Chapter 26
The ride back to the fairgrounds where we’re set up is uncomfortable. We ended up having to call a rideshare, because six of us couldn’t fit in a three-seater truck, and three of us arrived by ambulance.
I didn’t get a say in the seating arrangements, but I don’t think I would’ve been much help deciding.
Fear still grips me like a vice.
I didn’t have the chance to process the fact that I’ve developed FOS as an adverse reaction to my suppressant use, because the hospital called Rich. Without a doubt, he is on his way right now, maybe with the whole pack.
If they find me, they can force me to come back with them. And I just know the punishment for leaving them will kill me, even if I keep breathing.
The guys didn’t know that, of course. They don’t know to think about stuff like emergency contacts. But I doubt I could’ve convinced them to keep me home, anyway. They couldn’t have known that if they all cuddled me with skin-to-skin contact, I would’ve eventually woken up .
Probably.
Sandwiched in this old, beat-up truck between Jude and Dario, I feel safe. I tell myself that even if Rich shows up, they’ll be able to protect me. But maybe that’s wishful thinking.
They don’t know me, not really. Why would they put themselves at risk for me?
“Alex,” Jude’s voice is rough. “We’re here.”
I blink up at him, my eyes trying to focus on his handsome face. Did I disassociate that entire ride? It felt like it was only a second.
“Oh. Okay.”
Before I can slide out, Dario holds out his hand and I grab it. It’s warm and calloused within my own, and the scratchiness of it helps center me. “Come on. Just because you’re out of the hospital doesn’t mean you’re better. Let’s go to your nest.”
My heart clenches. I don’t want them in my nest. It’s not good enough for Alphas to see it. They’ll hate it and reject me. A nest is the heart of a pack, and mine is in the cramped quarters of the back of my trailer. And who knows what state it’s in right now? I’ve been neglecting it for days.
“Shh,” Dario whispers, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “I can’t stand to hear you whine like that.”
Was I whining? Truly?
Before coming here, it had been ages since I properly whined without trying to stifle it, and yet, surrounded by these men, I feel like I am doing it constantly. Tripp hated when I did it, so I had to force the response away unless I wanted his wrath.
“My nest isn’t ready,” I whisper to him, embarrassed to admit my failure as an Omega. Movement in the corner of my eye shows Jude slowing down to stand beside me. “And it won’t fit us all.”
The showrunner grunts. “We’ll make it work. None of us is leaving you, Alex, so you’ll need to get over it.”
Get over it?
Get over having to show them a nest that isn’t good enough for anyone?
Dario shushes me, gently petting the back of my hand. “He didn’t mean it like that. What the big brute,” he raises his voice on that word, “meant to say was that we don’t care what your nest looks like.”
Dexter, Quinton, and Matteo are waiting at the steps of my trailer, their rideshare somehow arriving before we did, despite leaving at the same time. Was Jude driving really slow or something?
They’re whispering to each other in low, aggressive tones. Dexter has his arms crossed over his chest, closed off from the other two. He rolls his eyes, and I can tell he’s about to argue with them before he glimpses me.
His mouth snaps shut, his jaw flexing as he takes me in. His eyes rip away from me, leaving behind a wound that gapes and aches. I have to stop myself from clutching my chest.
“Hey, Doc,” Quinton says, a flirty smile on his face. “Gonna invite me into your place?”
It’s hard not to match his energy. The Alpha is faced with what is arguably one of the most difficult designation illnesses, and yet, he’s still got so much zest for life.
Against my better judgment, against everything I promised myself when I joined this circus, I open the door to my trailer and let them in.
I’m off suppressants, surrounded by the irresistible scents of these men, and I’m letting them into my home. Into my nest .
They pile in, and I can tell they’re trying not to jostle one another as we make our way across the small living area to my nest. I’m exhausted.
I know that I left the hospital too early, and that I probably should have received another pheromone infusion, but spending time with them is going to have to be enough.
With their sweet, delectable scents swirling around me, I start to think that maybe this will be alright. That I can be alright. What if they are is precisely what my wounded soul needs?
I start to think that, but the thought runs away like a spooked horse.
Because my nest is destroyed.
The blankets are shredded.
The pillows ripped open, stuffing everywhere.
Every single light bulb smashed, every gauzy piece of fabric ruined.
My nest.
It wasn’t much. Small, cramped, and ultimately temporary.
But it was mine.
I can’t afford to replace it. I have to save every dime I make here so I can start over once the contract is over. Or run sooner, now that I have scent matches and Rich has a vague idea of my location.
My knees buckle and I fall to the ground, tears running down my face.
