4. Ciara
The rumble of the train vibrated against my back, where I leaned against the window. “So you said you were trying to figure out what came next in your life. Do you only have to please yourself, or are you working around the expectations of family or a partner?”
As a means of finding out whether he was single or not, it wasn’t exactly smooth, but I was aware of the dwindling distance to Edinburgh and the fact that our time together was drawing to a close. I needed to know because… well, reasons.
“I suppose family is always a consideration. I’ve a brother who’s married. They live near our parents, so I’ve not had to worry overmuch as they’ve gotten older. They’d love to have me closer, but there’s no pressure there, which I appreciate. And there’s no partner to consider. In a way, I suppose that’s harder. There’s nothing to winnow down my options, which is a blessing and a curse. What about you?”
No partner. That shouldn’t have made me want to do a fist pump, but knowing the way was clear for… anything had excitement fizzing in my blood.
“I’m lucky enough to have incredibly supportive parents. And if I were to ask their opinions, they’d tell me to follow my heart. The problem being that I don’t know what it’s telling me other than the path I’ve been on isn’t the right one.” I blew out a long breath. “I haven’t actually admitted that out loud before now.”
Alex’s lips curved in an understanding smile. “Sometimes that’s easier to do with a stranger.”
“True enough.” Except he didn’t feel like a stranger. All these hours of conversation had felt like running into an old friend and catching up. Which circled back to those reasons I’d been considering since our layover in Tarnside. I thought of that old 90s movie my mum loved so much and wondered if I dared make the ask for him to get off the train and spend more time with me. Because I dearly wanted this connection to go beyond just these hours on a train.
“Excuse me.” A tired-looking man in a uniform stepped up to us. “I apologize for it taking so long for me to get to you. I’ve been working my way along the entire train. Where are you headed?”
“Getting off in Edinburgh,” I told him.
“I’m going on to Inverness,” Alex added.
The conductor consulted a tablet in his hands. “There is a connecting train to Inverness that you can pick up when we get to Edinburgh. We’re about fifteen minutes out. It’s a close connection, so you’ll need to make a run for it once we pull into the station. But you aren’t the only one going for that one, so they’ll be delaying a bit.”
“What’s the arrival time in Inverness?”
The conductor checked the schedule and told him.
Alex nodded and pulled out his phone. “I’ll let my ride know.”
His ride. Because he had places to be, friends to see. His friend was likely already inconvenienced by the massive delay we’d had. I had no right to interrupt his plans any further. And if he actually wanted to talk to me past this train ride, he’d ask for my number. Right?
But he didn’t ask for my number as the announcement was made that we were pulling into Edinburgh Waverley station. That was it, then. Putting on a bright smile to mask the stab of disappointment, I rose. “I really enjoyed talking with you.”
His brown gaze came to mine. “Likewise. You made what would have been a very arduous journey a lot more fun.”
Needing something to do so I didn’t have to keep looking into those eyes, I reached up for my bag on the overhead rack. The train slowed to a final stop, and I lost my balance, tumbling straight into Alex’s lap with a little yelp. His arms closed around me, and I lost my breath because holy hell, he was fit. I’d been looking at him all day, so I knew it objectively. But feeling the solid curve of his muscled biceps and the warm wall of his chest against me had my pulse pounding. No force on earth could have stopped me from looking at his mouth. My own went dry, and I swallowed. Damn, I wanted to kiss him. Wanted to know the feel of those perfectly shaped lips and how he tasted. Was I crazy enough to even try? Or had I been misreading signals all day?
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Edinburgh Waverley Station. This is the final stop for this service. Please ensure you have all your personal belongings with you before you leave the train. Mind the gap between the train and the platform as you alight. If you are visiting Edinburgh, we wish you a pleasant stay. For those returning home, welcome back. If you have a connecting train, please see the departures board on the concourse. Thank you for traveling with us today. We hope you have a pleasant onward journey.”
I slid off Alex’s lap, and he didn’t try to stop me.
That really was it, then. Regretting every inch of separation and all the lost opportunities, I retrieved my bag. “I’ve got to go. And so do you. You’ve got a connecting train to catch.”
“So I do.” He shoved to his feet and shouldered his bag.
Falling into the flow of other passengers, we made our way off the train and onto the platform. Because I traveled through here all the time and knew which line went to Inverness, I pointed. “Your platform is going to be that way.”
He didn’t move. One big hand curled around the strap of his bag, holding it on his shoulder. “It was really nice to meet you.”
My heart kicked into high gear again. Was he going to ask for my number now? Should I take advantage of his hesitation and blurt out the invitation for him to stay a night in Edinburgh? Would I mean that how it sounded? Did I want him to stay the night not only with me, but with me?
Yes. God, so much yes.
Was that crazy? I barely knew this man. And yet...
And yet, he said nothing else, only stood there, seeming to wait for… something.
My shaky resolve crumbled. “You, too. Have a good trip to Inverness. And good luck with… everything.” Flashing one more smile, I turned and walked away, cursing myself with every step.
Why couldn’t I be braver and ask for what I wanted? Maybe he hadn’t been interested in more than conversation, but I didn’t know, now did I? Because I hadn’t opened my mouth to make the offer. I’d thought about it. Imagined what I’d say. But in the end, I simply didn’t have the follow through. But what else was new? I hadn’t been brave enough to change the course of study I’d been questioning for a year. Why should I expect myself to have courage about anything else? Maybe all the courage in the family had gone to my brother. God knew, he’d made use of it for years during his military service.
Disappointed in myself, I checked my watch. It was well past when I’d been meant to meet my friends at the pub, but they never called it a night early. I’d drop my stuff off at my flat and drag myself out to meet them. A drink and a meal would surely help me shake off this sense of failure. At least for a little while.
Resolved, I merged into the crowd of people headed for the station exit.