CHAPTER NINE
SONYA
“Just ask, Bekah,” I say when I feel her staring from the edge of my bed. After practically threatening my friends to erase the Walker confession from their brains, I moved upstairs to start brainstorming my app. At least, that was my plan until Bekah made herself at home in my bed and started staring at me.
“I know you told us to forget about it, but I can’t,” she says, nudging the folded comforter at the top of my bed with her foot. “I need the details.”
“There are no details. I asked, and he said no. Now I’m brainstorming for my app design,” I say, gesturing to the laptop in front of me and taking in her relaxed form. Her hands rest on the mattress behind her, facing the head of the bed next to me. “There’s nothing more to it.”
She falls back into my bed with a small groan at my refusal to give her anything else. A moment of silence filters the space between us before she props herself up, her long, nearly black hair spilling down her arm as she rests her cheek against her hand. The hard edges of her jaw softened by the slight upturn of her nose and pillowy lips. It makes her look cute and innocent, but Bekah is anything but. She has a bite to her, especially to protect the people she loves.
And on the rare moments when she lets her walls down, the vulnerability she doesn’t want to show anyone slips out. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks, trying to look unaffected as she bites her nail, but the question is quiet. Almost like she doesn’t really want to know.
“I was going to,” I say, shutting my laptop to give her my full attention. “It just…I guess I got a little embarrassed. I told Dylan in the heat of the moment after I got home, but things have kind of settled, and I don’t know, it wasn’t something I just wanted to blurt out. He had every right to say no, I just—”
“Weren’t expecting him to?” she asks.
I lift my shoulders up to my ears and let them fall, the day settling over me. “Maybe? I was at least expecting him to think about it a bit, but he just said no. There wasn’t any hesitation, and in the moment, I wanted to play it cool and be unaffected, but it hurt. And maybe it shouldn’t have. I put him in a weird spot, and I didn’t want him to feel bad because it’s Walker. He would have taken it back if I indicated I felt any differently, and he’s allowed to say no, you know?”
She nods her head. “You’re also allowed to be bummed about it.”
Her words bring an instant comfort to my chest, giving me permission to feel all my feelings. It puts me at ease, something I didn’t even realize I needed until she said it. “I know.”
“So…do you still want to do the casual sex thing? If so, we need a game plan.”
I laugh when she grins at me, eager to be a part of the plan now. “I don’t know, Beks. I don’t think I’m exactly in any shape to be having casual sex. Who would I even go to? I don’t think I can do the whole stranger thing. I want to be comfortable with the person.”
Her grin widens as she sits up. “We know plenty of guys, Sunny. All of them will happily be begging at your feet,” she says, pointing in the general direction of Dylan’s house. “For example, walking sex on a stick next door.”
This time, it’s my turn to grin. “Fitz?”
She makes a face as if his name physically wounds her. “I would rather die.”
Chewing my bottom lip, I play with the idea. Dylan is off the table, and while Bekah hasn’t expressed a single interest in Fitz, the way his eyes always seem to find her tells me that’s not a two-way street, taking him off the table, too. That only leaves their other roommate, the gentle and sturdy left-wing who tends to keep to himself.
She lands on it at the very same second as me, nodding her head as we say, “Campbell.”
“Do you think he would be game?” I ask, picking at one of my curls and pulling it straight out of habit before letting it go.
She raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at me. “Have you seen yourself?”
I roll my eyes, sliding my laptop forward on the bed. “There’s a bit more to it than finding me hot. Walker finds me hot and still said no.”
“Did he say that?”
“He didn’t have to. I could see it on his face,” I tell her, climbing up to my feet. “Campbell doesn’t seem like the casual sex type.”
She shrugs, running her hand over the sporadic ink that marks her arms. “It doesn’t hurt to ask, right? Can’t be any worse than asking Walker.”
I laugh when there’s a brief knock at my door before it opens, and Everett pops his head inside. The blond hair he had this morning is now blue, and I have no idea when he had time to dye it. It seems to be a tradition at this point. All the time I’ve known him, he sported everything from bleach blond to pink. “Is there a reason Walker’s sitting outside our house?”
