Chapter Fifteen
From: Myah
Jace, please. Just talk to me.
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Jace burned the grilled cheese. Not just a little, either. The entire bottom slice had turned black while he'd stood in front of the stove staring out the kitchen window.
The smell should have gotten his attention sooner. Instead, he only noticed when the smoke detector erupted overhead.
"Jesus Christ." He yanked the pan off the burner and grabbed a dish towel, waving it frantically beneath the detector.
The shrill beeping continued. The sandwich was unsalvageable.
His lunch was ruined, and judging by the pile of dishes currently occupying his sink, it wasn't even the first thing he'd messed up this week.
Eventually the detector fell silent and Jace dropped the towel onto the counter before staring at the charred remains of what had been perfectly good bread five minutes ago.
A laugh escaped him, short and humorless. Because somehow the burnt sandwich felt fitting. For the past week, everything in his life had existed in one of two states.
Forgotten. Or ruined.
His apartment looked like a disaster zone.
Laundry covered the bedroom floor. Empty takeout containers crowded every available surface.
The record player he'd normally have running from morning until night sat untouched in the corner.
Even work had become something he simply endured.
Customers spoke, Jace answered, and hours passed.
Then he came home and did it all over again.
A week ago, he'd spent almost every free moment thinking about Myah. Now he spent every free moment trying not to. Neither strategy was working.
His phone buzzed against the counter but he didn't need to look. There was only one person still texting him. The screen lit up.
From Myah:
Please just tell me you're okay.
His chest tightened as the message sat there, waiting. Begging for acknowledgement. Jace stared at it for several long seconds before flipping the phone face down.
He couldn't do this. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
A knock sounded at his apartment door and he ignored it, hoping they would go away. The knock came again, louder this time, then Ellis's voice carried through the wood.
"Open up, loser."
Jace closed his eyes. "No."
"Yes."
"No."
"We brought food." A pause. Then Issaky added, "And coffee."
Jace sighed. Damn them.
Twenty minutes later he found himself sitting in the backseat of Ellis's car with a breakfast burrito in one hand and absolutely no memory of agreeing to leave his apartment.
Ellis glanced over. "You look terrible."
"Thanks."
"You haven't shaved."
"Okay." Jace cocked a brow and took a big bite of his burrito. He had to admit, the protein and veggies were a welcome change to the usual junk food dinners he’d been consuming.
Issaky twisted around from the passenger seat. His expression was gentler than Ellis's. More concerned, which Jace hated.
"Have you slept?"
"A little."
"That's not a real answer." Issaky frowned.
"It's the only answer I've got." Jace shrugged, crumpling up the burrito wrapper.
Neither of them pushed which somehow made Jace feel worse. Because it meant they were worried.
“How about you come stay with us for a day or two?” Ellis asked, locking eyes with Jace in the review mirror.
“What? Why? I don't need a babysitter, El.” Jace was defensive for some odd reason, but his chest filled with warmth at the idea of not being alone anymore.
“I think it’s a great idea,” Issaky smiled at Ellis, placing a large hand on the man's thigh. “We can finally beat those levels in Warcraft Revenge.” Issaky smirked.
Jace had been trying to help Issaky beat the video game for over a year. He was beginning to think it was impossible.
“Fine. Two days.” Jace agreed, buckling his seatbelt and looking out the window.
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Their apartment quickly became a refuge. Not because it fixed anything, nothing could, but because being alone with his thoughts was exhausting. Ellis and Issaky had a way of forcing life to continue whether he wanted it to or not.
There was always food. Always background noise. Always some ridiculous show playing on television. Always one of them talking. Always a reason to leave the couch.
One night turned into two. Two turned into three.
By the tenth evening, Jace had become such a permanent fixture in their apartment that nobody questioned his presence anymore.
He drifted between the couch and the guest room, helped himself to whatever was in the fridge, and fell into the rhythm of their lives as if he'd always belonged there.
