One

Chapter Thirty

A LITTLE TOO LATE FOR LOVE

A week later, Jamie was fully broken out with chicken pox, although supposedly not on his testicles.

Shayna’s were all scabbed over enough for her to move back in with Everson.

I needed to catch up on work, so Everson asked Judy, Shayna’s ne-ma’s sister who originally dropped Shayna off, if she’d come stay a few days to watch Shayna until Jamie was over his rough stage and no longer contagious or until I got home, whichever came first. Judy agreed to come; she’d wanted to visit anyway.

Cage stayed with me every night until I left town.

The truth was, I did sleep better with him.

My nights without nightmares outnumbered the ones with them.

I felt like he was serious when he said he needed me.

Sex was extra, a true icing-on-the-cake.

Just being together was all that mattered.

There was something uniquely mind blowing about needing someone so much and them needing you back just as much.

And the baby? At night Cage rested his hand on my tummy in a gentle way he had never done before.

Perfection. It was the only word to describe my life in those moments.

I was desperate to feel something … tender breasts, nausea, unusual fatigue, anything that would confirm that I was pregnant since it had been too early to take a pregnancy test. My family would lose their shit if they knew I’d been praying that I was pregnant.

“Love!” Thaddeus greeted me at the studio where the photoshoot was scheduled.

“Hey, sorry I had to delay this.”

“Fine, fine. We’re good.” He hugged me, but tighter than he usually hugged me, and his quick ‘fine, fine” brushoff was out of character for my anal retentive boss. Something was up.

I almost shared my possible baby news just because he was in such rare, agreeable form that day, but before I could open my mouth to speak, he said something that rendered me speechless and robbed all baby thoughts.

“So…” he smiled or grimaced, maybe a little of both “…I did mention today’s shoot is nude, right?” He blinked rapidly.

I didn’t blink at all. “Please tell me ‘nude’ is code for no makeup.”

“Oh God no! You’ll have full makeup, but … aside from makeup and the new leg I’ve made for you, you won’t be wearing anything else.”

“Thad—”

“Wait! Before you try to object, let me tell you that this is going to be the most beautiful and artistic shoot you have ever done, and the write-up that goes with it will knock your socks off. I’ve already read it, except for the quotes from you and a few of the other models that will be added.

It’s about body image and what makes people beautiful.

It’s about confidence … that little thing you were low on when we met. Remember?”

“But you’re asking me to pose naked.”

Thad tipped his chin down, pinning me with wide eyes.

I sighed. “It’s just a body. Who I am existed before it and will continue to be long after it’s gone. I’m so much more than the flesh that covers my remaining bones.”

Thad grinned as he nodded once. “And?”

Another sigh. “And …” It still choked me up to say the words—the same words I made Shayna say the day I got arrested. “I’m beautiful.”

His metal finger tapped my nose. “I shouldn’t have hired you.”

I frowned.

Thad shrugged. “I should have dated you. Stupid me.” He walked toward the photographers setting up their equipment as a woman with a blond ponytail longer than that of an actual pony and a fake-white smile smeared with a bit of red lipstick motioned for me to follow her.

My steps felt heavy under the weight of Thad’s confession, the one he said with the ease of announcing his regret of getting steak for lunch instead of chicken.

My phone chimed just as I dropped my bag in the dressing room to get into wardrobe, which did in fact turn out to be an actual white robe that would get discarded before I stepped in front of the camera.

Cage: Penny has to leave town. Family emergency. Her dad had a stroke. I’m in charge of Trzy. Do you think she’ll piss all over my place if I take her there?”

Lake: Is Penny’s dad okay?

Cage: He’s in the hospital but that’s all I know. She was going to message you but didn’t want to worry you since you seemed stressed over leaving Shayna.

Lake: Have you seen Judy? She’s like 100!

Cage: Be nice. Banks said she’s only 85.

Lake: Lol. Sorry. Trzy loves you. You can take her anywhere as long as she has a litter box and food. She’s too much of a diva to piss on your floor. Just make sure you have a water bowl for her and take her laser pen to play with her.

Cage: So now I have to play with her too?

Lake: Do I have to beg you to play with my pussy?

