Chapter 47
NASH
“What was your favorite thing we did today?” I ask Sadie as we sit in a lit-up pub in Zermatt village, sipping warm spiced wine.
“I mean, how can I not say the Gornergrat Cog Railway? The ascent to the viewing platform and the view of the Matterhorn were incredible, not to mention the unparalleled views of the Swiss and Italian Alps.” She glances out the window. “But then you have the postcard-perfect, snow-covered village and this delicious gooey cheese fondue. Right now has to be an honorable mention, doesn’t it?”
“So what you’re saying is you liked it all?”
“Yes!” She uses her stick to pick up another piece of chicken and dunks it into the cheese before bringing it to her mouth. “Mmmm. Thatsh good.” Her words are muffled by the food.
I smile as I watch her, amused by everything she does. I still don’t understand how I ended up in the middle of Zermatt, Switzerland, with Sadie by my side. I was hesitant this morning when she said she wanted to give us a try. Not because I’m not interested but because I didn’t know if I dared put my heart through the loss again.
She’s the love of my life. How could I not risk it all?
If we take things slow, and she decides I’m not the one, maybe it won’t hurt as bad as the first time.
So, slow it is.
But I can already see a shift in her by the sparkling way her eyes look back at me. How she reached for my hand as we walked along the cobblestone streets today. She smiles like there’s no other person she’d rather be with.
All of that was missing last year.
And though I’ve never stopped loving her, I’ve also never felt this way before. An excitement of something new and magical lingers between us, intensifying feelings to another level. And if this works out, I think we’ll end up stronger than we were before.
“What was your favorite part today?” she asks when she’s done chewing.
“I don’t know. Ask me tonight when it’s all done.”
Her brows lift in a teasing way. “What plans do you have for tonight?”
“I’m thinking we stay in, maybe try out the Jacuzzi with a bottle of wine, then lie on the bed under the glass ceiling and look at the stars.”
“I thought you wanted to take things slow.”
“I never said anything about touching. We’re just two people hanging out.”
“Dating,” she corrects with a smile. “We’re two people dating . And I love your plan for our date tonight. I think we should start immediately.”
“Don’t you want to finish your fondue?”
“Check, please!” she jokes as a signal she’s ready to leave the pub.
I scoot my chair back and stand, reaching my hand out to her. She slips her fingers into mine, letting me pull her to her feet. I hold her coat while she stuffs her arms through, then I tug her beanie down so it covers her head more fully.
“You’re all set.”
She dives into me, looping her arm through mine and resting her head on my shoulder. “Now I’m all set.”
My head tilts, leaning against hers. I close my eyes and relish in the feel of Sadie cuddled up against me.
For an entire year, this is all I’ve wanted.
“Ouch!” I immediately pull my foot back from the steaming hot tub water.
“Did you get it too hot?” Sadie calls from the closet, where she changes into her swimsuit.
“No,” I lie, turning on the cold water to cool it down.
“I told you the windows were getting steamy in here.”
“No, that’s just from us. Not the water.”
“You wish the steam was coming from us.”
“You’re telling me,” I say under my breath.
But I’ve already given myself the gentleman’s talk. First- and second-date rules apply to this evening’s activities. Touching is only permitted in safe zones.
No. Matter. What.
That’s not the kind of relationship I’m here to build with Sadie. Physical chemistry has never been our problem. Even last December, when she barely knew me, we didn’t struggle with that. It’s a proven connection on both sides. It’s the emotional connection I’m interested in. I need to see if she loves me or can love me, and I don’t want anything confusing her or getting in the way of real, deep, and lasting emotions.
I test the water again and decide the temperature is cool enough to turn off the faucet. Slowly, I step into the tub, letting my body get used to it.
“How does it feel?” Sadie comes around the corner in her black bikini, and I shamelessly check her out.
So much for my gentleman’s talk.
My gaze slowly travels down every curve and exposed inch of her body, like a starved man.
“I think you like my swimsuit,” she teases as she steps into the tub beside me.
“No, I like you in that swimsuit.” I glance down at the black ruffles lining her cleavage. “You bought that suit last year, specifically for this trip, but I never got the chance to see you wear it.”
