Chapter 35
Alistair
Despite my best effort not to flinch, Isla’s words lashed like a whip.
Cameron.
Fucking snake.
If I ever had to hear that name again in my life, it would be too soon.
“Wow, your ex has a lot to say all of a sudden. Maybe he should consider starting a podcast.” I hated the ugly sneer I could feel creeping across my face. “What else did he tell you? Nothing good, I take it.” I planted my feet wide, preparing for battle.
Whatever bullshit he’d hissed in her ear, I’d make it right.
I wouldn’t lose her. I couldn’t. There was no digging her out now. Not after last night.
“Multiple things.” She shifted. “He said he . . . he wants me back—”
My laugh was sharp, barked. I should have known. “Of course he did. He’s seen someone playing with his toy and decided he doesn’t like it. I mean, I guess I can’t be too mad, that was our plan from the very beginning.”
Her eyes flared in appalled outrage. “I’m not a doll to be fought over.”
“You’re only half right, because I’ll fucking fight for you if I have to, Isla. I don’t care how we started – you’re mine.”
It sounded just as bad aloud as it did in my head. But it also felt like the truth. I was her person, and she was mine.
“Am I yours, Alistair? Because last I remembered, this . . . thing between us isn’t real.”
Her words were a punch to the solar plexus. “If you don’t know the answer to that, then clearly I haven’t been doing a very good job.”
“At what?”
At showing you I’m in love with you. The words were right there. Right there and I couldn’t say them. Didn’t want to throw them out like this.
“What did you tell him? Cameron?” I asked instead.
“No, obviously. Even if we hadn’t . . .” She waved a hand between us, like it was enough to sum up everything we’d shared. “I’d never take him back. Teddy and I deserve better than that.”
My feet carried me closer, and though I was desperate to touch her, to pull her into my arms and carry her back to bed, forget all this shit, we needed to have this out. “I’m really glad you finally see that, honey. But I’m going to need you to finish the sentence. Even if we hadn’t what?”
“Fucked, Alistair.” Her voice rose a decibel, just enough to stun me.
She was barely even shouting, but until last night, I’d never heard her raise her voice beyond her calm, dulcet tones.
“If we hadn’t fucked, because that’s what last night was.
Convenient sex with your fake girlfriend before you move away and find something better. ”
“That’s not even close to what we’re doing, and you know it.”
“Do I?” she whimpered, the sound reminding me of a wounded animal.
She paced away, curling her arms around her waist. “Because right now, Alistair, I don’t feel like I know anything.
You say these incredibly sweet things, like I’m yours, and you make my kid care about you, but at the same time you hold back absolutely everything about yourself.
About your life in Glasgow . . . It’s like you just rolled in with the mist one morning.
And maybe it’s really selfish of me to be throwing this shit at you now, after everything I just said—”
I couldn’t hold back anymore, closing the gap to cup her cheeks. “I’d never lie to you, Isla. You might be the only person in my life I’m fully honest with.”
“The facts. You told me the facts.” She ripped from my grip.
“That you were planning to sell the surgery. Not that you were already interviewing replacements.” She ticked off her fingers.
“A disagreement over a patient misdiagnosis and you chose to take a sabbatical, that’s what you said.
Not that she was your patient or that she nearly died.
Not that it affected you so badly you attacked a colleague.
” My jaw snapped shut. “Is it true, Alistair?”
If she had slapped me, it wouldn’t have struck as hard a blow.
It took me a moment to answer. “That information is supposed to be confidential.” She laughed. A hollow ringing sound that made me straighten. A man facing the gallows. “Cameron might want to check his sources in the future, because I didn’t attack anyone.”
She nodded, and the knot inside my chest eased a fraction. At least she believed that, if nothing else.
“Ask me. I’ll tell you everything.”
“Does it even matter at this point?” She looked so sad. “We both know how this ends.”
“Yes, it matters.” More than that, I wanted to tell her. Wanted to tell her everything.
“Alistair—”
“Ask me something else.” I gripped her shoulders desperately.
Only minutes ago we’d been eating breakfast, and I’d been preparing to beg on my knees for her forgiveness, then beg her to be mine.
Just like Juniper had told me to. Now it felt like we were hurtling through rapids, seconds from being separated.
