Chapter 47
Chapter Forty-Seven
Madison
I had never been so nervous to be at my desk before. Not even on the first day I had started working there. Given all the rumors about how almost no secretary had been able to keep working with him, I had a lot of things to be nervous about. Today, however, it feels as though I am floating on air. There was nothing certain. The future was so foggy I was seconds away from a panic attack. I didn’t know whether to feel hopeful or regretful. I was just lost, and it was the absolute worst feeling ever. Still, I managed to keep calm and just wait.
Thankfully, none of my other colleagues were coming by as the entire office was much too tense, but they were blowing up my phone, asking for explanations, offering their condolences. Apparently, while I had even nursed a tiny bit of possibility that I wouldn’t be fired for this, it was obvious to everyone else that it was a foregone conclusion. Apparently, the Human Resources manager, Derek, had already yelled and announced it, so all that was left now was to make things official. I was out of a job, but I had already resigned, so there was nothing to feel too sad about, right?
I looked around at this gorgeous office. I had been stunned the first time I had come in here. Everything was so modern and luxurious, yet so simple, just like the man himself. I was truly going to miss it all. Having a crush on him made coming to work an unbelievably exciting affair, despite how dreary whatever tasks we were working on were.
Shaking my head, I wondered if I should go grab a box from one of the storage rooms to put my things in, but I understood that it would cause unnecessary stir as everyone was watching and waiting. So, I decided to just have my things arranged and ready to go. It wasn’t that I was eager to leave, but that I was trying my best to be ready, trying my best to accept this, so that it would sink in, and the sadness could quickly pass.
Suddenly, the door to his office was pulled open, and instantly I jumped to my feet. Unfortunately, however, I completely forgot about all the stationery I had on my lap. I had been emptying them from a box I had long forgotten about, and now they were all over the floor. It was so noisy I couldn’t even look to see who had come in because I couldn’t believe what had happened. My prayer was that it wouldn’t be Hunter, but when I eventually turned my head and saw that it was the two other executives apart from Hunter, who I was sure would have fired me in Thailand if they could, I almost wished it was him. He would understand that I got scatterbrained when I became anxious, he had somewhat found it endearing before, so maybe now he wouldn’t look as irritated and disgusted with me as these two currently did.
Derek gave me a look of disbelief, and then, shaking his head, he walked out of the door. He didn’t even say a word to me, and he was the first person I had been introduced to in the company. He had fucking hired me.
“Hey,” the CTO greeted, and I forgot about gathering my things on the floor.
“Ma’am,” I replied, and she smiled.
“You’re -” she stared into my eyes. “Was everything alright in Thailand? You seem quite scatterbrained as of late and distracted.”
I thought back to all the unbelievable sex I had been having in Thailand, the drunken nights, the drunken propositions, and smacked business associates, and baking.
“Hm,” was all I could say in response, but she became even more curious as she cocked her head.
“Everything was fine,” I replied. “It was relaxing.”
“I guess you became a little bit too relaxed.”
“Yeah,” I replied and lowered my head.
“I'm sorry I yelled at you on the phone. I was a bit shocked and distraught, plus there was a lot already happening here. I mean, there was a lot happening there, so I really didn’t have to deal with this new shit.”
I lowered my head once again and nodded.
“I know. I understand. I'm sorry.”
Her gaze went down my outfit, and I didn’t need anyone to tell me that she had indeed noted something peculiar. I wasn't dressed as neatly as before. It was still the same dress shirts, but they weren’t buttoned all the way, a tiny hint of my cleavage could be seen. I had slight makeup on, and my hair was curled.
“You two -” she started. “He approved of you spreading your wings a little in the way you dress? I mean, not that he ever restricts you -” she said as she tried to look around, and truly, I was more amused than offended.
“I’m not recording to gather evidence for a wrongful termination lawsuit, and he doesn’t require it. In fact, it was Derek that insisted so as to make his job easier and so he didn’t have to change secretaries.”
“You’re right. You’re right,” she said.
“But you two did become friendlier though, right? I mean, even though he doesn’t want to fire you even though he’s fired people on the spot for less? Much, much less?”
