Chapter 12
12
ALICE
‘Och, that was such a lovely service, but the poor family was heartbroken,’ Val said, as they pulled out of the crematorium, the last of a long line of vehicles that had filed out of the car park behind the family limos. ‘And oh, that Celine Dion always hurts ma heart. I’ve told you before, make sure they play “Every Step You Take” at my funeral – I just want to remind all the lovely buggers that turn up that I’ll be keeping a wee eye on them.’
‘I thought you wanted Tom Jones “It’s Not Unusual”?’
‘Aye, right at the end. Just to get everyone moving after they’ve been sitting for so long. Don’t want any DVTs on my conscience. Anyway, I’m so sorry you had to find out that Morag had passed away. I know you were hoping that you two could rekindle your friendship.’
‘I was. In a strange way though, I’m still glad that I went. At least now I know. Although, selfishly, I was really sad when her family talked about how she came back to Glasgow every summer and New Year. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t get in touch.’ Alice felt her throat tighten with sorrow. It just didn’t make sense. They were such close friends then… nothing. She chided herself that there was no point crying about it now and tried to steer her mind back to the positive. ‘Anyway, it was so lovely to meet Morag’s son and I couldn’t have refused his request to continue the conversation. Are you sure you don’t mind coming back to the hotel, just for an hour or so?’
Val didn’t skip a beat. ‘You had me at sandwiches. Of course I don’t mind. It seemed like the big fella was so keen to speak to you, bless him. He probably has loads of questions about his mum when she was a young lass.’
The snow and the fog that getting thicker by the minute, slowed the convoy of cars in front of them to a steady thirty miles an hour. Alice was grateful – Val had a heavy right foot and Alice was frequently whipped up to a state of sheer terror when they drove to ASDA for their shopping.
She shared a few anecdotes about Morag on the way, making Val laugh, then tear up when she heard the story of their goodbye at the airport.
‘That’s what she said?’ Val asked, eyes widening. ‘“Watch out for Larry, he’s not who you think he is”?’
‘Or words to that effect,’ Alice confirmed. ‘Mint?’ she asked, as she popped a Polo into her mouth, then leaned over and slipped one between Val’s cerise pink lips too.
‘Thanks. And you’ve no idea why she thought that?’
Alice shook her head. ‘None. Larry could be arrogant and cocky – what does it say about me that those weren’t red flags? Anyway, I suppose I just thought she’d taken a dislike to him because of that. Or maybe the opposite – as I said earlier, I wondered if she actually had an eye for him. Now the only explanation that makes sense is that she saw what I was so blind to – that he was a vile and cruel excuse for a human being who cared for no one but himself.’
They were the last car in the line to pull into the car park at the hotel. There were no spaces left so Val followed a couple of the other cars and bumped up onto a concrete verge, making the car shudder. ‘Jesus, that nearly took my teeth out,’ she groaned, before switching back to their conversation. ‘I guess that answers your question though.’
‘What does?’ Alice wasn’t following.
‘Well, if she’d taken a dislike to Larry, that’s probably why she didn’t get in touch again. You know what family grapevines are like – she must have heard you were still together, and didn’t want to cast any kind of shade on your relationship. Maybe she thought she was doing the right thing for you.’
Hand on the door, Alice paused. ‘Val Murray, are you trying to make me feel better about getting ditched by my friend?’
Val flipped down the window visor and dabbed on a bit more lippy. ‘I am. Is it working?’
‘No. But thank you. You are lovely, you know,’ Alice said gratefully. Today was their last day living together and it was only a few hours before she had to leave for the airport. She wouldn’t normally be so sentimental, but she wanted to make sure Val knew just how much she meant to her.
‘You’re not too bad either,’ Val replied, but her voice cracked on the last word and she waved her out of the car. ‘Now get out before I have to redo my eyeliner.’
Opening the door, Alice gasped as a blast of cold air hit her. Hopefully the weather four hundred miles south would be a bit warmer than Scotland in January.
They followed the other mourners into the hotel, and made their way to an empty table, glad to be inside. A waitress in her sixties soon appeared beside them, balancing a tray carrying a teapot, two cups and saucers, a matching white porcelain milk and sugar set, and a plate with a beautifully arranged serving of sandwiches and sausage rolls. As soon as she spotted Val, her face broke into a wide grin, but she kept her voice low, as befitting the occasion. ‘Val, love, how are you? That’s a terrible question given the circumstances right enough.’
This was something else that Alice would miss. They couldn’t go anywhere within a ten-mile radius of Weirbridge without Val meeting someone she knew. She’d lived her whole life in this area, and held so many community roles: running playgroups, village fetes, mums and tots gatherings, knitting bees, book clubs, dances for the elderly, Christmas parties at the town hall. Sometimes Alice thought the social life of the entire county would grind to a halt without her.
The two women had a chat for a few moments, leaving Alice to scan the room. She could see Zac speaking to someone at the bar, but other than that there was no one she recognised, except… Her gaze fell on the older man she’d seen at the service. About her age. Grey hair. With the slender, athletic form of someone who exercised and took care of himself. She stared at his face. Yes, that had to be Cillian, Morag’s boyfriend that she had moved to Ireland with. Wasn’t it?
She was still trying to decide, when his gaze met hers and she saw instant recognition. Yes! It was definitely him. He’d been such a lovely guy, and if he was here at Audrey’s funeral, that must mean that he and Morag had stayed together. That made her happy. She began to smile and raised her hand to wave to him, when he turned away sharply, as if he’d never seen her at all.