“Ask me if I’m leaving. Ask me if I’m still selling the surgery.
Ask me and I’ll tell you I’m not going anywhere.
I interviewed one candidate – one, Isla.
And I turned him down. Not because he wasn’t perfect for the job – he’s probably more qualified than I am.
” I looked her in the eye. “But . . . I couldn’t do it.
I’m staying in Kinleith, Isla. With you and Teddy. ”
“What?” She blinked, but I rushed on. Desperate to get this out.
“I think we should give this a real go. Last night proved just how good we are together . . . not that it’s all about the sex,” I tacked on quickly.
All the words I needed to say were getting tangled in my throat.
I should have planned this better. Written it all down.
“I’ll answer every question you have. Tell you anything you want to know—”
“You’re keeping the surgery, just like that?” Her tone was disbelieving. “What about everything with your dad? You hate Kinleith, and we’ve already established that I’m staying in Kinleith permanently.”
She was worrying I’d regret my decision. My chest pinched, hopeful. “Not selling now, doesn’t mean I can’t in the future . . . if things don’t work out between us.” Just uttering the possibility aloud hurt.
The words were meant to be reassuring. For her to know that she wasn’t trapping me. I knew they were wrong the second they landed. “So you’d only be staying for me?”
“Yes.” I saw in real time the exact moment the light in her eyes faded, and I lost her. “Isn’t that what you want?”
“No, actually.” Her face had turned pale. “I couldn’t think of anything worse.”
It was a dagger through my heart. Not a clean cut, but jagged.
Tearing bone and sinew. “I . . . I can’t be a placeholder in your life,” she whispered, pleading for me to understand.
“I can’t make Teddy a placeholder. Maybe you were right before, and I do use her as an excuse to run, but she needs absolutes right now.
We both do.” She squeezed her eyes shut, and I watched a tear break free.
“Otherwise I’ll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
For you to realise that you’re miserable here and I wasn’t worth sticking around for—”
“Fuck, Lang.” She was breaking my fucking heart. “That’s never going to happen—”
“You can’t know that.” That single tear rolled down her cheek. She slapped it away. “Please, just . . . I need you to take some time. Take me out of the equation and decide if Kinleith is what you want.”
I swallowed down the words I knew wouldn’t be helpful. That it was impossible to take her out of the equation because she was Kinleith. Transplant or not, her face was painted on every surface of this village.
“You need to stay for you,” she implored. “And I really think you should stay. You have so much here. Your family. Your patients.” Her lips trembled. “But it should be for you—”
Do you want me to stay? I wanted to ask. She’d said so much, but she hadn’t actually given me that.
Instead, I said, “You make me fucking crazy.” Then swept forward to kiss her.
My arms curled around her waist and she responded so quickly, like it didn’t even cross her mind to pull away.
I don’t need time. I branded the words against her lips. See how perfect we are together.
Her lips parted eagerly, and my tongue swept inside, furious – frenzied – in its claiming. She moaned, pushing up onto her toes, and I dug my hands into her hair, keeping her with me just a little longer.
For the first time this morning, we were in complete synchronisation.
But she pulled back all too soon. Set her forehead against mine. Said, “Take me out of the equation, okay?”
There is no equation, I thought again, determination beating in my chest.
I got why she was scared. I’d gone too fast. Offered too much too soon. For the first time in her life, someone was putting her first. It probably felt like stepping into a scalding-hot bath. I needed to warm her up slowly.
“Okay,” I finally agreed. My gaze dragged over her face. Memorising every curve. Every smile line. Every freckle.
I wanted to see them every day for the rest of my life.
“I should get going.” I straightened, unpeeling my hands from her body. “Teddy will be back soon, and you have to work this afternoon, right?”
“Right.” She drew the word out, watching me warily. “Thank you for breakfast.”
“No problem.” Our elbows brushed as I collected the plates from the counter. Stacking them in one hand, I paused. “And Isla?” She looked at me. “I don’t care what I said when this started, not a single minute of this was fake to me.” She didn’t respond. I wasn’t even sure I expected her to.
I pressed a final kiss to her forehead. Then walked through the connecting door and closed it behind me. I stood in my living room for a long time, waiting for the sound of her locking it.
She didn’t.