Chapter 8
CHRISTMAS EVE
Peg sat down, leaning her back against the solid oak of the pew she was sitting on and willed it to imbue her with its strength.
Stone arched high above her, to where, only moments before, their voices had soared, filling the space with joy.
She clung onto the thought that, even during times of grief, there were moments of vibrant life to be found.
She had discovered this in the years after Julian had died, and it was just as true now.
There was something about this building which always made her feel humble, grateful for all the things she had in her life, even the things she had lost. At this time of year, when the season was all about wanting, it was enormously hard to remember.
Maybe that’s why she liked coming here on this particular day – as a reminder to herself.
The quiet and peaceful Christmas that she had been so looking forward to would now be turned topsy-turvy by events and, as she stood for the next carol, she thought of her cottage, glowing with light as it had welcomed her home late last night.
She had been tired and emotional, but no matter how she felt, it was her one true constant, the centre of herself to which she always returned.
She smiled at a young family across the aisle from her – two primary school age girls and their parents.
If past Christmases with her own children were anything to go by, then the next couple of days would be busy and chaotic for them, yet still they had carved out some time to come to the church and sing.
Life goes on; she must remember that, even though change had forced its way into hers again.
A little while later, Peg made her way through the churchyard, out of the lych gate and into the lane.
Just getting that far had taken a while, as she stopped to chat to neighbours, the vicar and her friends, but now the calls of ‘Merry Christmas’ had dwindled and the last of the stragglers were making their way home.
The day had been bright and clear. Bitterly cold, but without it, the trees would not be sparkling and the fields would not be crisp underfoot.
Dusk had fallen during the service and the sky had turned a deep mauve, a single gilded streak of pink lining the horizon.
Although Peg’s walk home would take her to the other end of the village, the darkening skies meant her way was now lit by what seemed like a thousand twinkling stars – strings of lights criss-crossed the street, hung in trees, from roofs and windows and woven through bushes. Tiny sparks of joy.
She smiled as she passed a woman posing for a photo beside one of the Christmas trees on the green. There were two, one at either end.
‘Peg…?’
She swung around at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. Unfamiliar, and yet…
‘Hello!’ She laughed. ‘What are you doing here?’
The man gave her a gentle smile. ‘You remember me then?’
‘Of course I do,’ Peg replied. ‘How are you, Henry?’
‘I’m good, thanks.’ He paused, looking somewhat awkward. ‘Are you okay?’
When Peg’s neighbour, Judith, had told her about the mystery man who had arrived at her house yesterday bearing gifts, she had immediately thought of Henry.
In truth, she couldn’t think of anyone else who might have been to see her, but the thought that it could have been Henry was a nice one.
It had made a difference to the turned-upside-down world of the last few hours.
She’d also been sad to have missed him, made worse by the fact that she would probably never know the truth for certain.
Had it been Henry who’d come to her door?
And if it was, why had he come? They were questions she had surmised would never receive an answer, but now here he was, and perhaps with him, the opportunity to ask them.
‘I’m fine,’ she replied. ‘Although it only seems five minutes since we were stuck in that traffic jam.’
‘It does…’ Henry smiled again, warm, but also perhaps a little sadly. ‘I’m sorry that—’
He was interrupted by a woman who Peg recognised as the one having her photo taken.
‘Hello…’ she said, smiling while assessing Peg at the same time – subtly, but it was there nonetheless.
Peg couldn’t remember her name, but it had to be Henry’s daughter-in-law.
She didn’t look at all embarrassed to have cut across their conversation.
Peg returned the greeting, realising as she did so that two other people were also standing at the periphery of her vision.
She turned slightly as Henry took a step to his left.
The group looked curious. Henry looked distinctly uncomfortable.
He held out his arm to bring them into the conversation. ‘Peg, this is my son, Adam, his wife, Sofia and her mother, Blanche. This is Peg, everyone.’ He paused. ‘We’ve just been to the carol service.’
Peg nodded, smiling. Sofia, that was it. ‘Hello, wasn’t it lovely? Have you been before?’
Sofia was the first to shake her head, moving closer. ‘No, but we shall definitely be coming again. It’s such a pretty village. I don’t know why we’ve never been before given that it’s so close.’