“What?” I ask, looking at Bekah, who shares the same surprised look before darting back to Everett. “What are you talking about?”
“He does drive a blue Escape, doesn’t he?” I nod, and he says, “Yeah, he’s sitting out front in his car. He didn’t seem to notice me when I pulled up.”
I reach for my phone from the bed, turning it over to see if I missed a text from him letting me know he’s here, but the screen is blank of any notifications. “Thanks, Evy. I’ll go check on him,” I say, pocketing my phone and heading towards him. “How was work?”
“It was work,” he says, sighing heavily as he takes a step back into the hall and follows me towards the stairs. Bekah trailing behind us. “You guys are still coming to my showcase tomorrow, right? I get it if—”
“We wouldn’t miss it,” I say, squeezing his bicep.
“We’re actually planning to go to On The Bench after to celebrate you and get Sonya here dicked down,” Bekah chimes in, and I can’t help the laugh that falls from my lips.
“Can we not say get ‘Sonya dicked down?’” I ask politely and stop at the bottom of the stairs when I see Reid, Dylan, and because my luck has already been so great today—Campbell.
“Hey, Sunny.” Campbell’s rich laugh fills the room.
“Uh, hi,” I say, lifting my hand in greeting and trying not to shy away when my cheeks burn bright red. “You’re going to pretend like you didn’t hear that.”
He nods his head, the dark blond waves that are longer on the top and shaved down on the sides swaying with the movement. I would go as far as to say that Campbell is the embodiment of the word pretty. Thick shoulders, lean frame, and the clearest blue eyes I have ever seen. It also helps that he's quite possibly the nicest guy I’ve ever met, a direct contrast to the venom he spits out on the ice when someone goes after one of his teammates.
“Unless you wanted to do the honors,” Bekah says, patting his shoulder when she sinks back into her claimed armchair.
Dylan’s head turns my way at her commentary, but I’m already ignoring the fact my friends clearly have it out for me and want to see me die of embarrassment. “I’ll be back. Campbell, don’t listen to anything anyone says. They are all filthy liars and don’t know what they’re talking about.”
“Except the dicking down part,” Bekah says. “That’s true.”
“Beks!” My eyes widen. “What the hell?”
“What? You said it yourself. You miss sex.”
“Rebekah Layne Reynolds, please, for the love of all that is good in this world,” I pause to make sure she’s paying attention. “Shut up!”
“Fuck, she pulled out the full name,” Everett says, laughing at her expense. “You’ve brought out the beast, Beks. I might zip it.”
“I hate all of you,” I say, heading for the front door.
“Where are you going?” Reid asks.
I wave off the concern. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be right back.”
Slipping into my sneakers, I pull the door open and step into the cool winter air. Sure enough, Walker’s car is exactly where Everett said it was, and he doesn’t seem to realize he’s gained our attention with his presence. The packed snow crunches under my feet as I hurry down the front yard, slowly approaching his passenger door.
I lean down to catch sight of him, but his eyes are focused on something ahead of him. Turning my head, I try to find what he’s so enamored by but come up with nothing but the empty street. Knocking lightly on his car window, I hear the lock click open.
“Hey,” I say, sliding into the warm car and pulling the door shut behind me. “Were you planning to come in or just going to sit out here like a stalker?”
A forced laugh falls from his lips, and my sensors immediately go off. Walker isn’t the type to force anything, so when he does, it’s easy to see. Even if he will never admit it out loud, he’s a lot like me. Wearing his emotions on his sleeve. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m okay.”
“Now I know something is definitely wrong,” I tease, dipping my head to try and catch his eyes, but he won’t look at me. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I can’t stop my thoughts from drifting. Maybe I already screwed everything up. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, unsure if it’s even what I should be saying. “I never meant to make you uncomfortable.”
The tension in his jaw loosens, his grey eyes softening when they find mine in the dark car. “It’s not that, Sunny.”
“It kind of feels like maybe it is.” I frown, pulling at the sleeves of my sweater.
“I promise it’s not. I’m just…I’m in my head.”