She wraps her arms around my neck, smiling up at me. “I hope it doesn’t disappoint.”
“It’s better than I imagined.” My hands go to her waist, deciding it’s part of the safe zone.
Molten fire flows through my body.
There’s nothing I want more than to pull Sadie to me. I don’t think she’d stop me, but I’m not an idiot. My future happiness is on the line, and I’m not going to screw it up by making things more intimate than they need to be right now.
So, I’m back to my motto of keeping things moving so I don’t get in trouble.
“We should sit.”
Her lips curl in amusement. “Okay.”
I hold her hand as she lowers to her butt, scooting over to make room for me. The Jacuzzi is bigger than a standard bathtub, but it’s still tight for two people. I sit on the opposite end of her, with my legs out straight.
She leans back against the rim, looking up at the glass ceiling. “This is incredible.”
It’s dim enough, just the glow of the Christmas tree by the bed and the moon outside, that you can see the outline of the Matterhorn and a few stars.
“Have I ever been anywhere this magical before?”
I grab her foot and begin massaging it because I know she loves it, and my hands need something to do, or I’ll go mad. Feet aren’t sexy—they’re in the safe zone.
“We’ve been to a lot of cool places and done a lot of memorable things?—”
“Not too memorable since I forgot them.” Her eyes glimmer.
“Yeah, poor word choice by me.” I smile. “But despite all the amazing things we’ve done, I have a feeling Switzerland at Christmas can’t be topped.”
“Then I’m glad it’s a new memory I can remember.”
“Me too.”
SADIE
After the most romantic bath known to man, Nash and I meet in our sweats in the middle of the bed. We lie down, facing one another instead of the windows above us. I guess the view of each other is more important than the Swiss Alps.
“You look cute.” He wiggles the messy bun on top of my head. “I’ve always loved you like this. Natural and makeup-less so your freckles stand out.”
I can’t help my goofy smile. “You like my freckles?”
“There are probably dissertations on how much I like your freckles.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I think I told you all about my love of your freckles the first day we met at the Cubs game.”
My head falls back as I laugh. “You did not!”
“I’m embarrassed to say I did.” His fingers trace my lips, stealing my breath. “But I also love your smile and expressive brown eyes—especially when they look at me like I’m your everything. I’ve missed that since your accident.”
“Are you seeing it again?”
“I’m starting to.”
“Good.” My lips grow into a small smile. “Do you want to know what I like about you? I mean, you probably already know, but?—”
“No, no, no.” He shakes his head as much as he can while lying down. “Don’t just assume I know. I want the whole rundown.”
“I’m sure you do.” I laugh. “The first thing I noticed about you in the hospital was your smile.”
“Here I thought you were going to say my butt.”
“I mean, I did see a lot of your butt, but I’m sticking with your smile. Final answer.”
“You told me my smile was the first thing you noticed about me at the Cubs game too. I guess those four dental cleanings a year are paying off.”
“Must be.” I laugh again. “But after your smile, I noticed how kind and thoughtful you were. You took care of me without hesitation and let me be myself. You didn’t push too hard or pull away. You just loved me even though I wasn’t at my best.”
His lips lift. “I promised I would.”
That’s the kind of loyalty and dedication every woman dreams about.
I reach out, softly caressing his cheek. His eyes close as my fingers drift over his stubble.
Nash leans in, pressing his forehead against mine. “Is this real?” His words come out on a breath between us.
“Yes.”
I inch my body closer to his, wanting his arms around me. My fingers run through his hair as his hand goes to my back, drawing me to him. Our mouths hover close to each other but never touch. Instead, he presses small kisses to the corner of my mouth. My cheek. My crow’s feet. My want grows with each gentle kiss, making our deal of taking things slow the worst idea I’ve ever had.
“Nash?” My eyes open, meeting his half-open gaze. “Tell me a memory about us. Something happy.”
“A memory?” He lifts his chin to the glass ceiling, thinking. “Right after we got married and moved into our brownstone, you accidentally locked our bedroom door, and we couldn’t find the key to unlock it. It was late, and I wanted to go to bed, so I said I’d just drill through the doorknob, but you were adamant we needed to call a locksmith because the doorknob was brand new and expensive. I was irritated, but you got your way.”
