One

Chapter Thirty-Four

ALL THE WRONG WORDS

The straw that broke the camel’s back wasn’t just a clichéd saying. There was truth to it. One seemed insignificant until it was the one that was one too many. My relationship with Cage felt invincible, until all of our ones began to multiply.

He didn’t quit. In fact his coaches and the whole team supported his decision to miss the game to be with me even though they did lose.

Cage said it wasn’t the worst thing ever.

A lot of pressure came with being undefeated.

He said they were able to refocus on the bigger goal instead of worrying about the loss that could take away their undefeated record.

I only half-believed him. Nobody liked to lose.

Jamie went from embarrassing male nanny to brute hero in both Everson’s and Cage’s eyes.

The guy ended up taking out four drunks all from the opposing team’s fans—another bonus—before the police had him in handcuffs.

Jamie still had a court date scheduled, but he was out of jail and Cage’s attorney said getting the charges dropped would be a chip shot.

Flint Hopkins got his job back after I insisted Cage forgive him. I knew it was hard for Cage because he wasn’t there, but I would never forget watching Flint save Shayna. He would have to do something far worse than suggest Cage play instead of go to the hospital for me to justify Cage firing him.

My parents stayed through Thanksgiving. I felt it was overkill for a sutured lip and a couple of missing teeth, but I kept that to myself because football players didn’t get the holidays off.

Their presence took the edge off only getting to see Cage for a few short hours on Thanksgiving.

Those few hours were heartbreaking. Cage confessed it was the anniversary of his father’s death.

I found it hard to be thankful that day.

Thad was fine going solo to our scheduled interviews.

I’m sure he was secretly thrilled to not have to deal with my personal drama.

Me? I watched my face go through a rainbow of colors as my lip healed.

The day I got my implants was the best day ever.

It was easy to take teeth for granted until the two most prominent ones got busted out.

Not pretty, and talk about feeling insecure …

I didn’t feel that insecure when I woke up missing part of my leg.

Crazy.

Lake: CHAPTER TEN – Hope I’m allowed to declare the beginning of new chapters too!

Lake: Cheese!

I sent a photo of my new smile as I left the prosthodontist’s office. Cage was busy. I knew and fully understood that, but he didn’t reply at all, not even a smiley face.

“Seriously, who doesn’t have time to push the damn smiley emoji?”

Penny chuckled as I refilled her glass of red wine. We watched the early December flurries dance in the air from the grand wall of windows in Cage’s dining room overlooking his deep wooded lot.

“I can ask this because I’m a woman so you can’t get mad at me, okay?”

“What?”

“Are you having your period?”

I laughed. She was right. Had Cage asked me that, I would have decapitated him. “No.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“No.” We haven’t had sex since I last had my period.

“No sex?” Penny’s back stiffened, wide surprise in her eyes.

“I’ve been traveling, and then I was having my period when the accident happened, and since then we just haven’t. I think the front-teeth-knocked-out-stitches-in-the-lip thing put a damper on things—that and him always being gone or watching game footage until his curfew.”

“Curfew?”

“Yes. Sleep is important for performance, recovery, testosterone, HGH, etc.”

“And sex?” Penny wiggled her brows.

I grinned. “I miss it. I miss him.”

She glanced at her phone. “Shouldn’t he be home soon?”

“Probably. I don’t know. He’s been eating all of his meals there so anytime between eight and nine he shows up, watches footage, and goes to bed.

It’s crazy how lonely I feel, yet I wasn’t really lonely before I met him.

It’s such a weird I-had-no-idea-something-was-missing feeling.

His presence spoiled me and now I miss it. I miss us.”

“But you’re still pissed about his lack of response to your smiling selfie?”

“Correct.” I scrunched my nose as I heard the door creak a bit. “He’s home.”

Penny gulped the rest of her wine.

“Can you drive?”

“Pfft …” She waved her hand. “Sadly, it takes more than two glasses to impair this chick. Take care, honey. I’m always here for you … if you have wine.”

I smiled as she hugged me. “Thanks, Penny.”

“Hey, Penny.” Cage gave her a tired smile as he dropped his bag to the floor and tossed his keys on the counter.

“Hey, number one.” She winked. “Great game. Way to kick some Chicago ass last Sunday.”

“Thanks.”

She brushed past him. “Throw your girl a bone. She misses you.” She took two more steps past him. “Oh, and answer her texts.”

I wanted to die. Damn Penny and her uncensored mouth.

Cage perked a brow, be it a tired one, at me.

My lips pulled into a firm line as I closed my eyes briefly while shaking my head. When the front door clicked shut I opened them. “Hi.”

“What does throw my girl a bone mean?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head, gathering our wine glasses and carrying them to the kitchen.

“Doesn’t sound like nothing.”