‘Something wrong?’ That was from Val, who was free again now that the waitress had gone off to replenish her tray. ‘And do you want to start with egg mayonnaise on brown bread, or cucumber and tomato sandwiches on white?’
Alice wasn’t sure if she’d imagined what had just happened. ‘Egg mayonnaise please. And no, nothing’s wrong. I just thought I saw someone I used to know, but I must have been mistaken.’
There was no time to think too deeply about it, because just at that, Zac crossed the room to their table. ‘Thank you so much for coming. Do you mind if I sit?’
Alice gestured to the chair across from her. ‘Of course not. Please do.’
Now that she had time to study his face up close, she could see such familiarity in him. He had Morag’s smile, and her colouring. He had her thick dark hair too. His eyes, though… they must have come from Cillian’s side because they were a pale blue, not hazel like Morag’s.
‘I hope you don’t mind me persuading you to come here. It’s just that, when you said you were Mum’s friend, there were things I wanted to pick your brains about. I realise now that I’ve done that typical thing of leaving it too late to learn about Mum’s younger life. I never asked her the right questions and now Aunt Audrey is gone, and she was my last link to Mum’s life before she met my dad.’
Alice understood completely. She’d left it too late when it came to Morag too, and she’d always regret that now.
‘Your dad… that’s Cillian, isn’t it? He and your mum were dating when she left for Ireland. I went with them to the airport that night. I was heartbroken to see her go. We’d been best friends for so long.’
To her surprise, a momentary frown crossed Zac’s face, or perhaps it was a flicker of puzzlement. Strange, but the poor guy’s emotions must be all over the place today.
He recovered quickly and nodded as he answered her question. ‘Yes, Cillian’s my dad. He’s taking Aunt Audrey’s death pretty hard. They were really close – almost like brother and sister – and we only lost Mum a year ago, so it’s been tough on him. He and Mum did everything together, so I think he’s a bit lost now.’
Alice put her cup back down on the saucer. ‘I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s lovely to hear that they had a happy marriage, though. They hadn’t been together long when your mum left, so I was always worried that maybe they’d jumped in too fast. It’s good to know that Morag was right all along.’
Another frown, and Alice didn’t understand this one either. What was she missing?
He was thoughtful for a moment, and it seemed like he was trying to find the words to ask her something and not quite getting them. Val must have noticed it too, because she was giving him space to think. Alice wasn’t sure she’d ever been quiet this long.
Another pang of sympathy made her want to hug him. He must be so weary and emotionally exhausted with all this. She wondered if it would be okay to ask him to keep in touch with her, maybe meet up some time if they were in the same city. There was so much more that she’d like to learn about Morag’s life in Ireland and, by the sounds of things, he wanted to know more about her earlier years.
‘I don’t mean to offend you…’ he began, a little awkwardly.
Alice smiled, trying to encourage him. ‘I promise you, I’m pretty much un-offendable, so please go ahead.’
‘The thing is…’ he began, his fingers looping into his tie and loosening it as he spoke. He then opened the top button of his shirt, now clearly uncomfortable. ‘Did you and Mum ever have a falling out? Is that why you lost touch?’
It was a perfectly understandable question, but Alice was still a little taken aback, and it took a moment for her to get the right answer.
‘The truth is, I really don’t know. I was just discussing that with my friend here this morning. When your mum left, we made so many promises to keep in touch and meet up, and then I never saw her again. There were a couple of cards, but when I wrote back and asked about coming to visit her, the contact stopped altogether. I know she didn’t like my boyfriend at the time – she always was a good judge of character – but I can honestly say that from my perspective, there was no falling out. I’ve always thought we both just got wrapped up in our own lives and the distance was too much for us to navigate back then.’ A thought struck her. ‘Can I ask what made you wonder if we’d fallen out? Did your mum ever tell you that?’
‘No, actually – please don’t be offended by this – but she never mentioned you at all. And that’s why, looking back, it’s so strange that she never contacted you when we were in Glasgow.’ He opened his jacket and reached into the inside pocket.
Alice felt her heart sink. There must have been something that she’d missed, some slight or comment that Morag had taken to heart. It was the only explanation.
She sighed, fighting back the tears she’d been determined not to shed all morning. ‘I’m so sorry if I did something to hurt or upset her. It breaks my heart to think that something unintentional could have kept us apart for all these years.’
Zac was taking something out of his pocket now, but Alice noticed that he had a quick glance around the room, as if checking no one could see whatever he was about to show her.
‘I actually think it might have been the other way round. Were you Mum’s only friend called Alice?’
She flicked back through the Rolodex of her memory. ‘Yes, as far as I know.’
Something in his mannerisms told her he’d just made a decision, and he placed a pretty notelet down in front of her, the kind she and Morag used back in those days to write letters. He turned it around, and in an almost synchronised movement, both she and Val got their specs out, slipped them on and then leaned forward and began to read.
Dear Alice,
I’ve been trying to write this note to you for the longest time, but I never seem to manage it. I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just begin by saying I’m so, so sorry. When I explain what happened, I’ll understand if you never forgive me. I didn’t mean ? —
She read it again, stunned, before sitting back in her chair. ‘It just finishes there? Without any explanation? What was she sorry for?’
‘I was hoping that you could tell me,’ he said earnestly. ‘And there’s another puzzle too.’ He glanced around the room again, before reaching back into his inside pocket and pulling out a strip of photo booth images. ‘I wondered if you could help me understand something else.’