Chapter 28
Isla
Voicemail: Good afternoon, Miss Lang. This is Linda calling from Kinleith Primary school. I’m just confirming receipt of payment for Theodora for September’s Loch Ness trip. Thank you, and please don’t hesitate to get in touch with any questions.
Isla: Just got a call from the school to say Teddy’s deposit was paid. Thank you for making this work, Cameron, Teddy is so excited.
“Your phone actually works, then?”
“Oh!” I jumped as a voice suddenly appeared at my side. “Shit, Heather, you scared me.”
“Sorry, thought you heard me.” She slumped beside me on the park bench with a sigh, pushing her sunglasses up onto her head.
It was Friday morning, and I had a few hours until my afternoon shift at Brown’s. Teddy and I spent them at the small children’s park on the village green when the weather permitted.
“Not too high, girls; Emily almost broke her arm last time,” Heather called as the twins raced toward Teddy on the swings. “You’re texting my brother?”
“No.” I locked my screen. “Just Cameron.”
“What’s Chef Dickhead up to now?”
I laughed at the moniker. I’d not realised before, but Heather and Alistair were so alike: straight-talking and hilariously petty when it came to defending the people they cared about. “Something good for once actually,” I said. “He just paid for Teddy to go on the school trip.”
I wanted to tell Alistair, already anticipating his “About fucking time.”
Heather scoffed. “Are we giving out gold stars for bare minimum effort now?”
“No.” I jerked a little at her tone. Was I doing that? “I’m just celebrating the small win. I kept putting my foot down, and he eventually stepped up for Teddy. That’s what matters.”
“You’re right. Sorry, I’m projecting.” Heather’s hand curled around mine, her skin cold despite the warm breeze. “I just hate seeing him mess you around.”
“I know.” She didn’t talk about it much, but I knew Mike’s abandonment had left its mark on her.
The same way Cameron’s betrayal had on me.
“You’re a good friend.” I let my head fall on her shoulder, and we both watched in silence as the girls laughed like little maniacs, taking turns to push each other on the swings.
God, they were adorable. Despite the shit that had happened since moving to Kinleith, all the tears and the hurt .
. . it was worth it, if only for moments like this. “I’m so glad we have you.”
I hoped I never lost this.
Her fingers tightened around my hand. “In that case, can I ask something that I’m sure is just me being an anxious worrier, but I have to ask it anyway?”
I stilled at her tone, lifting my head. “What is it?”
Had she figured out Alistair and I had been lying this whole time?
“I’m being an idiot. Overthinking. But .
. .” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable at lunch the other day.
It seemed like it went so well but then .
. .” She shook her head. “I’ve barely heard from you since .
. . and you didn’t even tell me you were struggling to pay for the trip—”
“Because I was embarrassed.” I said quickly, forcing the words through my tight throat. “Not being able to provide for Teddy. Begging Cameron for scraps – it’s embarrassing.”
“Screw Cameron,” she spat. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. He’s lucky you aren’t suing him for child support.”
“Alistair said the same thing . . . but I couldn’t do that.” I wouldn’t even know how.
“Some might say you should.” She looked at me. “I know a great family solicitor who does pro bono work.”
“No.” I shook my head. “Not when he’s finally being helpful.” I also didn’t want to involve a solicitor. I was proud of the fact that I’d got through to Cameron all on my own. I might not be able to give Teddy much, but I’d give her a healthy, civil relationship between her parents.
“The offer’s there if you change your mind,” she said.
“Thanks.” Shoulders loosening, my attention strayed back to the girls.
“I’m sorry for being sceptical about you and Alistair in the beginning. I’m starting to think you guys are perfect for each other. We all do. Mum hasn’t been able to stop talking about you after lunch last week.”
Guilt sliced through me, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Unable to hear another word.
“What—” She broke off. “Oh, shit. Has something happened with you guys?”
“No,” I assured her quickly. “Nothing’s happened; Alistair and I are great. Everything’s perfect.”
Lunch had been perfect. His family were perfect. The way he’d pressed me up against the wall and wanted to go to battle against Cameron was perfect.
That was the problem. I could so easily see Teddy and me slotting into that life.
We hadn’t spoken about the near kiss in his bedroom. Just swept it under the rug, like everything else. But the undercurrent of it was still there. A live wire crackling beneath my skin.
If the glances and small touches he kept giving me were any indication, he felt it too.
Yesterday he’d come into Brown’s to grab coffee on his lunch hour. Then he spent the majority of his visit looming over me while I practised latte art.
“Impressive,” he’d uttered – much too close to my ear – at my first successful swan.
“Are you trying to throw me off?”
“No, but I’m wondering why you haven’t texted me back about dinner tonight.”
“Sorry. Jess invited me to her book club.”
“I see.” He’d stepped in closer until my nostrils were full of him. “You got a better offer. What will it take to sway you my way?” Very little. Did he have to be so handsome? “What if I buy dessert?”
“Don’t mock me, Macabe. If there’s dessert, I’m making it.”
“Then I’ll cook.”
“More swamp juice?” I’d rolled my eyes which made him smile. He smiled so easily these days. Was I a fool to hope it was because of me? “Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered.”
“Okay, then. I’m paying.” He’d pulled out his wallet, sliding two twenty-pound notes over the counter.