I turned, running my hands through my hair. “I miss you. So what? It’s no big deal.”

He held out his hands. “Well, I’m here. Are you still missing me?”

I grunted a cynical laugh. “No game footage to watch?”

“You’re upset about me watching—”

I shook my head. “I’m not. That’s why I haven’t said anything.”

“Well, you said something to Penny about it, and apparently I messed up by not responding to your photo.”

He did see it. That pissed me off more than it should have. Crossing my arms over my chest, I shot him a closed-lip smile. “How was your day?”

“Really? You want to know about my day?”

No. I didn’t. I just wanted to kick down the damn wall between us, and I wanted him to hold me because he needed me. I wanted him to need my touch as much as I needed his.

He took my hesitation as his answer. “I’ll be downstairs.”

“Cage …”

His footsteps faded in the distance.

The natural step that came after a fight was forgiving.

The problem was, I didn’t know if we had been or were fighting.

Things were off between us, but not in a pointing-finger sort of way.

Cage wasn’t around long enough to have an all-out fight.

He wasn’t around enough to have much of any interaction.

I’d even started sleeping in the guest bedroom because … I wasn’t really sleeping at all.

Netflix.

Video chatting with Thad and Jerry.

Nightmares—because I started having them again.

That’s what consumed my nights. At least Cage was getting undisturbed sleep, but I couldn’t help the resentment that bloomed inside of me. After the first night I spent in the guest room, he asked why I slept in there and I told him because I didn’t want to keep him awake with my restlessness.

He said “OK” and left it at that.

OK! He had no idea how the simplicity of his responses grated on my very last nerve.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was ready for him to get on that plane and fly to Texas. At least if he was out of town I didn’t feel so utterly ignored.

“You look tired.” He kissed the top of my head as he brushed by me in the closet, throwing clothes into his bag for the trip as I hung up the clean laundry.

“I am.”

“Well maybe you can get some sleep while I’m gone.”

“Maybe I can get some sex too,” I mumbled to myself, not at all intending for him to hear me.

“What did you say?” He turned.

“Nothing.” I shook my head.

“No. You said ‘maybe you can get some sex too.’ What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Who the hell are you having sex with?”

With my back to him, I rested my hands on my hips and looked up at the ceiling, an exhausted sigh mixed with a laugh escaped. “No one. Absofuckinglutely no one. That’s my point. Just forget it.” I grabbed a shirt from the laundry basket and slipped it on a hanger.

“I can’t be everything, Lake. I don’t know what you want me to—”

I turned, anger brewing in my belly. “Don’t do this. Don’t you dare say you don’t know what I want you to do. That’s such bullshit.”

His defensive stance mirrored mine as the wall between us accumulated another layer. “So everything I say is bullshit? Like I’m lying to you?”

It wasn’t too late. All he had to do was take me in his arms. Really take me in his arms, not a kiss on the head, or a quick peck on the lips, or a hug that lasted less than a heartbeat.

I should have just thrown myself into his arms, but my ego insisted on protecting me from my fears, and I feared he wouldn’t reciprocate.

I feared feeling even more rejected. I feared the void between us.

When did I begin to fear what I wanted very most in life?

“No,” I whispered as regret kicked me in the gut.

“I’m under a lot of stress right now, and I’m not trying to take it out on you.

I have this amazing team that could go all the way, and I’ve been given this opportunity and I don’t want to let them down.

Some of these guys have been playing for years and they’re tired and they want to retire, but they want the ring first. So I have to work twice as hard as all the veteran quarterbacks out there because the probability of me making some rookie mistake that could cost my whole team their chance at the title is really fucking high because I am in many ways still a rookie. ”

Rubbing my hands over my face, I tried to get my shit together because the chance of me losing it with him at the moment was as high as his chance of making that season-ending rookie mistake. “I’m sorry.”

Tongue bite.

I was sorry, but I was also pissed, and confused, and wondering why the hell this was happening to us and if we would make it out in one piece.

Cage sighed. “I didn’t want this to be a mistake. I still don’t want it to be a mistake. I want to make this work. I’m trying, but if it’s too much for you then you need to tell me. I’ll understand. Okay?”

Oh my God …

He broke my heart, like no one had ever broken my heart before. Breathing felt impossible. My lungs refused to draw in air.

Don’t cry, Lake! Hold it together. Hold it together. Hold it together …

“I’ll see you in a couple days. Love you.” He slung his bag over his shoulder and grabbed the back of my neck pulling me in for a quick kiss.

“Bye,” I whispered as he walked off.

When I heard the back door close, I pressed one hand to the wall and my other to my heart, clasping the knife he just jabbed into it, as I lowered to my knees, sobs wracking my body.

I was a mistake. We were a mistake.