Peg wondered how much she should say, conscious that in all probability she knew rather more about Henry’s family than they did about her.
Sofia’s eyes missed nothing as she surreptitiously glanced at Peg’s hair and clothing.
Let her look, thought Peg. She nodded. ‘You should. I can’t vouch for any of the other services, but there’s something about carols on Christmas Eve, the way it makes you feel…
’ She was about to say more but something in the woman’s blank look told her there was little point.
‘It’s much busier than I thought it would be,’ remarked Sofia.
‘I know, isn’t it great? Practically the whole village turns out.’
Adam smiled. ‘And do you live in the village?’
‘I do. I’ve lived here for thirty-odd years.’ They were standing a stone’s throw from her cottage but she wasn’t about to mention that.
‘In the same house?’ asked Sofia. ‘Goodness… I can’t imagine that.’
‘Can’t say I’d want to be anywhere else,’ she replied, smiling at Henry, who was looking even more anxious. She would have liked to invite him in for a cup of tea and a bite to eat, but that would have meant inviting them all in, and Henry looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but there.
Sofia looked around her. ‘It is very pretty…’ She turned so that she could take in the whole of the street. ‘There are some lovely houses here. What are the prices like?’
Peg laughed. ‘I’ve absolutely no idea, I’m afraid.’
Now Adam was beginning to look uncomfortable and, given the details of the conversation she’d shared with Henry, she wondered if Adam was worried about the size of his mortgage.
Sofia did look as if she was sizing the place up.
At first glance though, she’d be far too glamorous for Lower Steeping.
Peg had nearly gone to the carol service in her wellies, and had only just thrown them off at the last minute.
The freezing temperatures had hardened the surface of the main road today, but with tractors moving up and down it several times a day, for much of the year it was covered in mud.
She smiled again but the conversation had stalled, and Peg worried that if it went on any longer someone would ask the kinds of questions she didn’t want to answer.
She regretted her opening comment now; wished she hadn’t made reference to the traffic jam and revealed how she and Henry had met.
His family might not have heard it, but it would be natural for them to ask how she and Henry knew one another, or for how long and, given the look on Sofia’s face, she was desperate to find out.
Peg wasn’t sure why, but she wanted to keep their friendship (was that even the right word?) private.
It existed in a little oasis of time and space which Peg was keen to protect.
There were things she wanted to say to Henry, but now couldn’t, and wondered if he felt the same. Someone should say something, though; the seconds were ticking by and the silence was becoming a little awkward. She pulled her coat tighter and gave an involuntary shiver.
‘We should let you get back to your evening,’ said Henry. ‘But it was lovely to see you.’
‘You too… And have a lovely Christmas, won’t you?’ The echoes of their very first conversation drifted back to her. Would he have a lovely Christmas? Given all that she knew? She wanted to hold onto him for a bit longer but he was already preparing to leave.
He reached out slightly, then thought better of it. ‘You too…’ The lights were glinting off the curls in his hair.
He hesitated, and she had the distinct impression he wanted to say more.
But his family were already moving away, back to their house with the bows on the backs of the chairs and matching napkins, the lavish brunches and trips to the theatre.
She stood still for a moment, watching them go, heading towards an enormous car parked by the edge of the green, and then she turned for her own door.
She’d only gone a couple of steps, however, when a gentle touch on her arm turned her back.
‘It was lovely to meet you,’ said Blanche. ‘I’m so sorry. Henry told us…’ She trailed off as a voice came from behind her.
‘Mum…?’
A look of such pained exasperation came over Blanche’s face that Peg almost laughed out loud.
‘I’d better go,’ said Blanche. ‘Compliance doesn’t always come easy, but it certainly makes life easier. Take care… and Merry Christmas, Peg.’
Peg stared at Blanche’s tiny frame in astonishment as she walked slowly towards her daughter, picking her way carefully over the frozen ground.
‘You too,’ she said.
Sometimes Henry wondered about the universe.
Mostly, he thought it to be benevolent but at times it was downright irritating.
He’d almost fallen over when Adam had revealed the location of the church they were planning to visit for the carol service, and he had vacillated between a secret excitement that he might see Peg again, and terror that he would.