Tonight, Issaky sat cross-legged on the floor assembling some absurdly complicated craft project while Ellis lounged upside down on the couch, his legs hanging over the back cushions.
Jace stared blankly at the television. Some cartoon that he had never heard of played on. It was stupid and perfect for dissociating.
Eventually Ellis muted it and the sudden silence made him look up.
"What?"
"We're talking about it."
Jace groaned. "No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Absolutely."
Issaky nodded. "Definitely."
Traitors. Jace rubbed both hands over his face. "I don't know what there is to talk about."
Ellis stared at him. "Seriously?"
"Yes."
"Dude."
Jace sighed. The familiar ache settled in his chest. "I don't know what I'm supposed to think."
The room fell quiet. For once neither friend interrupted. "She lied to me."
Nobody argued. Nobody defended her. That somehow made it easier to continue.
"Or maybe not lied exactly." He swallowed. "I don't know anymore." His voice sounded tired, even to him. "She told me eventually."
"She did," Issaky agreed. "After weeks."
Jace leaned forward, elbows on his knees. Frustration finally bubbling to the surface. "I don't know what's real."
The confession hung in the room, raw and painfully honest. Jace wasn't used to opening up to people. He usually just kept everything bottled up and to himself
He stared at the floor. "The first date, the game nights, the lake.” Every smile. Every touch. Every kiss. "How am I supposed to know when it stopped being a bet?"
Silence fell across the room. Issaky set down his project as Ellis sat upright. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. Ellis couldn't fix this with one of his stupid speeches, and Issaky couldn’t drop words of encouragement.
"I loved her." The words slipped out before he could stop them.
Loved. Past tense. Except it wasn't. Not really.
Because the truth was sitting heavy in his chest. He still loved her, and that was the problem.
If he'd stopped loving her, this would be easier.
If he'd hated her, maybe he could move on.
Instead, every memory hurt because every memory still mattered.
"I know," Ellis said quietly.
Jace laughed bitterly. "That's the problem."
He leaned back against the couch and stared at the ceiling.
God, he missed her. He missed her laugh. He missed her terrible jokes. He missed the way she'd randomly appear at the record store and distract him from shelving albums. He missed hearing her voice.
The realization made his stomach twist. Because after everything she'd done, he still wanted to hear her voice.
Ellis exchanged a look with Issaky. Then sighed. "I talked to her."
Jace froze. "What?"
"Before all this." The words landed harder than expected. "I knew about the bet."
Jace stared at Ellis as humiliation burned through him. "Great."
"Jace—"
"No." He stood and began pacing. The apartment suddenly felt too small. Too warm. "Everyone knew except me?"
"Not everyone." Ellis pointed at Issaky. "He didn't know."
Issaky immediately raised both hands. "I absolutely did not know."
Jace exhaled sharply. Still, the sting remained.
Ellis rubbed the back of his neck. "I told her it was messed up."
Jace looked over. "What?"
"I told her she was being an idiot."
For a moment, Jace simply stared.
Ellis shrugged. "What? You thought I approved?"
"No."
"Good." The corner of Ellis's mouth twitched. "Because it was a terrible idea."
Despite himself, Jace almost smiled. Almost.
Then Ellis's expression softened. "She looked miserable."
Jace immediately looked away, because that was the problem. Every time he thought about Myah, he remembered her face in the car after the lake.
Not guilty. Not smug. Terrified. Like she'd been waiting for the moment everything fell apart. Like she'd already known he would leave.
"Just don't." Jace sighed.
Ellis frowned. "Don't what?"
"Make me feel bad for her." The words came out sharper than intended.
Ellis nodded once. "Okay." Then after a pause, started again. "You can be hurt and still care about her."
Jace hated how accurate that was. The following days passed in much the same way. Movies. Takeout. Long conversations. Longer silences.
His phone continued buzzing every day without fail. A message from Myah. Sometimes it was an apology, sometimes it was a question. Sometimes it was nothing more than a simple hope that he was okay.
Jace never responded. But he never blocked her either. He couldn't bring himself to do that. The truth was he read every notification. Every single one. And every single one hurt.
