CHAPTER FOURTEEN
SONYA
When Everett suggested I use Campbell to try and make Walker jealous, I wasn’t sure how it would go over. I thought for sure it was going to be a waste of time, and I certainly didn’t expect Campbell to agree to do it, but when I approached him, I barely had the words out of my mouth before his hand was on my waist, pulling me into his side.
I put no faith in the idea that hanging onto someone else would put a fire under Walker’s ass, but that’s exactly what it did. Or it had until he realized what I was doing. Because of course he knew. Walker reads me better than anyone.
It was like a switch flipped for him. The moment he saw what I was doing, the jealousy that had been pulling his muscles tight vanished, replaced with a different kind of fire. I know he’s going to make me pay for playing with him. It’s just a matter of when, and if the catch in his breath earlier told me anything, he’s close to deciding what it is he wants.
All I need to do is wait and see what that is.
Which is easier said than done when all I want to do is rip his clothes off. I don’t know when the desire became so bright in the wake of everything going on between us, but it’s there. Burning me up from the inside, waiting for the string between us to finally sizzle and our willpower to snap.
“Beks, come on.” I reach for her hand when she crawls into bed beside a tipsy Everett. “This isn’t your bed. Let’s get you upstairs.”
“No!” she whines, burying her face in one of Everett’s pillows. It’s not often Bekah lets herself slip up and get more than tipsy, but today is one of those days. I’d find it amusing if I weren’t the one responsible for her wellbeing right now. “Let me stay here. Evy and I can have a sleepover. Right, Evy?”
Everett smiles down at her, sprawled out in bed next to her. “She can stay, Sunny.”
“You sure?”
He nods his head when Bekah kicks at his comforter, worming her way underneath the covers. “I’m sorry my plan didn’t work out with Walker. I was sure it’d do the trick.”
I shrug. “If it’s meant to be, it’ll work itself out.”
“Fuck, how do you do that?” he asks, sitting up on his elbows to study me. My lips curl up at the irritated look on his face. “I aspire to be you, Sonya Cartelli.”
That only makes my smile stretch, walking around the end of the bed. I cup his face between my hands, leaning down. “You’re perfect the way you are,” I tell him, pressing my lips to his forehead. “I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else.”
“Okay, get that sunshine shit out of here.” He waves me off, but I can see the spark of emotion welling in his eyes. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I can catch Everett off guard. Sometimes, he lets me see the heart he hides away in a vault. Sometimes, he needs to know he doesn’t need to be anyone but himself.
I used to get so much shit for always being so full of optimism. It’s how my nickname came to be. Even when I have every reason to be pessimistic, I can’t bring myself to do it. There are a lot of reasons I could choose to be angry at the world. A lot of unfairness exists that makes my heart ache, but I can’t dwell on the things that make me sad. I want to be happy. I want to make other people happy. If I can do that by being cheerful and finding the sunnier side of things, then that’s what I will do.
It’s who I’ve always been, and I don’t want to change that. I don’t think I even know how. My mom used to tell me it’s like sunshine is woven into my DNA, making me brighter.
“Couldn’t convince her to get out of Everett’s bed, huh?” Reid asks from his spot on the couch when I get upstairs.
With a sigh, I shake my head and sink into the couch next to him. “She wants to have a sleepover, and once she decides, you know she’s not going anywhere. Thankfully, Everett’s in a good mood and decided to let it fly.”
Reid laughs. “I think anything with Bekah would fly. She’s his favorite.”
“You’re his favorite,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“Yeah, well, I’m everyone’s favorite,” he jokes, shutting the book he’s holding and resting it against his thigh. “You doing okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve had a lot going on the last few days. Just checking in,” he says, looping his arm around my shoulder to let me lean on him.
“Things are weird, but I’m doing okay,” I say. “Things with Walker are…in an interesting state, but that’s my own doing.”
“You’re sure this is what you want?”
I nod my head, chewing on my bottom lip. “Yeah, it is,” I say, pulling my legs up to my chest. “It sounds insane, I know. Friends with benefits never work for anyone. It almost always ends in disaster, but I genuinely think if anyone will make it out, it’s Walker and me.”