“Wait.” I stop him. “I said to tell me a happy memory.”
His head flops to me. “It is happy, I promise. So anyway, we wait one hour for the locksmith to arrive, and by this time, it’s twelve-thirty in the morning, and we’re both grumpy and tired. The punk kid?—”
“Why was he a punk kid?”
“I don’t know. He looked like Nick Jonas with black skinny jeans that barely covered his butt, so we saw his greasy boxers when he leaned over. The kid tries all of his tools, but nothing seems to work, and the whole time he’s blatantly flirting with you.”
“He was not.” I laugh.
“He totally was, right in front of me too. He kept turning over his shoulder to make bedroom eyes with you, as if I couldn’t see it. Then he decides to drill the doorknob like I wanted to do in the first place. Shrapnel gets everywhere, and he doesn’t even try to clean it up. But the final blow was when he handed me his receipt pad with the total cost. We had to pay double because it was after hours, and he drove across town. It was, like, four hundred dollars. I was furious. I took his stupid receipt pad and chucked it across the apartment.”
“No, you didn’t!”
“It literally spun through the air in slow motion. You picked it up and paid the guy, and when he left, you were so mad at me. We got in our very first fight.”
“Out of all the memories you could’ve chosen, why did you pick our first fight?”
“Because after you chewed me out for being mean to Nick Jonas”—Nash rolls to his side, draping his arm over my body—“we started uncontrollably laughing, and then one thing led to another, and we ended up spending the next hour making up.”
I smile. “I like that story. It feels real.”
His fingers skim my face as he whispers, “It was very real to me.”
The delicate way Nash touches me makes me feel wholly loved and adored. I don’t think I’d ever get sick of being treated this way.
“I need to let you go to bed.”
“No,” I whine as I snuggle into his body. “Don’t leave me.”
“I have to. You need to save your energy for skiing tomorrow.”
My head rears back, feeling like he just killed the mood. “Skiing?”
“Yeah, let’s get you on the slopes tomorrow.” His fingers trace the scar on my forehead. “Only if you want to.”
“What if I can’t do it? Or what if I get hurt again?”
“I won’t let that happen. We can do a small hill together.”
“I don’t know.”
“Sadie, I know you, and I know you’ll regret it your entire life if you don’t at least attempt to ski in Zermatt.”
“It’s not even about skiing or the accident. I don’t remember any of that. It’s the waking up from the coma and feeling so helpless and not recognizing myself or my life. I hated that feeling and don’t want to do anything to make it happen again. It’s irrational, I know.”
“It’s not irrational, but I’ll stay with you and make sure nothing bad happens.”
“You’ll stay with me?”
He hugs me closer. “The entire time. I promise.”
One thing I know about Nash is that when he promises something, he never goes back on that promise. He promised to love me forever, no matter what, and he’s already kept that.
“Okay, my time is up.” He presses a kiss on my forehead.
“No!” It’s pathetic how much I want him to stay. “Can’t you sleep up here with me tonight?”
“Slow, remember?” His smile widens to something big and amused. “But I do like this vixen side of you—probably a little too much.”
“Vixen.” My brows drop as I think. “Isn’t that one of Santa’s reindeer?”
“I believe it is.”
Nash rolls his body across mine, and I grab his shirt to keep him with me. He pauses when he’s on top. I feel the weight of his chest, the wild beats of his heart, and the comfort of having him close.
“Stay,” I beg as I run my fingers through his hair. “We’ll just sleep.”
“We will just sleep. Just in separate beds.” He bends down, kisses my cheek, then rolls off me to his feet.
He pulls the blankets up over my body, tucking me in.
“You’re giving me hospital-room vibes. I think you tucked me in there too.”
“Trust me, this is way better than the hospital.” One more kiss presses against my forehead. His head stays close, showcasing his lovable smile. “Probably because you like me a lot more in Switzerland.”
“I do like you a lot more.”
“I want you to keep liking me.” He straightens and walks to the stairs. “That’s why I’m leaving.”
I never thought a man physically leaving my side could hurt so much, but my heart is in pain.
Sleep needs to come fast. I’m already counting down the minutes until I can be with Nash again.