Chapter Twelve
Tammy decided to take the back road from Porthmellow to Marazion to avoid the worst of the tourist traffic and also because the route had been a childhood favourite.
The little town set on the glorious sweep of Mount’s Bay had been the site of her first sand art creation – she was probably about ten. Her dad had been in his prime then, free from most of the worries and cares that had dragged him down as he’d grown older.
Tammy’s heart swelled at the happy memory as she drove towards the long flat beach and big skies that seemed almost to taste of freedom.
This place always made her happy, and every association with it was filled with joy.
She hoped today’s meeting with Ruan would only add to that feeling and start pleasurable new memories.
After she’d parked, she grabbed her hoodie from the passenger seat.
There was a keen edge to the breeze on this fresh June morning, pushing white clouds over the sky. She inhaled the seaweed scent in the air and sighed with pleasure. Was there anything better than being outside on a gorgeous Cornish beach on a beautiful day like this?
The beach in front of the kitesurf centre was a scene of organised chaos. People in wetsuits and harnesses milled about with sails and lines. Others were holding the kites while the sailors prepared to launch and then letting the kites go.
She looked around for Ruan, but he wasn’t outside the centre and he could have been any of the dozen or so people flying across the water.
A blonde woman in a shorty wetsuit approached her and for a moment Tammy thought she was someone she knew but couldn’t place. ‘Have you come for a trial lesson?’ the woman asked.
‘No, thanks. I’m, um, looking for a friend.’
‘Well, if you feel inspired to have a go, there’s a trial lesson in an hour and we still have one place.’
‘Thanks, but I think I’ll keep my feet on the ground,’ Tammy said cheerfully.
The instructor jogged away to do something with a tangle of lines and Tammy walked on to the beach, watching the dance of sails around St Michael’s Mount. The island castle rose from the sea like something from a Disney movie, only far more beautiful and imposing.
It had been a stunning place to create her first piece of art and the memory once again brought a tear to her eye. She brushed it away quickly. It had been one of the best days of her life.
That’s how she remembered it anyway, although she was aware that her memories might have been gilded by time and wishful thinking. Her life with her father hadn’t always been stressful and tense.
Suddenly she remembered who the instructor had reminded her of and her mood dipped a little.
A couple of years after her mum had left home, her father had found a new girlfriend who worked in the Porthmellow library.
Tammy had thought Gill was funny, and Gill had spent a lot of time ordering in obscure books on art and the sea for her.
Sadly, the relationship had ended after a few months.
Tammy wasn’t sure why, but it had been awkward in the library after that and not long after, she heard that Gill had transferred to another library.
Gill wasn’t her mum, and she’d never tried to be, but Tammy had come to view her as a cool auntie whom she could confide in.
She was now sure that Gill had left because she couldn’t cope with her father’s increasing gambling problem.
That was in the past, yet it felt like another person had walked out of her life just as she was growing close to them.
She pulled her hair out of her eyes and secured the stretchy band that kept it in its ponytail.
Dwelling on the past led to regrets and she didn’t want today spoiled in any way.
She refocused her attention on the beach, loving the way pools of water had formed in shallow depressions, on the ripples of sand, and the glorious setting in front of St Michael’s Mount.
She’d love to do another design here one day soon – just for herself – and she knew exactly what it would be: a kitesurf-inspired artwork. It would have abstract sails dancing, swirling, scudding across waves, their sharp forms a contrast to the churning chaos of the waves and foam.
Even as she watched the surfers battling the waves, Tammy wondered what attracted Ruan to an activity that involved trying to tame the elements.
He’d said he liked order and rules in his day job.
Why, then, did he love this extreme sport with the possibility – reality in his case – of being dragged along the water, dumped in the sea and crashing into rocks?
Tammy mouth grew dry. The sea took people. It had taken her father. Whether he’d gone into the water voluntarily or not, she’d never know.