“Oh, you don’t have to—”
“Don’t argue,” he’d cut me off. “I’m paying, even if all you do is pick up Teddy’s favourite crappy frozen pizzas.”
I had bought crappy frozen pizzas. He’d eaten them without complaint, eyes glued to The Lion King like it was the first time he’d ever seen it, even though he’d watched it with Teddy at least five times by then.
Before he’d slipped through the connecting door, he’d pressed the sweetest kiss to my forehead.
I was certain I could feel the imprint of his lips lingering twelve hours later.
Like he’d tattooed an unspoken promise onto my skin.
“If it’s so perfect, why do you look like you’re about to burst into tears?” Heather asked, dragging me back to the present.
Because the lie feels like it’s starting to unravel.
The words I couldn’t utter tangled on my tongue. So, I went with something true. “Teddy really cares about him.”
“And so do you.” She nodded. “Now you’re terrified that it won’t work out, and Teddy will get hurt by another man she trusted, making you the worst mother in the world because you let him into her life, blah, blah, blah.” She rolled a finger.
I blinked. “Are you living inside my head?”
“Oh, please, I wasn’t born yesterday. And in case you’re forgetting.
” She threw a hand toward Ava and Emily.
“I’m in exactly the same position you are.
You think I don’t have those exact same fears about letting someone new into their life?
Why do you think I have a strict no sex with men from the island rule? ”
Of course she did. I knew she did. I’d seen the way she purposely avoided Mr Summers’ probing stares at school. The difference was that Alistair and I would only end one way. “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t apologise. That’s not what I’m saying.” She huffed out a breath. “All I mean is, Alistair isn’t perfect . . . he’d be the first one to tell you that he’s made mistakes. But I really don’t believe he’d hurt you like that. He wouldn’t.”
“That’s not—”
“Please let me finish.” She gripped both of my hands.
“I know I tease him about being all slick and throwing his money around, but that’s just his way of showing that he cares.
He’s been that way since we were kids. I missed a lot of it, being the youngest, but now I look back, and I – I see how hard my dad was on my brothers, and I love him and miss him, but I hate him for that, y’know?
” Her eyes turned glassy. “For making them believe they weren’t good enough.
Alistair always carried his heart like it was something breakable – something to be protected.
“So, if you’re afraid because he hasn’t given you the words to assure you, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.
The day after Mike left me” – her nose wrinkled at the mention of her ex-husband’s name – “this huge food delivery turned up on my doorstep. More packets of pasta than I could fit in my tiny pantry. Food I didn’t even eat anymore like Pop-Tarts, Turkey Twizzlers, all the stuff I loved as a kid.
There was no name on the order, but another one came the next week and the next week, and he never ever mentioned it but I knew it was him.
Taking care of me even though he rarely picked up the phone to call. ”
“Heather—” I breathed, my heart twisting for him.
I’d seen it over and over. The way Alistair always held himself back from his family, taking care of them from afar. The doorbell. The robot hoover. Helping out at the distillery whenever he had a free moment.
I also knew he didn’t see himself that way.
It only made me like him all the more.
“Okay, that was shitty of me.” She turned on the narrow seat.
“It’s not my place to try and influence you to keep dating my brother.
We’ll always be friends, even if you guys break up,” she promised.
“But I do feel like it’s my responsibility as his bratty little sister to say that, when you aren’t looking, my brother stares at you like you hung the fucking moon then went back to add the stars.
And we’re all scared to see him get his heart broken because we know he won’t let any of us help him.
He’ll just turn into this lonely bitter old man, threating kids every time they play on his lawn. ”
I laughed, the sound tight in my throat. “He’s already done that a time or two.”
“Christ, of course he has. He really doesn’t make loving him easy.”
And still, I feared I might be starting to. It had been creeping up on me since the night he’d held me together on that crappy, rusted garden chair and told me there was nothing ugly about me.
“Oh, I have a great idea!” Heather gasped, turning to me fully on the bench.
“The last time you had a great idea you delivered a vibrator to your brother.”
“And look how well that worked out.”
You like it rougher.
My entire body burned. A little too well, perhaps.
“I’m taking the girls to Dunvegan Castle tomorrow.
How about Teddy comes along? I’ll take them for cake in the café, and they can have a sleepover; they’ll love it.
” She gently elbowed me in the ribs. “And it gives you guys a full day and night to hash this out, declare your feelings and then share a very PG evening of hand-holding.”
There was nothing to hash out. Alistair was leaving. Even if what Heather had said was true, and his feelings for me were starting to change, he’d never stay for me.
I wouldn’t ask him to.
But this offer, an uninterrupted day with Alistair. All alone.
If we did have sex, maybe that would be enough. Just once, to get it out of our systems.
It was entirely possible this would blow up in my face. That I was a lonely idiot who didn’t know the difference between lust and . . . more. But that didn’t stop my stomach fizzing with anticipation.
There would be no lying. No worrying that Teddy was growing overly attached.
I nodded, and Heather’s face lit up. She clearly had no idea what I was thinking. “That actually sounds perfect.”
“Yes!” She clapped her hands. “I can’t wait to say, ‘I told you so,’ when you’re my sister-in-law.”
It was a stupid joke. But something in my chest took flight.
A hopeful little bird.