Phuket with him a few days later, and I still couldn't take a photo.
He was ahead of me, acting like he had been all morning, as though I didn't exist. So, the least thing I imagined he would want was me taking a shot of his plane. I didn't want to aggravate him even further, and this time around, it wasn't even because I was worried I was going to get fired. At this point, I didn't even care if I got fired or not.
Perhaps it would be better if I did because if I had been expecting not to be affected by him after we had slept together and to be able to carry on as we had previously, no matter what happened, then I must have been deluded. Because I was sick to my stomach.
He wasn’t rude to me, but I had never felt so invisible. Not even when he truly didn’t notice my existence. But then at least he had spoken to me like I was his secretary. So far, he hadn’t said a word.
Sighing, I stopped for a moment on the stairs and truly considered just quitting. Perhaps it would be best for me to just quit and return to the city. Perhaps that was what he wanted. Perhaps that was why he was icing me out.
“Miss Parish,” the air hostess called from the entrance to the plane, and I looked up at her.
“We’re leaving,” she smiled. “Please come on board.”
I looked at her and then glanced towards the windows. Met his gaze then, and it was only for a moment. Not because he looked away, but because I did. Because my heart jumped in my chest, and because I couldn’t stand it.
Nodding, I continued heading up with my luggage in hand, and she took it from me. I went with her and was soon seated opposite him while she stored my hand luggage away. I put my seatbelt on, looked ahead at the captain’s door, and the doors were shut.
He was going through his phone, but I couldn't dare exhibit the same nonchalance, so I remained still and gave all my mental and emotional energy into deciphering how I was going to resolve this.
Soon we took off, and she came over with refreshments. I picked up a can of tea while he, on the other hand, accepted the flute of champagne she offered.
I turned away then and thought, and as soon as she was out of the vicinity, I spoke.
“Sir…” I said. “This is your vacation. And it is the first one you'll be having in a very long while. I really don't want to put a dent on it, so… maybe when we arrive, I can go my own way for the next two days till we have to return?”
What followed after my words was complete silence, but I knew that he had looked up from his phone and was now watching me.
“Do you know why I was mad at you yesterday?” he asked.
“Yes, Sir,” I replied without looking at him.
“Tell me then,” he said. “Why was I mad at you?”
“You were mad because I had interfered. I was trying to defend... I was trying to lighten the situation even though I could very clearly see that you didn’t want to make light of it at all.”
Another stretch of silence followed, and I couldn’t bear it anymore. So, I dared to look at him.
“I didn’t want anything to interfere with your life, Sir,” I said. “I’m meant to make your life easier and better, not make it even more complicated. That is my job and that is what I am dedicated to doing. And so, in that moment, I didn’t react the way I did because I didn’t feel wronged. I did it because he is a business associate, and I knew just how important this expansion could be for the company. I’ve been around the teams for months, and I cannot have missed their discussions on it. And so, considering all of that, I?—”
“Why do you consider everyone else all the time?” he interrupted me. “Why don’t you consider yourself?”
“It’s not my job to consider myself,” I repeated. “And… with all due respect, Sir, it’s not yours either. With our... relationship over the past few days, I understand that this might make you want to come to my defense when things like this happen, but?—”
“I didn’t come to your defense because I’m sleeping with you,” he cut me off.
“I did that because you’re my secretary, and your safety and well-being are my responsibility.”
“Yes, Sir,” I repeated. “And I agree with your words. I appreciate them deeply, but I wasn’t explicitly in danger, and you cannot care for my welfare at the potential detriment of your business. You can only do this when our relationship... when our relationship is more than professional. And this is the one thing that it is not.”
“It terrifies me that because of what happened yesterday, the officials wouldn’t want to work with you anymore.”
“They’re not our only way into Asia, Madison,” he said. “There are countless other opportunities.”
I watched him, knowing this was true, but I didn’t think if I repeated once again how I didn’t want to interfere negatively in his life and work, he would probably not agree with me.
Saddened but at least grateful that he had spoken to me, I turned away and stared at the gorgeous vistas. I asked myself if I regretted sleeping with him, and I couldn’t bring myself to say that I did. So far, it had been all and more than I could have ever imagined, and I wouldn’t trade even a single moment for anything else. I knew from the start that it was bound to get complicated. We both knew, and so now it was. We had to truly decide how to move forward. I, for one, understood that if we moved forward as we were, more issues were going to arise, and I made my decision then.
