Chapter 52
52
I’m almost at the elevator bank when I hear his voice.
“Alice. Stop.” I turn around to find Charlie in his doorway.
We are at opposite ends of the hallway, but even from this distance I can see how lovely his eyes are. My chest tightens at the hope I find in them.
“I opened the envelope.”
“Oh?”
There were seven photos inside. Some color. Some black and white. Some were taken with my digital camera. Some I developed myself.
Six are of Charlie. Charlie holding a chocolate cake, glitter on his cheeks, a tiara on his head, staring at me as he sings “Happy Birthday” off-key. Charlie floating on the Pegasus-unicorn. Charlie and Nan chatting that first day, she in pearls, him in a bathing suit. Charlie making pickles. Charlie at the foot of the tree house at Percy and Sam’s party. Charlie in the yellow boat. In each of them, he looks directly at the camera, through the lens, and right at me.
The seventh is the photo he took of the two of us on the dock at the restaurant the day we went with Bennett, Heather, and Nan. And while the image isn’t perfectly focused, it’s so clear.
Charlie walks toward me, and I meet him halfway.
“Just this morning,” he says. “All of them. I tried to look before, but I couldn’t.”
“Why?” The question comes out as a whisper.
Charlie brushes a curl away from my temple. “Are you sure you want to know, Alice? Are you really sure?” There’s more vulnerability in his gaze than I’ve ever seen. “Because I’ve been trying to do something right. I want better for you than me. I want you to have a life full of freedom and joy and glitter and art. An endless bucket list.”
He stares into my eyes, and it’s the look from the photos. The look artists write songs and poems and books about. It’s the look I saw that day in the darkroom.
“Tell me what you saw in the photos, Charlie,” I say.
His gaze sweeps across my face, and when his eyes find mine, there’s something new there. A solid, unrelenting focus that roots me in place.
“I saw a man who couldn’t keep his eyes off you. A man who hasn’t looked so happy in a very long time. I saw a man who finally found the kind of person he always wanted for himself. A best friend. A smart-ass. A brilliant, talented, caring woman, who deserves so much more than me.”
Charlie’s eyes glide over my face like a gentle caress, and he takes my hand. We stare at each other.
I want what happens next, I want so many moments with Charlie, but standing on the precipice with him right now, about to take a leap together, is one of the most wondrous experiences of my life.
“I saw something else in those photos,” Charlie says.
And then he goes for it.
“I saw myself falling in love with you.”
My heart is racing and my throat is too tight to speak.
“I’m in love with you, Alice,” he says. “I knew the day you crashed John’s boat that you were going to be trouble for me. I should have kept my distance, but I couldn’t stay away. And the more I got to know you, the more beautiful and terrifying it became. Until I knew I’d finally found the person I’ve been waiting for.” He puts his forehead on mine and closes his eyes.
“But I thought that asking you to be with me was too selfish, even for me. I thought I could give you what you wanted—friendship and sex—and leave it at that. I would care for you, and you would care for me, and we’d hang out and kiss all summer and that would be enough. And one day, when you found someone who could guarantee the happy ending you deserve, I’d learn to be happy for you.”
My vision of him blurs with tears.
“When you told me you had feelings for me…I’m so sorry, Alice. I’m so sorry for everything I said. I just—”
I put my hand over his mouth. “Let’s leave the groveling for when you have more energy, and back up to the part that came before.”
Charlie smiles beneath my fingers. “The part where I tell you I love you?”
“Yes, that part. I liked that part a lot.”
Tears fall down my cheek, and Charlie kisses them away. I’m already smiling when he says, “I love you, Alice Everly.”
Alice Everly. Alice Everly. Alice Everly.
“I want to make you laugh that witchy laugh. And I want to be there for you when you cry. I’ll bake all your birthday cakes. I want to tell you dirty things and watch you blush. I want to see every photo you take and tell you how brilliant you are. I want to get to know your whole family. I want to hear all of your jokes. I want to spend summers at the lake with you and winters in the city. I want to run your errands, and buy you expensive soap, and pose nude for you.”
I laugh.
“There it is,” he says to himself. “My Alice has the best laugh.”
“?‘My Alice’?” I say, grinning.
“I hope so. I want that,” he says. “I want you more than anything.”
“Good,” I tell him, setting my hand on the scruff of his jaw. “Because I love you, too, Charlie Florek.”
His smile grows. It’s sunshine shimmering over the water. It’s permanent summer.
“I love you so much it’s a little embarrassing,” I say.
His green eyes sparkle. His pretty mouth smirks.
My Charlie.
“ Whoa -level embarrassing? Or crash-your-boat-into-a-rock-level embarrassing?”
“Much worse,” I tell him. “It’s so much worse.”
I kiss him once, carefully.
“You can do better than that, Alice.”
“I’m afraid of hurting you.”
His fingers thread into my hair. “It’d be worth it,” he says, and then Charlie takes my mouth with his.
It feels like all the greatest kisses in one. Like kissing your high school crush, and the best friend you’ve fallen in love with, and the person you want to stand beside for as long as time will let you. It’s the starting gun and the finish line. It’s a surge of pleasure and satisfaction and rightness that reaches deep into my soul. And even when a neighbor opens the door to their apartment and gasps, we don’t stop kissing. But eventually Charlie pulls away with a groan.
“I knew it would have been smarter to keep this to myself.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I still have at least another week before I’m cleared to have sex.”
I laugh. “Typical. You always want to take things slow.”
“I’ll make it up to you,” he says. “I’ll make it up to you for a very long time.”