Even though he knew the chances of it were next to non-existent, it could have been the perfect opportunity to ‘bump’ into her, but not with Sofia, Adam and, to a lesser extent, Blanche in tow.
It seemed unfair in the extreme. And, as he climbed into the car, he knew the universe was going to enjoy watching him squirm.
‘She seemed nice,’ said Adam.
It wasn’t a bad opening statement, and one Henry could deflect relatively easily, but he knew his son was only biding his time. Sofia, however, had no such reticence.
‘Obviously quite a character. Not sure I could pull off plaits at that age, but they suited her, didn’t they? And I loved her dress… so colourful.’
Henry thought her dress was lovely, too, only he wasn’t being disparaging.
‘Yes,’ said Henry. ‘Although I don’t know her all that well, just to talk to, say hello, you know.’
‘Oh… I wondered if you were old friends,’ said Adam. ‘As in very old friends. Didn’t you used to live around here, Dad? When you were little?’
Henry closed his eyes briefly. ‘I went to primary school here,’ he said. ‘But no, she’s not someone I knew from school.’
‘So where did you meet?’ asked Sofia.
Henry could see how they would be curious.
He only came to visit them twice a year at most, and apart from last night’s shocking departure from the norm, he’d never been out of their sight while staying with them.
He might as well own up to it though, because the questions wouldn’t stop if he didn’t.
‘It was purely by chance, when I was on my way down to you. I bumped into her at a petrol station before I hit the motorway and then again when we both got caught up in the traffic jam. We got talking, that’s all.’
Sofia made a little dubious noise. ‘Got talking? How did you manage that in a traffic jam? Come on, Henry, we’re not daft, there must be more to it than that.’
‘No,’ he replied. ‘That’s really all it was. We’d been sitting there for quite some time, she spotted my car, thought I might be hungry, and tapped on my window to offer me a mince pie.’
‘And she just happens to live fifteen minutes away?’
‘Yes,’ intoned Henry, ‘she does. One of life’s little coincidences. What can I say?’
From the back seat he could see Adam and Sofia exchange glances. There wasn’t a chance they were about to leave it there. He was waiting for the inevitable next question when Adam suddenly turned around in his seat to face him.
‘Hang on a minute… Is this the woman, the “friend” that you rushed off for yesterday? The mercy mission that you drove halfway across the country for? For God’s sake, Dad.’
Henry wasn’t about to confirm or deny his son’s statement. ‘For God’s sake what?’
‘Well, isn’t it a bit… I don’t know… desperate?’
‘Desperate?’ Henry frowned. ‘That sounds as if I was making some kind of play for her when it wasn’t like that at all.
Not that it’s any of your business, but her husband died four years ago…
on Boxing Day. So it’s not a great time of year for her and, like I said, I knew she’d be on her own.
I also knew how fond she was of her aunt, and I just thought it might be a kind thing to do. ’
‘Is that what they’re calling it these days?’ said Sofia, an amused smirk on her face.
‘Look, she was nice. We had a really pleasant chat, but that’s all it was. And where’s the harm in that? It’s not like we’re going to keep in touch. Not that it would matter if we did. I’m on my own now.’
‘Yes, and you never seemed concerned by that before.’
Henry swallowed his irritation at Adam’s comment. Was his son ever going to stop going over the same old ground? He was determined to think that Henry hadn’t been bothered by the break-up of his marriage, despite his repeated protestations to the contrary.
‘I’m not. Besides, I doubt I’ll ever see Peg again – not unless we go to the carol service next year, and bump into her a second time.’
‘Okay,’ said Adam. ‘I believe you, although I still think what you did was odd, given that you’d only just met the woman.’
From beside him on the back seat, Blanche cleared her throat.
She was right; this was neither the time nor the place to have this conversation.
Henry shot her an exasperated look, knowing that she sympathised with him.
Just as she also knew that he would never be allowed to forget his ‘transgression’. He sighed.
‘Haven’t you ever done anything on the spur of the moment?’ he asked.
Adam started the engine, catching Henry’s eye in the rear-view mirror. ‘Plenty of times, Dad… but you haven’t.’