“I think that, in light of things, Sir, it would be better if we could manage to revert back to a solely professional relationship. I hope this is something you can agree to, as I am sure that in the long run, it will be more beneficial to the both of us.”
Another stretch of silence followed once again, but then his response came.
“Okay.”
Something in my heart clenched so hard that it was as though someone had sent a knife through it. It was so painful that it stole my breath away, and in response, I was so incredibly angry at myself. I had been the one to ask for this, so what now was my problem? He had given me what I wanted. He was giving me what I wanted, so why did it hurt so much?
Unable to remain in the cabin because my throat was now completely clogged with emotion, I was certain that I would be crying in seconds. I got up and excused myself, ensuring to do it with a smile so that he would see and be completely convinced that it was a smile.
I headed down to the gallery and met the air hostess there, preparing our meal. She was so beautiful I was momentarily struck for a while. It was a perfect distraction because she smiled at me once again, and I smiled back. I headed into the bathroom then and shut the door.
I thought of what to do. I hadn’t brought my phone, so it wasn’t as though I could talk to anyone. All I had was myself and the silence, and I had to deal with it. I had to figure this out on my own. He had said okay, and so now we were solely boss and secretary again, so why the hell was I so fucking sad?
I shut my eyes and tried to calm my emotions, but soon enough, the tears started to flow from my eyes. They fell down my face, and I wondered if I had made the wrong decision.
Emma had told me to fight for what I wanted, and what I wanted was him, but it wasn’t that simple. I couldn’t convince myself that what I wanted was him, and I didn’t want what was to him a momentary thrill to mess up his work and progress so much. Maybe I was overthinking all of this. He had said earlier that we should go with the flow, at least until we returned to New York, so had I been too impulsive by suggesting what I had to him? By insisting that we break off all activities between us that weren’t solely related to work. I couldn’t take it back now. I wasn’t fickle, and I couldn’t appear like that before him either, so I allowed myself to mourn the way I had wanted to, and then I wiped the tears off my face and got up.
After staring at myself in the mirror and ensuring that I looked as normal as possible, I reopened the door. There was very little I could do about my reddened eyes, but he wasn’t going to be staring at me anyway, so what was the issue?
I returned to the cabin and saw that the air hostess was serving our food.
She was all over him, I realized. She was smiling, leaning forward, batting her lashes. From pain to anger was all I could feel then because why couldn’t all these fucking women just do their jobs? I instantly felt better then about choosing our work, his work, over extracurricular thrills. So, I tried my best to ignore her, and soon she came over to me.
“Whatever is available is fine, thank you,” I said.
She was a bit startled by this.
“Grilled Sea Bass with a mango and papaya salad, served alongside jasmine rice? Is this selection okay, or would you like to tweak it or choose something else?”
“It’s fine,” I replied, and she went on her way.
He began eating while I looked out the window. It was time for me to think about what the fuck I had done to occupy myself when we had flown over.
From what I could remember, he had been working as usual to conclude tasks from New York before we headed into Thailand, and he had to put his focus on all things happening there. And so, I kept myself busy as well, planning his itinerary, cross-checking reservations. I pulled out my laptop then and began to search for new things to include on his itinerary so he would be able to relax. I also searched for things for myself because this time around, we weren’t sharing the same room. We had two different rooms, and when he was relaxing on the beach, I wanted other things to do. The only time we would be a bit closer in proximity to each other was late that evening when it was time for us to head over to the yacht. We would be on it all night until the next afternoon, and I had been so excited about it. But now, as things were going, I would probably not be able to show my face.
Sighing, I shut the laptop once again and put it away, and just then, my meal arrived.
She definitely didn't flirt with me, but I did notice that her button was now more open than it had been, and so now I could very clearly see her cleavage. I frowned so deeply at this that she had to stop to ask me what was wrong.
I looked at her and then at him and returned my attention to my food.
“Nothing, thank you.”
I ate through the meal because I needed the emotional support, not because I could taste my food or anything. I still didn’t want to consume any alcohol, but my inability to handle myself in the midst of it was how we had gotten into this predicament.
Soon enough, she returned to take away our plates, and then she came back with desserts and ice cream.
I rejected mine, he did as well, and soon enough, the cabin was quiet.