At her words, I couldn’t help but feel warmth all over my body.
“Call me when Levi Boone’s here,” she tapped on my desk and continued on her way.
I, however, barely even heard her. He didn’t want to fire me? But I had already resigned. However, as this thought came to mind, and soon enough she was on her way, I immediately leaped to the floor to begin to retrieve my stationery and other crap, and a few minutes later, my intercompany phone began to ring.
I knew he was the one; he was the only one that used this line, and I couldn’t help but stare at it.
“ You’ve already resigned,” I told myself. So why was it so hard to face him? Why was I so anxious, nervous, and afraid? It made no sense. I made no sense. The phone began to ring again, and this time around, I wasted no time whatsoever in picking it up.
“Sir?” I answered, however, he briefly went silent. I waited.
“I thought you’d left,” he said.
“No, Sir,” I replied. “I’m here.”
“Come to my office,” he said, and I nodded.
“Yes, Sir.”
I set the phone down and headed over. I knocked on the door even though I knew there was no need. He was expecting me. Still, I knocked, and then I walked in. Earlier, even though I hadn’t been trying to make him fall in love with me exactly, I had always been able to look him in the eyes, I wasn’t timid, and I wanted him to at least know that I existed beyond being just his secretary. This time, however, and despite how hard I tried, I couldn’t meet his eyes. Instead, I stared at the space behind his head. It was the view of the city, and it was so gorgeous. It had felt like forever since I had last seen it, when instead, it had actually only been a few days. Between then and now, it felt like a lifetime.
“Madison,” he called, and I automatically turned to face him. I realized then just how exhausted he seemed. Everything had been so relaxed, and I had seen him laugh and enjoy himself, but now he seemed as stiff and strained as he always was. What was interesting, though, was that I was almost sure he preferred being this way. Preferred being at his seat of power and in control.
I smiled then for absolutely no reason, but as his expression remained the same, I wiped it off my face. He watched me as I stood before his desk, and this time around, I looked at him. There was nothing to fear anymore, I admitted. It was the end, and I had loved almost every moment of it. I would always be grateful to him for being so lenient with me. He was a great boss.
“I saw your email,” he said. “I saw it on the plane.”
All I could do at this was nod.
“You mean it?” he asked. “You really want to resign?”
“I messed up,” I said. “Monumentally. You would fire others in an instant. I... I need you to know that I don’t consider myself above reproach for any reasons whatsoever.”
As I said these words, I once again remembered the woman I had found in his bed, and I felt even more silly. Of course, I wasn’t above reproach. How the hell did I think I was to him?
“You’re right,” he replied, and then he rose to his feet. “You aren’t above reproach. He walked around his desk, and then he sat at the edge of his desk and faced me.
“If you really want to leave, then I won’t stop you. But I’d like it if you stayed. If you don’t want to, then you can pack up your things right now and leave.”
All of his words felt like shards going straight into my heart.
“I’ll wait,” I replied. “I mean, after sending in my resignation, I’m allowed two weeks before my replacement is found and they’re properly trained.”
“Is that the rule?” he asked, and I nodded.
“So, you’ll be here for an extra two weeks?”
“Yes, Sir,” I replied, and just then, I realized why I had probably done this. If I were to get fired now, by either him or the other executives who want nothing but to see me with my head hanging out the building, I wouldn’t get that extra two weeks with him. I was a little amazed at my subconscious mind, but till this moment, it didn’t even recall it.
“Yes, Sir,” I replied. “I have two more weeks.”
He stared at me, and I wondered if he realized this as well.
“No,” he replied. “If you want to leave, then now is the best time to.”
I was shocked, and so cold, I wanted to button up my blouse.
“I -…” I started, but I couldn’t for the life of me come up with a single thing to say. My entire body, mind, and soul were protesting at his insistence for me to leave immediately. He couldn’t do that. I didn’t want him to do that.
“I…” I began. However, there was no valid excuse I could give to him. He owns the company. Sure, he might not have set the rule, but he was the only one who could decide whether to enforce it or discard it.
