Chapter 29 #2
“This is the childhood I want for Teddy,” I said eventually. “The one you described. Summers out on the water. Friends she’s known her entire life, even if she never has any siblings to play with.”
His next exhale pressed against my back. “Maybe I should bring Teddy out here sometime,” I said. “It seems a pity not to give her the full Skye experience just because I’m afraid.”
“I’ll bring you both.” His thighs squeezed my hips, and he lifted the paddle from my lap again.
My entire body tingled. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know I don’t have to. I want to.” He slashed the paddle through the water. “I get that we got off to a lousy start—”
“Lousy?” I laughed, letting my fingers dangle over the edge as we glided.
“Okay, abysmal. I was rude and selfish.” For the first time this morning, he sounded exasperated. “Basically bullied you into this fake dating scheme like we’re in fucking high school—”
“You didn’t bully me.” I quickly cut him off. “Give me some credit. I’m an adult. If I didn’t want to do it, I would have said no.”
“Good.” His puff of breath stirred the hair at the nape of my neck. “Because I don’t want you to think things haven’t changed for me, that you and Teddy are just a means to an end. You aren’t.”
Things had changed for him.
It was hardly the declaration of the century. But it felt like he’d carved off a piece of himself and handed it to me.
I had no idea what to say.
There was a dangerous want growing in my chest, that extended so far beyond just getting it out of my system. It was a steadily growing sneeze, preparing to shake my entire body when it burst out of me.
So, I did what I did best. Shelved it for later.
I cleared my throat. “Guess what I forgot to tell you? Cameron paid the money for the school trip. Can you believe putting my foot down actually worked?”
The silence that followed stretched. I felt compelled to fill it.
“I know, I know, Heather already pointed out, it hardly makes him the dad of the year,” I hurried on when he said nothing. “But I’m proud of myself for standing up to him.”
Another long pause. Then he finally spoke. “You should be proud of yourself. He’s still a fucking arse, no doubt about that, but you’re unstoppable, Lang.”
Unstoppable.
Now that did feel like the compliment of the century.
I tried to face him. Made it a quarter turn before the boat wobbled. “Easy,” he laughed, steadying us. But I was determined. Releasing the paddle, he caught my hips, helping me swivel around, tiny movement by tiny movement, until I faced him on my knees.
He wore his sunglasses again. The round frames were almost identical to his regular glasses. It was so like Alistair to pick a style and rigidly stick to it. The intimate knowledge made me smile as I said, “Thank you.”
“For not dumping you in the water? Honestly, I was a little tempted for a second there.”
My knees brushed his bare inner thighs. “For being patient. Persuading me to come out here.”
He seemed unconvinced. “I thought you were terrified.”
“I am,” I admitted. Or maybe it was him I was afraid of. Being all the way out here without Teddy as a buffer. “But I’m starting to think it’s good to be a little scared sometimes. If I’d been with Cameron, he’d have been annoyed the second I said no, told me I’d ruined the entire day—”
“Please . . . don’t.” His shoulders tightened. “Don’t compare the two of us.”
“I’m sorry.” I winced, because that’s exactly what I was doing. “All I meant was . . . you’re a good friend, Alistair. A thousand times the man that he is—”
Paddle forgotten, his hands landed on the sides of the kayak, right beside mine. “I’m no better than him, and we both know it.” He laughed bitterly. “If anything, I might be worse for you.”
“No,” I said vehemently.
How could he not see how good he was?
When he replied it was like he hadn’t heard me at all.
“There’s this voice in my head that’s telling me to do the right thing,” he said.
“To make it through the Cairn & Crust next week, then leave you and Teddy the hell alone because it’s only a matter of time before I fuck up and hurt you.
” His cheeks were red. Mouth an angry slash on his severe face.
“But I keep coming back to two truths, over and over, that I can’t let go of, and it’s driving me insane. ”
“What – what truths?” My mouth was bone dry.
“That I’m fucking selfish.” His nostrils flared. “And I want you more than I’ve wanted anything. Ever.”
The words echoed as we studied each other in the tiny scrap of space. There was a request bubbling deep in my belly. One he answered when he dragged me closer, kissing me as intensely as two people trapped on a floating vessel physically could.
I barely got to return the fervour before I felt the world give way. Heard him grunt right as freezing water sloshed over my head.
I gasped beneath the water, my hands scrambling. Our legs tangled, and he was right there with me as our life jackets dragged us back to the surface.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he panted, water dripping down his face as he tugged me into him. “I got you.”
I knew he did.
Not caring about the chill seeping into my bones, my lips sought his again. Too quickly. The pressure too hard and unpractised as our teeth clacked. It was almost as bad as our only other kiss, the fumbled mess in Brown’s.
Alistair didn’t seem to care. Tugging my thighs around his hips, he turned us until my back hit the overturned kayak. “You want this, Isla?”
“Yes.” I nodded recklessly.
“Thank god.” He was like a bear unleashed from a trap.
Diving for my lips, then grunting at the first touch.
His lips split at the perfect time to envelop mine, his hands balling so tightly into my hair, I let out a surprised exhale .
. . This was not a hello kiss. Not the awkward kiss of two neighbours who’d made a temporary arrangement that had somehow got very muddied in the middle.
It felt like a continuation. Picking up halfway through a conversation and battling for who got to talk first.
I wish we’d taken our life jackets off for this. The bulky material pressed between us, keeping his hands from touching me everywhere I wanted.
Mindless, I fumbled for the clasp.
He pulled back, eyes widening as he caught the action, impatient as I tore the thing from my body.
I could drown for all I cared, because the way he palmed my breast was way too good to consider ending this. The contradiction of his short nails dragging across my chilled flesh while his tongue danced over my lower lip. God – oh god! This was perfect.
Not enough.
“Alistair . . .” His name was the start of a sentence with no ending, as his thigh wedged between my legs, getting me off or keeping me afloat . . . it didn’t matter. I moaned all the same.
He nodded shakily, pulling back just far enough to pant, “I need to get you home. In a bed.”
Home.
The word on his lips was beautiful, but – “Too far away.”
He laughed and our matching grins tangled as he kissed me again. This was quick. No less deep. “I promise to break every speed limit. Here, tread water for a second.” He set my hands on his shoulders, then strained around me to flip the kayak back into place.
And just like that, I realised we’d drifted, the paddle floating at least a hundred yards away. The Lego people on the beach no more than specks in the distance.
“Alistair,” I whispered around the small knot of panic in my throat. “Is this a bad time to admit I can’t swim?”