Cage: Knock that shit off. I don’t need an erection before my massage.

Lake: Another massage? It sure is rough being you. Play with Trzy and pet her too. Lots of petting.

Cage: She’s hairless. I’m not sure she likes it.

Lake: The last pussy of mine you petted was also hairless and believe me she sure as hell liked you petting her … and licking her … and …

Cage: Fuck!! I’ve got to go whack off before my massage. Thanks a lot.

Lake: Monaghan … Don’t forget to love me.

Cage: Impossible.

I hoped the photographers wanted a smiling model because it would take a while to wipe the huge one off my face.

“It’s … amazing, beautiful, and … wow.” I smiled at Thad as I pulled up my robe and put on my new Thaddeus Westbrook original.

“My love said she wanted it all: fashion and function.” He shrugged, but a rare vulnerability showed through that I’d never seen before. He looked like a nervous boy on his first date.

That heaviness returned to my heart. “The toenails are painted.” I smiled like he hadn’t tried to turn my world inside out thirty minutes earlier.

“I taught you function before fashion, but I guess you taught me that a brilliant inventor wouldn’t sacrifice either.”

I laughed. “Glad to know your ego is still larger than life.” I walked a few feet in one direction, jumped up and down, then jogged to the other side of the room.

The leg felt and performed just like my other robotic legs, but it looked like my pretty leg, maybe even prettier.

“You’re brilliant, Thaddeus Westbrook.” I hugged him.

His body stiffened beneath my arms, something he’d never done before with any of the other million hugs I’d given him over the years.

Even his arms draped around me, resting lightly on my back in the most awkward way.

When I released him his smile faded as he cleared his throat and diverted his gaze toward the photographer.

“Ready?” he called.

“Whenever Lake is,” the photographer replied.

“It’s all you, love.” Thad’s sad smile broke something in me, but I couldn’t even say for sure what it was.

“The photographer is a guy.” I tightened the sash on my robe.

“His two assistants are women.”

I looked over at them waiting for me. They smiled. I smiled, sort of. “I don’t want you to watch.”

Why did he have to look disappointed, like I’d rejected him?

“I’m going to see the photos, love. And you’re going to change legs four times. Think of me as your assistant.”

I nodded to the ponytail lady. “She did my makeup, she can bring me my legs.”

“Did I mention I’m going to see the photos? The whole world could potentially see the photos, love. This is going to be huge.”

The whole world. Cage.

Thad grabbed the collar to my robe and pulled me close to his face. My breath caught in my throat.

“Change the world, Lake. Don’t let the world change you,” he whispered then pressed a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth.

He’d kissed my cheeks thousands of times, but that kiss was more intimate.

That kiss crossed a line that hadn’t existed between us since our first date because we didn’t need it.

We worked together. He became part of my family.

That one kiss changed everything. I hated him for doing that.

I hated him for taking something so perfect and ruining it.

I wasn’t his.

I would never be his.

I belonged to Cage.

I belonged to the man who made me believe his sole purpose in life was to love me.

Turning, I dropped my robe, letting it pool at my feet just inches from where Thad stood behind me. He sucked in a tight breath. I smiled because … fuck him for doing that to me.

The photographer, the handsome photographer that would have made my bones shake in my pre-Cage Monaghan days, nodded, keeping a neutral, professional expression. “Rae and Brit will get you in position.”

The two assistants took over and within minutes all of my modesty vanished.

Every pose was angled to hide fully exposing any part of my body that would qualify my photos being anything but tasteful.

We shot for almost two hours with several short breaks.

I made frequent leg changes, but most of the shots seemed to be without any prosthetic or robotic leg, truly bare naked photos of me.

“My boss will send you proofs for you to approve and sign off on the final shots for the publication.” The photographer handed me his business card as I exited the dressing room, fully clothed again. “Call me if you want any of the photos for yourself.”

“Thank you.” I smiled. It was weird how awkward I felt at that moment. Naked? Nope. But with my clothes on the atmosphere changed like we had a secret. I suppose the secret was he’d seen me from some pretty intimate angles through a big-ass camera lens.

“By the way. I’m a huge fan of your boyfriend.” The photographer called just as I reached the door.