Will I ever know peace?
Will my life ever be what it is supposed to be?
I thought my luck was turning around when I got this job, but what has it gotten me? Assaulted, unwillingly scent matched, diagnosed as a Forsaken Omega, and now this.
“Someone…” The words are trapped in my throat by a dam of disbelief .
“Who the fuck,” Jude snarls, taking in the carnage of my safe space. The entrails of my comfort. “Who did this?”
“If I had to guess,” Matteo says stiffly, “it would be the same ones who attacked her.”
“There’s a fucking snake in our grass,” Quinton snarls. “And they waited until all of us were gone to strike.”
They’re talking, making plans for retribution, but I couldn’t care less about that.
My nest is ruined.
My ex is on his way.
And my body is failing me.
“Shh, shh,” Dario whispers again, wrapping me in his strong, lithe arms. “We’ll figure it out, but we need to take you out of here. Where do you want to go?”
“Nowhere,” I hiccup through tears. “Anywhere but here.”
“She can come to my place,” Jude says tightly. “All of you can. I’ve got the biggest trailer.”
Quinton starts to dig through the ruins of my nest. I assume he’s looking for anything salvageable, but I don’t want any of it. It’s all tainted now. When I say as much, he nods and drops the scrap of blanket he’s holding. “What can we get you, then?”
What I need and what I want are contradictory desires that I don’t know how or want to voice.
Thankfully, I don’t have to.
“She needs blankets and pillows from each of our beds,” Matteo tells his Alpha. “But just take double from mine since you hardly ever sleep in your trailer.”
“I don’t know why you insist on keeping it,” Jude mutters.
“I can be a lot. Matteo deserves breaks from me.” Quinton shrugs like it’s the most normal thing in the world to recognize the needs of your partner and adjust your life to fit them.
Maybe it is, in his.
“You go get stuff from your trailers,” Jude tells the other Alpha. “Matteo and I will get her settled.”
I feel like a passenger in my own life. But what do I say?
Oh no, thank you, I’ll stay here, alone, in my ruined nest?
I’m a doctor. I know I need to be with them.
As I follow behind Jude, I feel hollow.
Numb.
The meadow in my mind is calling me, begging me to open the gate to the paddock and lose myself within it.
But I can’t.
This isn’t the time. I’m not in danger.
If I choose to retreat there at any time, eventually, I won’t be able to surface. I’ll be like one of those Omegas from the fifties who’s too high to function, just floating through life awaiting my lobotomy.
Matteo gently guides me up the stairs to Jude’s trailer, and the big Alpha grips my hand as he leads me through it into his bedroom.
It is significantly larger than mine, with a room big enough for a king-sized bed and space to move around it. The bed is unmade, with black sheets and a plain black comforter balled up at the end.
He only has overhead lights, but he replaced the white light bulbs with a yellow tone that’s a bit easier on the eyes. The wallpaper is cream with thin blue stripes, and the carpet has been completely removed and replaced with vinyl plank flooring.
The smell of saltwater taffy permeates every inch of the space, making my mouth water. I can almost feel the candy sticking between my teeth and the sunshine on my face.
My favorite one is the pink one with the white swirl in the middle. I had no idea what it was supposed to taste like, other than “pink,” but I have always loved it anyway.
“Well, uh…” Jude trails off, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. His curly, black hair hangs loose, and the ringlets bounce with the movement.
My waves could never look that good. I wonder how many hair products he uses to achieve that kind of definition.
“Let’s get you into bed,” Matteo says gently. “I’m sure you’re tired.”
I am. It’s that bone-deep weariness that I’m not sure I can ever overcome, regardless of how much I sleep. It’s been ages since I slept deeply and soundly, and that’s not accounting for the flu and now the FOS I’m dealing with.
I am so fucking tired I feel like I’m going to cry.
Or maybe that’s everything else producing that desire.
I place a knee on the bed, but freeze. “I should shower. I can’t remember the last time I did. I’m disgusting.”
Jude grunts and shakes his head. “No, you’re fine. Just lie down.”
I know I’m not fine. Not only has it been days since I bathed, but I’m pretty sure I’m crusted with vomit somewhere, and I don’t doubt that stress pheromones are soaked into my skin.
But I don’t argue with him. It won’t do any good, and I don’t have the energy.
Climbing into the bed and pulling his comforter over me feels like taking a drink of water after a workout. I’m momentarily refreshed, but I know it’s not enough. I need more. I burrow beneath it, cocooning my body in the soft fabric and sticky-sweet scent.
The sound of the door opening should startle me, but I know I’m protected here. This place is safe.
For now.