Chapter 44
NASH
How do you get your hopes up without getting them up too high?
I don’t know, but I’m probably past the point of no return, and we’re only three hours into the train ride.
“Wait, you’re telling me you go to the dentist four times a year for a cleaning?” Sadie’s smile lights up her whole face like a Christmas market lights up a village. I couldn’t look away from her if my life depended on it, which is tough when you’re on a train ride specifically for the views.
“Why not go in for a cleaning four times a year?”
“I thought the limit was two.”
“No, two is what insurance will pay for, but you can pay out of pocket for the other cleanings if you want them.”
“That’s weird and unnecessary.”
“Or is it brilliant and next level?” I grin back at her. “Like right now, you’re noticing how good my teeth look.”
“I noticed your teeth, and they are pretty spectacular.”
“It’s the extra cleanings.”
She laughs, and the way it fulfills me is crazy stupid.
A bell chimes, letting the passengers know to put their headphones on to listen to a brief commentary about what we see out our window. Normally, I’d be all over something like that, but I hate when we have to stop talking, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
Sadie glances out the window as she slides her headphones over her ears. I try to focus on the mountains and tunnels, but my eyes wander back to her. Her hair is a little bit longer, and she’s returned to her pre-accident weight, rounding out her cheeks and curves. But the biggest difference from the last time I saw her is her countenance. Last December, Sadie’s smiles were guarded, and her walls were up. But today, the carefreeness I fell in love with four years ago is back. I don’t know how she did it, but she seems to have found herself again, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.
Her stare flicks to me. When I don’t immediately glance away, pretending to care about the view outside, she scrunches her nose and points to the window. I roll my eyes, reluctantly switching my gaze to the snowy mountains.
The sun dims in the sky, signaling the train ride is almost over. I’d stay on and repeat the whole thing if it meant more time with Sadie.
“So you’ve just been traveling these last few months?” She shakes her head in disbelief, still trying to reconcile that piece of information inside her head.
“Mm-hmm.”
“All by yourself? Like, you didn’t take anyone on your trips with you?”
Is this her way of asking if I’m single?
It’s hard because I want to believe in fate and hope for things with her, but I also know that if she thought there was any sliver of a chance she could love me again, she would’ve contacted me by now. And she hasn’t.
“I was married once.” My eyes turn soft as I gaze back at her. “She was the love of my life. After experiencing a love like that, you don’t bother with anyone else because nothing will compare to what you already had.”
Her lips press into a sad smile, taking in each word I said. “What happened?”
“She forgot how to love me.”
“I bet she wishes she could’ve remembered.”
“I don’t blame her for any of it.” My shoulders lift. “It’s just one of those things. Have you ever been married?”
“Yes.” A solemn smile plays across her lips. “But I broke his heart because I needed space.”
“I’m sure he understands and is trying to move on.”
“I hope so, because he deserves to be happy.”
“Life has a way of leveling relationships down to the bare bones, doesn’t it?”
“It sure does.” She shakes her head. “But I’ve learned to keep fighting and trying to find new footing.”
“And have you found it?”
“I think so.”
“With someone new?” I’ve been wondering all day about Stetson, but now I’m dreading her answer.
“After my accident, I just needed some time to myself. There wasn’t enough room in my head for anyone old or new. So I’ve just been single, trying to figure it all out.”
One year ago, I wasn’t man enough to wish Sadie all the love she deserved, even if it wasn’t with me. I’m in a better spot now. I could wish her happiness in love, but I’m glad I don’t have to. A big part of me is relieved she didn’t end up with Stetson after all.
The whistle blows, and our eyes meet, knowing our fated meet-up is ending.
An announcement starts overhead as the train rolls into the station. Passengers immediately stand, gathering their things. I help Sadie with her suitcase, carrying it onto the platform.
We turn to face each other, and a new heaviness fills my heart, a dread of losing her again despite not even having her. I should just be grateful for the time we spent together, for the reassurance that Sadie fought through the darkness and made it to the light again.
“Nash Carter.” She reaches her hand out to me again. “I loved getting to know you today.”
Her gesture feels like a pointed goodbye. She was happy to see me and catch up but has no intention of continuing anything else.
“I loved getting to know you too.” I take her hand in mine, feeling that same spark that never died out for me.
Our hands drop, and it sucks. I’m back at her house on Christmas Eve, feeling her slipping out of my life like water in my hands.
“Where are you staying?” I glance behind me to the waiting shuttles. “Maybe we could share a ride or something.”
“I’m at Hotel Escape.”
“Oh.” My shoulders drop. I guess it was too much to ask that the universe put us staying at the same place. “I’m at Zermatt Chalet Peak.”
“Fancy! A chalet was actually my first choice, but I couldn’t find one for the holiday season, especially on such short notice.”
I laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“ You’re the reason I’m at a chalet.” It’s the first time we’ve broken out of our meeting-for-the-first-time game. I mean, it had to end sometime.
“Me?”
“You chose it last year, said the cottage style was your favorite because of the overhanging wood eaves and the rusticity mixed with breathtaking window views.”
“Wow, I sound so smart.” She smiles. “Are you sure I wasn’t an architect in my lost years?”
“To my knowledge, you’ve never been an architect, but you did love the Zermatt chalets. Since we didn’t take the trip and the room was non-refundable, they agreed to let me book something for this season.”
“I’m glad you can use the room from last year. I’m sure it’s amazing.”
Now, I feel bad that I’m staying somewhere so nice when she’s at a mid-grade hotel in the center of town.
“It’s as much your hotel room as it is mine. Why don’t we split it? It says it sleeps four.”
What in the world did I just say?
“I mean,” the backpedaling begins, “you don’t have to. Since you picked it out, and technically, half of it is yours, I just thought you might want to stay there too—as acquaintances only,” I sputter. “We just met, and you have your own trip agenda, and this is by no means a way to try and start something between us. It’s just a friendly offer between acquaintances.”
Her eyes narrow into a teasing stare. “A friendly offer between acquaintances?”
I scratch my head, realizing how dumb and desperate I sound. “Yeah, that’s what I said.” Unfortunately.
“I think we’re a little more than acquaintances, Nash.” She takes a step forward, flashing me one of her flirty smiles. I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it, and I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t have three years of flirty smiles from our marriage to go off of. “We did just ride a train together for eight hours.”
“And I told you how many times I get my teeth cleaned in one year.”
“Intimate details.” The flirty undercurrent behind her smile holds strong.
“So what do you say? Do you want to split”—that seems like a far better word than share— “the chalet with me?”
“Why not? I haven’t paid for my hotel room at Escape yet. I think it was going to be a disappointment anyway. This is a way better option.”
“I’m glad I bumped into you so you can experience the room of your dreams.”
“Me too!” Her shoulders bounce up and down excitedly. “Alright. Which way? I’m assuming you have some kind of ride to the hotel.”
“Uh, that way.” I gesture to the curb.
She flips around, walking in the direction I pointed.
If the way my heart races is any indication, I’m in serious trouble here.
What a turn of events.
I allow myself one quick smile before following after her.