On the tenth day, Issaky finally cornered him. Literally.
Jace had walked into the kitchen looking for coffee and found Issaky standing in the doorway.
Blocking the exit.
"Move." Jace grumbled, running a hand through his morning hair.
"No." Issaky said plainly.
Jace narrowed his eyes. "Move… please?"
"Nope."
Jace sighed heavily. "What do you want?"
Issaky crossed his arms. "You need to talk to her."
Immediate resistance flared. "No."
"Why?" Issaky asked, cocking a brow in the same way he did when Jace was late for work.
Jace opened his mouth. Then stopped. Because he didn't actually have a good answer. "I'm not ready."
Issaky considered that. "Maybe. But I don't think avoiding her is helping."
Jace closed his eyes and took a breath. It was too early for this shit.
The apartment hummed around them. Traffic outside. The refrigerator running. Life continuing.
Issaky's voice softened. "Do you know what I think?"
Jace shrugged.
"I think you're scared."
That irritated him immediately. "I'm not scared."
"Really?"
"Yes."
Issaky raised an eyebrow. "Then go talk to her."
Damn it. Jace hated when people made good points. He leaned against the counter, suddenly exhausted. "What if she never actually cared?" The question escaped before he could stop it.
Issaky's expression softened immediately.
"I don't think she would be blowing Ellis’s phone up at five in the morning if she didn't care." Issaky sighed.
Jace looked down, because there it was. The real fear. It wasn't the bet or the betrayal, or even the lie. He didn't know if he could forgive her, but he wanted to.
Issaky stepped closer. "Jace." His voice was gentle. "I've seen that girl look at you."
Jace swallowed. Hard.
"Nobody can fake that for weeks."
"People fake things all the time," Jace argued. Remembering when he used to fake being okay for years after his parents died.
"Not like that." The certainty in Issaky's voice made something twist painfully in Jace's chest. Because part of him believed it too. Part of him had believed it from the beginning. Even after the confession, a part of him had never doubted that Myah loved him.
The problem was that loving him hadn't stopped her from hurting him.
"I think she made a terrible decision," Issaky continued, " and I think she hurt you." Issaky stepped closer and placed a large hand on Jace’s shoulder, "But I think she regrets it."
Jace stared at the floor. Because he believed that too. If she were heartless, this would be easy. If she didn't care, this would be easy. Instead she was Myah. Messy. Impulsive. Infuriating. And somehow still the girl he loved.
"If you never want to date her again," Issaky said, "that's your choice."
Jace looked up. "But?"
"But you owe it to yourself to get answers."
The words settled heavily between them. Because deep down, Jace knew he was right. Ignoring her wasn't solving anything. The hurt remained. The questions remained. The love remained. All he was doing was delaying the inevitable.
Issaky finally stepped aside. "Go talk to her."
Jace stared at the gap between him and the now open doorway. At the path forward. Toward answers and closure.
Toward closure. His pulse quickened. Fear and hope tangling together until he couldn't tell them apart.
"What if she hates me?"
Issaky blinked and then laughed. "Jace. She's been texting you every day for like, a week"
A reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. The first genuine smile he'd managed in days.
Issaky pointed toward the living room. "Your phone's on the couch."
Jace exhaled slowly. The ache in his chest remained, but maybe it wasn't crushing him anymore. Maybe there was finally enough room to breathe around it. Enough room to try again.
He walked into the living room and sat down on the edge of the couch. His phone rested exactly where he'd left it. For several long moments, he simply stared at the screen. At the dozens of unanswered messages. At an entire week of apologies he hadn't allowed himself to accept.
Slowly, he unlocked it and the messages filled the screen. One after another. Each one carrying a piece of the hurt she'd been living with while he hid from it.
His thumb hovered over the oldest message.
Fear twisted in his stomach. With a shaky breath, Jace tapped the screen, and for the first time in seven days, he finally let himself feel what Myah had been trying to tell him.