Turning, I nodded. If Cage knew what he had seen over the previous two hours, the photographer would probably have his eyeballs physically extracted.

“You were amazing, love.”

“Fuck you.” I brushed past Thad waiting outside of the building.

“Excuse me?”

I whipped around. “Don’t! Don’t you dare act like nothing happened in there.”

“What … I don’t—”

“You should have dated me? Really? Now you’re saying this? The look? The kiss? What the hell?”

His stature shrank several inches as his chin fell to his chest, shoulders turned inward.

“The timing is terrible. I know it. The events of my life thus far have been a compilation of terrible timing. I know my chance is slim at best, but what if you’re the one for me?

I chose my ambitions over love, and I shouldn’t have. I should have chosen you.”

I shook my head. “You want me because you can’t have me. You like the challenge, the chase.”

“I want you because you’re in my head all the damn time.

You’ve been in my head since the day we met, but the timing wasn’t right, and now time’s running out and I can’t just let you go without a fight.

My whole fucking life revolves around you.

I spend more money and time on you than anything else.

Do you have any idea how many deadlines I’ve missed, how many opportunities I’ve let slip away because all I could focus on was making a new leg for you, making you happy, making you … ”

That wasn’t my life. There was no way I was standing in front of Thaddeus Westbrook hearing those words fall from his mouth. I didn’t even feel like myself in my own body. It was a scene from a movie or a Netflix show, but it wasn’t my life. It couldn’t be my life.

“Making me what?” I whispered or I think I whispered. Maybe I didn’t even speak. There was no reason to speak to something that wasn’t really happening.

Thad stepped toward me, gently holding my shoulders.

“Making you love me. I was trying to make you love me. I just didn’t know how to show you in any other way.

I was scared to tell you that I made the wrong choice.

But then you met Mr. Wonderful and I don’t want to let go because I would never forgive myself for not asking you to … choose me.”

Biting my trembling lips together, I shook my head. “Do you really love me?”

Thad’s brow wrinkled like my question was somehow a slap in the face, like I should have known the answer. “Yes,” he whispered.

“Then I’m going to tell you something and when I’m done you’re going to forget about this day like it never happened and you’re going to do it because love is giving all and taking nothing.”

The defeat in his eyes told me he knew the answer, but I needed to say the words because I did love the tall, handsome geek before me, even if he made me hate him that day.

“I’m not the one for you. I can only be the one for one man and he’s the reason you didn’t choose me that day. The universe knew something we didn’t at the time. Cage was the one for me before I took my first breath, and he’ll be the one after I take my last.”

“How can you say that?” Thad shook his head. “What about Ben? If he were standing right here would you still say Cage is the one?”

That hurt. I loved Ben and I would always love him. What hurt the most was the truth—fate took Ben so I could be with Cage.

“Yes. I’d choose Cage. Ben was my first love. Cage is my everlasting love. And you …” I brushed the back of my hand along Thad’s cheek. “You’re the reason I’m changing the world. I don’t want to lose you, but I also don’t want to hold you back.”

“You’re breaking my fucking heart.”

I wiped away a stray tear. “You’re breaking mine.”

He rolled his eyes toward the sky and shook his head. “You’re just worried I won’t make you any more legs.”

“I’m not worried. I’m terrified.”

His head snapped back down. I felt the tension between us lighten a bit, letting my heart slow and my lungs take a breath.

“What would you do for a Thaddeus Westbrook original?” I saw my Thaddeus again in his smirk, and I nearly cried because I honestly loved him like family. “Sex?” His brow raised a fraction.

The awkwardness melted away. My friend was back with a goofy suggestive wiggle of his brows. I didn’t waste a minute letting him know that I needed “us” back—the playful banter that defined our friendship.

Twisting my lips, like I was actually giving it consideration, I narrowed my eyes then shook my head. “Blowjob.”

“Hmm …” he scratched his chin. “Deep throat?”

“Lollipop.”

“Swallow?”

“Hand-job finish.”

“On your tits?”

“On Jerry Chu’s face … oh, wait … he’s not gay.”

His wide eyes danced with humor, and I bit back my smile, then we both erupted into laughter. And once again … all was right in the world.