Chapter 35
SADIE
I enter the kitchen the next morning in a bad mood, quickly silencing the light chatter between my mom and Nash. I open cupboards, stare aimlessly inside, then slam them shut again.
“Can I help you find something?” my mom asks. I can feel her exchange a glance with Nash behind my back.
“Don’t you keep any cold cereal around anymore?” I huff, whirling around to face her.
“No, but I can buy some today.”
“It’s fine.” The eye roll I give says otherwise.
“Did something happen to make you so upset?” My mom’s voice is soft, as if her words are walking on eggshells.
“I started my period this morning,” I announce as I swing the refrigerator door open and grab the jug of orange juice. I figure since Nash is my husband, he can handle sensitive topics like this.
“That does happen once a month.” My mom smirks like I’m being some dramatic teenager.
“Yeah, but it used to not happen to me. Not since I got an IUD put in five years ago. So now, I need to figure out if it’s not in the right place or if something is wrong from the accident. It just feels like another thing added to my already full plate.”
“Well, we can call Dr. Lucero and make an appointment for later today just to check things out.”
“Um…”—Nash shifts uncomfortably in his chair—“that’s probably not necessary.”
My glare lands on him.
Nash isn’t who I’m mad at.
I’m mad at myself.
I don't know what would've happened if he hadn’t stopped things in the bathroom last night. Actually, I do...a giant mistake.
Everything is confusing right now, but kissing Nash is pretty straightforward. It feels good. I like it. It allows me to escape the murky mess in my mind—just forget about it all. So basically, I’m self-medicating my messed-up life with Nash’s lips. Something that’s not fair to him or to me.
“Why isn’t going to a gynecologist necessary?” There’s a bite behind my words that I’m not proud of.
“Probably because, a month before the accident, you had your IUD taken out.”
My head rears back. “Why would I do that? I love my IUD.”
He walks to me, grabs the jug of orange juice from my hand, refilling his glass. His eyes flick to mine. “Because we wanted to have a baby.”
The words carve a hole in my chest, hollowing me from the inside out.
Nervously, his gaze skips to my mom and then back to me. “You were going to track your cycle for a few months, and then we were going to hit it hard in Switzerland.” Uncomfortable awkwardness fills the room, especially after everything that transpired last night. “That sounded bad.” He shakes his head, getting flustered. “Basically, we were trying to have a baby. That’s why you started your period unexpectedly.”
A baby?
I don’t know how I should feel.
I want to be a mother, but Stetson was always the dad in the plan. Replacing him with Nash is a blow my mind wasn’t prepared for this morning. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully wrap my head around that.
“I guess that explains that.” I force a tight, closed-lip smile and walk out of the room.