“Then let me be there with you,” I say, reaching for his arm but stopping myself when I see him stiffen. I wasn’t thinking when I blurted out my question the other day. I didn’t stop to think of the consequences or that for even a second, I’d make him uncomfortable. If I had taken just half a second longer to think it over, we wouldn’t be here right now.
“You know, I wasn’t sure where I was going when I got in the car. I was in over my head, overthinking everything, and I just wanted a moment of peace and quiet.”
I smile softly. “So, you came to my house? You do know this is probably the least quiet place on the planet, right? There are people everywhere, all the time. We may as well be a frat.”
That gets a laugh out of him. A real laugh, and then he turns to look at me. His grey eyes are clearer than ever when they find mine, not a storm in sight. “I’m beginning to realize my peace is where you are.”
For a second, I stop breathing. I think my heart stops beating altogether. Just up and quits, but then his fingertips graze my cheek and it’s like lightning strikes. All I feel is him.
“Walker,” I whisper his name, lifting my hand to rest on his wrist when his fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of my neck. His thumb runs over the edge of my jaw, a shiver crawling up my spine at the gentle touch.
“I just want to try something.” He leans into me, his eyes never leaving mine, and then he’s kissing me and the world around me ceases to exist. All that matters is him.
His warmth. His calloused touch. His lips.
I’ve thought about kissing Walker more than I’ll ever admit out loud, and nothing I could have imagined would fit what it’s actually like. His grip on the back of my neck is rough like he’s afraid I’ll fade away if he lets go, but his lips are soft against mine. A moan works its way up my throat when his tongue meets mine, my hands grasping at his jacket.
I reach for the zipper when his hand finds mine, curling his fingers in and pausing my movement. His grip loosens from my neck, and the second his lips break off from my own, I feel a sense of loss I’m not used to.
A kiss has never felt like that before in my life. Like all my dreams have been built on it.
“That was…” I swallow the words on the tip of my tongue when I see his face. He’s working through something, and whatever it is, this didn’t help him. It seems to have had the opposite effect. As he works through it, my chest grows a little tighter. It’s never been hard to breathe around Walker, not until this very moment. Not while I wait for him to say something— anything— with bated breath.
“You’re in my head, Sunny. All the time.”
I exhale. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize,” he says, falling back into his seat and dropping my hand in the process. I miss him immediately, but instead of reaching for him—desperate to have him back in my hold—I curl in on myself. “Please don’t ever apologize for that.”
“You’re confusing me, Cowboy.”
“I’m confusing myself,” he admits, running his fingers into his hair and focusing on the street once again. I guess we’re back to not looking at each other. “I made a mistake.”
I think my heart breaks a little, but I don’t show it. I steel my nerves, keeping them to myself, and nod my head. “Okay,” I swallow, pushing down how not a mistake this was for me. “We can forget it happened. We were just testing—”
“I’m not talking about the kiss, Sunny,” he says, turning his head, and the inkling of hope sparks back to life. “I shouldn’t have said no.”
I press my lips together and watch as his brain slows down to pick things apart, to think them through. It’s one of my favorite things about him. He’s not impulsive. Not even slightly. When he does something, it’s with meaning. He always thinks it over, turns over every thought, and waits for the dust to settle. To really know what he wants.
So, even though I have more questions than I know what to do with, I don’t voice any of them. I sit and let him work through this the way he needs to because I already know what I want. The kiss only confirmed it.
I want him.
And I think with a little time, he might want me back.
“You took me by surprise,” he voices, his chest falling as he blows out a breath. “I said the first thing that came to mind instead of listening to you and hearing you out. I want to take it back, but I’m not saying yes, either. Not yet.”
I nod my head. “What do you need from me?”
“Nothing.” He shakes his head. “Just let me think about it, okay? I need a little more time before I jump in.”
“I can handle a little time,” I say, smiling. “And Cowboy? Just so you know, this isn’t going to change anything between us. Whether you say yes or no. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right where I want to be.”
“I know.”
“Good,” I say, leaning over to press my lips to his cheek, but he turns his head at the last second, catching my lips and me off guard. The kiss is quicker in comparison, and when I pull back, he leans his forehead against mine. “I’ll be here when you’re ready,” I whisper into the space between us, knowing, above all else, it’s what he needs to hear.