She’d spent so much time wondering and helpless, trying to understand what had led to him ending his days washed up on a beach.
For a few months, she’d stopped going to the beach altogether.
It had become a place of misery and loss; yet gradually, the lure of creating her art had eclipsed the unhappy associations.
Her father would have wanted her to carry on. Whatever his troubles, he had loved her, and he would have hated her to ruin her own life by perpetually mourning him.
Just as she felt she might be on the verge of tears, she saw a tall figure approaching, waving and calling out her name.
‘Hey there!’
‘Hi!’ she called, hurrying to meet Ruan, eager to shake off the shackles of the past and give herself fully to this moment.
Ruan’s hair was dripping wet and his eyes were shining bright with adrenaline.
His shorty wetsuit showed off his broad shoulders and muscled legs and her pulse went haywire at the sight.
Back in his element after his accident, he reminded Tammy of some sea god emerging from the waves.
The broad grin on his face told her exactly how pleased he was to see her.
‘You survived, then?’ she said, joking because she didn’t know how to handle her powerful reaction to him.
He laughed. ‘Yes! Both days, which is a good start.’
‘How’s the shoulder?’ she asked, still marvelling at the sight of this … deity in front of her, who was so very different to the serious Suit on the sea wall. His city pallor had gone, and his face was golden after a weekend on the water.
He smiled wryly. ‘Tell you tomorrow … I need to shower and change. Fancy a coffee and a pasty afterwards?’
‘Yes please to coffee, but I ate breakfast before I came out.’
‘So did I, but I’m ravenous after being on the water.’ He grinned. ‘See you in ten minutes?’
In the end, Tammy was unable to resist the aroma wafting from the pasty kiosk so they both got a takeaway to eat on the beach.
She was also quietly laughing at her earlier reaction to Ruan striding across the beach like Neptune.
What was she like? He was just an ordinary man eating a pasty, albeit a very tasty pasty indeed …
‘Now, that is way better than any Michelin-starred feast,’ he said, holding the paper bag up with an appreciative sigh. ‘Then again, I’ve never had one.’ He laughed. ‘But you can’t beat proper Cornish food.’
They ate in silence for a while, and then Ruan turned to her with a look that gave her a delicious shiver. ‘Thanks for coming. I wasn’t sure you would.’
‘Oh?’ she said, trying to act cool. ‘Why was that?’
‘I don’t know. I thought it was a strange thing to ask someone to do: watch me enjoying myself.’
‘Were you secretly hoping I wouldn’t come?’
‘No! I mean, of course not …’
‘ But ?’
‘I did think twice after I’d asked you. This was only my second session after the accident and I wasn’t sure I’d be up to it, physically or mentally.’
‘Ruan. I didn’t come here to watch you kitesurf. I wouldn’t have cared if you’d never gone on the water.’
Although he laughed, he said, ‘I would.’
‘I don’t blame you. I’d be devastated if for some reason I had to stop creating my designs or if I had to move away from the sand, the sea – from Cornwall. I’d be a fish out of water in a city or the countryside.’
They both paused until Ruan broke the silence. ‘Hey. These pasties are going cold and that’s a sin.’
They sat on the sand and ate, talking about the best fish and chips they’d ever had and debating about the best places to buy pasties. He swore it was Philps in Hayle while she argued for Lavender’s in Penzance.
All the while, the sun shone and the kitesurfers danced and whirled over the white horses.
The tide retreated, exposing pools of water on the rippled sand that reflected the clouds and blue sky.
The causeway to the Mount started to reveal itself, its stones glistening with shining green weeds.
Visitors had already started to make their way to and from the castle, some going barefoot through the shallows.
Tammy hadn’t enjoyed an afternoon so much for a long time, and that thought brought emotions bubbling up again.
‘It’s hard to beat as a place to enjoy lunch,’ Ruan said, screwing up the empty paper bag and shoving it in his jeans pocket.
‘It is … You know, this was where I created my first ever proper design.’