“Why did you join this company?” he asked. “You told me you joined after you quit baking. Why this company? Why green tech? Why renewable technology?”
“I completed my masters in it because,” I replied. “I wanted to go on to be an environmental lawyer but… uh… I used that money and started the bakery. And when I needed a change, I thought I could explore this route. I actually applied for the legal department so I could be a paralegal first. I thought I'd be able to learn the ropes that way and get my foot in the door. And through that, and since the salary was good, I'd be able to scrape enough up to put me through law school.”
“So how did you end up as my secretary?”
“It was a last-minute application sent in,” I replied and couldn't help my sigh. “I, uh, saw the salary after I had applied for being a paralegal and found that it was comparable. Higher even. So, since my end goal was to earn money anyway, I applied as well. And this was the job I got called in for. I wasn't qualified, definitely. I didn’t have much experience, but Derek… when he hired me, he told me it was urgent because, you know…”
“I had just fired the last person that was in the position and needed someone immediately.”
“Yes, Sir,” I replied.
“He didn’t expect that you would be able to tolerate me for this long.”
“Well, you’ve been close to perfect all along,” he said. “So… amongst other reasons… I want to keep you on. But you didn’t seem to want to stay on. At the slightest trouble, you want to run far away. Why? That's what I need to understand. Otherwise, you can't… I won't want you here any longer.”
“I've told you,” I replied. “I respect who you are and what you do, and I understand it. I never wanted to be a liability, and I never wanted you to turn a blind eye because of… because of me. In fact, because of… I hold myself to a higher standard. I didn’t want you to be lenient with me. I should do better, I know better.”
“You’re also human, and you make mistakes,” he said. “You don't even want to extend grace to yourself when you make mistakes?”
“The others didn’t have grace extended to them,” I replied.
“You don't know that,” he said. “You weren’t there. They made several mistakes. To you and external parties, it might have seemed small, but it wasn’t to me. Or perhaps these mistakes gave me an insight into their person that made me understand that they weren’t suitable for the role. The gravity of their offense was not only what determined that they’were fired. So far, you haven't been that way. You’ve done everything almost perfectly; your attention to detail is unparalleled. So, you made one mistake… a monumental one. It's worth firing you over, but I don’t want to. So, are you staying or not?”
I listened to his words and felt tears gathering in my eyes, however, I couldn’t let them fall. I’d rather die.
“I… I turned away from him. “Can I have the two weeks to truly consider this, Sir?”
“No,” he replied. “I want your answer now. If you don’t have it, then, I'd prefer you pack up your things and leave.”
I stared at him in shock. No matter how hard I tried to respond, I couldn’t.
“There's an alternative,” he said and rose to his feet. I was more than eager to hear it.
“You could get transferred to another department,” he said. “You want to work in legal? Then you could get transferred there. No matter what, you’re a valuable asset and I don't want to lose you. This you can take your time to think about, but in the matter of being my secretary, it's now or never.”
He turned around then and returned to his desk. I watched as he settled in and still didn't know what to say to him. Both positions were so incredibly attractive, but as I watched him, I realized that I didn’t want either of them. What I wanted was him. I wanted his undivided attention, his care, his love… his commitment. What I wanted the most was him, and if I became either his secretary or a paralegal in his firm, the chance of having him was little to non-existent. Work would always stand in the way. Work would always come first.
I looked at him then and responded.
“Can I please have until the end of the day, Sir?” I asked. “I would like to see how things play out with Levi Boone.”
“If it doesn’t explode in our faces, will you reconsider your resignation?” he asked.
I didn’t respond to this.
“You have to make this decision now because I won’t allow you to make it then. I need you to be resolute and steady and to be willing to fight for the thing that matters the most to you. The fact that you didn’t seem willing makes me doubtful about what matters to you and what doesn’t.”
I heard what he was saying, and I understood. So, I nodded in response.
I didn't think my nod answered any of his questions, but he seemed too exhausted to pursue any of it, so he turned his attention to his computer.
“You can have until the end of the day.”
“Thank you, Sir,” I said as I walked out of the office.