He doesn’t say anything right away, and for a second, I think he won’t. Reid’s always been good at holding in the things people don’t want to hear. He keeps it hidden, except when it comes to me. Maybe it’s because we’ve been friends since the day I was born, only three short weeks after him, or because our souls were made to match each other, but he’s always let me in.
No matter what.
“What is it?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “It’s not important.”
“Reid, come on.” I nudge his side and twist, resting my knee gently against his side with his arms still around my shoulder. “This is me you’re talking to. You don’t have to keep all those thoughts locked up.”
“What happens if this doesn’t work? If you’re not the one to make it through. What if things go downhill and fall apart?” he questions, and my stomach knots tightly.
I have so heavily convinced myself that we will be the ones to make it that I didn’t slow down enough to question what happens if we aren’t. If things do go up in flames and things get messy.
The fear creeping in for a second quickly replaces with the excitement in Walker’s eyes tonight before I walked away. That one look sends me back into my safe space.
We are the ones. I know we are.
“We aren’t going to fall apart.”
He presses his lips together in a way that tells me he’s about to pull back but then thinks better of it. “You don’t know that for sure. There’s the possibility this doesn’t go the way you think it will, and I don’t want you getting hurt. He means a lot to you. I see the way you light up at the mere mention of him. He’s not just a random person, Sunny. You’ll be a mess if something goes wrong, and I don’t want that for you.”
I smile at his words, knowing he’s speaking from experience. It’s part of what’s clouding his worry right now. His heart still beats with a fracture. “I appreciate you looking out for me, Reid. I love you for it, but I need you to trust I know what I’m doing. When and if I decide to do it. The ball isn’t in my court anymore. I know what I want, and I told him. It’s his decision to make now, and maybe,” I pause, not wanting to voice his wariness—to make it real, but I have to. “Maybe we aren’t the ones who make it out of this unscathed, but you have to let me make that decision and then help me pick myself up.”
He nods before leaning over and pressing his lips to the side of my head. “I do trust you, and I’m always going to be here. No matter what.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he says, squeezing my arm before standing up “I’m going to head to bed. You turning in soon?”
I nod, wrapping my arms around my legs with a small sigh. “I’ll be up in a bit.”
“Okay, goodnight.”
“Night,” I say, a small smile crossing my lips.
The moment he’s gone, and the creak of the stairs fades, I let everything settle in the dust around me. I have never been one to run from what I am feeling. I’ve always faced it head-on. Bottling things up has never worked out, not for me or anyone else.
I have prided myself on how honest I am with myself, but the reality is nothing will ever make me admit there’s a heavy disappointment resting on my chest. Maybe it’s a sign Walker made the right decision to walk away from me tonight, but it doesn’t make it any less there.
I still feel it. I saw it on Reid’s face just now.
He was looking at me like I’m fragile, and I’m not. I know I’ll be fine. Walker and I will bounce back from whatever decision he makes. It’s the only option we have because living without him in my life isn’t one.
For a second, I let my regret seep in. It only lasts a moment before I’m shoving it to the back of the closet, letting the pieces fall as they may. I will not let myself spiral under someone else’s opinion on the matter. Whatever happens, it’s between Walker and me, and at the end of the day, his is the only opinion I care about when it comes to this.
We are allowed to do whatever we want.
Even if that something is each other.
Shoving the last bundle of nerves down, I let my legs fall back down to the floor and reach for the side lamp to turn it on, letting the low glow light the main floor in case Bekah changes her mind in the middle of the night. I head for the stairs when there’s a knock at the front door. Eyes darting to the stove, I realize it is well past midnight. It’s not Dylan because he has a key and would just let himself in, and for a second, my chest tightens.
I am about to leave it alone when the knock comes again, dread replacing the anxiety as I approach the door. I pull the curtain back slightly, spotting a familiar head of dark waves, and relief floods my body. Walker’s back is to me when I pull the door open, leaning my hip against the flat edge of the door when he turns.