‘You did?’ When he looked at her, his eyes bright and lit with interest, he was either genuinely fascinated or he was a very good actor. Perhaps this man might not let her down or vanish from her life in a heartbeat.
‘Feels like yesterday,’ she said, looking up into the sky. ‘I even remember the shape of the clouds scudding across the sky. They were like fluffy meringues topped with clotted cream.’
‘It must have been a good day if you can remember it so clearly.’
‘Like yesterday. It was the school holidays. I was only ten.’
‘Ten? That’s incredible. I’d no idea you’d been doing this since you were ten.’
She laughed. ‘Not for money. I didn’t start taking commissions until I was at art school and needed the work, but the first real time I shared a design was here.’
She still recalled her father’s face, full of amazement and pride. ‘I’d no idea …’ he’d kept saying. ‘You have real talent, love. Real talent …’
‘After that, I started practising designs in a small way in quiet coves and out of season, but it was my dad who gave me the confidence to share my work on a “bigger stage”, as he put it, and to take on my first commissions. The money was welcome, too, while I was a student.’
‘Imagine how proud he’d be about you working at OceanFest,’ he said.
Tammy had a lump in her throat. ‘Yeah. I – wish he could be here to see it. It’s nerve-racking though. I was nervous that first time, too, because I hadn’t shown anyone my work and I didn’t know how Dad would react.’
‘Tell me about it,’ Ruan said encouragingly.
‘I was twitching with excitement, but my stomach was churning too. Dad brought me in his beat-up Transit.’ She laughed.
‘Battered old vans run in the family, you see. My dad was a marine mechanic when he could get some work … and the Transit always stank of fish and diesel but I never cared. That morning, I was just desperate to get to the sea and try out the design.’
‘What did you draw?’ Ruan said.
Tammy gazed over at the island castle rising up out of the bay like something from a fairy tale. ‘It was a giant’s heart inspired by the legend of St Michael’s Mount. Do you know it?’
‘Vaguely …’
‘The giant was called Cormoran and he lived on the Mount and terrorised the locals, throwing boulders and stealing their livestock. Then along came a brave young lad known as Jack.’
‘Jack. Of course he would be a Jack,’ he said solemnly.
‘Of course. Well, Jack volunteered to rid the villagers of Cormoran and he dug a huge pit that the giant fell into.’
‘A cunning plan.’
She laughed. ‘It worked though. All that was left of him was his heart and that had turned to stone. You can see the heart-shaped rock among the cobbles when you walk up to the castle. Though I must admit, I was really disappointed when I finally spotted it. It was so small, as small as a human heart, not the gigantic one I expected. Good job you learn to moderate your expectations as you get older.’
Ruan looked at her. ‘Is it? Or is it a bit sad that we learn not to expect so much of life?’
‘That way you don’t get hurt,’ she said, looking away from Ruan and out to the sea.
‘So you have been hurt?’ Ruan pressed her.
‘Have you ?’ she shot back.
‘Who hasn’t?’ he said, batting the question back. ‘Go on, you first.’
‘Mmm.’ She definitely felt more comfortable talking about imaginary broken hearts. ‘I’ve been out with a few men, mostly from around Porthmellow. I guess three were what you might call longer term and one of them …’
Ruan waited, looking at her intently.
‘That was “serious”,’ she said.
‘On his part or yours?’
‘His. I’d known him a long time and we had fun and we were together for almost a year before things came to a head.
He wanted to get really serious. Like, engaged serious.
I wasn’t ready for that, but once the subject had been brought up, and I hadn’t been wild about the idea, it couldn’t be unsaid, so I thought it best to end it.
I guess we just had different expectations and it – ended.
’ There was no way Tammy was going to give details or name names.
It wasn’t fair on Sean and she felt she’d said more than enough.
‘And now it’s your turn,’ she said. ‘Is there anything behind you coming down here from Bristol apart from the temptations of Penzance?’