“Hey,” I say, resting my hand on the doorknob to keep myself from reaching for him.
His eyes are darker than usual when he steps forward, framing the doorway with his arms on either side as his chest heaves. “We’ll need rules.”
My eyes widen slightly, darting behind him to see his car isn’t there. “Did you run here?” I ask, taking in the slight flush on his cheeks.
“Flynn drove tonight.”
Heat settles over my bones, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. He ran here. He was in such desperate need to get to me that he ran here at midnight in the middle of winter.
“You ran all the way here just to tell me we need rules?”
“No,” he says, stepping into the house and forcing me back. “I believe I was promised you naked and mine to play with.”
I grin at him when he shuts the door and turns the lock. “I don’t recall saying anything about a promise. I was simply pointing out a fact. You want me naked.”
“Are you saying you don’t want me just as naked?”
Dropping my gaze, I let it slowly trail over him, from his hips to his large hands hanging at his sides, up to the broad shoulders he always hides beneath sweaters, and finally to his eyes. The blue that usually compliments the grey diminished in the dark foyer.
“I never said that,” I say, tipping my head back when he leans into me. His lips brush my skin, causing me to smile. When he’s about to lean all the way in, I step back and towards the stairs, knowing he’ll follow. “I would very much like you without your clothes.”
“But…”
“But I’m going to need you to admit something first,” I say, leading him up to my room.
The door clicks shut behind us when I lean into it, hands flat behind my back. I watch him take in my room like it’s his first time here. It’s not, but it is in this capacity and the room feels different. The air is thicker between us.
When he starts to pace the floor in front of the foot of the bed, I push up to my full height again. I worry he’s about to change his mind before I can even ask my question, when he stops to face me. The determination on his face sends a shiver down my spine.
“Yes.”
Excitement blooms in my chest as I push away from the door, approaching him slowly. “Yes, what, Cowboy?” I ask, a hint of a smile playing on my lips.
“Sunny,” he steps towards me, hands moving to my waist. It’s not the first time his hands have been there, but it is the first time it’s ever set my body on fire. “Yes, I want to do this,” he says, leaning down. “Now, I believe I was promised something.”
I hum. “You’re kind of bossy.”
“And you’re kind of a brat.”
The shift in Walker’s tone sends heat straight to my belly, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hot as hell, but then I’m reminded of the look on his face in the bar when I had my hand on Campbell’s leg. I have never seen him look like he wants to murder someone before. Walker couldn’t hurt a fly, much less a person, but at that moment, I thought he might reach across the table and wrap his hands around his throat.
Before I can stop it, a giggle slips out. “You were so jealous,” I say with a grin. “It was kind of embarrassing for you.”
“I was not.”
I hum. “I’m not taking anything off until you admit it.” My fingertips touch his chest, slowly trailing it towards his belt buckle. “Just admit it, and I’ll do whatever you want.”
He holds my gaze, never breaking it, and for a moment, I think he’s going to keep denying it. There’s a steady look in his eyes like he’s more than ready to stand here all night long. And that simply won’t work.
Leaning forward, I step into his firm chest until my breasts are pressed against him. Using his shoulder as leverage, I lean onto my toes. My breath grazes his jaw on my way to his ear. “Just say it, and I'm all yours, Cowboy.”
That’s all it takes for the damn to break. A curse falls from his lips when he buries his face against my neck and in my hair. I feel his breath on my skin as he inhales, shivers coating my skin at the warmth of it. Of his presence this close to me. “Yes, Sunny. I was jealous. So fucking jealous.”
I grin to myself before pressing into him, walking him back until his legs hit the end of my mattress, and he’s forced to sit. With the height advantage, I run my hands up his shoulders until my fingers are cupping his face, and his focus settles solely on me. His grey eyes hooded, and full of heat.
“See?” I ask, bringing my lips down until they’re hovering just an inch from his. Despite the steadiness of my voice, my heart races. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
He doesn’t answer me, instead tilting his chin up until his lips are on mine, and my whole world tips upside down. There’s no going back after this.
Not from him.